I'm all too used to the touch of your absence.  Your mother's wrath in that time can be a death sentence so tragic.  But when you come back, Demeter returns to her senses expressing light magic.   Life springs through the darkness, and flowers race to see who can reach the farthest.  Lovers emerge to nurture their gardens, and soak in sun to thaw out the hearts that hardened.  Birds sing songs highlighting your arrival.  Trees breathe easy seeing what their last set of leaves died for..
Yet when you retreat, mother again takes away her warmth.  The high-flyers no longer soar, and some paths feel too bitter to explore.  Bone-chill zones, a frozen reality stream.  I can't blame anyone for what's a part of me, as we fall into winter's annual dream.
Queen of the Underworld, I appreciate your harmony.  Thank you for teaching me to see the depths of my own duality.  Still, I can't help but wonder how existence would be had you not eaten those pomegranate seeds.  In the darkness of winter I want to curse Hades for his greedy need to leach on life through trickery.  Though to curse him I'd be cursing myself and ive had it with the blasphemy.  Besides I too know what it's like to rely on the dead as your only company.  I ride ebbs and flows of loss and hope, but I know your presence promotes healing.  So again I'll remain as the seasons change, taking layers and peeling.  I've found in light and dark we can succeed in setting our bound spirits free.  Communicator of both worlds, I want to Thank and honor you, Persephone~

This is me now, coming forth from the clouds.  Recharging in silence, fully-powered I follow sounds.  Taking on a new form - had to once I outgrew the space allowed.  I've truly bloomed since my heart was locked in the dark and hostile underground.
Hades once hated me but never tried to vanquish me.  He tried to force nightmares on his subjects that I would replace with sweet dreams.  His ears would steam from not understanding.  I found the key, and my heart was released. I broke free and floated away with Persephone, happily.  Be wary of intentions behind the pomegranate seeds.  Listen to your heart, that beat lead me to where I needed to be.  True story.
Happy Eleven11

It's those deep-thought induced conversations that bring forth realizations
As to what we're about. and why we're here.  
There can be clarity for some, while many have yet to see it clear-ly.
What's charity for some, in others may produce fear.
If you can hear me, you may know that I've been embedded in a web of silk thread.  
We all are, just labeled differently, accustomed to the various personalities under which we're bred.  
Don't let it mess with your head, but we've been mislead, about what is the vital pulse of this existence.  
You can realize what's toxic, and what's pure in the matter of an instance.  

Before you spew out your sentence,
Make sure you thought it through, and drew out a map of where you intend it to lead.  
No one single person walks into a fight expecting to bleed. 
They've been deceived by a culture based on immediate reaction,
Forming a faction of those who never grow to fully develop their souls to gain full control,
Over their lives.  
Simple words, some that should be left unheard, can hurt worse than knives.  
Thoughtlessly responding to actions is just like ingesting an unknown, and jagged little pill.  
You know nothing of the repercussions, but as the grains of sand pile up, you soon will.  
Believe it or not you can get to your mental destination faster once you learn to sit still.  
So, respond by applying conscious thought to your will,
Ultimately creating a new canvas in which your creativity can spill.  

Perfection is an eyedea,
And forever happened yesterday.
We're the perceived seeds of Gaea,
Equal composers of this magnificent screenplay.

This plane gives us no manual, and no time to rehearse.  
I spent a long time in the lions den, only to find that I must tame me first.  
When I would sting everything, it poisoned my own insides.  
Held on too tight with my claws when I should've just paused, to gain some insight.  
Instinctively we have adopted the means of fight or flight.  
Just make sure actions taken will be those that lead away from spite.  

In your beating *****, the tempo will eventually cease.  
Listen to it's wisdom in order to unwind, release,
Be at peace and defeat the foolish person that sometimes controls your mind.  
It's in this moment that we take off the shades that have kept us blind.  
When your days grow into night, you alone can be the light that shines,
And reminds the world that there are things far more important.
Even measuring the probability of being alive leaves us more than fortunate.  

Warming yourself radiates across what can be known as a cold planet.  
Every single moment I believe, happens for a reason,
Even though it may not be as you planned it.  
A person's karma is what you're presented with, while yours is your response.  
Slowly we're intertwining and aligning; now let's raise a new-age renaissance!
It's up to us to detox ourselves of all of the mind's pollution.  
Close your eyes and ascend to the skies for the Consciousness Revolution.

