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cecelia Nov 2014
it's 10:42,
and all i want is you.
this room keeps spinning and spinning,
and i don't know what to do.
there's eighteen different voices
demanding i make these choices
because, girl. it's the bottom of the inning.
stop. there are too many noises.
it's okay. it's all in my head.
still my veins are dripping blood red.
oh, how i wish i could go back to the beginning,
but i sit here hoping that i'll just drop dead.
so here's to a stroke of luck,
to life not being able to ****,
to having you back because then i'll be winning
instead of crying my eyes out like a pathetic ****.
cecelia Oct 2015
In high-school chemistry classrooms across the
country, you are forced to memorize all of the different
lab equipment.
They never tell you to memorize the constellation
of freckles spattered across the bridge of your
lab partner's nose, but you do it
anyways.

You learn about Marie Curie and radioactive decay, but you
find you are more interested in the way his smile starts small
and grows to light a fire in your cheeks.
You blame it on the Bunsen burner.

You study polyatomic ions and how they act as a single unit, and it
reminds you of how he winks at you right before quizzes
and you find you can't focus on anything at all.
You blame it on the lack of breakfast.

You test over periodic trends and ionization energy, but all
you can think of at night is the way he taps his fingers
and maybe it's why you can't sleep at night.
You blame it on a restless mind.

In high-school chemistry classrooms across the
country, you are forced to be careful when handling
Erlenmeyer flasks.
They never tell other students to be careful when handling
your heart.
They never tell you how much easier it is to clean up the mess
from a shattered beaker than it is to clean up the mess
from your shattered heart.
cecelia Jan 2015
remember me
as vivid as i used to be.
now i am slowly sinking into entropy.
catastrophe-
that's all i'll ever be.
cecelia Nov 2014
don't bury your ardor.
leave plum bruises on my blanched frame
as you kiss me harder.
let me hear the way your voice trembles when you whisper my name,
please. no holds barred, sir.
just go ahead and rekindle the flame
that burns like liquor.
cecelia Nov 2014
i thought you’d fixed me,
but when you left, i broke down.
i haven't healed yet.
the tears may have stopped flowing,
but i'm still dying
because i know you are, too.
and that hurts like hell.
cecelia Nov 2014
the jade flecks in your eyes
form captivating constellations
that confess to me
the depth of your devotion.
cecelia Nov 2014
you told me you loved me.
three days later,
you said you had to break things off.
it was "unforeseen circumstances."
you said you still loved me,
but that we wouldn't work
because we were only teenagers, princess,
and you can't really be in love.
well, i was.
i still am.
cecelia Oct 2015
the paths the tears took down my cheeks
remind me of lavender
thinking of lavender makes me think
of your bedroom and the way your voice
caught in your throat right before you said
my name like it could save you
it's such a shame it couldn't save me
too
cecelia Nov 2014
It's pure madness.
It is.
You think all these weird and strange and impossible thoughts, and you just want to, no, need to, tell someone every little thing you've ever thought.
But you can't.
Because you're absolutely terrified of what they'll think of you.
Because they'll judge you for being different.
For being abnormal.
They'll judge you for being you.
And then your mind starts to move at a thousand miles per hour to form logical reasons why you can't be the same as them.
Your head begins to spin because of all these thoughts colliding, and you can't stop it.
You couldn't stop it even if you tried.
Even if you wanted to.
Then, your mind, it... it just dies.
As if it were pushed to its absolute limit.
You feel horrible, and it's all because you don't know anyone could possibly comprehend you when you can't even do it yourself.
Then, to punish yourself.
To feel numb.
You cut yourself.
And you bleed.
And scar.
You hide it so that no one will ever know.
And the worst part?
It works.
cecelia Jan 2015
my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
hatchlings aren't able to fly,
though they think they are.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
in order to live
and to love,
part of me had to die.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i would never be
as beautiful or as perfect
as the dove.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i was worthless,
and if i wanted something,
i had to work for it.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
you were protecting me
from the outside world.
i didn't realize i was suffering.


