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annieohk Oct 2015
Sometimes I lay in bed and watch
The ceiling fan trace its never ending pattern
If I blink rapidly the blades seem to slow
In bursts of suspended animation
This is also my life as
I watch the never ending pattern
Woven day by day, minute by minute
But if I blink, it does not slow
It merely vanishes out of reach
And I don't even know what I missed
So why am I wasting time watching a fan?
annieohk Jul 2019
Lover of my heart
Breaching the strongest of walls
I am helpless now
annieohk Sep 2015
sometimes when I least expect it
a moment of crystal clarity washes over me
permeating my very soul
a seed inside me blooms wide open
revealing a secret kept hidden
at the very edge of my thoughts
i marvel at the utter simplicity
of what was once
unreachable and unknowable
why could I not wrap my mind around it before?
ahhh....... I see
these secrets must be understood
with the heart
annieohk Oct 2015
Toothless grins, gummy smiles
Eyes like saucers and lashes that rest on
Perfect cheeks, like a priceless painting
Child of mine, you are a work of art
A part of me - the best and truest form
Why couldn't you stay that way?
Dependent on me, always seeking my hand
My lap, or shoulder
The shelter of my arms
Encircling you in a ring
Of protective motherly love
My heart breaks and weeps
For anyone who has not known such love
It is the highest high and fragrant as a flower
I breathe deep and inhale you
Knowing you won't stay this way forever
I want to hold you close once more
And feel your tiny arms around my neck
I long to hear your squeaky voice and soft lisp
Just one more time
Child of mine, you grew too fast
And even though I thought I wouldn't
I let so many precious days slip through my fingers
And now you have a child of your own
Another blue eyed girl to love and cherish
It's almost like having you back for one more
Childhood dream
And now you too will know how it feels
To love a daughter
annieohk Aug 2019
Phone calls that are never made
Notes that aren’t written
Gentle words left unsaid
So wrapped up in my own little life
I don’t see the tears
Or hear the heart cries of others
So many what ifs, so many regrets
Hindsight is always twenty twenty
But foresight is blind
Like cold eyes on a statue
That never see the world around
Trips will be planned but never taken
Beds will be neatly made
Never to be slept in again
Front doors will be locked
But that threshold won’t be crossed any more
Clothes will be bought but never worn
A gift received but never opened
A whisper of love not given
A warm hug not shared
So many things we leave unfinished
When we leave this world
It’s true that tomorrow is not promised
So why do I live as though it is?
When death comes calling
Those left behind will ask
Why didn’t I do more
Why didn’t I say more
Why didn’t I hold your hand longer
You know how much I love you
But I should have shown it more
I thought we’d have more time
I thought we had more tomorrows
Some times I think people die
To show us how to live
For my sweet sister Mary who passed away 3 weeks ago today. I miss her so very much...... ***** cancer!
annieohk Jul 2019
Cannot catch my breath
Trying to come up for air
I drowned in your eyes
annieohk Sep 2020
Someone called me fickle once
In high school
I had to look the word up
In the dictionary
And I didn’t agree
With their assessment
Unsure, yes
Unconfident, always
But fickle? No.
I just wanted
To be liked
You were the fickle one
annieohk Sep 2015
In the hollow of my heart
I yearned for loves completion
Like the caterpillar yearns for wings
Cocoon enveloped in solitary darkness
Not yet aware of the transformation within

You gave me wings to fly
Made of glass and fragile like my soul
When I came to alight on the first bloom
They shattered and dropped like cellophane tears
And once more I was incomplete

I didn't  think I could try again
Heart dry as dust and no more tears to cry
But I heard you calling my name
And knew deep inside
That you had never left me

Filled now, like a cupful of crystal water
Spilling over and spreading in rivulets
Running in streams but never running out
My lips are soft and I thirst no more
Satisfied from the inside out with you
annieohk Sep 2015
years passing too fast
I am grateful for each one
looking ahead now
annieohk Sep 2015
sunlight on fresh snow
treasure of diamond sparkles
just beyond my reach
annieohk Sep 2015
fireflies in my palm
light the way to fantasy
i'm a child once more
wrote this years ago and it was published in a magazine
annieohk Sep 2015
white petals drift down
whispering so soft to me
*yes, he loves you not
annieohk Sep 2015
Welcome me
I need a kind word