There's an elephant with a fire poker on a magic carpet.  There was something about this typical scene that made me not want to part it.  I jumped aboard, he put his trunk around me, laughed and said, "Hello friend!"  I was bewildered as to would become of this journey, but I already wished it'd never end.  
         I asked the 'phant where we were going, and if there was a fire to poke.  He told me, "Ryno, we're to save a sacred city before it all goes up in smoke.  My name's Vishwah, and the city of Ramthew has been my home since birth for many many years.  Unfortunately this thriving place seems to now be consumed by tears.  LaChunga's an evil man that's recently taken over; a vicious tool with relentless rule.  He's hurting all with no discrimination, and that just isn't cool.  This is why I've been searching for someone to come to our city's aid.  I just fear there's not much time before the hope starts to completely fade."  Inspired I jumped up, he yelled, "Sit down!  You surely don't want to fall!"  I obliged and said, "We'll talk about seat belts later, either way I'll risk it all."
         He sensed that the time was right and swooped down into the town.  After seeing the drained expressions on various faces I couldn't wait to face the clown!  I said that I wanted a weapon to teach him a lesson, 'cuz I'm not much of a choker.  Immediately he said, "This is for you," and presented a different fire poker.  I've never felt more prepared to fight a battle for a city, and serve up some similar medicine to the man that knows no pity.
        I gathered some locals together to share the plan I had.  Vishwah & I were to break into the palace that night, though normally I'd consider that bad.  Thankfully they had an elephant entrance in the back of the structure.  Inside we were confronted by a captivating woman, who said she'd help, but I wasn't sure if I could trust her.  Nearby guards, were alarmed, and the girl ran out of the room.  Rear to rear it was the elephant and I, seemingly left to our doom.  Wildly flailing our fire pokers, against the mob we began to push.  Before we knew it we had beaten our adversaries and put an end to the ambush.  
        What followed was a series of hallways and locked doors with uncertainty on where to go.  Then after catching a glimpse of a fire in the distance it seemed,* now we know.  *Just beyond it was a huge circular room with the ruler at his desk.  He stood up as if he knew we were there and said, "This is your final test."  He spoke of knowing all of our plans and capturing almost all involved.  Despite every word he said we knew our plans had not dissolved.  
        He pulled a lever as we grew closer and the floor in front of us had dropped!  He then let out a hearty laugh thinking we've been stopped.  Vishwah and I looked at each other and nodded as he grabbed me with his trunk.  Vish threw me across the gap in the floor and I flew with a lot of *****.  I looked into LaChunga's eyes and he looked as though he didn't know what to feel.   Gazing back into mine I know he could tell **** just got real.  
        Reaching at his side he grabbed out his sword as I charged at him with much discord and we both felt the surge of vibrations as our metals clashed.  I told him, "Punk you can consider yourself a potatoe, 'cuz you're gonna get mashed!"  I swung and whapped him across the face, which seemed to put him in a daze.  But before falling over he splashed my face with a powder and my world had vanished in a haze.
         I eventually came to, to LaChunga's screaming and the girl's beauty in my face.  He was screaming to be let out for she put him in a chain-like embrace.  The floor was back, Vishwah was there, as I was surrounded by a crowd of stares.  The people were free & overcame the strife.  All of the hope had come back to life.  I said, "For now, LaChunga should live out his days getting pies thrown at him at the peoples' discretion.  He will be faced with nothing left to taste and know the true meaning of oppression."
The people were joyous and excited, but wanted me as their king.  I turned to the girl and said, "If you were my queen it'd make my heart sing!"  She blushed and accepted, but I said I'd only rule if all the people were by my side.  After all the cheers and emotions that were felt I said, "Let's all go on a celebratory magic carpet ride, now with seat belts!"

Here's a little story about one of my best friends, and I
We've gone through the lowest of the lows, to the ecstasy peak of highs

It all started during the second half of 12th grade
Immediately a beauty caught my eye, fixated my gaze
Her aura was not normal and I immediately needed to know her name.
It was in that film class, where we set the stage.

I tried to back away, even though it wasn't what I felt in my heart
There was just something about her that struck me right from the start
I knew in her life movie, I wanted to play a part.

Not a supporting actor, not a stagehand.

I wanted that lead role, and so I took a stand
We then embraced our connection, and took on life, hand in hand

There were clashes with the cast around us
Mental strains clogged the drains and caused too much fuss
But we knew enough to build off of what we had, trust.
That and a whole lotta love, thankful for every moment
That I was blessed with this star from above.

But we were young, high-strung, and intoxicated by our surroundings
When we shut it all out, removed all doubt,
Together on a cloud it was no less than astounding.
A future we were founding, shined brighter than sun beams
It's in those fields where life feels better than your dreams.

Existence was constantly testing us, arresting us in prisons that felt so grim
I was fighting a battle against hateful people, one I could not win.
Voices from outside led us astray, to sin
An alcoholic's logic, made me wanna get a bat and swing
But we sparked a new beginning when we dismissed other opinions.

She was my sunshine, and I let her know
We nurtured our beings, continued to grow
Anywhere she wanted me, I would surely go
We never stopped to look back, groovin' with the flow

We never meant any harm
but sometimes had to disarm each other
when the alarms were blaring.
There were occasions that were downright scary,
But peace was found in each others' eyes,
Staring into the depths of one another's soul
We physically held onto each other determined to never let go.
Despite the rain, shine, or snow
We've weathered all weather patterns
Our boat we continued to row

Merrily merrily, wait where are we?

2 hearts, minds, bodies, and souls
Our blissful union had been on a roll
But spending life on a bus, depressed, and sleep-deprived was surely taking it's toll
Got me drinking and thinking there'd be a tomorrow I wouldn't know.
Became resentful with a head full of dreadful hypotheticals
Unto none I could bestow.

Someone drowned in the nearby river
I figured I would join them after a night of abusing my liver
I immediately considered, how I felt during her moments of weakness by the cliffs
I'd've been so hurt emotionally it would seem as if internally I was pummeled by fists
I then put a pen within my grip, now connecting the dots, it led to this.

I once pushed her away, now it was her turn.
I tried holding on too tight constantly watching the bridge burn.
Impending doom filled the room inside my head
Sorrow was now the only one to lay in my bed
Zooming down a road I knew to be a dead end

When the time came, the perfect vision of our future shattered
I still kept fighting for love, but felt it didn't matter
The canvas was torn, the paint was all splattered.
I felt as if it were a sick joke,
Causing my inner demons laughter chasing a happily-ever-after

She would still call on me, whenever I was needed
Like temporary medicine even though I felt that I was bleeding.
Never heeding warnings from friends,
I felt like nothing more than a means to an end.

