come & find me
i've left my phone plugged
into the wall because i can't feel
you breathe through your fingertips
and i can't read your lips through emoji
your belly-button doesn't look right shrouded
in 8 mega-pixel dust and i want to touch you instead
of a keyboard on a screen and tell you about my day because
even though it's written doesn't mean it's real meet me offline because
i don't want a five second snapchat victory snapshot of your *****-line
i don't want my silly romantic poetry to be re-grammed on your insta
framed against a picturesque city skyline or a stoic mountain lion
with hashtags and sexting doesn't turn me on like the sound of
your voice i can write you letters until my fingers bleed but
they always arrive seven days late and you never cry
when you cut them open with a knife and i'm not
looking for a pen pal anyway or a friend
instead i seek a mirror with glowing
teeth or an outlet to plug
into and charge
me up

dating a writer
is like guessing the weather.
you think you know what you'll get,
but you never do.

you never know
because

she'll create a hero
from your weaknesses

and she'll write a great character,
from every last flaw.

she'll create a thousand plots  
from your worst nightmares.

she'll take every last thing you hate
and create something you'll love.

she'll turn your anger
into confessions of adoration,

and she'll make you,
everything you're not.

but worst of all,
she'll leave you wondering-
is it you she's in love with,
or things she's created from you?

but here's the beauty of it:

if you date a writer,
you'll never die.

With a pen to a paper,
Like a sword to a foe,
I write poetry,
And present it to the world,
Like a present with a bow.
Letting the words
fill my paper.
Watching them take flight
Like many birds
drifting across updrafts in the wind.
And I will send
Them like a "get well" card
To every person who needs a friend.
Poetry is a healing process.
A coping system
A cure
A medicine for those in need.
Poetry is a dream
In which you don't
Have to scream
Unless you want to.
A dream that you control,
A beam that you can hold,
A story yet untold,
Perfectly crafted jewel,
With scripture writ in gold.

One day, you'll awaken,
with blood shot eyes,
scratching at a five o'clock shadow,
even though it's seven o'clock
in the morning, and
wonder where it all went wrong. Where she all went wrong.

When the arches of her feet stopped
tiptoeing across the room
to kiss you good morning.
When the parallels of her calves
started making diagonals
when laying on the bed.
When the crook of her elbows
no longer wrapped around you
like the beautiful ribbon on the present you gave to her last Christmas.

Do you even know where that present is?
It's there,
up there on the shelf collecting dust
along with all the "I love yous"
and other promises that you stash away for cold winters nights,
when you crave her warmth,
and long to feel the chill of her sapphire-painted fingernails.

But somewhere between the cicadas of summer and the apples of autumn, you lost her along the way.
You lost the way her hair finds its way onto every surface of your house.
You can't find the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs,
even if you turn over all the couch cushions,
and look under the rug.

You check your file cabinets for the way her chest heaves when she sleeps,
and check in the pantry for the memories of her propped up on her elbows,
looking out the window sill at the rain,

But all that's left are phantoms of her amber scent,
and ghost-smiles that have all but gone stale.

turning someone else's pain
into our poetry
is a crime we're all guilty of
putting ourselves in their shoes
just to be able to recreate their distress
on paper
momentarily,
just to feel something
to be able to write
to connect with the words we type

we're empty inside
we've been ****** dry
exhausted our pain
completely drained
with all our worries having drenched the paper
too many times before- flooded.

we turn to someone else
internalizing their woes
stealing their sorrows
so that we have something worth writing about

we need to write
it is vital for our survival
so we turn to victims of hurt
of abuse, of loss, of misery
we turn to you

we are
bloodthirsty; savages

pain is our medicine
it's what keeps us alive
i suppose it's a good thing
that there's enough to go around

we've been poisoned
with hopes and dreams
of "true love"

its hysterical
how naïve we are
we fell so hard
put ourselves on the line
for a poorly constructed ideology

you idiot
darling i'm such an idiot
to think there was good
in this world
to think there was a chance
that selfless love existed

ah, what a fool
to think marriage
was anything more
than a social norm
a convenience
that relationships
were actually based on anything
more than a false sense of
comfort and security

highschool kids
throwing away their future
bunch of immature children
tricked into thinking
that someone could make them whole
"let's get married"
"let's run away"
"we're in loooove"
we've poisoned our youth
love should be the last thing
on their mind

women giving up their dreams
men giving up their lives
for W H A T
the idea that
someone could keep them
from drowning
darling
oh darling
i wish that were true

but
w a k e u p

no one can save you
love is cursed.
we are cursed.

