Before we begin our story
There's something I need to confess
It's this thing I do
I smoke cigars, that's what I do

Does it make me less girly?
I don't think so.
Does it make me less ****?
I really don't think so.

The issue is the taste
The taste given to my kisses
Maybe not to attractive
Maybe not as fresh

But I like cigars, I really do.
So, let me brush my teeth
And now, c'mon, get closer
I have a kiss waiting for your lips

Nobody said something
Many came into her life
The words of others were empty
He had the correct ones

I Love You like you are
No need to change a thing
He said while holding her
Few tears then appeared

His hand hold her chin
Her hand caressed his hair
This was too fast
and right at the same time

Let the time tell the story
Of two who have not met
Who believe in God so deep
and pray day by day.

Anything is everything
Day In and Night Out

Right here in this moment
Instead of apart

Exchanging deep whispers
Loving our touch

Forgetting the hours
Reacting with kisses

Instead of strangers
Growing as lovers

Lingering moments
Affirming we should be one.

There is something in his smile
            maybe those tiny teeth
                  or just his pink lips

But he got me at Mom
         with his tiny sweet voice
                he was just months old

And I'm needing him daily
       his tiny hand holding mine
               telling me I love you
                
Can you believe me?
        My son, my baby, my life
                My everything, cutie pie

My tiny blessing.

She smiled
She made us laugh
She blessed us
And then
She went to the Lord

I love you to the Moon...

I think I want to stay there

...
...
...

Let's go.

Can we go back there?

Can we pretend there are no problems?

Can we lay down and close our eyes?

Can we hold hands and fall in love again?

What you want
What I want
Our desires.
What you can
What I will
What we should.
What you need
What I need
Endless Love.

Between the lines
Of the evening news
Sadness spreading
Attacks, earthquake
Fire and accidents

This can’t be my Home
Let us pray together
I wish this to end
Going back to loving us
And caring about Mother Earth

If you see I need help,
Don’t ask me
Just help me

If you see I’m sad
Don’t ask me
Just hug me

If you see I’m tired
Don’t ask me
Just stay by my side

If you know I love you
Don’t ignore me
Just love me back

This is a promise;
And making to myself.
It’s not a New Year’s resolution,
But a new way to live.

I know that you love me,
More like you care.
Sadly, the passion is gone,
A man is not there.

I just got tired
Of looking for you
To ask you to love me
To tell you “I’m here.”

And now I feel naked,
But only inside,
No passion, no feelings,
Just thoughts of my life.

And this is my promise
To avoid looking for you
Stay with yourself
Just leave me alone.

The desire I’m feeling
With time should disappear
You left me in coldness
You did it, you’re free

‪“I’m not going anywhere,”  he promised her last night.‬

‪But she had already left weeks before.‬

We had been together
For a decade or so
The struggles began
With your first "no."

No time for a hug
Much less for a kiss
You just wanted more.
Money, that is.

Our life was so simple
I loved it that way
Details were fading
and secrets appeared

"I'm staying a bit later,
you know how to work it is."
I didn't have any doubts
I believed you, I did.

Withdrawal some money
No reasons explained
You seem happy
while not being with me

You hated explaining
"I can do what I want."
As a wife I was ready
But the husband was not

The papers are ready
My hand holds the pen
What started with lies
Ends with my name.

The One
That I should Love
         I Don’t.

The One
I shouldn’t Love
         I Do.

In a world of imperfections
When she was supposed to walk
She decided to stop listening
And she said
“I will just crawl.”

Nobody understood her motives
Not a soul wanted to ask
She felt safe in her habitat
Surrounded by her dreams
Embracing her own thoughts

Who could understand her?
Who could make her grow?
A boy with a face of an angel
Met her and felt in love
Her heart started beating
She wanted to run

It was then she started walking
The love she felt made her stronger
The boy, by her side, was hoping
She would run and follow him
To another place... no wonder!

Love is so magical
Love is miraculous
She started to run,
Reaching the boy’s hand
Feeling their heart becoming one

In this world of imperfections
She found a boy she wasn’t looking for
Crawling and running for love
No one could believe it,
She was missing her true love

As a new day approaches
They decided to fly away
Because the world they made together
It was perfect in every way.