I lost the two that were closest, but they found each other.
In that fire I was but a scorned lover,
Cast them off my island,
While they didn't know where my life or mind went.
Lived life fast, one could say hell-bent
Then spent a lot of time, with another girl.
Decided this was gonna be my new world.
Although, it was doomed right from the start.
I was this girl's "soul mate"
but she couldn't hold my whole heart.
I tried forcing it, picturing another forever
I hurt us both, my mind is far too clever.
We were both too hurt from the past,
I knew it was a matter of time, it wasn't meant to last.
The concept of hurting someone, I just could not grasp,
2 and a half years sure went fast.

The original girl would sometimes pop in my dreams,
It was never angry but I didn't know what it could mean.
Shortly after the breakup came in girl number three,
We matched, the fun times with glee
Surely we were on a loving spree.

One night it changed, my whole being felt strange.
Inside was a feeling that I just could not tame.
I was at work stuck on a trip down memory lane
Fiery passion was the game
I knew deep inside I needed that again.
Hurt to another came down like rain,
Never intended despite how much I could explain.

I needed to let go of past pains and invite love to stay.

I messaged the girl that was once the brightest star in my solar system
We let our feelings out and again our spirits were in rhythm
It was a new beginning
Even contacted my old best friend n let him know how I missed him.
I again tried to hug her pains away and listened to every word she'd say
Common contact was slowly turning the nights into days
Replaying memories and the talks of forevers with old and new lovers.
We knew once again, that we always had, us.

Memories irreplaceable
I smile when I look out the windowsill
Reminiscing on the old thrills.

Nights spent watching sappy movies alone
while she lay with her head on my chest to the beat of my corazon.  
We once had sanctuary in each other, a home.
So many times I held her with optimism while she cried
Mascara marks on a hoodie of mine have stood the test of time
In her once upon a time was the only place I could confide
Arguments and water balloon fights.
Sneaking around to see each other always felt so right.
Halloweens and the moments in between,
Knowing the grass on the other side wasn't any more green.
Beds that were beyond places of rest,
Places where our cosmic beings could confess, love.
The best of rollercoasters had us addicted moreso than any drug.
I let tears fall in front of her once, regarding the loss of my dad
She held me oh so close and told me I'd be the best father anyone could have.
We've grown with time, and I'm happy to see her still rain down sunshine.
I'm happy that we once had each other as lovers,
and have each other as friends.
The past is past, but the stories will never end.

Hordes of metaphorical oracles awaken me from sleep
Dreams of paralysis, lost inside the deep
Rabbit hole analysis meets a descent so steep
While these Prodding thoughts got me tripping over my own feet
Interpretations or revelations what does it mean?
How long can one last existing inside of this scene?
Wide eyes lids closed coincide with winter snow
shallow breath heavy toll watching bodies decompose
presence felt, identity unknown, an experience to shake the bones.
Straining to take quick control, interpretations from the occipital lobe
lying semi lucid, fear from the cold
vocalizing panicked silence binded in time with mind stuck in molds
To even have witnissed this instance means it's time to grow.
the fire's flowing im slowly blowing my CO2
What do I want, what do I need?
This mission eye must see through
Take this steady ascension into the next lesson
clearing the mirror for a perspective of truth.  
The more that is reflected, the more I see you

The atoms you're composed of
Stay together like magnets, profound love
To make you who you are...

Do you ever look to the sky at night in wonder,
Knowing your ingredients come from what was, a star?
The recipe that is you, reads out important clues
About bonds between all, *connecting destinies to follow through

Every time I sent a question out,
Answers were received.
It's such a phenomena,
years ago I would not have believed.
So now I walk around barefoot,
Soaking up the chi.
Bound by the universal matrix,
Helps me feel so free.

It's really opened me up, to the beauty of everything.
and when my mind's not right I let it out and sing.
In harmony with the cosmos, dancing to the frequencies of nature
Like swirling galaxies, with a relationship so pure
In motion with one glorious ocean, the waves affect us all.
take the chance even if it means risking the fall
You have the power to manipulate energies for positive change,
your significance is never small
Give in to the power of the infinite, just give it a chance.
Tap into the rhythm of all that's given,
remember you are creator of the moments we live in,
Switch up the routine, to ascend and advance.
Nature's song is always on
so feel it in your soul, and dance!

After all, you're the biggest part of it
Pick up those high vibes,
We can make an art of it.

We are free like a tree in the valley with nothing to see but pesticide dreams.

If you were free, what you speak wouldn't end with prosecution.
If you were free, you wouldn't be dumbing down your senses with alcohol pollution
When nature provides more than enough to lift you as a clear solution.
If you were free, the green pieces of paper would be "My notes",
and not "Federal Reserve Notes" that we owe interest back to.
If you were free, then the walls of the matrix we could crack through.
If you were free, you would be able to choose who could lead your country,
Instead of falsely participating in which dictator puppet reigns supreme in the best interests of the Rich and powerful gaining land resources and money.
If you were free, you wouldn't be on your knees bobbleheading at all the media tells you.
If you were free, you would not accept any leader who actively kills the innocent, and does not say Why, or even show proof.
If you were free, you would stand up, for what's morally right.
If you were free you would look at those in your peripheral
and join them rather than work against in spite.
If you were free, we could actually pride ourselves for being a country all about freedom.
If you were free, you would say NO to RFID chips, already being used on middle and high school kids in Texas, numb, to what is free.
I can't free you, you must free yourself and wake up to the mirage and bombardment of lies Raining down our existence.
If you were free, you would be a threat, everything they don't want.
It's everything we need, with persistence.
Let go of the fear of fear.
When that time comes, just as a flower becomes unfurled,
There will be a triumph for all that's good in the world.
Open your mind, *stop the chatter, and wake up. *Free Yourself

The dialogue,
The volume,
The content..
It gets better right?

