two's a company
three's a crowd
but what if that crowd
was the most peace you've had?

three's a crowd
then two
then there was one

and years later you sit with nothing but the regret of growing up and growing without
nothing but the memories of love and closeness that you fear you'll never have in friends again

two's a company
three's a crowd
i'd rather drown in the masses
than drown in my solitude

sophomore year

it's not that dark

if you squint your eyes
beyond the blurred lines
loneliness pierces through the heart

people you once knew are merely memories now
and you are reduced to what they write about you on the bathroom walls

they don't need you anymore
they found someone better

all you have is me
a gun to your thoughts
and lungs that won't quit (but you wish they would)

what's that? you can't breathe?

don't worry darling
it's only down from here

freshman year

four foot eleven amongst five foot four girls
you look up but they never look down
kind-hearted people pleaser
yet no one stuck around
and when you received that text asking why you walked away you simply said you had class and never looked back
when the truth was you couldn't handle looking at the back of everyones heads any longer
and no one looking back

you weren't invisible, darling
just wanting to be seen

we have never experienced as little
as brushing hands
and yet you have
every inch
of my body memorized

our kisses are pink
your fingertips blue
my neck purple
pop goes the balloon

my hands in your hair
you taste of cherry
and pop goes my heart
just like confetti

if you love me
why am i lonely?

what do you do
when neither life
nor death sound delicious?

i’ll swallow the void
and hope it eats me
from the inside out

5 angels on earth are hard to come by
,
7 luck is now tangible i tighten my grip
9 as the fruit of your spirit
0 brings wholeness and infinite love

do you think about me?
do angels cry too?

irises bloom for a third time
and i'm still in love with you

i saw a rainbow for the first time
i was black

an array of colors i had never seen before
she showed me all of them
and soon i became colorful too

but rain always comes back
and rainbows always fade

i join the clouds once more
she dissolves under my tears
and i am black

i am the epitome of fall too fast and love too hard
it is a sick and twisted cycle induced with life trauma
thinking of resorting to alcohol
just like my father taught me

i wonder if you think about how you ****** me up as much as i think about how i ****** you up

she’s wept so much that
fish now swim among her anxieties
algae feed on her negativity
and man fish for her insecurities

the ocean consumes her despite her creation
and she is back to where she started
barely alive
barely breathing

and yet somehow
far more alone than
she was at the start

stupid girl
soon no one will be left
but it doesn’t really matter anyways
when it felt like no one was there
in the first place

even when your stem has dried up
and can no longer support you
even when your petals wilt and blacken
and are carried away by the wind

i will love you no less
than when you first bloomed

as jupiter sat on the horizon
neptune had entered its orbit
i resurfaced
under the impression that the
seasons have reordered
and ruling was altered

i was simply testing the waters
but you were fishing for love

and never once did i picture myself
becoming cosmic dust
but when you reeled me to shore
and took your arrow to my heart
my fate was decided

foolish me
could not tell
black from blue
and as you continued to search
i continued to bleed
soon to be recycled
in the stars

praxinoscope-théatres and chatelaines
vinaigrettes and salt sets
strawberry grabbers and victorian dress lifters
inkwells and i

how foolish of of us
to believe we would
have a purpose

how foolish of us
to believe that we would
ever be of use again

as our hearts cross paths in an illusion
i am convinced that neptune has met mercury
and the stars have aligned as desired
but the reality of the cosmos
is not what i had hoped
a supernova for my thoughts
as i wish to obliterate the sorrow

the maiden will never meet the fish
because gills are destined for waves
and lungs are destined for land
i pray our souls, that are soon to be stardust
are fated to fall to the same surface
and your woven heart salvages
my breathless body

my expectations are high
praying to the galaxy
to alter its ruling
the seasons will reorder
my constellation resides next to yours
fulfilling the desire
to be truly in love with you