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3.0k · Mar 2020
The Vampire is Asleep
ALEX Mar 2020
do vampires sleep?

they don't.

i met a vampire
through a series of unpredictable events.
and this vampire, i must say.
despite being the only one,
might actually be the best one.

he wasn't cold,
and so i doubted.
why aren't you cold?

"because you give me warmth."

are you really a vampire?
i ask, and he replies,
with his stares that does not let me go.
a stare that got me locked not just in his eyes.

but also in his heart.

and so when i was so used to this setting.
came in, one cold evening.
that for the first time i have felt,
my warmth being unable to melt
all the shivers and cold sweats
i have proven he was a vampire.
when he has touched me with his cold hand,
cold eyes and his cold heart.

i wait for him in days.
i tell him that i miss him
in a way that i could.
and all i get is a cold wind.

this night, i am thinking
the vampire is asleep.
though, they never do.
it is more comforting than
knowing that this vampire is ignoring me.
so the vampire is asleep,
but (i hope) he has not forgotten
a human
locked inside
his cold,
cold heart.
979 · Mar 2020
More Than That
ALEX Mar 2020
We bumped at each other a while ago.
I felt this weird pump in my chest but you only laughed.

Of course, you think we're friends,
but I like to think we're more than that.
922 · Nov 2018
versus depression
ALEX Nov 2018
trigger warning: self harm, depression

there she goes again
spending each day with pain
i hope she gets through it
for she had long accepted her defeat.

it's understated that she's sad
and it has gone seriously mad.
she is more than depressed
nobody could've ever guessed.

there she lies alone
in the dark corner with her phone
she tries calling her friends
but they're too busy with the trends.

she moved with all her might
a metal in her hand gripped tight.
she had made up her mind
but all of a sudden she saw a rewind.

there she saw herself,
melancholic and looking for help
but she came to realize
there is no one but shadows and lies.
she saw there a mysterious light
and only she could help herself to fight.
written by me on 102516 | 12:57 am
˗ˏˋ happiness in little things is still happiness ˎˊ˗
700 · Mar 2021
Happiness
ALEX Mar 2021
What is happiness for you?
Is it seeing the sun shine in the sky or smelling the scent of a loved one?
Or is it neither?
Most people live each day wishing that they would be happy, or happier.
Is happiness a feeling or a choice?
Or is it the right combination of both?
Do you become happy when you choose to or when you naturally feel it?
Or does happiness choose you?
No one knows.
Because the answer is felt and unspoken.
long time no see!
664 · Apr 2019
Luna
ALEX Apr 2019
TW!: self harm

Every time I'm tempted to grab the piece of metal hidden inside a box I try to avoid,
I look out the window to see if the sky can fill my void.
It's nothing new,
just the stars and the moon glowing where it's due.
I hold back.
I heave out a heavy sigh.
Each time I want to give up on myself, on life, on everything,
that's when I remind my heart of a promise I can never fail.
I promised myself I'll have more moons to see.
Luna glowed its light on me, and I told him, "don't go just yet, and let me tell you my secrets."
040519
634 · Nov 2018
Short Distances
ALEX Nov 2018
— written on jul. 17, 2018


Green— you walked kinda fast to reach the other side.
A lot of people beside you were doing the same, but it was only you whom I can see.

Red— I stopped. I stopped because I remembered the way my muscle felt when I saw your face from a distance. It was a short pause followed by the racing of my heart.

Yellow— no, it’s not that Coldplay song. Ready. Just by seeing your face, I could tell I was ready for it. Ready for your touch, your kiss, and your love.

It was a swift turn. The times of trips on the road as you held my hand and stir the wheel on the other. The moments we sang one song and felt like this would never end.

And those are memories to be cherished.

Gone are the days we felt no distance in between. But remember this darling, we may be far apart but our hearts lie within short distances.
ok this poem is bad im sorry :(
422 · Apr 2019
Yours is My Hardest Try
ALEX Apr 2019
you were not the first,
        but my beating heart cloudburst.
you were not the one,
        but you still shined like the sun.
 maybe it's time to give it up,
        the last sip from my death cup.
yours is my hardest try
        and yours is my hardest cry.
:')
388 · Apr 2019
I Almost Tricked Myself
ALEX Apr 2019
I blame it all on my lack of interest about everyone around me,
that I only noticed you when the alarm's about to ring.
Was I blinded or was it really just hard to see
your eyes that smile and the way you sing?
Oh, yeah, it's hard to recognize a pair of crescents
staring at another's presence.
And it's hard to keep a voice inside my heart because that is all I'll ever hear.
Almost.
But not quite.
I almost tricked myself into liking you.
Almost but not quite, because you had someone else.
hug me for the last time !