The petty,
The put-downs,
Vocal *****...
Too often why I'm up at night.

Egocentrism,
Carelessness,
And Irresponsibility.
Yet I'm the sewer rat not living up to my ability.

The toxic street withers me,
Too much debt to free,
I can predict the machines' actions almost constantly.

The happenings follow me,
What I see hollows me,
Will I ever emerge from this filth triumphantly?

It's the insanity I wake up to,
The vanity and the same stew.
Sometimes I wonder if this is what I have to go through.

It's grown ever-plain to see,
This isn't the way, that life should be,
But it's tossed onto the pile I've simply named "the pain in me."

No luminosity around to save selves,
Violent sound waves bounce off of every shelf.
Through these waters I have delved,
But no life-preserver,
No help.

I am unable to manipulate,
I'm just part of the tracks.
Desensitization's turned me from an alley cat,
To sewer rat,
Just by being exposed.
So I crawl through these tunnels with nothing but hope,
That there's a way I can go back..
Reverse the de-evolution I suppose,
And return to a world I thought I knew with humanity.
'Til then I scrape on living a life, transparently.

No caption could ever capture,
The beauty you created before the perceived disaster.
Now it's almost 5 years since anybody's heard your laughter.  
You were a young grasshopper that quickly rose to a master.
Still you remain a light in the dark, helping us all write out our chapters.
We never met,
but in my heart you are a constant giver.
Your lifeflow inspired me to jump in the river.
A role model, whose human form I'll never get the chance to know.
Eye love you, thanks for teaching me to let go,
Amplifying my mind to grow,
So I could sail sky high from depths so low.
I'll still smile even though shadows have shadows.
One with the current with intent as my paddle.  
Fluid sees release from the chains,
that only were a strangle
You became lucid in the dream,
So fly free my angel.
R.EYE.P

Words. Work.
Getting old. ***** shirt.  
Exhaustion remains after washing away stains from dirt.  
Lower back hurts,
..but this mindstate is not where I'll stay.  
Meaningless pay spending my hours when I just want to create and play.  
Heavy body, cat nap after embers hit the ashtray.  Astral stray.  
The most nutritious are sometimes the first to decay.  
Get up just to lay.  
Easy to see darkness when there's no heart in the frame..  

So I'll adjust how I see, and remember to breathe,
because all of life comes to us with ease.  
Gonna physically release just to come back and share my dream
Yes yes, nothing less.  
Do what you love
is all I can confess.  
Limited time, I see that we're blessed
Hope to make the most of mine,
before in peace we rest

Death sentence. Moral Repentance.
In the age of remembrance blinded by pyrotechnics.  
Embody the calisthenics and honor further than aesthetics.  
Depths beyond measurement kissing anti-venom lips.  
Tethered to the weather within our steady blissful trips.  
The clock can tick all it wants but the hands are losing their grip.  Proving nothing to be more beautiful than this present-tense eclipse
Intuition is our intangible compass
Creating a compassionate instance that can't be diminished
I am hear forever to play with the trinkets and parade those that listen
Love is all encompassing, not just a mission
Thoughts come to fruition
Extending what you envision
The Synapse fires like a piston
What you've done indicates your current position.  
Think now my friend.
 You are the sun shining at the podium speaking at the perceived end.  
You are the sum dictating everything yet to come.  
Thank you for praising the vibration connected to one.  
Take a deep breath, smile, and have fun.  
This strong web we've achieved can never be unspun.
Reflect your true self and know we've only just begun~

I don't know why I let the little things bother me. It used to ruin who I was only constantly. Now I'm just gonna take deep breaths and release, or even workout some more despite insanity. I can sense dishonesty based on what's apparent to me. It is troubling and for it I pay a mental fee. They say that the truth can truly set you free, then again our happiness can be based on what we choose to see.

Had a stellar time last night at the Rhymesayers 20 year anniversary show.  
A lotta these cats have done so much for my soul, that I finally remember the me in the dream that I forget to know. With inspiration so deep we can tap into this eternal flow.  I now see into the water clearly, all ripples calmed and all 3 eyes are no longer dreary.  This goes to anyone that can hear me, you must let the walls fall to notice all of life's endearing.  I have a collection of blurry pictures of mindful Mic wizards, that I have so much respect for - just to shake their hands I would walk through a blizzard.  My lover Meg and I drove 12 hours altogether on very little sleep.  The amount of appreciation I have for her only grows more and more deep.  Even when we're cold she'll still fan my flames.  On the path we're on, we still have so much to gain.  The amount of love that surrounds us, an overly-rational mind would deem insane..  But you can never see the big picture when you're staring at the frame.  Ty Kraus and Mr. Nick Ramsey joined our adventure.  Through beautiful December weather, to have a great time and witness magic was our only endeavor.  We did what we set out to, mission accomplished.  Sat astonished and basked in Brother Ali's dropping of knowledge.  All act's crafts were so polished, and I feel like Micheal Larsen, was right there among all of this.  I don't think anyone said R.EYE.P once, probably because you weren't resting.  Inside the good vibes of the alive family you were nesting.  Eyedeas never die, which is why rhymesayers came to life.
They paved the way for many artists' lives to walk in to the light.  Building a metaphysical castle one intent at a time.  I may not be on the label, but I've been recreated through my own saying of rhymes.
Got to tell Slug once he inadvertently saved my life.  This groundbreaking moment ended with, a photo, and a signed tee I wore for the first time last night.  For me, there really is no end in sight.  We've got the Blueprint and Abilities to know all is and will be alright.  I just wanna thank you all, for helping me see my stripes.  I hope I can do the same without being a stain on your might.  Thanks for helping me believe in me, and please keep painting with your divine insight.
One love~

Running endlessly through a buffet of what life has to offer
Yelling, screaming, kicking, pleading because they didn't get what they wanted
Anytime's fine, unless the time's right now
Never can get what you want boy, you know that's not allowed.

