Everyday I feel...
Distracted
Complacent
and unadjusted

One moment
I'm drowning in the ocean
next I'm tangled in the jungle
My mind is drifting in motion
thinking of work, life, and death
all in a bundle.

I have to go work
I have to pay rent thats due
then do college assignments
Today my nana was gone too soon
I began to wept and forgot I havent eaten
I left, then my friend called and said
"Can you come through?"
I wanted no excuse
and said that its cool
I remembered
I needed to complete a painting
not just one but so many
also my poems still in the making.

Its fine...
because it keeps
my mind pondering
than constantly
worrying.

I'm not going to lie,
I'm not puzzled
Thank God
that I'm grateful
I kept myself busy
when life has its trial.

My mother said to look past
the bright pink walls
imagination and story tales
overtime it will grow old.

I imagine about
fairy tales and casting spells
very pure like white snow,
I glimpse past the pink walls
as my face beats red
my mind has been deceived
my imagery of the world
was wrong.

Outside the pink walls
lead me to an imperfect
sporadic world
that slowly
caves me into
adulthood.

Your enemies may hate it
once they see you doing good
as you carry on with your life
collecting hopes and dreams
as good like they are.

Your friends will love it
dancing around the wild
like a young chimpanzee
feeling carefree and happy

Your family might question it
like you're involved in a crime
an old version of you
lie dead before them
cold, bruised, and paralyzed
as if you did what you had to do
just avoid trauma and stay alive.

You out of all people should know
the reason for your decision
and what kept you out versus
what held you hostage
for so long.

In my daily life
I consumed so many pills
to ease my troubles
I'm frozen as I remained still.

~It isn't enough

In the middle of
my dose,
Lord you were there
when I needed you the most
because of you
my mood is not so cold
everyday you always
remind me I'm never alone.

He set the rain
to my fire
whenever I lack love
or even desire
He was there
as my protector
when my mind
wasn't sheltered.

When people
don't find me equal
Lord uplift my story
and enhance my sequal.

He's love
He's my will
He's better
than a happy pill.

Do you see
what I see?

Do you see
A friend in
me?

Am I
What you want
me to be?

Am I
enough for you
to be heard
or to be seen?

Is there anything
wrong with me,
if so will you
tell me?

Am I green
or am I grey?

Am I
good enough
for you to stay,
or will you
leave me astray?

Today is...a new day
Today is...changing
Today is... unexpected
Today is... rearranging
Today is...a chance of scary
Today is...a chance to be inspired
Today is...living
Today is...worth every hour

It's so good
to get out
of my bed
to not sink
into the deep
comforting covers
that left me
lethargic and unbottherd.

Now that out
of my bed
enjoying the things
that I should
or maybe did
because if I
don't I could've
been sleeping for
the entire day
or reading depressing
poems as my
emotions leave me
in such disarray.

When life getting tough to beat, all you have to
drink water, pray, breathe, and sleep

Whenever you get over your past and you are far from future
as you breakdown until you began to weep, thats why its important
drink water, pray, breathe, and sleep.

If you haven't made your goals, just know you are not alone
the goals that you had will be well on your own and to keep
just drink water, pray breathe, and sleep.

~I'd rather
start burning
all my anger
away.

~I'd rather
start cutting
down my anxiety
because it's
getting in the
way.

~I'd rather
start drowning
every sadness
that ruins my
day.

~I'd rather
start burying
my problems aside
It will be blissful
for that I
pray.~

It's not the hair on my head
It's only the dry center on my neck.

It's not that hate my skin
It's just what is deep inside it.

It's not painful really
It's extremely repetitive.

It's not a bad habit
It's a new hobby.

It's not a birth mark
It's more of a lovebite.

It's not that I can't stop
It's just that I won't stop.

It's not only my addiction
It's my mental condition.

~It's tough to say that
I am afraid of the future
many souls want to leave
out their lovely homes
cold, empty, and spacious.

~It's people like me
who hide behind
the blankets that's
oderous even after
sobbing and
contemplating.

~After a while
I sit back
and don't relax
as my brain
tries to drain
out every sorrow
that I have where
my leaky eyes
can drown itself.

~My grandmother's soul
decided to find a new home
somewhere spacious and lively
patiencently she waits for the
right time and place
before her soul left she never
let time rush her life or her
way of telling people how
to be patient saved her.

~Her soul is not sorry
for her dissapearence
but she is grateful
for how long she spent
with the patiences she had
after many years.

~Yesterday as I
hid under my blanket of misery
I felt so ungracious
for being impatient
with her soul leaving
her home, her family, and life
all behind when in reality
the soul just wanted to
start a new journey.~

Hello
I'm that friend
that you dispies
just from the look
of your eyes
I would say:

"You look cool, let's be friends."
And the next day I become distant
I left you on read,
snatched all of your friends,
and tell people your such a dread
the truth is I wasn't really your friend
it's just one of those friendships that's ruined.