After a long day,
To have you in my arms,
To kiss your cheek,
To tell you I Love You,
It’s the best of Today

Why do I think of you
Like if you were part of my present
Why do I keep hoping to hear from you
Pretending we have a life together
I fell in love
... such a teenage feeling.
And it totally feels like a prison
A place where I hold the key and the lock
Because I’m the jailer
And the prisoner
No calls from you
Zero text messages
Checking my e-mail
... Nothing there
Maybe I’m guilty of loving a ghost
A memory of what I wanted you to be
And since I believed the first tale
Plus hundred more
Let me continue this chapter
Where you are my present, and my life...
I’m here... please, come,
Are you the one knocking on my door?

How can I miss you
If I don’t know you

It’s a deep emptiness
That I can’t hug you

I feel this desire, I’m anxious,
To tell you “I Love You.”

To touch your skin
To have you close to me

Somehow I’ll meet you
Someday I’ll kiss you

And while you’re still a stranger
I still love you and need you.

The heart is, no doubt,
An awkward place to grow.

It’s funny
How the World moves
When I used
To think about you

I was always smiling

But now,
After you left me
Every time
You come to my mind

I get this deep pain

How is this possible?
You were supposed

To be my happiness

You don’t exist anymore
You are not part of my life
Funny stupid feeling
Because in my mind

We are still in love

This day is the day
To start healing
To make you my past
Not to hate you

I just need the pain to end.

You were perfect
But my imperfections were too much to handle for you.

You were perfect
But now I am working in making you a sweet memory.

You were perfect
But now I’m back to square one... trying to put myself together.

You were perfect
But my imperfections are still here and have become my worst enemy.

Love is a tragedy
A tragedy I accepted to play
To play with you all along
All along I wanted you to stay
To stay by my side forever
Forever doesn’t exist
Exits in my mind, no doubt,
No doubt I love you still
Still you are no longer here
Here where I feel so alone
So alone my heart no longer beats
Beats only to love
Love is a tragedy

I like your accent

I like your nose

I want to get you

Under my clothes.

The way people see me
How they judge who I am
I know they think I’m perfect
Because I never complain

That’s my daily issue
Keep that smile in my face
Wear a mask they can’t see
Let’s pretend I’m okay

I better don’t higher my voice
Oh no! They would be scare
And you don’t want that
You’re perfect... do you understand?

If I’m talking, they don’t listen
If they’re talking, well... answer them
Because you need to be stronger
Not for you, only for them

Their wants, their needs, their care.
Don’t exist, but keep living
Smile, walk, talk... pretend.
I can do it. I know I can.

So, I’ll keep on moving
Trying to fit inside their head
But knowing that I’m imperfect
It’s my real treasure yet.

She decided to cut all those things that made her sad.
That boy with the beautiful face who made her happy.
She said goodbye to him.

That friend with the amazing smile who made her happy.
She said goodbye to her.

That person who she taught can love her as she is.
She deleted his number.

That woman who was always asking for her.
She unfriend her on Facebook.

She started to hate the ties.
Forced not be be herself.

She found the courage to cut the leash
Now she's lonely, but breaths better again.

I knew about you
because of the news

You were 2-yrs old
It was a happy day
Was supposed to be
A wonderful Disney trip

I couldn't stop thinking
I just couldn't

I felt so bad
I felt so much pain

Your body grabbed
by an animal
Your parents crying
the World praying

Why?
Why God?
I know I shouldn't ask you

The World is still praying
for the parents who lost a child

I'm trying to accept this lost

I didn't know you

But it bothers me

You were 2-yrs old.

I AM
Not trying
I AM
Living

I AM
Not forgetting
I AM
learning

And all of the sudden I'm happy
I don't wish to disappear anymore
Some thoughts still follow me
it feels like an ugly dress I wore
The air used to feel so heavy
almost feeling lost in a corridor

And all of the sudden I'm jumping
bringing fresh air to my lungs
Indeed closing wounds each week
even those of when I was young

And all of the sudden I'm singing
praise and joy for the Lord
I stopped those thoughts of sickness
I'm not in the mood to be bored
Life is too short not to live it
So I decided to go out and explore

And all of the sudden I'm loving...
loving myself and the ones around me
Not only expecting, but giving...
giving myself encouraging words
accepting what I can do and don't

I'll keep writing this story
sometimes lines will come out sad
some others won't
But today I'm living the hour
Being happy
Keep on jumping
Always singing
Endless loving.

