I'll be doing an "Advent Calendar"
Every day till Christmas
For my feelings and thoughts
And holiday season!

magical summer breeze, blowing through your auburn locks
snow as soft as silk, caressing your arms as it falls
sunshine bright and clear, like a blanket of pure bliss

as far as the eye can see,
as far as the ear can hear,
as far as happiness reaches,
you can find your own little world...

bliss...

Can we ever truly understand
And respect and accept the
Real quality of life?
Must we really have to know?
Even though we try to hard to understand
Never do we truly succeed

Rarely do we find pure quality
Even though we know we can
Even when we try harder than we should
Down to the bottoms of our hearts

It's just a little crush--really.
But it was a secret
For a reason I chose not to tell.
My friend found out today.
I freaked out--really.
But it's just a little crush, right?
Not one to last the lifetime.
If it was, I didn't have to keep it secret.
Right?

Every day it gets worse
The torture of not knowing
The agony of possibility
of the worst case

Every day it gets better
The bliss of seeing him
The pure joy
in talking to him

I burst in sunbeams of happiness
I break down in puddles of woe

Love is confuddling
Love is complicated.
Hasn’t anyone ever told you?

I think I finally know what this is
But I don't think I do.
I might
But then maybe not.

What is love?
People claim they know
But they don't.

love--
(n.)something mysterious
can't figure it out
can end badly
or be the best things in the world
you can't prepare
for it
something puzzling

The days are growing colder now
Pale gray seeping into clouds
The daylight fading ever shorter
Always waiting on the verge of darkness

The sparkling lights show their spirits
On the houses one by one,
Red, green, silver, yellow, blue
Forever twinkling into the night.

The queen of winter is coming now
Sweeping the land into a dream
Of chilly and enchanting days,
In its silken robe of frost

Merry Christmas!

The seasons pass by
Oh so quickly
First it's winter
Then spring summer autumn
Now its winter again
The holiday season once more
The days crawl by slowly
In anticipation of Christmas
Yet at the same time
Whoosh by in a flash
And you marvel at the fun you've had
When it's over...
(I. Can't. Wait. For. Christmas!)

Let the fun begin!

Sometimes
I think
I just
Need to
Take a break

What is this fluttering in my chest whenever I see him?
What are these butterflies doing in my stomach?
Why are my knees weak whenever he smiles?
Why do I smile when I think of him?
Why does my heart pound when I talk to him?

What are these strange feelings I am experiencing?

Perhaps I am coming down with something.
Yes, that must be the case.
I must be sick with fever perhaps;
That explains my cheeks heating up.
Or a cold of some kind;
That explains my breath being caught in my throat.
Or maybe I was stung by a mosquito?
Ah yes, that's why my skin tingles.

My doctor says there's nothing wrong,
I can't seem to figure out what's going on.

All that is in the world
Will soon enough perish
And though this information is known
We can make the best of our situations
By living in the moment
Not worrying for the future

Love for love
Laugh for laughs
Cry for sadness
Lose for loss
Forget for forgiveness

Live in the moment
Not agonizing for the past
Not worrying for the future

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

I am an empty shell
With nothing but hollowness inside
Nothing but hardness outside
I learn to live
And go through the motions of life
But

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

I think and live
And smile and cry
But I don't feel anything
Anymore.

Someone has left me this way
Killed me each time he said
"I don't want you anymore."

I've been killed a thousand times over
And

I am a ghost
In form and shape
And spirit and mind.

"hello," i said to my reflection
but she didn't say anything back.

i had a dream once
that when i grew up
i would live in the clouds
being a fashion designer
eating cake all day...
all night.

that was a silly one:
a childhood fantasy
swallowed up by reality.

now i hope
to fall in love
to make a family
to find happiness
in the most unexpected
places.

i think that is more realistic,
don't you?

Are you always so perfect at everything?
And they say opposites attract
So perhaps we do.

I would

take a bullet for you
to save you

fall off a building for you
retrieving your dearest possession

steal something for you
if you wanted it enough

never talk you to again
if it meant your safety

do all these things
even when I know you wouldn't do the same for me

treat life the way you
want life to treat you

the yearning

  the heart-breaking

       what is this?

Is this what we asked for

    when we said those fateful words?

In a parallel world

        Maybe you'll get lucky

              And live a fairy-tale life

But here

   All you get
  
        is

            first the yearning

            (causes you to do irrational things)

                  then the heartbreak

                  (when he says no)

Yet still we do it

     what for?

Yet still we say those words

"I love you."

red as blood,
red as the sky when
the sunset sets it on fire.

shining like diamonds,
little seeds of hope in the
large, large, world.

they give you pleasure
as you savor them one by one.
the sweetness,
the tangy scent.

when Persephone ate those
innocent, glimmering seeds.
she had no idea of the fate
that lay ahead of her.

French for pomegranate
is grenade
a little bomb that goes off
a burst of flavor in your mouth
a splash of hope in your soul

The evening breeze sings the forgotten songs
Of ghosts of nymphs 'tween silver birches there.
And beams of moonlight fall on grassy lawns:
A pearly cloak e'erywhere the eye sees fair.