~Toxic

Hello,
I'm your lover
who is the opposite
of what you want
than the other lovers
we hit off strong
until more other
seductive lovers
came along.

I cheated on you once,
shame on me
I cheated on you twice
this time it wasn't me you see
I cheated on you on third
it was meant to be.

You told me to get out
as I left the door
then I turned to ask you:

"What did you do that for?"
And you said you
don't want to see me anymore
by now you realized it's
another broken relationship
that you have store.

~Toxic

Hello,
I am your manger
and I expect you
to get things done
you get no break
for there's a company
to run
I'm the one that
your coworkers say
that I'm no fun.
In the first job, I say:
"Good job, your doing great!
                Few minutes later,
" Leave slacker, your always making a mistake and trying to make me look bad like I'm a rough case!"

Everyday you had to deal me
which in reality I'm pushing you to
quit and feel unsucced.

~Toxic

Hello,
I am you
and I tell you
what stays
and goes.

Your getting too fat
         Oh-no!
You don't need friends
           Let them go!
You need change
there's too much goodness
in you that needs to be arranged!

I need you to get perfect and
stop acting worthless
but you hurt others than yourself
which who would have ever thought my emotions could destroy my mental health
then end up hurting everyone else.

And you said to yourself...
~*Maybe I'm just toxic.

Pick a side any side
if you don't, you are
more than likely to die

THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF HERE!

I had made many attempts
to excape reality but initially
they found me in my own lonesome
beaten me from my own pride
striped me from who I am inside.

Everyday I get a new make-over
I couldn't choose the right race
so they had knock me down cold
until I have decided what is
my right place.

I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE!!
I would say both but they
would beaten me into a pulp.
How did this world get so low?
Everyday I would wakeup with
****** red lips and
dusty black eyeshadow.

~My mind
it never
seems to
end
all these
thoughts are
running
through my
head
A woman's
mind is
often
untouched
because it's
more of a crutch
her thoughts
claimed that
her life is
never enough
she want this
and don't
want that
my mind
loves to
attack on
my happiness
which lacks
I pray
to say
that
my mind
will not
continue
to revert
me back
to the past.~

The world looks harsh
I know it seems
nothing's going to
stop us for chasing
our dreams

We maybe distant
you know I see
that doesn't mean
we can still
be a team

~All we gotta do is believe

Because we are like a
cheesey romance movie
on the big flat TV screen
where we ignore the world
as hard as it may seem
but our love is rich
and sweeter like

~pineapple rings

so don't let
society interfere
with things
love is the
cure for
everything.

Think think!
Think of a time
when you had a friend
one negative thought
will make your friendship end
if you think your mind is negative
then think again,
all this bitterness inside
must come to an end.

Echo echo!
Echoing voices inside your head
the words clogging up your ears
after all the books you read
you believe there are more words
that hasn't been said
if so, don't overthink it
don't drown yourself with dread.

Dream Dream!
Dream about achievement
never over relax
don't chase your dreams by sleeping.

Hope Hope!
Hope won't bring you low
you say it's pointless
believe me I know,
always stay positive for
god will shine a light on you
and make your confidence glow.

Imagine imagine!
Imagine a day without stress
if everyday was a vacation,
you couldn't careless
picture your mindset again
it's not a torn up mess,
fiill your thoughts
with happiness and nevertheless.

Love love!
Love from the work of God,
he taught you much
loving him wasn't so hard
but loving other people is
that why he made you smart
by managing your feelings
he has given you a clean heart.

Believe Believe!
Believe in God and yourself
God loves you as aspie
he gave you multiples of talents
of what he trained you to be.

You got me feeling
in a sort of way,
the way you look at me
feels good everyday.

You got me feeling
in a sort of way,
when you smile at me
it shows that I'll be ok.

I don't know what to do,
or know what to say,
it's your precious love
that is getting in the way.

Dear God, please control
my wandering emotions,
his love is like a rollercoaster
moving me in rapid motions.

You are the best thing in my life,
for you love me as you may
because all I know is that,
you got feeling in a sort of way.

As I saw the rain
I said to myself...
No more guilt
No more misery
Or how bad I felt
And no more feeling
Sorry for myself.
It is time to let go.

I stepped outside
and I feel alive
I told myself
I don't want
to hide.

God has showered me
From the goodness of
his grace and I'll never
turn away.

I'm dancing, dancing,
dancing in the rain
and there is nothing
standing in my way
People might say
I have gone insane
But it doesn't matter
Because my blessing
Is on its way.

I will give it my all
just like David,
As he dance around
in public bare naked
to declare victory in God
My heart beats rapidly
as I begin to shout:
Glory!

Because he is a mighty God
As I rain dance against
all the odds.

Never have I ever heard
anyone say they hated music
I asked her again and she said
'I hate music!'