Born of so much self doubt
And too much time on my hands

Like the clock that keeps repeating
Ticking, talking, over and over

I watch the fish in the aquarium
Swim aimlessly forth and back

And I pretend that the bubbling sound
Is a peaceful stream next to me

Meaningful conversation escapes me
It's hard to talk to the wall
#alone #depression #survivor
annieohk Sep 2015
**** the stupid spam
and not the kind in the can
i'm tired of scrolling
so annoying to see the repetitive spamming - makes it hard to enjoy the actual poetry. Does anyone actually call those numbers?!!!!!!!!!
annieohk Jul 2019
In my garden
I drink in the beauty of the blossoms
Like one lost in the desert
Searching for the water of life
For a few moments
The sweet fragrance and sunlit hues
Block out an ugly world
And I am at peace...
annieohk Dec 2018
I've despised you for so long
That I don't know how else to feel
It's not that I even want
To waste any emotion on you
But
your actions
Have permeated my life
In countless ways
Some days I curse you
And other days I forgive you
Or at least
I try to
But my heart weeps
For that little girl
For the innocence lost
And the morbid betrayal
The sound of your name
Can still bring revulsion
And I want to scream out
For all to hear
You were a *******!
But there's no point now
You're gone from this earth
And maligning the dead
Isn't something to be done
And yet my heart weeps
For that little girl
And innocence
Lost
annieohk Nov 2018
Sometimes in the stillness of
my own heartbeat
I can hear yours
as though it beats inside me
giving me life and
moving my breath along
like the blood that flows through my veins
it's as though we are one
And if you should ever leave me
I would cease to be me
And I would die
It's in the quiet
That I can sense your presence
and the strength of your love
Stay with me
Even though I walk away from you
Stay with me
So I may live
annieohk Sep 2020
I wish you had cared for me
one-tenth of what I  cared for you,
but the feelings were one sided
and all mine

Sometimes I wonder if you
still have that silly poem I wrote for you,
full of crazy phrases meant to sound clever
rather than insane

They were supposed to make you laugh
and feel happy, not uncomfortable
odd how I never kept a copy
and now the words are lost to me

I wonder if you
still fly the skies
or did someone finally clip your wings
and become your one and only?