also this is bad but whatever
324 · Nov 2018
drive to heaven
ALEX Nov 2018
my fingers won't be enough
to count the times i wanted to leave
for when times were too rough
i did not know what to believe

is life a gift
or is it a curse?
i saw all of them drift
and none of it hurt much but yours.

for i wanted to leave and escape
if i could drive to heaven
i'd do it happily and safe
and the clock tick tocked eleven:eleven.
102516 | end me :)
266 · Jul 2020
okay? okay.
ALEX Jul 2020
just because she looks okay
doesn’t mean she feels that way,
too.
please check up on your friends. they may look okay but their fighting silent battles.
ALEX Apr 2019
[trigger warning: mention of self harm]

Let go of the sharp metal,
and throw away the pills.
Start collecting rose petals,
and appreciating cheap thrills.
This is how I died— without actually dying.

I removed all the toxicity
found in this silent vicinity.
And I turned to my laptop screen
The wallpaper was you with a grin.

That moment I knew,
I knew it well.
It was you—

For whom I fell.
I loved you deeper,
with a greater force.
But it was really bitter
when you confirmed my hopes were false.

You stood by her,
Your warm hand protecting hers from the cold air,
You clearly are a great lover,
But why am I on despair?

So dear, this is for you,
Who made me feel dead while
breathing—
who made me feel dead without actually
dying.
— 12:49 am
249 · Nov 2018
Consider the Opposite
ALEX Nov 2018
I spit words of disgust
To conceal my heart covered with rust.
I may be known as a bad mouthed *******,
but dear I am just being truthful.
Euphemisms? I’ve had enough of that.
I see no need of sugarcoating words
For it just washes brains, somewhat.
Insincerity built through words that are too easy to afford.
“I say words contrary to what I feel,”
Strength from pretentious lips.
It’s not what I feel for real,
but it prevents the red liquid and its drips.
So if you see me in the streets, smiling and
screaming at the top of my lungs that,
"I feel so alive!"
Honey, please consider the opposite.
ALEX Mar 2020
𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝, 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚍.
𝙱𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚘𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎.
𝚂𝚘, 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎.
𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚛.

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐?
𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚖 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎?

𝙸𝚏 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎,
𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎, 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗, 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚕.
don't worry, you'll find your way home! pls stay safe from ncov! you are all precious, stay in your homes <3
200 · Apr 2020
the sky is still a sky
ALEX Apr 2020
As a kid, I would always be by the window, looking up to the sky.
Genuine happiness is felt as I see it filled with clouds and birds flying.
But sometimes, the sky I see is gray, empty and dead.
Sometimes, the sky is crying and angry.
But, it doesn't change.
The sky is still a sky.
The sky is still heaven.
It's what we look up to and dream of reaching.

Aren't you a sky as well?
Sometimes, you feel butterflies in your stomach.
Sometimes, you laugh so much, you could die.
But there are times that you'll lose interest
in people, in life and even in yourself.
Sometimes, you'd think of ending it all.
But remember, that if the sky is still a sky
despite the changing moods and no matter how hard it is to accept.
You may be lost at some point
but you are still you.
P.S love yourselves extra more today!
182 · Dec 2019
I Keep Looking for You
ALEX Dec 2019
In an ocean of people, a quiet temple,
a noisy classroom, a busy café, and on the other side of the pedestrian lane.
I keep looking for you.
But you also kept on—
not coming.

Alone, as I explore places I am unfamiliar with,
I keep observing the people around me.
Thinking that maybe, you could be here.
But there was never a day that you arrived when I expected you to.

Until one day,
when I was alone in a room.
Nothing but a mirror to stare at.
I found it.

I keep looking for love but it never comes.
I convinced myself that maybe I was looking at the wrong places.
But no.
I keep looking for you, Love, because I thought I didn't have you.
I keep looking for you, Love, because my eyes failed to see you.
I keep looking for you, Love— thinking you were in someone else's hands.
I keep looking for you, Love, but you were here all along.
Inside me, pure and strong.
SELF-LOVE 2020 LET'S GO!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

— The End —