You deserved to feel safe
and i'm sorry the pressure to be more
Will always be crazy and cruel
And I wish I had saved you,
Being young was meant to be all fun and games
Not torture and pain
And i'm sorry it took so long
To start fixing us up
We fantasied about a better place
One with love and smiles
not bruises and cuts,
Scary ex's and nightmares
We've always had to be strong
and plan for definite futures
Someday we meet someone with a heart of gold
and loose them to our fears
Don't be afraid of the good
It keeps us safe and not our fears

I don't need to be a friend, foe or stranger
Peering into the lives of others
Lurking in shadows like some danger
I know my presence stirs trouble
If they ask who I am or what we do
The truth isn't the whole truth, we cuddle
Kiss, touch, satisfy but can't justify
They will know the whole truth
Because I can't hide it from my face
When I look at you, that is the truth
Friends do not act, talk or greet like us
Shameless I am to indulge in an us

Was this a flame or a short fling
That catches on quick
And sets you on fire

Heaven or hell, I couldn't tell
Because I was foolish enough to never doubt it
But falling feels a lot like dying
In that the world is numb to you
And your life before fades away

I have myself to blame
For the hot and cold passes
The long nights waiting on you
The short time we spent together
I have myself to blame
You never loved me

Like cat and mouse we fooled around
Until I was fully consumed in you
Then I was nothing
And she meant everything
her your girlfriend
That's what you called her
You never called me that
And I blame myself

I wish you were there and you weren't
And I wish and wished for what I wanted but I never got it
It's not funny at all how things can be unfair
But we're taught that's just how things are

It's not the spilt milk that once was worth crying over
It's the heartache after heartache that has us closer to the edge
I can see it now
One big leap and we'll be there
And the fear doesn't creep up and scare me anymore
Because now I welcome it unlike before
To sweep me away from this terrible fright of a life
Because I don't want to be alone anymore

I tried you know
To pick myself up and walk it off
But I only headed towards the cliff
And then nobody liked me walking it off
And told me to **** it up
So I did

I ****** through a straw a bottle of bleach to go with the pills
But sadly not even that helped at all
So they tied me down in a room with four walls
Not a window to brighten the view
To stick me with needles and feed me through a tube
After that I knew
Nobody cares what I think. Just what I do.

I've glanced at you at every chance
Off car reflections and bathroom walls
I've swirled and danced in front of you
Yet I deny the beauty they see
The face that draws onlookers
And gentlemen callers
I've spent hours hating how you look
picking apart or hating it all
You've seen me cry and smile
More than anyone else has
But I give you hell and talk you down
Have you doubt the sincerity of lovers
Find fault in words of admiration
I'm jealous of what they see in you
Something I don't see
I hate and hate on you everyday but
I've stared and caught glances of you
I want to be what they see in you
I'm indifferent to how they see us

It's all over
This love
This life
Those ambitions
Tonight nothing matters
Just tonight and every night
I want to take a break from this life

Inhaling was suffocation
exhaling meant living
heart racing
mind numbing
it's not wanting to die
if you dont know how to live

stupid girl looking for meaning
in a place with no beginning
hot cold
in and out breaths
and you're not sure where to go next
because you were dead set on an ending
and he was somewhere over there
planning a life of solitude
You scream and fight for a goal
he's already opt out
stupid girl
you were carrying this battle like he was beside you
but didn't you hear
he says he's with you while making you a fool
agrees with you says he'll be with you
then steps on your boundaries
like they weren't there for you

You can stay and keep fighting
but you're a fool to keep going
when you've lost this love
that's not happening again
this ending you were determined to reach
that's not happening
Look around
we're all alone but we don't look it
you weren't alone but you felt alone
there isn't a comfort zone
life doesn't make room for comfort

When I lay in bed
It's your scent
Soaked and washed over me
Your arms like shelter
Keeping the day away
Because lord knows I've needed you
More recently than before
Days spanding into weeks then months
Hunger screaming in my pit
Dark and stormy
Are the skies that hover over
But when I lay
You are there
You are always there
In memories I keep you alive
But outside our bed
Your body is where it's always been
Back at the cemetery
Where I had to say goodbye

Gentle soft uncoordinated lips
Through all seasons
You call upon me
To be kind sweet and mean
When I am gone
Will you still call for me
Or will you share all of you
To someone new
And call on her