I wish it had been me
I’ve grown up so much since then
and I keep trying to picture you now
with gray hair, like mine
annieohk Dec 2018
We pull people/things in around us
and hold them close,
as though they are  life preservers,
when really they're just something
to fill our arms with.
The only one who can save
your life is YOU.
It's time to fill your arms
with something else.
If no one is around,
then give yourself a hug
because YOU are important.
Nurture yourself,
even if no one else will.
Don't wait for anyone else,
just start to live, breathe.
Find one thing today to appreciate,
even if it's only the air filling your lungs.
Just breathe.
annieohk Jul 2019
Lazy day
Needing to do a thousand things
But my chair holds me captive
My mind churns with
A long list of to-dos
Yet I'm content
To ignore them all
A sip of root beer here
A handful of peanuts there
And the moment
Seems complete
Wanting nothing and everything
At the same time
Maybe I'll paint a picture
Or start the great American novel
Or maybe I'll just
Stay in my recliner
And pop a few more peanuts
Lazy day
annieohk Feb 2020
I’ve traveled so many roads in life
some dusty and forlorn
some paved and serene
I’ve climbed mountains
to see where eagles soar
but it’s the places in my heart
the ones I keep secret, just for myself,
that I’ve learned the most from
how to breathe and how to let go
when to hang on and when to give up
trying to grasp the next level of growth
before it slips away into the mist
with eyes wide open my soul yearns, straining
to see tomorrow’s hidden promises
and yesterday’s lessons learned
when we get it right, we know it
and when we’re wrong, we try to justify
and cover our transgressions
so no one else will know
as though we could ever forget
we were once so immature and selfish
I always see better in the cold light of morning
or the still, quiet moments of night
annieohk Jul 2019
Life should last
As long
As there's
Living to do
Love should stay
And keep the
Promises it made
Lies should never masquerade
As the truth
And time ought to warn us
Before it runs out
annieohk Nov 2018
My words are truth to me
But I can lie to myself
I can see only what I
Want to see
And cover the rest with blackness
My truth is not your truth
My words are not your words
If I try to imitate others
Then I lose myself
Some days the words come easy
And other days my mind
Will not speak
And all I have
Is empty paper
Either one is okay
Because there is a time
For each
annieohk Nov 2018
the moments are ethereal
flitting by
on soft whispered wings...
pure joy
fullness of heart
blissful and sublime
don't try to grasp
or hang onto
just let the moments
wash over you
like crystal clear streams
let them surround you
and be awash in their glory
these moments aren't meant
to be kept forever
but merely lived in full
and remembered
annieohk Dec 2018
Sunlight dances on water
Leaving behind momentary sparkles
To delight my eyes
They cannot be grasped
Only enjoyed for a second
And then replaced by new
annieohk Dec 2018
How can it be
These words have
Never before been written
In this illustrious order?
Gliding, sliding, sometimes hiding
Behind the word preceeding
Only to jump out and capture
Or amaze, perhaps daze,
Or make you draw
In your breath in awe
The laws of rhyme defied
Or overused and abused
Winsome and floating
Like my thoughts
On a gray and dreary day
And where to end?
In a crypt of dead words?
Or perhaps like a sunset
That shines on forever
Just beyond reach
Yet never fading from memory
annieohk Jul 2019
I said the word nonsensical today
and thought how
much it applies
to this very world
we live in.
July 4th road rage
two innocent children burned
a family changed forever,
A mother tries
to discard her newborn
like yesterday's trash,
Unloved animals
left alone to die,
Thieves who take possessions
and unsuspecting lives,
Cowardly men strapping bombs
on helpless women and children
instead of themselves,
Greedy curs stealing
the rations of the hungry
to sell for profit,
Black hearted people
bartering children,
depraved pleasures
of dark minds
The unimaginable ugliness
of empty souls
So much more
than nonsensical,
just
pure
evil
Sometimes my heart is so heavy with the weight of all the ugliness in our world.  So many cruel people with no regard for others. This poem reflects that.
annieohk Nov 2018
I have often wondered
Where nothing comes from
Does being nothing
Make it something?
Does it radiate
From some unknown realm
Only to fade once again
Into nothingness?
Does nothing sustain itself
Or is it created?
Some days my tiny life
Feels like nothing
But in the grand scheme
Of things
I know I matter
annieohk Sep 2020
hello old friend, silvery moon
you wrap around me with fingers of misty radiance
I feel cold and warm at the same time
you light the night like a beacon
coaxing ocean tides to wax and wane
your glow catches the new fallen snow
and my eyes behold millions of minuscule diamonds
sparkling just for me
is there anything you can’t do?
your power assaults my senses
as you throw a trail of gleaming light over the waters
I tread upon your soft lit path
mindful of the shadows you cast before me
your fullness lights my way
yet I stumble in your crescent dimness
you seem a fickle friend at times
illuminating a romantic evening
or hiding behind storm darkened clouds
still, even now I long for your next appearance
to bathe my face in your luminosity
and cast your magic upon me once again
annieohk Sep 2020
I remember
Our last words
Etched in my brain
And on my heart
You kept saying my name
Over and over
Questioning
But I couldn’t answer
I couldn’t tell you
How much I cared
Because I knew
You didn’t
I wonder if you heard
My tears falling
As we said goodbye
For the last time
