Sometimes I feel like nothing is right
Like there isn’t really a reason to fight
When it gets real bad I think that I might
Live and breathe for my final night.

These demons I resist but I’m getting weak
Their strength still grows reaching its peak
I feel like it’s my death that they seek
Urging me of them never to speak

“Don’t tell them that, they won’t understand
What it’s like to be dealt this terrible hand
Drifting through life seeing everything bland
Fighting each moment this pain to withstand”

“Just give in, it’ll never go away
Even if it does it’ll come back some day
You’ve tried to win but never found a way
To ease the pain with your life you’ll pay”

These are the thoughts that drift around
In my head they continually pound
Forcing me to chamber the round
That ends it all with a deafening sound

They tell me i'm crazy
That i'm a danger to myself
I won't do it again I promise them
No one listens

I'm taken to the hospital
They give me medicine and tell me to stay still
I do as they ask
But I wonder what I did to deserve this

They give me new clothes, scrubs, as some would call them
They show me to my room and I meet my roommate
He gets out in a day
I won't be so lucky

Its night time
I met everyone in the facility
No one ever shows a happy face
No one ever offers me love

I'm lying in bed
I notice how safe everything is
The beds made of plastic, rounded edges
I stare at the ceiling

I eventually fall asleep
I don't know what I was thinking to do so
But I was sound asleep
I dream of the last couple of days

I'm hanging out with my friends
They were never the nicest people
They gave me death threats
Told me to **** myself

One day they got to me
I had lost all hope of a future
So I found my ADHD medicine
And took every last pill

My parents found me the next day
Lying in bed, dazed and confused
I could barely move a muscle
So they called 911

I wake up and find myself in the hospital
I'm crying uncontrollably
My roommate looks at me and walks away
Why does no one care?

I get out of bed
I brush my teeth
They take my pulse
I eat my breakfast

They have a boring activity for us to do
Coloring children's books
They even bring the stress of your homework
Up into the hospital

The only "fun" thing we do
I when they bring us to the indoor track
I walk around the track and I meet a girl younger than me
She is bisexual just like me

We get along well and I thought for once i had an actual friend
But later I come to find out
That after you get out
Your not allowed to talk to them again

So everyday that gets closer to getting out I dread
Because it just means i'm closer and closer
To never seeing her face again
And losing the only real friend I have

The day finally comes
The doctors come and talk with me
They ask if I believe i'm ready to leave
I lie

I tell them I think i'm ready
I pack my clothes up
I brush my teeth one last time
And I go to say goodbye

But right when I look in her room
I see her smiling
Shes talking to her new roommate
I want to hug her

But we aren't allowed physical contact
So I turn around
And I leave
And I never come back

The feeling when I relapse
As though I have to start over again
Right back to the beginning
When I was so much closer to the end
Depression is like fighting a demon
That regenerates every time
Sometimes it takes longer
I start to think everything is fine
As I get stronger, it also gets stronger
But then I fail to catch up
So then when it gets stronger
Whatever I do doesn't seem enough
The demon then consumes me
So I submit to gather my strength
Through tears and mental perseverance
I escape to battle it again