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Katie Anne Aug 2014
Before I met you
I was afraid
To let anyone in

Before I met you
I felt safer
Alone

Before I met you
I felt
Dead.

Before I met you
I never thought
In my wildest dreams
That someone
Could make me
Feel so alive

Because now that I've met you
I want to let you in

Now that I've met you
I never feel alone

Now that I met you
I truly understand
What it means
To be alive
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Close
is never
close enough
for me.

I want you
on every inch of my skin
no part of me
that exists
without you

I want your arms
around me
as tight as possible

I don't care
if i can't breathe
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I never dreamt
I would get you back

Deep down
I knew
I didn't deserve you

I grew accustomed
to my nightmares

So accustomed
that you brought
to much joy
to be real.
Only a dream
and nothing more.

So please darling
don't wake me
I have a long day ahead of me
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I don't know what to say
When people ask what I'm afraid of.

Because worse than
Spiders
Heights
And Drowning
Is time

Because
Every day
I get closer
To leaving

Every day
I get further away
From my fondest memories

Everyday
My childhood
Slips away
Even more

Every day
Every minute
Every second
I'm closer
To losing you
When I'd much rather
Be closer
To my last breath.
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Growing up
Isn't what scares me

Growing apart, however
Truly
Terrifies me

The thought
Of growing away
From every branch that has supported
And held me up
To make roots in unfamiliar soil

Why can't we stay
In this eden?

Because we all know
How that ended.
Tales can't be rewritten

Flowers can't grow without sunlight
Even if it burns.
Ice
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Ice
Like ice
I was cold
Solid
Impenetrable

But you
Were so
Warm

You melted me

But when you left
I was
empty
And couldn't be filled
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I pride myself
On being studious
Good Grades
Always Reading
I should know it all
Shouldn't I?

So how is it
That when you came along
I realized

I knew next to nothing
Katie Anne Aug 2014
What does the perfectionist do
When they realize
Perfection
Is an illusion.

When everything they've strived for
Is rendered
Futile.
All for not.

When there's nothing left
To achieve
The only thing to do

Is give up.
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Silence
Can be oh
So
Many
Things.

But
If I had to pick
One word
To describe it
That word
Would be:
Deadly.

Silence
Is full
Of screaming
Assassins

Silence
Is filled
With hurrying
Scurrying
Thoughts
Incessantly
Screaming

Destroyers of peaceful days
And once sleep filled nights
Killers of dreams
Breeders of nightmares

Silence is
Loud

Silence
Is full
Of Screams
And cries for help
All unheard
By outside ears

Silence
Is full
Off every mistake
Put on Repeat
The ultimate broken record

Every single
Could've
Should've
Would've

Come to think of it,
I've never
Heard anything
Louder
Than silence
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Sometimes
I want
To get up
And leave
Everything.
I want
To start walking
Somewhere
Anywhere
Actually,
Nowhere,
In particular.
I want
To see
The river I see,
Everyday
But from
A different viewpoint
I want, something old
To be, something new
I want
To be
Closer
To the sky
As close as can be
To find new colors
Shades
Of blue
I never saw before.
I want to see
You.
But a you
I've never seen before.
I want to see
You,
From a new viewpoint.
I want to find
Something in you
I never saw before.
I wan to find
Colors
You've never shown
Anyone else before.
I want to see
You
The real you
You've never shown
Anyone else
Before.
Katie Anne Aug 2014
My days are surely
but slowly
getting warmer

I'm marveling
in this new sun
unaccustomed to such warmth.

But as the days go on
I still live
in perpetual fear
of winter

Because winter is so much colder
So much darker
Once you've felt summer
Katie Anne Oct 2014
This fear
I thought
I could destroy it
I thought
I could end it
I thought
It was
Just a demon
I had to conquer
And just
When I thought
I had won
I realized
My folly
This was no demon
This couldn't be killed
This
Would not end
This
Would haunt me
This
Was a ghost

How do you fight
what you can't ****?
Katie Anne Oct 2014
My sun
Light of my life

No matter the distance
You still keep me warm

No matter the distance
You light up the world

And no matter
How close I get
I can't catch up

I'd rather burn
Than spend the night alone
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I have a hard time
Feeling good
About who I am
Today

Because I hate
The circumstances
That made me like this
Yesterday

So I'm hoping
That things will change
So that I can love myself
Tomorrow
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I used to love snow
I looked forward to it every year
I always mourned it's passing
Eagerly awaiting next year

But now
As I grow older
I grow fonder of spring
Because now
I have many more winters
And too few springs
Katie Anne Aug 2014
We only truly start living
When we find something
Or someone
We would die for
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Being mad at you
Is so hard

Because everyday
I catch myself
Wanting to tell you something
And remembering
I can't.

I see something
I know you would like.
I take a bite of something
and remember
It's your favorite flavor.

It's like
You're still haunting me.
Katie Anne Aug 2014
When I was 5
And scraped my knee
I thought nothing could hurt more

When I was 8
And teased on the playground
I thought nothing could hurt more

When I was 15
And heartbroken
I thought nothing could hurt more

When I was 18
And almost lost you
I thought nothing could hurt more

As I grow older
And as I'm hurt more
I wonder
Each time
If the worst will ever be behind me
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I don't know why
I didn't realize at first
I knew deep down
But it didn't hit me

I would run away
Change the subject
Anything
To stop myself
Anything
To protect myself

When you kissed me
I couldn't stop
I face planted
Katie Anne Aug 2014
If I cried
when I was baby
you came right away

So why does it make a difference
now that I'm older
Katie Anne Aug 2014
Sometimes, I wonder
How lucky I am
To have met you

When I look at the circumstances
The coincidences
Chance meetings and planned get togethers
Countless connections
Mutual friends galore
It's almost
As if
It was meant
From the beginning of time
For our paths to cross

It's as if
Everything
Fell together
Like perfect chaos

And I wonder
What could have happened
If I hadn't taken that left turn
Declined that invitation
I wonder
What seemingly insignificant moment
Could have changed it all
And led me far
away
from you

Because
I am just
too lucky
to know you
Katie Anne Aug 2014
I always fantasized
about being strong
a hero
a force to be reckoned with
someone that could hold their own.

But now
all i want
is to make it through the day.
Katie Anne Aug 2014
When I was little
and innocent
I thought the world my friend
I thought it best to be kind
and curious
and soft

As I grew older
and sadder
I thought the world terrible
I thought it best to be cold
and distant
and hard

As I grow ever older
and hopefully wiser
I think the world neither bad
nor good
nor a mix in-between
just as it is
not worthy of kindness
not deserving of cruelty.
Katie Anne Oct 2014
What are you doing, why are you here
Why can’t you let my heart be at piece
Why did you have to plant, your wicked dark seed
What are you doing, why are you here
Please can you stop, stop filling me with fear
No matter where I turn, you’re always near
What are you doing, why are you here
Please go away, don’t try to get in
I can’t take anymore, I hate how I’ve been
Why are you hovering, around on all sides
I feel so attacked, I feel so alive
Everything is bright and beautiful within
Everything is perfect, until you get in.

— The End —