To the crushing of bones
when you implode;
my stubborn skull
was no match for the concrete.

I flew face first-
now I am ground into dirt,
or the dirt is ground into me
wherever I’m bleeding.


I can’t clean these wounds sober.
this girl?
you won't know her.

my jaw is popping-
is there any chance of that stopping soon?
The moon is closing in on the sun,
threatening to collide
and I've grown wearing of hiding in the night.
I'd just like some
medical attention.

My knees,
my knees...
I forgot to mention they're all ******;
I don't have the money to call off
for a few days.

can I sleep on my face?
my pain is evidence of my shame-
these wounds just my physical disgrace.

I'll regain coherency
at a quarter till three
with a swollen, puffy face
and vinegar in my veins.

just add it to the list
of blundering strains
maybe some time in the future
I’ll be able to worry about it again.

it never ends.

my new lamp, shattered
my clean sheets
dirtied and tattered.

my left ear is buzzing-
everything has gone fuzzy
and my head is numb and
throbbing.

maybe I’ll sleep well tonight,
and my nightmares will find me
without any fight left
in my dried out bones
and pseudo studio home.

c.m.
draft/original: 8.5.14
posted: 1.7.15
revision/edit: 1.8.15

Blue speckled eggs fell from nest,
peppered the pavement with
splintered fragments.
I couldn't bear to see another thing break.
I never thought I could fall apart so easily
until the day I heard my ribs crack and snap like twigs,
my rejected heart forced out onto the floor.
I think of those birds now.
And how you stood there, arms outstretched.

Some safety nets look like hands.
And they hold me together better than my own skin.
But even hands have gaps between the fingers.
And I keep slipping through.
I keep slipping through.

I called you at 2am
because i missed the way
your voice crackled
in the static
even at an unreachable distance.
I lay here,
eyes shut.
imagining countless scenarios
of how I might see you again.
however,
you look so much better in my mind.
and online.


c.m.
8-19-14

Even when the curtains close
I still act the part
The show is far from over

The hardest part of smiling
Is knowing it won't last

Walking a tightrope made of thread
Isn't my idea of a balancing act
I am not dreading the fall
I've come to expect nothing less

Desiring material things from this world
Instead of love and passions
Logic trumps everything
Being reasonable heals the mind
From the beating of the heart

The world has less to offer
When you strive for paradise
There’s something about the way
The waves undulate towards me
Coaxing me to die

I don’t like to read books that strain my heart
It would be such a waste of my precious peace of mind
If I even start
The song he’s singing
Helps me get over a heartbreak I’m remembering

I wish I had a lovely home
And a modern body
I get lost in these beautiful things
My brother told me love brings out the worst in us
And I didn't know that until you were dead
Wish I could describe the feeling in my head
Where my eyes are crying no more no more
There’s no heart in here
Instead it’s a bed made of lead
These are the things I hear
The hurtful truths they don’t spare
They are my medicine that daily I ingest

I wonder if I ever be
more than just a memory
more than desire
yet unfulfilled

Will I ever be as star?
Giving light to that certain someone
will she give it back?
Or will I just remain meaningless?

Life is short
just drop in the ocean.
I am alone
devoid of devotion.

Will I die
leaving nothing behind?
Will my death
be a meaningless act?

And then a memory
once so bright
as the stars at night
will be forgotten.

I will not leave
a single scratch
on the Earth's crust.
Ashes to ashes
dust to dust.