i'm sitting there gasping for air

looking and searching for someone to care

but at the same time i build a wall around myself

too  lost in my mind

knowing that sometimes

my body

isn't mine

i build a wall to, embarrassed for others to see

to worried about my job

of making everyone happy

but i can do it

i can sacrifice myself

my mind

my soul

i can stop gasping for air

because even if it isn't fair

i'll put your feelings

and state of mind

do you like my work, well read one of my latest works at
https://cosmofunnel.com/poems/what-did-you-expect-173145

I hope you like it!

I'm back
finally at last
i look around me
dull faces once more
"join us"
now i have to run away

i'm sorry

one one cares about girl no one knows
but no one knows her, because no one cares

sewing my arms shut
from emotional blood spilling out
only to cut through it
i couldn't do it

those words you uttered were
cold and bold
yet they wrapped around me
like a comforting hug
and i could feel the stories that could be told by those simple words
what stories they start
what tales they could end
those words you uttered
loving and warm
have left my heart torn

" i love you"

She never really knew what to think
But she learned fast
That everything she loved
Could be gone in a blink

She found misery love
And beauty in misery
And it was hard
She thought she was crazy
And maybe she was
Maybe

But she didnt mind
Yes the thought scared her
But she tried not to care
After all, these days
sanity
True sanity
Is scarce

She waked outside
Notebook in hand
Pencil in the other
She walked to the edge of  the road
Sat on rock
Sat and thought


Thought of wonderful words
Terrible words
Any words
Every word

Then she saw an ant
Limping
Probably stepped on by a person
People don't care

She stared at it and cried

I know they don't care, and now you have to pay
The ant limped some more
So she sat there and stared
for the rest of the day

She told the ant
Existence is pain sometimes
I dont what to do
And maybe I can't end my pain
But ill try to stay strong
Just for you

More hours past
She named it gubber
At first she called it alex
But this name was funner

Gubber I can't stand to watch this any longer
She picked up a rock and said
I'm sorry
I really am
But i can't watch  you die slowly
I won't let anyone watch you die slowy

Existence is pain
And I know its true
I feel pain and so do you
But your pain is worse

She picked up the rock
Took a small swing

1
2
3
4
5

Id rather put you out of our misery
Then see you in pain

when you really think about it
in the modern age
being dead
is the same as being alive

i flinch at thunder
but after theres always lightning
A bright wonderful light
Then it fades into the night

Thunder and lightning
Part of storm
Just  like love
Its frightening at first
But then it gets better
Still scary but oh so-
Beautiful~

i'm not blaming the world
for this
THIS
this for my wrong doings
my lying
my..flaws
its not your fault world,
i was just born the a distorted view
of human perception

One wrong move
One last sigh
Look for answer
But no one replies

Yes , this was all a lie
Now go on
Run and hide
And scream at me
Oh how I wish you would die

Well don’t worry ,darling we all die eventually
Its inevitable
So I embrace it

Your a monster
You made me feel things
You made me happy

I know

Thats why I did it
This is sick and twisted game
The game I wish I could stop
And unplug it from my head

Im sorry friend
Im a master at mind games
And sadly as I suspected

You lost

i'm screaming to myself that i'm worthless

my mind is being
                                    t
                      o                     r
                                                       n
apart
apart at the seams
leaving only nightmares and unsettling dreams
and yet i still cradle what little sanity i have left
and whisper to it that is will be ok

how can i be gently screaming?

Was I first?
Second?
Third?
How many others have you hurt?
How many other voices
We're not heard?
How many many are dead?
You played with our heads
What a way to start
But were gonna tear you apart
The monsters you made were human
But we are no way
humane
now
see how many more you can tame

Legend has it that most can’t breathe
Legend has that the blind have more to see
As we’re walking, into the dark sea
Just keep walking
Grey water up to the knees
Bright sky
No clouds to be seen
Shine in the sky
Or be buried below
Left to rot
Know one will know
Curious how the moral goes
Nobody knew
Nobody knows
But have you heard our story?
As the pages turn
The more we learn
Love
Hope
Prosperities
Whistle up a tone
Our hands sing
what will they bring
Bright lights
Our garden
Bright beautiful
But have you heard the story
Of the very
Very few
Not many knew
What to do
We learned
All you have to do is breathe
If these thorns hurt
Burn it
Better then to learn it

i give people 100% of myself

and yet i in return only receive 10% of you

the glass is not even half full

but then i tipped

i tipped way over the edge

congratulations

you broken the

unbreakable

and you've said

the un speakable

why when i'm surrounded by people

who love me

do i feel so ******* lonely

i cant control my emotions

but i can control how they are portrayed

i made a promise to always be happy

and i will be

but know

behind every smile

is a broken

lunatic

who will stop at nothing

perfect, to be completely  desirable every aspect

i never believed in perfection

i never saw anyone as completely

utterly

amazing and

flawless

but then i met you

maybe i'm just going crazy but you truly are

perfect

and maybe perfect isn't just classified as " desirable in every aspect"

because perfection is different to everyone

and to me, your the new definition of it

The seeing eye

Will deny thy of any right

The seeing eye in the sky

Will never be broken

The seeing eye is me

The path that you have chosen

The seeing eye only see the truth

And any lie

Will only destroy thy

Who wishes to lie

And then and only then

Will the seeing eye die

So I the seeing eye

The eye that will never be broken

The path that you has chosen

Sees you with a sin

Your eyes will dim

and so will the pain

you've caused within

I’ll still miss you
After all you really were
A first love
But I realize now
There’s nothing I could’ve done

I try to put on my headphones
To shut out the  world
But it only reminds me you
All over again
Every song feel’s like
Your favorite tune

My love was  only built for you
And only you
That’s the saddest part,

I can’t forget you….I won’t forget you

I fell in love with your words
Your thoughts
I fell in love with a screen
What exactly does this mean?

Well ive a waited
Thinking long  and hard
And I think
ive finally returned

I'm going to open up with you

to me you became water
For your smooth
Flowing and eternal
Now I need you
Just to survive in this desert we call life

Filled with so much energy
even though these past few weeks
all I've done is cry
and hopelessly wonder why
how things got so bad
so quick
but I'm bouncing around
being loud
I couldn't move my body
but now I cant stand still
every things moving fast
I can't stop
I've got so much to say
somebody got a debt to pay
and when my mind
finally sleeps
I'm asking myself what happened to that energy

hope and fear come hand in hand.
one will be non-existent without the other

look i don't deserve the smiles i get
you all think i'm a great person
why?
because thank god
my secrets aren't out there for you to see