You made promises
You never intended
To keep
And I knew it
I knew we were over
Before we’d even begun
Because that’s the way
You wanted it
But not me
I wanted it to go on
Forever
annieohk Sep 2015
I remember the day we met
When our eyes locked, and then locked again, and again
We were like tiny insects caught in a web
Neither one of us able to look away
Then I turned around and when I looked back
You were swallowed up in the crowd
I walked back to look for you but you were gone
And I felt my insides break into tiny pieces
Even though I didn't even know your name
I walked a little further, heart pounding
With palpable disappointment
Just when I  thought I had lost you forever
There you were again - and those eyes!
You uttered one word, hello
I heard the resonance of your voice and a slight accent
With the driest mouth all I could manage was hi
But we weren't free to talk
So we kept walking in opposite directions
I looked back, more than once
And you were always looking back at me
It was as though we both knew we'd be apart
But what I didn't know then
Was that I'd never see you again
Funny how it all played out
With hundreds of miles between us
A non-relationship carried by phone calls
And letters and empty promises
I cared so much more than you did
I'll always remember the last time we talked
It was your birthday and you called me
My heart was yours then but you didn't want it
And when the silence fell as my tears rained down
You kept asking me what was wrong
My whole world was wrong then
But I couldn't say a word
Because you really didn't want to know
Hanging up the phone was one of the hardest things I've ever done
Becuase I knew we were over
Before we even began
And now I wonder
Do you remember?
annieohk Sep 2015
I don't think winter
Was ever meant to be
Who can live when the cold
Freezes your soul?
I want the warmth of the sun
To kiss my skin
I want the delicate flutter of
A butterflys wing against my cheek
But nature plays this cruel trick
On me every September
It cajoles me with red and gold leaves
The shades of amber and burnt orange
Delight my eyes
All the while the leaves are dying
And I will never behold them again
Bare branches will reach up like skeletal arms
Against dull gray clouds
Snow will descend and a hush will fall
Like death, but not quite
And I must wait so long for the first bloom
Of color to push up through the spring snow
Promising the warmth of summer to follow
I don't think winter
Was ever meant to be
annieohk Sep 2020
I can see all the messes
In my life
The ones I made long ago
And the ones
Other people made
Of my life
Of my innocence
Of my trust
And I want to scream
With the injustice
Or perhaps exact revenge
But those chances are long past
Covered over by years of secrets
Lies, and therapy
I really have moved beyond
The pain
But every now and then
The trigger will come
My skin will crawl
And I’ll despise you
All over again
annieohk Jul 2019
Sometimes love is wasted
On the hard hearted
They put their hook in
And draw you closer
Only to push you away
Once you're all reeled in
A honeyed voice
Whispers sweet nothings
As expectations come
Crashing down all around
I've often wondered
If some people
Have a heart
At all
Love heart rejection
annieohk May 2017
What would you say
If you knew it would all end soon
What would you do if there were
No more tomorrows
I'm not clairvoyant
But my heart knows what it knows
Mercy has been given freely
And yet so many reject it
They go on with their little lives
In their own little ways
Without a thought as to where
They will spend forever
This is not all there is
And what you have today matters not
For it will all disappear in the blink of an eye
The things you hold dear, and the possessions
You strive for will all be gone
You have a choice to make before
You leave this world
For one day you will stand naked and ashamed
Or you will stand forgiven and righteous
You decide
Just do it.........soon
annieohk Jul 2019
Eyes searching heaven
Starlight permeates my soul
I am lifted up
annieohk Nov 2018
What is a poem
Except words that are plucked from the air
Or feelings long buried
It is the essence of who we are
Even if no one else understands
Our hearts and minds remember
And it is
Enough
annieohk Sep 2020
I write poetry for me
And sometimes for you
So you may feel what I feel
And perhaps see the world through my eyes
There are stories to tell
And sweet sentiments to share
So many chaotic thoughts trip through my mind
But they never become a poem
Because the words won’t come together
They swirl and collide and bubble up
From the depths of my soul
Destined to remain separate and nonsensical
I desire the eloquence of thoughts expressed
With truth and light and meaning
I want to scream what’s trapped inside
But how can I make anyone understand
When I don’t understand myself?
annieohk Jun 2019
Today I held your hand in mine
I noticed how similar they are
The same mold, the same blood
My sister
And I cried because I know
You are dying
And our time together
Is so very precious
All other things fall away
And nothing is more important
At this moment
Than being with you
Holding your hand
And telling you how very much
I will miss you
The lump in my throat
Prevents me from speaking
I feel you gently squeeze my hand
And know that you inderstand
I never thought this day would come
Because you're my big sister
And you're always supposed to
Be here for me
i see the greens of summer
And the lilacs in bloom
And I think how you're missing it all
Your home is now a hospital room
Bed to chair, chair to bathroom
How small your world has become
But there is nothing else outside this room
This moment is etched in time
And in my heart
Here and now
Holding your hand in mine....

— The End —