Making crafts out of what no one would take a chance on
Anything'll do right now under the right circumstance son
Teetering towards a heavily weighted decision.
This is what causes the opposing forces into collision.
He knew what many felt should happen, but he also knew what was in his heart.
Entering this mode of thinking he felt, "then why hadn't they all thought this way right from the start?"
"Winning" could bring about closure, but it could also bring proper exposure.

Jumping for joy because people were on the same page.
Every single person, an actor on life's stage.
Nevermind what had made them different before,
Kings and queens they now all are, with only the whole world to expore (and beyond)
Insight made everything feel right and all the people now did bond.
Nights and days, rang out cheers and praise to you and the stars above
Seeing to be true what was always saught, the utopia of love.

Padre day always felt so gray
Typically too clouded for anything uplifting to say on a personal plane
Nor much of anything for me to really celebrate

Many moving pieces, some removed before "too late"
This month wouldve marked year 8 -
Of revolutions and opportunities to be great.  I would've stayed and stumbled into ways to be brave.

Instead again I sit here and isolate

Called upon a necromancer for a family to raise.  He handed me a mirror and said, "Start here today."

I am grateful to be, and honor the planting of seeds from generations prior
But the cold washes over me alone staring at the embers of a life that was a fire.

I wouldn't say that this is all a test
Life is stress when comparing with the rest
Judge self only by your personal progress
Try not to take it personally and trust the process

When this sun sets, there wont be any regrets.  Instead whispers in the wind reminding you to keep steps to the beat in your chest

Ive had my talks with suns, moons, and planets in their orbit...in many driveways, backyards, and various porches.  Kicking it with night sky, a dark cave, with stars as my torches.  These conversations elevate and ultimately nourish.  Still, I can only fantasize about how we'd all have flourished.  One daydream at a time finding the courage to surface

Sentimental ******
Academically flunking
Connecting dots and debunking
Seeing past what you see luck in
Black hole my foot's sole is stuck in
Seemingly strategically ducking
Prodding problems and plucking moments,
But losing grip on how to hold it

Encouraging misfit
Brainstorming ******
Monotonous yet intricate
Everyone's just so full of it
Love,
Give it and soak in the showers of despair
The equilibrium storms a new batch of flowers through prayer
The one you always wanted wasn't there
Yet there's always someone with a moment of care to spare

Petty instance through another's glasses could be colossal
A piece of scratch paper to one could be a fossil.
Dare to go against what some deem as impossible
Every individual is a fractal within the kaleidoscope
But even fragments can learn to see the beauty of the whole.

When the music stops sometimes it hurts even more
Melancholy water tides rise and begin to roar
Mental dialogue so active it should be a sport
Fill the report, try not to contort
Sometimes the finish line is reached faster with cohorts
It helps to know when you've gone too far, abort.

A soul alone in a sea full of black
Hard to see past what I lack with this past, there's no going back
Blind to the track, so where am I going?
Hard to invest trust when there's so much not knowing.
Still rowing, but there's a hole in my boat
I question the universe as to why I still stay afloat.

A world of perfection that's full of skewed mirrors
Objects in mind may seem more deviating than they appear
Risks risk regret when not taken due to fear
Let go of misconceptions and substitute a perception that we're meant to be here.

It's nice to believe in something
Whether Allah or the theory of string
Yet holding on too tight can eventually sting
I've been open to the infinite, but what will it bring?

As a patient, if the medicine was patience I may've died already.
The ride's going at lightspeed and is anything but steady.*  
But now I'm unbuckling the seatbelt, to feel every planetary pothole
I will succeed only when I realize my place in the ship,
I am in control.

Parting the waves
See past the grave
There's still love for the depraved
Hell is within us all,
And we all can be saved.

The way will be shown
Remember, There once was a time that you didn't know.
Semi-controversial with the introspective flow,
But this is the method I choose to potentially map out my growth.

Something big is going to happen. I've felt this way for awhile. It is beyond any single human, and affects the entirety of the planet as we know it. We have been taken for fools for too long but we, my friends, have power in numbers. More and more I see that there are so many of us, "conspiracy nuts," who are only delving down these roads to better the world...to save the world. I've seen the growth of love within myself, as well as all of you who are awake, more than ever before. We are far more powerful than they give us credit for, for, we have eyedeas..which cannot be tortured, erased, or fall to an unfortunate overdose. Do not fear, but also do not abandon hope. We must ride high on our own energy.. our collective energy, which also, cannot be destroyed. We must spend this energy wisely. We must follow our intuition, against all opposition until the perceived end. Whether we see it with our physical eyes or not, the positive changes we believe in are coming..

If you're not living it already, it's time to be the change, and stand up for what you know in your heart to be true. Not what your mind tells you, silence it. Not what the media tells you, press the power button, recycle the papers. We must learn to see how we are all connected, and there are those who will stop at nothing for personal power. I want what's best for all, and what has gone on for countless years has only dampened our spirits and kept us in line, distracted.

Get out of bed, it's time to wake up.

No one knows how long it'll last
But We all have a time limit,
This is why we can't spend too much time on the past,
But we should definitely learn from it.

Whether it be, the things we could have done,
Or the things we regret we did,
We remember those close to us but are now gone.
Kinda makes you wish you could go back to being a kid.

The carefree days,
When everyone was outside and played.
Even as a little me, I knew the people wouldn't always stay
Just made the most of the time i had with people, it was the only way.

