I do so well without you
Then you come back again
I say that I am fine
I sit and play pretend.
I go off to parties
I try to flirt with men
I do so well without you
That it’s hard not to pretend.
And, silly me, I loved you
And, silly me, I care
For you and all around you
But love is never fair.
I do so well without you
Then back you come around
I see you in the distance
You look for common ground.
I say I want to see you
I say I want to call
I sit alone and wonder
If I was anything at all?
And, silly me, I loved you
I thought I meant the world
To me, you were my everything
But I was not your girl.
I do so well without you
So very, very well.
Until you say hello again
And I’m under your spell.
And, silly me, I talk to you
I often bare my soul
And, silly me, I love you
But you don’t deserve to know.

I sit here.
I fall prey to your charms, harms and weaknesses.
I see you in my mind with glasses, Onassis.
Your brother flying across the Atlantic
And you are Atlas holding the world up.
I feel the old pang.
I fall prey- that’s me, Persephone.
I’ve had my time in Tartarus
And you were my Spring. My Astonishing Adonis,
Sunglasses, Onassis. All second chances.
The night I met a Greek hero disguised as a man
Who turned out to be a man disguised as a Greek hero.
And I miss you, as you go off.
I’m not Persephone, I’m Penelope.
I was unsure I’d wait for you
And now I don’t want to.
But still, part of me does.
Everyone is like a Greek god in some ways.
I’ve had my fun with Apollo and Hades and Zeus-
Who I’m still holding out for. But aren’t we all?
And you, born on the same day as my Pallas.
My palace in the future, my ramshackled past.
You know a surface, you weren’t meant to stay in my world.
And I prayed and prayed to let you stay.
But as always it was up in the air.
So I sit there.
I fall prey to your harms, charms and weaknesses.
Mine is weak ankles, yours is your weak spine.
And I wonder,
Did love ever make you blind?

How exciting it must be
To sit and talk and talk at me
And never hear a nervous squeak
When they should want to leave.

I know the process that you think
The way you throw the kitchen sink
That leaves both minds upon the brink
I'll really have to leave, I think.

And so I stay three hours more
As you follow us from store to store
You talk and talk, it is a bore
I will soon leave, of that I'm sure.

You force your thoughts on us again
You don't know but you speak up then
Half and half so much you spend
So I will leave or 'round the bend.

My heart is beating in my chest
My feet are sore, far from their best
I need to have a long, long rest
Oh my, I am so glad I left.

You sold me a promise
And I bought it
No refunds or returns
Just us and the hits.

You talked to me
And forced me to listen
To old remixes and love songs
And I danced around my kitchen.

Then, it was over
And all of it stopped
You had a girlfriend
And our number one flopped.

Now, when I see you
And I see you a lot
I think of our time
And how you must have forgot.

You know that I'm over you
You just wanted a chase
I respect it, I get it
Now that I'm out of the daze.

It’s not yet ten
And a man who loves himself more than a thing should love at all
Plays on my screen.

A song I know and could sing.

I watch it silently, I watch
Other’s silent moving pictures
The smile with a tongue out
And the new year’s kiss.

A song I know and could sing.

These are the regular people
And I am never one of them.
It’s only in humbling, stumbling
Unashamedly human moments
That I feel at one with the universe-
And all the regular people.

The people who count down and drink too much
And kiss on the lips without intention
And who put their hands near their beloved
For a little bit of attention.

The people who complain that it’s nothing or something scary
That we should joke about to hide our feelings on the matter
The people who call you or text you whose names you might wish to forget.

A song I know and can sing.

Happy New Year.

Body.

Is he scared of me?
I'm scared of me.

I have a tongue of acid,
Heart of glass,
Cut like a knife,
Fragile as ash.
All of the wonder of Midsummer's walks,
All of the nightmare of 'what are we?' talks.
Complex as the cosmos,
Bright as a bean,
Sometimes I am someone
You wish you'd never seen.

So, is he scared of me?
Why do you ask?
There must be much scarier
Under his mask.

I don't know why I always do this.
I am never just 'satisfied' with waiting, I guess.
Maybe, I do this kind of thing because I'm sad.
Maybe because I am lonely.
Maybe because I hurt so much and I want to feel so much more
But I always end up more hurt in the end than I was before.

I made myself a self-fulfilling prophecy
But I put my faith in the wrong person
And I lost you.
Now that I'm stuck waiting,
I feel the weirdest pain
I'm not content with anything at all.
Maybe because I hurt so much and I want to feel so much more
But I always end up more hurt in the end than I was before.

I don't know why I do this.

What is this dull ache I feel where my heart lies?
What are these tears doing tumbling out of my eyes?
What have I done to feel this way?
What have I lost? What did you say?

What is this struggle I feel when I breathe?
What is that anger doing boiling in me?
What made me do this to myself again?
What do I do? What is a 'friend'?

How do I come back from this?
This absolute brink of loneliness.
How did I let myself get attached?
Its easy to see it's not a good match.
How on earth can the earth not shake?
How do we survive heartbreak?