hello there
"stand back"
close your eyes
Just relax
we can make this quick and
painless
it'll be fast
its easier
to just hide
live behind a mask and resign
"thats true it it"
"but I want to live"
they will tear you apart
"and you'll just fade me away"
come close
"but at the end of the day"
don't go
it'll only be pain
"I'd rather let them tear me apart, then lose to myself"

theres
still
hope

I looking for your eyes
swimming in the tears you cry
everyday
I never know what to say
because I love you
its hard to know
that you don't love you
how could you not  love you?
now your drowning in your tears
its my worst fear

Roses are beautiful
They are so perfect
so perfect its been crowned
A symbol of love

But what happens when roses wilt
What happens when they drown
And there petals fall
Slowly to the ground

Many Roses have wilted
But many still remain
But for how long?
When will all the roses wilt

When will the tears
Flood the garden
When will everyone realize that roses
The symbol of love

Have thorns
That can cut deep
Roses are dangerous
and many who don't see there beauty

Watch them wilt

I’m a girl in world
thats  filled with sorrow
so I cry and say everyday
"i'll cry again tomorrow"

this world is a nightmare
and drained of hope
so I wake up everyday and say
"really? nope"

its sad to think
that my life is a lie
and that sometimes the only solution
is to cry

but I wake up every morning
and get up, trying not wine
but a voice says
don't cry, its fine

I always say "ok" as a reply
I always want to scream at the voice
because of course it doesn't get it
because unlike me its had a choice

this voice is a thing I can't really explain
because this voice never wines
in this dark world
it shines

even though I hate the voice
when its seems the world is as dark as night
I try not to cry
with all my might

and the voice was smart
because the last thing I expected to go higher
is the shell of the world
that got brighter

maybe the world
isn't as bad as it seems
because when I choose to be happy
people don't seem as mean

I'm sick of love
I'm tired of the crows tearing me apart
and feasting on my heart
instead i seek pain
something to keep my mind stable
because crows are birds
part of nature
they don't realize what they are doing

i'm tired of of being sick
not with the cold or flue -
but love
instead I seek the cold and painful air
to surround me in a suffocating hug

i'm tired of my heart beating fast
no instead i need it to be calm
and steaady
because i have to be ready
in case love calls again
because they aren't ready
they aren't prepared for this

instead pain surrounded me
surround me with my own pain
or maybe yours
because i love the pain
it hurts just as much love

i don't know how to explain it exactly
i'm not fond of the sorrow in your words
but fond of the words you put the sorrow into.

lately all i do is see you cry
its because of me
darling your eyes don't seem as bright
our love wont see the light
your fading

and i all i want is to see you smile
but i know that means i'll have to leave

and for a moment i pause
thinking of what we could be
or should i say
"could've been"
and it hurts
because i don't want to let go
i really dont

but doll your tears
bring out my worst fear
that your sad
mad
not happy
and i cant stand that
because that just not living

i wont keep you chained any longer

all i want is to see you smile
but i know i'll have to leave
because darling

"your better off without me"

I'm supposed to
make you smile
dance
and sing
thats all I will ever be
and yes, it hurts
but I wont ruin the fun
everybody have fun!
make jokes
laugh and sing
your happiness, I'll bring
my tears
you will never see
and I apologize
if you ever see frown
but I'm the oldest one in town
and yet
you all wear the crowns
the mouth behind the task
will never ever make a sound
are you proud?
I hope I made you happy

emotions are just another part of human perception which I can easily change with a little deception

And though my heart will go on forever more my body can not stay ,
I can’t  push it to go further,
it can't venture on anymore any further.
And while some will bow their heads in what the say in rembreant
but all they’ll remember is how she cried all the time.
She was such a bright girl how could she not make it,
and standing next to them is the person who thought they had faked it,
when she just couldn't take it,
and though she tried to replace it all
Push it down where no one could trace it
She couldn't
It stared her in the face
And locked her in place
In the empty streets she called her mind
At this point she knew she was running out of time
But all she could muster was “ I’m fine”
But look at her eyes. Such a nice shade of blue ,
  They look good on the girl who wanted to forget all she knew.
Then there's some who knew she turned to pills and felt no empathy,
just another druggy
She did it herself!
but the girl only had herself and no one else and the pills dulled the pain,
but it's hard to keep up when you feel you're going insane.
She stood out on the balcony one day and thought this was her chance to make the pain go away.  
She didn't know what to say
I mean it her last moment she thought
“I Should have something profound to exclaim”
So she looked straight into the sky
But no one could hear her
So it came out a whisper
all the kids hated her and despised, and they said she was better off dead
and though it hurt, she knew it was wrong
but this a democracy and majority rules
and she looked off to the sky only asking herself why
,but it was to late know she knew, all she could feel was this urge she grew
so she stepped up the banister , it couldn't last.
and with one step it was all gone so fast.
And now shifting eyes on her casket
Tears drippings
Though no one spoke
The silence talked and talked