¿Has llegado a sentir la necesidad
de regresar en el tiempo?
¿De haberte callado la boca?
¿De haber detenido tus dedos
sobre el teclado?
En la era donde se escribe
antes que hablar
antes de pensar
antes de analizar…
Quisiera poder regresar el tiempo
Haberme callado la boca
Haber detenido mis dedos
sobre el teclado.
El corazón no piensa
… pero las vísceras sí
El cerebro se hace esclavo
de corajes y ansiedades.
Un día después de la tormenta
se regresa al punto cero
y aunque no se regresa el tiempo
espero mañana
… ante una nueva prueba
Callar mi boca
Y detener mis dedos sobre el teclado.

no
no quiero este dolor
se lo regalo a quien lo quiera

no
la vida deja de ser bella
me quiebra tu partida

recién hablé contigo
tu voz era apagada
pero hablaste de fe y esperanza

no
no acepto esto
mi mente lo rechaza

recuerdos
es necesario rezar
pero siento ansiedad

como lo haré?
no volveré a verte
escucharte hablar

no
parece un mal sueno
perdí a mi hermano

obituario con tu nombre
es imposible no llorar
- aunque lo intente

te amo, amigo...
te abrazo desde aquí

----
*A mi mejor amigo, David Ríos Arias, quien falleciera la manana del jueves 7 de abril del 2016. El cáncer gano la batalla)

I wish I knew.
I remember when the doctor told me you were inside of me.
It's the same second I started loving you.
It's the moment when I felt a new kind of love.

But,
I wish I knew.
I am still not prepare to see you feeling ill.
My heart pounds so fast and my brain can't think.

I wish I knew.
That I would miss your mess all around the house.
That I would love to hear your voice asking me to play.
That I would regret those times when I said "Please, just wait."

I wish I knew.
Because it doesn't matter if I am well or sick.
I wish it was always me, and not you.

It is true, God gave me the opportunity to be your Mom,
And with it the willingness to give my life for you.

I wish I knew.
Not because I would love you different,
but I think I might suffer less.
Still, if my pain makes you feel better
then, I am ready. Even thought I didn't know.

There was a time
when thinking about you
would make me smile.

Those were the days
of laughing and sharing
hope and photos everyday

But it was one morning
when clouds stepped between us
and we went separate ways

My present started to change
Not anymore I was crying
I was able to make new friends

Spring changed into Summer
Summer into Autumn
and I saw you from far away

We talked and we laughed
You were still part of my life
"I really missed you, my friend"

Years passed by and, indeed
everything seems to be okay.
But no...  the clouds were still there

This is really sad to say
some friends are made of air
they come and go, but don't stay

The things you wrote
the feelings you don't explain
that emptiness that won't go away

Delete, delete, delete
Don't want to feel like this again
Tears better wait for another day

Now I am making you part of my past
and, maybe you won't believe me
The good parts will stay there

Cutting the roots is easy to say
Know that I believed you
But I will move on once again

Friendship shouldn't be measure
By texts or searching or calls made
but for love and caring...
and just being there

So, good bye I say
Won't have you back in my life
not anymore... not ever again.

You provide me the balance
Which sometimes I need
Don't asking question
Just being there it will fit

You have the power
To bring a smile
Even to my eyes
If you hear them cry

While I expect from someone
To be the one who cares
I get your messages
And suddenly is a better day

It seems impossible,
I know it is... That we are not falling
Is just this need

To feel secure, to dream and dream
To pray to God
That we're still here

With our true love ones
With she or he
Putting our hearts together
For the sake to live

But in the meantime
Your princess I will be
Because you bring the balance
That my heart needs.

(Dec. 1 2015)

When you're home
You're not at home

When the house is full
I hear no sound

If I can't sleep is just a weakness
Of feeling helpless
For being alone

You're hugs are empty
The approach doesn't exist

A kiss has to be stolen
Cause you're not here

I won't change your mind
... I actually don't pretend to

But I thought love was empathic
I thought you love me more than I do

Why you thought me not to be myself?
Why do I learned to talk back, if you don't care?

I need to breath
But you're my air

And sadly is true
- I need to say

That, when you're home
You're not at home

(November 27, 2015)

En qué momento cerramos los ojos,
Y la dejamos sola.

Niña criando niñ@.
Permitió el robo de la inocencia,
Deseó cariño con tiempo anticipado.

Viene en camino,
Una nueva vida se está formando,
Inocente criatura a la que siento que amo.

Un pasado que no cambia,
El futuro que se observa incierto,
Fortaleza en oración para ella y su vientre.

Hoy abrimos los ojos,
Estás aquí pequeñ@
Formándote día a día.

Una madre sin palabras,
Una abuela con dudas,
Una niña inquieta y sin respuestas.

Cuál es la verdad?
Pequeño ser viene en camino
Te damos nuestros brazos y recibimos.