But for my dad and I we never had a bond while I was growing up.
Not knowing, and even having a grudge against the man was surely rough.
I just knew, the life I had, it wasn't enough.

I always knew there was something more, something to look forward to.
I knew people would die along the way, but I didn't think it'd be you.
Nothing but a few myspace messages, a hat, and a picture will I have to reminisce
18 years is too long to hold a grudge, after all you n ma were the reason for my genesis.

I thoroughly enjoyed the conversations we had, finding out we have so much in common,
To you telling me how great of a person mom is.
You didn't have to tell me though, it was more for you.
It's too bad you were never here to watch as I grew.

I turned 18 November 2, 2thousand and 8
not a great day, but life was straight.
It was maybe a few months after our 2nd message convo
exactly 2 weeks later and our chances of meeting were no more

Said you wanted to fly me down, maybe around christmas
meet the whole family, clear things up between us.
you didn't say that last 5, but I definitely knew we would've
If the opportunity came up sooner, I definitely knew we could've.

14 days after that birthday
I get blown up on Myspace, to the news that you passed away.
Your sister, and your ex-lover both told me.
I was in shock, a whole range of emotions that no one would see.

Right then I had to write a letter of consent
To grant your wish, to be cremated
Nowhere did i go, or even turn to anyone to vent
Regretting my lifelong grudge, that I had created.

Justin would've done it, but I was the eldest son
Clicked "send" on the fateful email, and my only gift to you was done
Well dad, while you were here I hope you had a lot of fun.
Too bad the stress and the powder ultimately ended your run

I have close friends, that wanted to go with to meet you
It's too unfortunate that your struggle had to defeat you.
We would've kicked it off better than either of us could anticipate
From that point on I knew you'd always be in my life, and participate.

I'm not gonna blame you for anything though, based on what I know now, you were a great person.
The one you never knew, is always gonna be a hurt son,
But i'm not gonna take my life for granted.
I'm gonna appreciate what I have and not fret if things don't go how I planned it.

Not gonna lie though, there's a void that'll never see closure
When I think about you it's sometimes hard to keep composure
You and me, we would've been good for each other.
You'll still live on though, through me, and my brother.

Accepting your loss, affects me more than anyone'll ever know
Can't get stuck, gotta look forward and grow.
It's extremely hard sometimes, but I know I must.
Just like you said on your profile "IN ROD WE TRUST"

Rest in Peace:

Rodney Poehler 12/12/70 - 11/16/2008

Just when I feel everything seems to be coming together, I take a step back. What do I really funking want? The college idea sounds promising, and I'd be going to learn more about music and advance in that respect. Great. I've been paying on debts for a long time now. I don't mind having little money, but I've literally been working just to pay off school. I've been chiseling away at it, and if I jump to this new school, that amount I owe increases exponentially. Yet, after that 3-year contract, I will have a degree. That degree will help me make money to pay off said debts and then maybe let me live a comfortable life, but right now I don't even know if I am comfortable with the idea. I look at all that I could do in this world (that doesn't require pieces of paper {money/degrees} to assure someone that I am worth something) and I almost feel it'd be more satisfying. I am here on this Earth, to help people. I know this. I would be happy being a nomad, (as I pretty much have been) poor, bringing light into peoples' lives that money can't buy. I moved away to better myself, and I'm growing everyday, but I feel maybe I could be taking myself away from my purpose. I have far too much on my mind to be content with surviving within the confines that we are set to live in to be "successful." The American dream sounds wonderful, but it only exists when we find true happiness. I'm not certain that any one institution or career will give me the peace that I get from the help that I try to provide. I want to be a part of so many movements, I want what's right for the entirety of the planet, but I'm not sure that I would be accomplishing that. I want to grow spiritually, first and foremost, and help others heal and grow too. It makes me uncomfortable to be pushed into such heavy obligation decision making processes if I don't even know if it will make me happy. Of course, this stems from me being unhappy in the present moment, but there has to be a reason for all this.

I think part of this is, I am not simply here, to help myself. I have so much care invested into the universe and all living things that I can't simply focus on myself. I have to be out there, here, India, anywhere, helping. Helping people helps me. Before I really wanted to be a musician, at a young age I wanted to be the person that talks to others as they lay on a couch so I can help them get through emotional and spiritual barriers, to beat their demons and grow to infinity and beyond. But I always feel like there is far more that I could be doing. I've never really felt anything I've done was ever enough, so maybe this is my way of protecting myself and others from let downs. I gleamed with excitement, just hours ago. Only to realize that, I don't know. The only promise I feel we have and can make, is that we're here now. Maybe sometimes we aren't though, because part of what some of us live in is a self-induced fantasy. I'm blessed for all I've been through, and all I have...yet I seem to have, grown weary of a path that has presented itself. When I know what's right, I will go full speed ahead putting all of me into it. There's this thing we made up called time though, it's those measurements that hurt, and can create panic. I live for moments, but in this moment I am at a loss.

A wonderful person very recently asked me, what my biggest fear is, and I couldn't give a definitive answer for her, but ultimately I guess it's not leaving my mark enough. Ego aside, I am here to make this place better for all of humanity, and I don't know if these choices will aid in that, especially since we can't even guarantee tomorrow. Maybe not knowing is the beauty of it all, but maybe this is exactly what I needed right now.

In this moment I will call it a midlife crisis. I can say that too, because no one knows how much "time" we have.

I'm out of here though, spending time and money. I hope whatever course you take, that you're happy...truly. I care about all of you, and will be there when you need me, in this existence or the next. I have much excitement for what's beyond the world we know...but this current one, currently is tearing me in multiple directions, as it has before. I know I will be okay and find my way. My mind was just too heavy, to keep to myself this time.

