How can you do this to me,
I’ve spent years waiting,
aching,
Disintegrating from the inside,
I compare everyone to you,
The way your touch,
Soothed the pain,
Throughout my body,
Wrapping your arms around me,
And holding me,
Like I would fly away,
If you loosened your grip,
Even slightly,
And now I beg you to see me,
When you used to say,
That you would never leave me,
I don’t know what to do,
I hold on so tightly,
To you,
But you don’t know what you want,
And I’m waiting for months on end,
Just to see your face again,
And every body I touched,
Meant nothing to me,
And you’ve moved,
On, and on, and on, and on,
While I dread the thought,
Of ever loving someone else,
It makes the world around me quake,
But I’m in so much pain,
And I think I have to acknowledge,
That I’m waiting in vain,
Four years,
Of not letting go,
It’s time to,
Finally,
Let myself grow.

Sometimes,
I spend entire days,
Wondering why,
I can’t retreat,
Into the dark night,
Leaving the pain,
Of the physical plane,
And losing,
This sense of,
Fear.
Other days,
I see the beauty,
In the sky,
And I don’t,
Have to find,
A reason why,
I want to,
Survive.

I know that you feel the weight of it,
You say it doesn’t hurt anymore,
But you’re afraid of it,
To get too close,
To feel the way,
I made you ache before.

I know why you wouldn’t see me.

I'm afraid,
That you're gonna see,
The way I feel,
I want to just leave it be,
But you open me up,
In ways that you don't see,
I'm encumbered by feelings,
I can't accept,
I guess I'll be leaving you,
Filled with regret.

I slip up,
(from time to time)
and I still find,
you on my mind.