So many gentle dawns took care to kiss
Along the flowered, verdant forest floor.
In this blessed land so filled with matchless bliss,
Upon golden and rose-pink blossoms which it wore.

Every visitor that stumbles here
Stops to see the flowers near,
And stoops to pick some strawberries
In the meadows, for their families.

bluebirds are dancing
larks are singing
flowers are blooming
sky is "blue-ing"

pollen is flying
breezes are whispering
the grass is waltzing
people are smiling

colors are bright
feelings are happy
bliss is about

and i am grinning.
(from ear to ear)

i've been thinking,
about the clouds up high
about the bright blue sky
about pie--just a slice
about everything nice

i've been thinking,
about true love
about courage--kind of
about happiness
about first kiss

i've been thinking,
that you don't need everything
to live your life,
that you don't need everything
to make you happy

grade the second,
our hearts young and naive
he gave me half a sandwich
but kept asking for another girl's hand
(jokingly? i know not.)

//

in the same school string orchestra
i wanted to run bow across violin strings
creating the music in my heart i couldn't express with words
why he took up violin? (and then quit?)
i know not,
for it is five years past

//

he was smarter
and perhaps more mature
than most other boys in the grade
yet he wasn't clever enough
to see how my heart ached and sang for him
or maybe it was just a
missed connection

//

lighthearted jokes always danced between us
but nothing more
i used to think his gaze held volumes of meaning
but maybe he was just observing
the butterfly dancing round my head

//

dark brown eyes, a head of floppy hair
that bounced when he ran
not towards me, but not away either
our gazes clashed how many times i could not count
and he held my heart between his gentle hands
for more than two years
for some reason,
i find him most difficult
to describe in words

The knight in shining armor
Said to me one day
As he was saving me from the tower
Lifting me to freedom,
"What will you do after this?
Where will you go after this?
Would you love me after this?"

And then I, the princess,
the damsel in distress,
being saved from her prison,
knows she should be grateful,
and in love or at least adoration
can only reply,
"I don't know.
I'm not sure.
I cannot be sure of anything
right now."

His hands,
My hands,
Intertwined
Like two ropes
Knotted together
In a bond
Of
Eternity

Pen on paper poised with every feeling to write
Yet no words come, flow onto surface
Yet no sound comes, pen scratching surface
Yet no feeling comes, fill full the heart
No mind of prose nor poetry
No soul of words nor songs

There are those who are kind,
With sweet honey-filled hearts.

There are those who are wise,
Who see beyond what is there.

There are those who are loyal,
With not an ounce of betrayal.

There are those who are brave,
Who won't stop when they're scared.

And there are those who are passionate,
About everything there is.

i stare out at the water
on the shallow riverbank
and get lost in the waves
though they are irregular
there is
beautiful rhythm
in each ripple
balanced and
always in motion

These harsh words told by insecure people
who find satisfaction in hurting others
who do nothing but hate themselves
at night, doubt themselves inside,
find consolation in making others
feel the same way.
I know this and tell myself this
each and every day
but still these harsh words
make me want to jump off a cliff and onto the hard canyon floor below because I can't stand them anymore, though I know they aren't told with the deepest sincerity. Not
          at
all.

We ask and are filled to overflowing with so many questions, about love and life and worlds above us

Yet so much of the time we are not willing to answer the questions presented to us

We yearn to know many things

Yet aren't prepared to give as much information

Body clad in golden armor,
Auburn hair in tumbling waves,
Silver boots in perfect position,
Bow and arrow poised and ready.

Brave and strong,
Filled with courage,
Full determination,
Pure perseverance.

She is a warrior princess,
Filled with fire,
Blessed with beauty and
desire.

The time you first saw me
Was the falling of the seed
Into rich life-giving soil

The moment you noticed me
Was the seed itself
The start of a blooming love

When you started getting to know me
The first roots told hold in the earth
And wouldn’t let go

When you became the friend I turned to for everything
The first sprout sprung up from the land
Turning toward sunlight

When friendship started turning into something more
Stem grew inch by inch
Up and up, until leaves were born

When we first kissed
The flowerbud was coming out of its shell
Taking a breath of fresh air

When all my heart goes to you
The flower flourished
A perfect symbol of our love

Windblown mane flying out behind,
Ribbons of tangled threads dancing
In the early autumn zephyr.
Ebony hued hooves alternate,
Strong as steel, joined in the pounding
Music of free flight. The wild horse.

Soft, flowing mane brushed to perfection.
Ribbons entwining the smooth silk braids
Shining in the early autumn light.
Silver shod hooves alternate in rhyme,
Shimmering like gold, joined in the proud
Prancing of a lady. The show horse.

Two spirits combine.
The wild and the performer,
Both content in their
Destined lives.

A wall you have to climb over
To reach the other side,
Where there are new things to discover.
There's no use walking around
In circles on this side of the wall;
You'll just have to find
A way to get over it.