A light so soft and tender
Noir has been expelled
Gravel but somehow gentle
Even the stars aren’t this bright  
Lavishly delight

I have been buzzing around meaningless
Day after day, week after week
It’s still here
Fog in the form of sand trapped in my brain
Static is too dull a word to describe it
**** this
I have nothing else to sort through
The exhaustion is worthless even though I still have it
And I’ve been screaming for so long
But because I am paralyzed
Because I gripped my own throat for too long
Only dust comes out when my mouth unhinges

I’m still impatiently waiting for happiness to come and clean me up
Spark spark spark
I clench my fingers into my side
It feels like dirt in between my nails
I’ve been blown out like a candle
And like ash I float away

I won’t forget the way your eyes look down upon me
The condescension in your voice
The laughs
I won’t forget the dismissal of my pain
My grief
As the horrors of my inadequacy confine me
Hurt me terribly so
But maybe you like my pain
My fright
I want to prove you wrong
That my life is as worthy as yours
But my throat closes around me
It lists me in
Turns me inside out
Exposes my innards and true dark horrors
That of which I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing worth more
Your very existence continues to triumph mine
While my own breath wastes away
I want you to hurt
As badly as I do
But I cannot hurt you
You’re too much for me to handle
You eat me away at every core
I hate you
I hate you
Why am I not enough
Why was I cursed in this feeble body
My self pity does me no good
While yours gives you an army
Don’t look at me
I know how little you think of me
I want to cut my throat and bash my arms
Bleed all over you
Give you all of my struggles
Be free of my deference

Delicacy in its purest form
Might have cried a tear tonight
Torn a chipper down foreworn
Tickled pink in fright

She wants to ****
To die in black
Not so simple anymore
She’s aches and whack

Can she feel the naught?
Cultural worthlessness
She is an endearment
They’ll **** her if she’s anything more

Baby

Time aways I remember you tangled in the crook of my neck
Your half lidded eyes
such a gentle boy
Accursed it may seem
Agonized inside these walls
You were desperate for my touch
as I am for yours now

Cruelty bespeaks me
how many dead lay in your path
how many lay in mine
Exhausted I would feel
Your hand lazily cupped over my breast
Squeezed and pumped through

Even now my skin burns
this lust only awakes for you
How pathetic that must be
Wanting so desperately
I would tear my teeth out just for another taste

Instead I lay numb in my bed
Trying hard to forget
Trying hard not to care
Trying hard not to want
Failure creeps in on me
You pound through my head
In the most unexpected places I catch your glimpse
I wonder if I could turn back time
My salty tears dripping on your chest
Your arms reluctantly holding me
How could I forget?

I tainted what good came my way
Come to me again
Forgive me
I begged for you not to let me go
I turn to ash and crumble
My skin has already been picked at
I forgot how to breathe

The overwhelm has beaten me to a pulp
Do I breathe heavy
my limbs feel limp against my sides
Wave crash over my chest
My words fail me

Cold finger tips
Rush down my arm
Yet fire burns through my veins
Lighting me up
What I feel is not life
Rather a silver lining
Passionate yet sorrow
Filled with a vengeance that cuts deep
My eyes roll back
The kiss of death now comes

A sugary sweet smell
Of a flower
It twists and turns
Sharp vines puncture itself
Yet it flows along
When the wind comes it drifts along with it
But a rock can not understand that
The rock sits and stays
A strong silent type
Obedient in its own will
Not so much stubborn rather unsure

You want me
It’s true yes you do
I’m a pawn
Another use
But you want more
More of me
Me, me, me
Double or nothing
I’m a status symbol
Something to smile about  
I make you feel powerful
Not for me no but what I mean
You tamed me you see
Marked me when you were inside
That’s all that matters
You need as much of me as you can get
You’ll even hurt me to get your way
You need to feel this way
I wish I could admire whatever strength you claim to have
By doing what?
You think sticking me with a needle means that you’re a god
That scars and bruises are just less dignified ribbons
And the more you do it with more duplications that must mean you’re the best, right?
Pathetic and selfish and so laughable and insecure
I’m begging myself to pity you
But all I find is pain and shame and rage
What is so wrong about me that I am nothing more than a mystery to gawk over?
Do you understand what it’s like to be treated like an empty vessel?
No I don’t expect your sympathies
You’ve killed that part of you since you were a child

Applauds on resilience
Persistence and stubbornness
Born to make, to create
Sees all in which nothing should exist
Imagine being that
Potential is stored inside me
Waiting but yet begging to be let out
I starve myself my laziness
What’s of all the effort if all I get is strife?
Laugh at me all you want
Is what you love worth the pain of caring?
Knowing others will always be above you
I’m so tired
I shot myself short before I could even begin

I wish I only existed within the pages of a book
I wish I was as quiet as a whisper
Just barely there, barely heard
Like a sweet lullaby
I want to exist for a quick flash
In a dream that feels like thread unraveling
Ready to be broken away and gone within a second
But it was still there
Just for that
And that’s all I’d ever need
I’m already living it

A *******’s wish
Is not to be seen, heard, or smelt
Not even to be acknowledged
Or validated
A ******* does not suffer hope

A masochists delight
Comes with a cry
A scream, a weep
And at the end a sly wink
Help is not a want

A masochists lip
Will quiver shakily
Pain is a complex
Paradox
Don’t question me

Sweet as a rose
She ***** her thumb
In plain sight
She loves warm, wet kisses
Especially when her nose is cold
Frost be ******
Nobody takes her in
Even when she begs for it
SOOTHING as comfort
Brittle as powder
She can’t help but laugh
As she surrenders
To all of life’s goodness
And melts