And in the distance they heard the whisper of the wind
And a shudder down their spine
The wind uttered in their ears
Faint, a beg or cry
A plea
“Could you write a happy ending please”

“Can you write a happy ending please”

“Just a happy ending please”

I'm not sad
I'm not mad
I'm just disappointed

You lie
So your sinner

You don't eat
Your getting thinner

You disappointed me, because you can't focus your state of mind

Well it's time
I've had enough
Get your **** together
Or get out

Don't be a waste of space

Sincerely, your inner self hate

Is dead the new alive?
Because I dead
I know in my heart
Ive died many years ago
That this isn’t real
I’m dead
A ghost to live along the streets
Yet I’m breathing
My hearts beating
Yet where am I
Im lost
Dead
And its going to stay that way
But I’m here
Theres a new “Me”
The original lost 10 years ago
To be replace
By a not so perfect clone

i wanna be numb
i'm falling back
so i pop some pills
and wallow in my own self pity
i know its bad
but i do it anyway
i think that the worst part is

i don't care

i feel cold
i feel like i'm stuck in a hole
i feel like i'm dying
wait- no i feel something different
a yearn, a want
a plead for death
its my fault
its all fualt
i feel guilty
when i've done nothing wrong
now they've got me on meds
i don't want to be happy
if i'm not really happy
but instead being ****** over in the head

you believe what you perceive
and perceive based on your beliefs

Im trapped in a world
completely fake
but hey, its a pretty place
with oceans fars the eye can see
but there to many people drowning
screaming, frowning
I guess not all of us can swim
or there being pulled down from sin
want as much as you can take
I only wish this world was really fake
six feet below the ground
its our fate
wish this was fake
but hey lets have a happy
unhappy playdate
sit on the beach
building our castles
just for the ocean to knock it down
I guess the sharks
wear the crown

They are performing on a tilted stage
Watch their eyes filled with rage
Smile as they draw their sword
They lose it all, they are no more
I refuse to wear your mask
And follow out your simple task
So I'm ending the scene
The play is over
The play is done
Now I say its time to run
Tell me who has really won?

puase
did you hear that?
its the sound of hundreds
maybe thousands
silently screaming

sometimes i get the realization
a shift
that life is ok
so i try to take off my mask
so people can see me
and i pull on the mask
i tug
i pull
i scratch at it
but it won't work
thats when i realize
its stuck

i'm stuck

to whom it may concern,

my name is care
and yes it hurt
yes it burned
my heart felt apart
but thats a different story
i don't want this poem to get gory
after all making this decision
deserves no glory
i don't want people to blame themselves
because my downfall was that i couldn't improve
that i couldn't give everything to you
and like i said
it hurt
so i tried being numb
and looking back on it now
it was so dumb
i popped pills and cried
i needed hope
i didn't want to die
but to whom it may concern
i wont
i'll fight
even though it hurts
even if it burns

i'm bold
i move fast
i'm hard to track
my hearts cold
basically ice
my soul
sold
my face?
cracked and shaded
a smile
a mask
and i hope that one day at last
that i'll simmer
slow down
hang out
love properly
be free
and the glue that hold this monstrosity to my face
forcing me to be fake
will fade
now that would be the day
i am
would be
me

its nice to dream

Once a beautiful thing
Left to rot
the silver lining
Made of gold
Weighed and sold
To this unlucky soul
As this garden grows
So does the unknown
These roses are wilting
Will you cry
Enough tears to end the brought
Or will they suffer and drown
It's how we look
Not what we think
Dance a lonely waltz with me
Forget the decaying
as they walk around us
Such lovely things
As they scream
Pulling us down
we sleep in our graves
Never knowing what to think
As we walk
In this garden
Grass growing
Unkempt
Unfiltered
Emotion
look around
This white fence
Trapped
Its tense
What’s left
As these apples grow
Sin and ignorant bliss
Let's leave it all
There’s weeds in this garden
Keeping my feet in place
Take it away
Fill it with pesticides
it burns yours eyes
But don't you cry
This garden
Say goodbye
It's time these flowers die
These roses wilt
There's nothing we can do
Leave it behind
Leave their toxic
Thorns
To decay
That's the price they pay

i didn't mind that you were hurt
i didn't mind that you were broken
covered with cracks
on your porcelain skin
it was shiny and beautiful
but just so thin
i didn't mind your demons
i really didn't
in fact
i invited them to try to take me down with you
i wanted to help you
you were close
so close to perfection
perfection
but instead i think i tied them into a noose
but darling, which one of us does it hang over?

I'm way up high
looking at the sky
you say I shouldn't be here
"the suns beading down on you"
its too bright
but your wrong
the sun is shinning on you
why'll I make new
I am the sun
I'm bright
I just wanna
shine up your life

you said somethings you wish you didn't say
but your apologies
don't take away our pain
not wanting to admit
that you were cruel
who would admit to being cruel?
so like a 6 year old trying to shift the blame
"Rage did it, Rage did it", you exclaim!
unfortunately our feelings aren't a game