Wide awake and half Asleep

My vision is wide

My emotions run deep

Foggy daze of things that could

hope and reality

there different....i am sure.

I hate you

but i want you here

I hate you

yet your standing there

I hate you

when you make me laugh

I hate that

you have taken my laugh

I hate that

you have this effect

I hate that

things are always bad

I hate you

but I actually can't

Look at me

What do you see

a sad lonely untamed tree

i tried to grow but you cut me down

with anything that was around

you've cut my branches

and have made me fall down

laying here i disconnect

my leaves are gone my trunk is stiff

you chopped me up and burned me down

the flames seem to burn but there is no sound

you used to water me and climd and bounce

but the other tree now needs your help

No more goodaftermornings

no more late night text

no more fake reactions

no more hidden facts

no more long discussions

no more hurting

and yet I want it all back.

You make me feel like crap

you ******* little sap

you cry about the world

but you torture all the girls

you stupid little sap

why do i let you treat me like crap.

I quiver you shake

my body it quakes

my mind is stunted

my heart it aches

I can't be that

and I never will

along that shore

of this sea of hell

Heart beats

you breath

what a lovely scene

you peel

my layers

almost like string cheese

Long and low

My heart and soul

is torn once again

my music plays

yet no one sways

my heart hangs

long and low

Just as easy to be someone else

but would you be satisfied

you look like you just walked out of a cancer ward

your heart is showing

i can see you

the way you move your hair back

to make you feel less awkward

you look so uncomfortable in that skin

but it fits you so well

i want you to see how beautiful you are

how beautiful things can be

but your blinded

by all the darkness of the world

chin up they say

but the words slip right past you

that feeling of awkward is back

take another drag

you feel that burn.. thats reality

i am for a moment.

faded like dusk

a whisper

like the lingering smell of cigaretts

my touch cold like the wind in the early morning

but my skin is burning

i want to feel

but my mind wont let me

trapped in an endless cycle of self loathing

how can i be happy

i am only for a moment

haunted with the memories of happy faces

and cursed with the demands of my past

i cant keep this up my light is fading

don’t worry no one is really paying attention

walking ghosts whip around me like smoke

only to leave no trace

you are only for a moment

just as i am.

Take my heart and keep it safe because if i hurt it once more

I am afraid it might brake,

with scars and scraps its slow and low but with your help

we can make it grow

will fix it up and make it new

theres just one

problem ...I still need you................................

Shadows pass apon my grave

with wispers of my past day

with love and grace i come to

pass with happy faces in my

path now i know its ok to

say goodbye onto another day

Make it real dont be to slow

you never know when it will go

if you wait to long to act

it might slip by you way to fast.

Lets go back to before

lets not unlock that locked door

if i knew the pain inside i would

have left it far behind.

I keep it closed because i can not hide

all that is left that pain inside

you told me once you would not hide

but there you go and you left me behind

it makes me weak to think of you

because i know i dont have you

its happened once its happened twice

for some reason fate has rolled its dice

if i let you deep inside i know you will just run and hide

and there ill be all alone

just like they left me from before.

I’ll rip it out and dress it up make it something thats its not, broken shattered on the floor with no hope but only morn a broken promise nevermore whats lost is gone and nothing more.

People buzzing like busy bees

No worries No caution

Just swaying in and out like the trees

They sway and they dance

But never move on

Stuck in one place

with no hope but yet tons

Your stuck in this life

weather you like it or not

So wake up and stop sleeping

through this life

Ive heard it before

not only once

theres nothing to live for

No strive no push

Just find that thing that

Fits with just you

I promise its AMAZING

and i know you WILL make it through.

I feel every scratch

every pricing look

and every drop of blood

daggers fly across from your eyes

could words really stab me like yours do

so many feeling rushing around me like dust

you probe me like i have a thick hust

confusion runs over me

i dont know how to react

but i know you see the scars

scars are pretty to me they all have a story

weather or not you put them there

so show me your skin

let me feel each bump in each hair

lets be romantic

only for it all to fall apart

i wanna see you smile

but i get ignored

i am not that important

you could do with out

god i crave you

in that i have no doubt

Run away from this horrible land  

there is nothing here but this pile of sand

you can sit on it and blow it away

you can make perfect pattern in perfect ways

but no matter how beautiful it all blows away

into another pile for just another day

Your strong they say as i wither away

numb from realty i cant stand to live this way

Confidence is key but in the end it never won

because you are evil

your trouble and i feel it

this battle is never done

Your lips touch mine and we hover

just for a moment things seem fonder

then reality sets in and i wonder

why do i do this as he cuddles me closer

trapped in a fantasy that will never come true

you silly girl

why would it for you?

I toss and i turn for my cold thoughts can hurt

frost bit and hot water its never my turn

you have made her yours

but nothings so sweet

and am only and idea

or maybe a play thing

softly i hold you your skin against mine

its great in the moment lets just stay frozen in time

i want to let go

but you give me no options

i have to stay strong

for my walls are made of copper

She promises she wont fall

because the fear is to strong to let down such walls

she touchers her mind with thing that could

but in reality understand that impulse will be misunderstood

for she stabs and she fights because she know that she should

the wounds will heal to scars but the memories are as strong as wood

cold used to pierce her skin in the night

but she's grown numb to the world

for now she is a prisoner and must fight.

“I like you” he whispers as we lay intertwined

the touch of he skin and the way he touches my thigh

the corners of my mouth curl up to the sides

My fingers slide along your skin like the wave of the tide

your goosebumps raise as I trail your sides

tho goosebumps are mine and whats yours is mine.

Almost seeming inside out she ponders

for her lips against his makes her mind wonder

for the longing of the touch makes things fonder but

she wonders for things make her somber.

Painting my face with the salt of my fears

lips tremble with hatred

i cant love

for i am broken

my hearts strings have fallen to the depths

you play them but they don’t make a sound

the silence is deadly

i want nothing to do with it

why waste my breath on the fact that i cant

i am broken

i am shattered

with no pieces

scattered with no place

drowning in an endless desert of self loathing

Addictive

you linger like a drug in my vain’s

your touch is my ecstasy

your breath my ******  

Your words are narcotic

with a bitter sweet taste

my heart is on speed

when i look at your face

Addictive

you are right down to the bone

ill want you ill need you

till its time to go home

your touch is my ecstasy

your breath my ******

your words are narcotic

and you are my tonic.