She hated music
because it reminded her
of her tragic past after
every lyric in her head
it drowned her thoughts
that filled her with dread.

She hated music
because it reminded her
of love because she
feels that her love
isn't good enough...
for anyone.

She hated music
because it reminded her
of unhappiness
when she tried to listen
to an instrumental tune
she would be gloom
as the beat mimics
the sound of her
fathers beating heart
before he passed away
until then she fell apart
and felt her life was
going to be doomed.

She hated music
because it reminded her
of the good old days
where she was young
and nothing was
stepping in her way
although there were
songs that would say
in life things will change
and you don't always
have it your way.

She hated music
because it reminded her
how people created it
and she said that some artists
don't make songs for
great motivation,
but sadly it's more like
great desperation
she said it must be easy
for them to do all of that
just to get famous
although it doesn't do
everybody any good to
improve their daily
situation.

She hated music so much
that it made her jump into
conclusion which made her
so ticked as she look back
at it now it got her sick.
she asked me
why do people listen to music
when all we can do is ignore it?

She listens to every genre
of music from
many different artists
and she still isn't
interested
as she clutch
her hand into a fist.

She realized now
that she is free from the lyrics that weighed her down
and the rhythm that drags her back around
she believes that without music she would feel
safe and sound.

God, I rather not sleep tonight
because I'm going out of my mind
I pray that you will let me stay up all night
it may be dark outside, but these feelings...
they crawl inside my thoughts all the time
and the last thing on my mind is...
that these feelings must die.

I want to put in the fire,
it's my only desire!
I want to shove it in the dirt,
it feels so good that it won't even hurt!
I want to rip it apart,
so I can love God with all of my heart!
I want to shoot it with a bullet,
so I can live my life through the fullest!

Through aggression, depression, obsession, and frustration
my mind keeps making the same equation
on how to prevent my feelings that leads me to temptation.
I just keep trying to keep my feelings inside...

*but still I want them to just...die

I can't help it
I can't take it...
anymore.

Who's looking
at me now?

I am sobbing
I am throbbing

Who can stop the
rain from falling?

I just...can't stop
crying!

Tears, Tears
go away!
I want to be
with the Lord
today.

Tears, Tears
back away
please let me
be happy again.

I don't want
to cry anymore
because I cause
such a storm.

Where's my hope
Where's my faith?

I can't let my
emotions take
me away!

It's time for
the survival
so I shall get
my bible.

No more shackles,
I'm ready to tackle
the enemy!

*Tears, Tears
back away
please let me
be happy again.

Is it me or
is it the devil?
I think that...
I may be evil.
I have broke
my way into
deep trouble.

Is it me or
am I negative?
The squandering
of my thoughts
lead me into a
nasty situation.

Is it me or
am I selfish?
I'm so attached
to myself to the
point where I
start to hate...
people  

Is it me that
started this
insanity?
I'm confused
right now
and it's
killing me!

I should
tell my
deep
and
dark
emotions
to leave.

Here you go again
getting on about
talking...talking...
Talking about
that townhouse.

I felt like a caged mouse
there's a way in, but...
no way out.

Blood stained walls
Cracked floors
Should I say more!?
Creepy neighbors
Meddling bugs
Enough, now hush!

Why the townhouse?!
Why the townhouse?!
Just why?

Thinking about that house
gives me nightmares
don't you want our family safe?
Do you even care?

A townhouse where
a husband and wife
wish for more money
and not enjoying life
where the children
are spoiled rotten
and they cry
all the time.

So stop mentioning
that townhouse
one more word
and you are out
Where we are now
is perfectly fine
don't say it again
don't waste my time.

*I'll stay and live here
because I'm nourished
You can go out there
as I watch you...
flourish...back into
the townhouse.

When there's a will
there is a way
Don't be confuse
it's all in the brain
No, you're not insane!
just keep going...
your life is at stake.

You ask yourself if it's safe
to go through tomorrow
without having any regret
or sorrow...
we should hope for the best
because if you reap
you will sow
and like a plant
you will grow.

How can we go on?
As the flames burn our confidence
and strip away our happiness
its our job to fight through it!
if the devil took our prize pocessions
shouldn't we make our way to go retrieve it?
And if God says he'll make a way
for all your circumtances
to fade away,
shouldn't we give him more chances
than the one's that failed
to keep our promises
that was made?

There is no curse or spell
to prevent our way of living
if we live through this
our problems will be less deceving
As we can all tell
because nobody
should go through
hell.

My enemies are like mites
they crawl inside your skin
and they know where to bite...
My expectations, dreams, faith, or anything.

Those bugs are nothing,
but blood thirsty thugs
they had me this close
However...
It wasn't enough.

I had to fight it out
even if it seems rough.

Every bruise, scrape,and scar
after the attack of the enemies
I'm surprised I got this far...

I can't just quit!

After every time that I get bit
with their hate and arrogance.
I can still fight and have a chance.