Fell through the lion's gate maybe sippin' too much of Mercury's Gatorade.  Head all over the space still forcing construction so the levee won't break.  I barely leave my mind when I get heavy for heaven's sake.  Hard to translate the mental pain when so many seem to exist on different planes.  I reside in light and shadow so I know none of this is strange.  I've taken off the mask but haven't gotten out the stains.  Ego popped up and tried labeling the experience as delirious.  Yet I can't recall E existing with long periods of fearlessness.  I'm releasing repressed emotion B, cheers - here it is.  Time to shed the shell of what was, this is Sirius.

I see things everyday to potentially get me ******,
I want to change it but what hurts the most is rarely do I really feel missed.
Bliss gets whisked away, and though I try to get by my mind goes into disarray.
I want to go out and play,
have some fun outside of this hole,
but not much is ever really under my control.
I binge and cringe at how my past actions could've left me.
Girls and friends came and went,
and there were times I felt like a deadbeat.
From what I wasn't told, 22 really is old.
But I feel so much older.
Words are actions too, and they can crush you like a boulder.
I'm almost always cold and want something to warm my soul before this world chips too much at my head for it to take it's toll.
I always want to know,
but I get ever more aware how much the truth really hurts.
I guess it's best to take it when it comes in little spurts so you can at least prepare yourself for the road up ahead.
Maybe it's miniscule, to you, things that were said.
For me it was more than trivial, and boom, another scar to my head.
I don't wanna give you the wrong idea but so much of our everyday is left unclear
and what's worse than feeling of fear is the probability of the actions behind it.
In life I have learned the hard way, but despite whatever happens,
there'll be a day I won't mind it.

Drooling from pharmaceuticals,
and being told what's beautiful.
Recklessly using our mandibles,
and idolizing party animals.
No time to get personal,
Cuz I must go out and buy the product being scammed on this commercial.

Back.

Intelligence being blinded by fear,
So many don't pay mind, too full of beer
and confused why they can't see clear,
or even eye to eye with their closest peer.

Time spent pointing fingers
and wondering why "bad luck" lingers.
A society high on measurements and value measured by possessions.
The "Iwant" society diseased with obsessions.

Sold opinions with television and magazines,
Never realizing the atrocities behind the scenes.  
More psych evaluations and pills to swallow,
Or open love connections and spirituality to follow?

Many homeless, while uninhabited homes shows a higher amount.  
Pop-culture won't show ya, can the counter-culture even count?  
Fatty fast food paired with fast athletes, just to get a meager billion some dollars. 
There's still time to change though, which is why we need to bother.
 
Too cheap to buy selfless items, well then at least pay attention.  
See me for clarity, there's a wealth of info I didn't mention.

i walked into the night,
and felt the cool air's breeze.
stepping away every once in awhile
usually gives me enough to release.
in an attempt to sober up from binge thinking,
i noticed i was alone, moreso than usual.
not a single car on the street,
no single individual.

this is common after midnight
but i thought there had to be someone who is also deprived of sunlight.
it was then that i was blinded by unusual headlights
on a vehicle known as hindsight.  
abandoned the instincts of fight or flight,
because i was curious.  
it turned into my driveway.
it felt as though there were some undiscovered forces at play,
as i lay in wait.

the door opened up, and a man with a bright white aura stepped into view.
i gazed upon his face and then was at a complete loss as to what to do..
he looked at me, smiled, and said, " yes, that particular thought is correct,
i am you.

you needed someone, and so here we are.  
see this distance between you and your true self aren't so far apart.
it gets hard, when dealing with passions of the heart,
but every day, every minute...moment, can be a new start."

Everything happens as it's meant to, though, right?

" destinies are in the hands of everyone who believes it,
but most don't see to seize it."

are you, God? an Angel?  a jester in disguise?

"you naturally won't want to accept this statement initially,
but i will tell you no lies.  i am from a faction of lightbearers,
to help illuminate the path.  the variables you add and subtract though, changes the outcome like math, heh heh."

where am i to go?

" you are not to know, yet, what's the fun in that?"

true, but then what about this,' shedding light on the path'?

"all that is within you, is everything.  unlimited potential and power to benefit the universe.
before i disperse back into the cosmos, i am here to ensure that your own light grows.  the love you emit causes radiated blooming within the chakras of others, but your aura has diminished, do you know why this is?"

fear?

"love."

but wait..

" embrace all that you are, Ryan.  i needed to remind you that you are loved deeply.  take care of yourself, so to not be the cause of your own reaping.  your efforts are never exhausted, i see and appreciate all you do, with a smile.  now go the extra mile, cross the line and let your divine shine through.  you are never alone, remember things from the past you wrote.  every word still holds true.
i must be leaving, but listen to what's inside when you're unsure of what to do.  Namaste, Ryan."

but wait! who really are you??

as I stood in bewilderment, he ascended into the sky with a smile, and his vehicle disappeared.  
would this interaction have happened had i displayed my primal urges of fear?
when he was no more than a sparkle in the eye that is the ever-expanding sky
i didn't feel so dry and lifeless, but rather moist with creative juices from all that sunk in.
and the warmth, it was a love you could touch without touching.
this is what i was missing.
and so when reminiscing, i show gratitude and blissful appreciation,
because too much can be lost in the translation of contemplation.

Poured a cup of fruit juice to see it was only 5%
Artificially coating life, never tasting the truth of what it meant.
My motivation space in my brain is vacant, and open for rent.
Sorry if you have to share it with a guy on the inside that's seemingly hell-bent.