my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i couldn't trust anyone,
there were predators all around,
and when it rained, it poured.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
i told myself that
it was time to fly.
oh, it hurt, but still,
your words were never as soft as the ground.
cecelia Jan 2015
i tried so hard
to get you to stay in my arms.
you caught me off-guard
with your sweet charms-
only to leave me so scarred.
cecelia Feb 2018
darling, i know they will tell you
your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has
sapphire roads
leading to incessant pounding of a fist
on iron gates of your heart
your marble columns and ivory floors will crumble
t h u m p  t h u m p  t h u m p
through the kudzu constricting your lungs
do not force yourself to breathe thorns
when you feel inadequate

darling, i know your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has
splintery bridges spanning the deepest chasms
of a mind carved from gold
it is easy for the slightest bit of heat to melt
your thoughts until they pour as thick as molasses
into your ivy misshapen lungs
it is okay to have your fruits plucked from you
and roots destroyed
when you can rebuild
again

darling, i know they will tell you
your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has been mined
from replenished caverns and forged
by a deadlier inferno still raging within
your flames will be fanned by the winds of change
because you finally
learned to breathe air
after you have cleared the garden
growing deadly in your lungs
do not be afraid of those who have destroyed you
when you have a fire in your eyes and oxygen in your veins
cecelia Nov 2014
if i found it in me
if i travelled to the depths of my humanity
and carved out a fragment of my soul
and wrapped it up in shiny paper
would you grant me a favor
would you take it

if i held your hand smiling
if you then followed me blindly
and i lit a pathway
and the flicker cast shadows on the wall
would you stay or would you crawl
would you let go

if you remained at my side
if i spoke of all the nights i've cried
and you fixed your gaze on your feet
and in your eyes was fear
would you whisper in my ear
would you tell me you still loved me
cecelia Jan 2015
if i had known
how much your wide,
chapped Lips and fervently whispered
Adorations would hurt me,
i think i still would have kissed you
in your room that sunday Night.
cecelia Apr 2014
you inhale
and lock the door
you can’t do it anymore
a single thought
that’s all it takes
then you’ve made your last mistake
you close your iceberg blue eyes
and count from one to ten
looks like you’ll never speak again
you open your eyes
lower the razor to your wrist
it’s your two dollar psychologist
there’s no turning back now
the blood wells on the vertical cut
honey, this is deliberate
salty tears roll down your red cheeks
and on the tiled bathroom floor
a roaring waterfall of red is gushing forth
you collapse
the pinpricks of black start coming
all of a sudden, your vision goes fuzzy
you exhale
your last thought comes when
you realize you’ll never breathe again
cecelia Nov 2014
you're tracing circles
on my skin again. maybe,
we can stay right here.
cecelia Nov 2014
the miniscule, crystallized phenomena
floating down on their zephyr gondola
to the little children's enchantment.
the wintriness nipping at their stamina
produced petite gloved hands pulling tightly at their jacket.
to rollick the day away was their only commandment.
fast forward a few years, and they'll be learning algebra,
their minds drifting away during lectures on parabolas
to the forgotten days of freedom; they lament
the loss of their fragile frostwork taffeta.
cecelia Jan 2015
the cadence
of the heartbeat in my chest
asks me when i'll see you next.
i bow my head.
when did i become so lifeless?
cecelia Oct 2015
i like the way (your soft hair feels like home
                          on my knuckles) your palms rest on the curves
                                                        of­ my waist-
                                                          ­                     wasting precious time
                         (you could have spent an eternity with me)
and humming foreign lullabies underneath the stars
                         (your side of the bed is empty) and i softly weep
my sniffles are a metronome
cecelia Nov 2014
i used to love the rain.
that was prior to you.
i enjoyed curling up in my bed
and reading for twelve hours straight.
now, i think of you.
how your mother hated
you driving in it.
how you didn't mind it
because it meant i got to stay longer.
and that meant more time
to shower me with your kisses.
i shower myself in tears when it rains.
because of you.
cecelia Apr 2014
somehow, i don’t mind
your chapped Lips (as long as they’re pressed against mine)
or all your other flaws that make you more perfect
than the loveliness of angelwings
cecelia Nov 2014
before you walk out the door,
would you make sure
to leave all my love behind?
before you turn the car on,
would you check to see if your heart's gone,
if you even had one in the first place?
before you call to say you want me back,
would you think about how i would attack
myself when you left?
before you break my heart again,
would you stop and think of ten
reasons for me to love you once more?

— The End —