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 Jun 2014 Lila
Helseivich
If only we'd never met,
so I could experience you again.
There is no going back.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
Matt
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
When I heard the vague news today
my mind began swimming
jumping to conclusions
This had to be some accident
some horrible accident.
But now I know
It was no accident
It was planned
purposeful

Maybe you felt  alone in this world.
You weren't
Your family is rushing together
phone calls
everyone is crying

We all miss you

No,
I don't believe you are a coward.
I know what it is like to want to **** yourself.
Only I never had the strength to carry through with it.

I will remember you by the scars on my wrists
I know what you must have been suffering through
No, my god,
You were not alone.
But we feel alone without you.
RIP Matthew (5/6/14)
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
You say I burned your heart.
Well
Burning,
Like welding,
Is part of reconstruction.

and I'm in the same process myself.


If only I wasn't so sheltered to burn anyone who came close enough to feel my fire.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
Feeling fail.
A shallow discontentment
only brought about
by the success of others.
Challenges conspire.
Everywhere I look
beauty and joy
laughing
mockingly.
My poor body,
weak and restless,
struggling to breathe
under the pressure.
Water surrounds me,
pounding in my ears,
and it is done.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
I'm laying here
Watching the lightening
and hearing the thunder
And I believe
the sky is my heart tonight.
For  I thought of you
and set my insides ablaze.

If lightening strikes metal
then surely my heart is titanium,
cracked and bruised.
And you are Zeus,
god of the skies,
sending a downpour
making my knees weak
in the storm.
Please don't send your rolling thunder elsewhere.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
What could I possibly write
that could describe you fully?
What words could bring justice to the light of your eyes?
You're so complicated
in your thoughts and feelings,
so deep I will never understand
and everyday
as I peel off
layer
by
layer
I am shocked to discover
just how human you are
Your faults
harmonize beautifully together
to create you.
As long as I sit here,
shaping you with my pitiful words
I discover how
incredibly impossible it is.
What words would ever represent you
as well as you do?
so,
simply darling,
You are you,
and I'd love to unveil that.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Bitter Heartache
You're a blood stain on a wedding dress and through countless bottles of bleach you still refuse to fade.

I scrub my teeth until my gums bleed, but I can't get rid on the feeling of your tongue in my mouth.

I'm scratching at my arms because I promised I'd never use a razor blade again but your hands were daggers that cut out my arteries and left me bleeding out while I  begged you to stich me up.

Your drunken eyes were bloodshot the night you drank so much you vomited blood, I took you to the emergency room, and in your hallucinogenic state you muttered her name, not mine, and I swore I would die that night.

My parents prayed and prayed to a god who turned the Nile into a river of blood that I would leave you, but I always had a hard time leaving a problem unsolved, and the blood that gathered at the surface of my skin in the form of bruises was my problem to solve, not yours.

The broken glass of your whiskey bottle left cuts on the bottom of my feet as I snuck out that December night, and left blood stains in the snow for you to find on Christmas morning.

As I clutch the photo of us all these years later it is my tears which splatter over our faces, not my blood.

My scars are innumerous, and so are the stars, and I would have given both for you to love me.

No amount of blood transfusions could replace what you took from me.

My A negative blood will never work for everyone but it is enough to save the lives of those bleeding out on operating tables with families begging for another day like I begged for you when you would have let me die.

I read in the newspaper today that you were found dead on the scene of some a drunk driving accident, drowning in a pool of your own blood, and I nearly laughed because finally the bloodshed you caused was over.
 Jun 2014 Lila
Lady Ju
I know you still love me
It's kind of easy to tell
When the heart loves someone
There's no way to lock it up in a jail cell
Because it will explode through with emotions
crashing down like waves in an ocean
You can try and deny
But hearts don't lie
Those it has chosen
And I've spent a good deal
Wondering if you still cared
I guess previous conversations with others
Made me question was the love really there
I guess I never knew tears tasted sour
Until the day you said goodbye
Because you were always there
To catch them falling from my eyes
And all I can think about is will it be the same
If I have a problem will I now come to you in vain
Will you catch my tears like in the past
Will you get tired of me and the love not last
Will our hands interlock if I'm frightened or scared
Or will I pretend like it was never there
The fear haunts me daily
I guess I shouldn't be concerned if your love is fading
But tell me if your love for me is changing
I deserve to know. -Lady Ju
 Jun 2014 Lila
Lady Ju
You're the frame to my picture
Perfect
Not painted by Picasso
But your value to me is more than worth it

Am I crazy for the love I have for you?
Or crazy to think I could live my life without you?

I'd clear the roads just for you to enjoy a smooth ride
Swim through the depths of the deep end
Just to be by your side

I'd tackle your giants down with you
Tag team me in
See I let you in
Tore down my walls
As tall as Berlin

So you're sewn in my heart
without a needle or pin
Just the bond that we hold
Is so strongly within

I can't comprehend
Although I know that I'm intelligent
But truth is, I don't have to be a genius
To know that you were Heaven Sent. - Lady Ju
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