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 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I want to ignore you because it's easier
I want to love you because I miss it.
I want you to love me
Because I can't love myself.
I want to be your One because thats who I was born to be
Some people know that they were destined to be doctors or lawyers
I know that I was born to be yours.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I Fucked
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
Up a lot in my life
This week
Because my mind
cannot handle
being alone
even when it's not
and now ive pushed
everything away
and maybe
if I keep pressing
enter
on this ******* keyboard
maybe this will look like a poem
Maybe I will feel like a human
Maybe I wont cry every night
just because
That's all that feels
okay.
But I'm not okay
I am alone
and I am alone
and I am alone.
and I don't know if I will ever be okay enough to not be alone.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I'm trying to be positive
y'know?
I'm trying to smile with my teeth
I'm trying to find things in the world beautiful.
I'm trying to be happy
y'know?
Because maybe I'll be happy enough
To love again.
I'm trying.
I promise.
For those who do not understand why I hurt: nor do I.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
Nothing
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I starved to look pretty
I purged to feel better
I cut to feel less
I smoked to feel more

Now I have no energy

And now

I just feel nothing.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
He Mind
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
He made me
Rip my heart out
and shove it down my throat
In hopes
that I would choke without
his hands getting *****
with the blood of my mind
But now he's over
Because hes no longer mine.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I've read stories about boys like you
The kind that break hearts
Just by stepping away

I've sung songs about boys like you
the kind that rip apart lungs
and kiss with their teeth

I've loved boys like you
who crossed their hearts and hoped to die
But ended up just killing me
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
You asked me to call
once I got home.
Home,
a place I'd never been before.
Before I met you
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Em
I have never tried so hard to scrub
the skin off of my body
every inch he so unlovingly
touched
I have never wanted to wash away
a human being
who took my morals and my body
away from me
I have never expected
to be a statistic
I have never expected
for it to be me
I am strong right?
I'm strong and free.
Until Im locked in a room
On my knees.
He humiliated
and he changed
Me.
Shower thoughts and coming out about my ****** assault
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Corvus
It's hard to be a coward and suicidal,
Afraid of pain and overly-sensitive to guilt simultaneously.
Never wanted to jump from a building,
Because regretting your decision halfway down must be a nightmare.
Must only take a few seconds.
Must feel like longer than you've ever lived.
Didn't want to jump in front of a bus,
Because that seems wildly ineffective.
Didn't want to lie on train tracks;
I know those videos of dismembered people end up
On the darkest places of the Internet,
And I'm nothing if I'm not embarrassed by attention.
Didn't want to hang myself, had enough hospital trips
From asthma attacks rendering me breathless to want to relive it.
Tried to hang myself.
Wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.
Didn't want to overdose on pills
Because I have an aversion to swallowing them.
Realised the only reason you aren't supposed to chew them
Is so you don't overdose.
Tried to overdose.
Woke up confused and frightened with an apparently not-killer headache.
But that was back then, and this is now.
I don't look at things and see invitations of death anymore.
There's no temptation to analyse them
And see if they're up for the job.
I'm less on the aggressive side of the spectrum,
Swaying, instead, a lot more to being passive.
I don't want to dive in front of traffic,
But I don't always look before I cross the road either.
And I could still end up in the same coffin as if I'd jumped,
But for me, there's a lifetime of difference.
I don't really consider this to be a sad/hopeless poem, but it is a blunt poem. Sometimes you need to set your darkness free.
 Oct 2016 Jinn Prashanti
Corvus
There's a time, somewhere between 12am and 6am,
When all artistic, damaged or insomniatic souls
Feel like they're completely alone
Even though we're all awake and feeling the same thing.
12am is still too loud, still too car engines and shouting,
And 6am is too light, too exposing and awake, aware.
It's blackness but for the starlight puncturing holes in the sky,
That's when the magic arises and enchants us.
The way the moon looks at us and begs us to untrouble our weary hearts,
So we do it, and we do it willingly.
She is the most unfaithful lover, and it is beautiful.
How she cherishes each whispered secret so deeply
That it leaves a crater on her being.
How she takes on our pain unflinchingly,
And only needs 28 days to feel whole again.
There's a time, somewhere between 12am and 6am,
When the most trapped souls can feel such freedom.
Not entirely convinced that insomniatic is a word, but it should be.
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