love,
in its own essence
does not exist
and i was such a fool
such a ****** fool
to think it lasts

i guess it just made me feel relaxed
to think that there was one part of my life
that could be just for me
i thought love was my escape
i'm holding up the world
i thought it would give me a break
rest my head
HAH
hysterical
i swear to God i'm in fits of laughter

believe in love?
ask the kid of messy divorce
ask the single mom with no idea where her baby daddy went
ask the girl with a broken heart
ask the boy who gives his all, in return for none

love
is
just
another
word
for
loss.

sorry to burst your bubble
but
your idea of "love"
**doesn't exist

we were never married
but in those few months,
we lived.
we lived more than a married couple ever could,
ever would,
ever will.

and then one day
he was gone.
and it was as if all of a sudden
the sunsets lost their delight
and the waves their majesty

an abundance of time was given to me
in my empty hands
and i did not know what to do with it

it did not hurt
i did not cry
i became voiceless
quiet as the night sky

widowed at 16,
i lived my life in silence
lost to the cause
of love left abandoned

The people who set me on fire
to see me burn
Ask me why i glow
They're the ones who fill my ashes in an urn
to throw
And they are the ones who say i do not know
anything about love...
For all i know , all i know is love
not hatred upside down
And my ego gets diluted
as i rise in love unbound
For all i know,  
i do not know anything else but love
And that's why i glow
so don't ask me why
Just drop my ashes
and let every speck fly...
And forget my name
or i ever was

may 3 at 10:18am:
"and one more thing, i know you won't accept it, but i'm sorry. for everything. to you, and her. i know i can't fix anything, but the least i can do is repent for my mistakes."

you message my best friend
because i'm under the radar
and we don't really talk anymore
she keeps this a secret
because she knows any sign of you
will bring me back on my knees
begging for you to take me back
she cares too much for me
to let me put myself back in that position
she knows what you've done to me
she knows how you're my favorite brand of poison
so she keeps it quiet
until she thinks i'm over you
and then forwards me your message
so casually
like
"oh yeah, he says he's sorry"
AS IF YOU APOLOGIZING MEANS NOTHING
I KNOW SHE HAD GOOD INTENTIONS
BUT HOW COULD SHE KEEP THIS FROM ME
YOU SAYING SORRY
MEANS YOU REGRET
LETTING ME GO
MAYBE YOU STILL LOVE ME
MAYBE YOU WANT TO COME BACK
HOW COULD SHE KEEP THIS FROM ME
FOR 6 WHOLE MONTHS
HOW COULD SHE NOT TELL ME
WHEN EVERY SINGLE DAY
I LONG FOR A WORD FROM YOU
A SIGN
THAT I'M STILL ON YOUR MIND
HOW
COULD SHE
STEAL THE
ONE CHANCE I HAD
TO TAKE YOU BACK
YOU PROBABLY THINK
I STILL HATE YOU
THAT YOU'RE STILL UNFORGIVEN
...but love means never having to say you're sorry
i never needed an apology
even though i had to watch you leave
left me broken
left me for dead
but you're still the only thought
floating around in my head
babe, i forgive you
if that's all you need to hear
to come back to me
to come near
i forgive you
a thousand times over
i'll forgive you once more
if it means you'll come closer
what happened,
happened,
it's in the past
maybe we just weren't
meant to last
but set fire to that
and let's begin again
i want to be your lover
i want to be your friend
it's okay if you
want to take it slow
i have all the time in the world for you
just please, *please, don't go
i never thought
i'd even be a fleeting thought for you
and now, 6 months later
i realize
maybe you really do still care
maybe you want to give it another shot
i know it's not a lot
but it's a chance
one in a million
one gazillionth of a possibility
that you still want me
i'll gamble it all
i have nothing to lose
cause i lost all i had
when i lost *you

NO**
You shout this to the world, and the world turns still.
How dare the rain fall, a relative call.

How dare the earth turn, while you still yearn
How dare they laugh, while you still ache.

How dare the sun rise and night fall,
while you have no relief from the grief at all.

The wreaths are dead.
All has been said.