Parents shed your clarity and wisdom, as oppose to letting your anger fill them.
Screams in dreams rip me out of my fantasy right at the seams, and maybe,
Maybe I'll never know what it means.
Some could view me right now as apathetic,
but those are the same that see my words as babble, because they just don't get it.
I think I've stopped caring about the criticism,
Because I stay within the confines of my individualism.
Your judgements put walls around me, restrictions I don't need.
I realize we're different, down to the music on which we feed.
No one wants to see how we're similar,
Always casting categories to the unfamiliar.
***** the false idea that you live up to
The only way out is being Through, with all the *******,
No more wrongdoings to persist.
I could speak forever, and for those who've listened, I hope you get the jist.
I'm ****** to remain in a state with people of a similar fate because we let it.
You must have it made if you're one who doesn't get it.

I know, that I am mostly untrusting,
combusting with thoughts and was lusting for the attention that I know I wasn't gettin'.  

But whatever this is it's not set in stone.  

I think it's getting close to the time where I find a new home.  
I've released all those those attachments that made me feel less than I was,
cuz throughout all the *******, I've risen above.  

I'll show you love, without you making the first move.  
Aint nothin to do but continue ridin' on my life groove.  
You're in or you're out, but that choice is mine 'til I know what you're really about.  
Potentially remove you from my doubts and travel new routes.  

What the hell is this a competition for, it aint fun.  
It's like you're keeping score but don't even know the numbers, with that I'm done.  
This isn't the first time and surely won't be the last.
The way you run from your problems...yeah you really are fast.  
Try scoping out your true identity and then you'll see what's really meant to be.  
I don't know what it is you can't see.  
I think it's about time you set yourself free.

These arbitrary measurements are killing me. Swiftly flies by without ever catching a glimpse of the sky. I go on and tiptoe through a temple where no one knows me, and then later regurgitate my soul in the form of poetry.  I have a big heart, but my ill mind sometimes controls me.  Other times I force myself to climb along the cliffside in an attempt to let the past free, so I won't be squeezed by thoughts unsettling.  My synapses are meddling, but I can't blame them, for truly it's my fault.  I have to re-train them, but first I must open up the vault.  
Long-lasting actions sadden, while the hands move in a circular pattern always towards madness..  I must leave this palace.  Mental waves of malice, where'd I put my chalice?  So much on my plate, that I pushed it aside and decided I didn't care to eat.  I won't accept defeat, yet I don't wanna face it.  If only I could just embrace it.  More than just to taste it, I swallow pseudo-panacea, a potion that sets more debatable mistakes in motion.  
Steer me to the ocean, let's get lost at sea.  No sense of time to abide by, thoughts roam silently.  Waves may rush violently, but I'll be one with the water.  I'll be in the current, flowing with the current so no longer will I falter.  Alter my perspectives, and brave foreign lands.  The only task that matters is the task at hand.  It's all my demand, and so I say time means nothing.  What's true is right now, so everyone can stop rushing.  Find the temple inside you, and turn work into play.  I will forever see you in my temple, friend, namaste.

Another day, riding on emotion
Seldom ever breaks down
but I don't have the potion,
To fuel my being.
Lucky to be alive
but there's something I'm not seeing.
Lapped around similar 'scapes
Falling all the time,
with all the scrapes to prove it.
My body itself is a high-powered vehicle,
just hope I don't lose it,
Prematurely with the things I've been doing.
Sometimes I see surroundings pass by but
it doesn't feel like I'm moving.
Reach out to those that could use it
Lead them away from the mentally abusive.
I'm still there though,
the expression on my face even looks weak.
Guess I just hit bleak patch,
but again I'll maintain a satisfying streak
Innocence never left,
But the breaths are slowing.
Used a bit of what I had left to fill up an inner tube,
My body's too weak to maintain how I'm flowing.
So I drift off, into another realm.
A place where people are underwhelmed
And stay to help each other grow.
This place exists at a point in time, but when,
I may never know.

So I'm taking a vacation from my mind
that constructs an absurd blur,
Keep living for the kids and kisses,
and moments that creates blisses
Love and writing are my life preservers~

It is the birth day de mi padre,
I lay, grateful for the conversations before we had to part ways.
Inside of myself I see your face,
Calm, still, and happy fills my summer headspace
The void used to be a bruise to me, and I bumped it all the time.  Subconsciously moreso, but it brought me to my rhymes.  Thanks for helping me realize all will be alright.  It's now 111, I'm seeing special signs.  The beginning only begins once you let it in your mind.  One can never be defined, but my bias helps allow me to see the depth in your eyes.  Eternally a part of the design, reminding spines that they're intricate & divine.  Thank you for your choices, and the genesis it bred.  Thank you for the time, and the warm thoughts to blanket my head.  In the end, it came down to what was said.  I can rest in bed smiling because the timing was perfect, for had you waited to say anything then it would have never been worded.  There stands Mars, staring at the stars.  Inebriated and contemplating just how far you really are.  Imagination fills the dark, in my pocket there's a spark, and when ya wanna speak it will go straight into my heart.
I long left the cage made of rage when I decided to turn the page in order to set the stage.  Unfortunately sometimes it takes a tragedy for us to come of age.  Blessed in the ways we can seize the current day.  Jump in, the water's great, and here comes another wave,~  Underneath the splash crashes I heard my name, it was you, telling me everything is okay - and to float back up and become a mirror for those already saved.  I miss you, and wish you could stay.  I remain a child longing, with a mystery to taste.  So here eye am, unafraid, and destined to forever play among the blades of grass.  Appreciate what was, but know there is no home within the past.  Release the anxious worry over how long on this earth we're going to last.  Over-exerted circuits in the brain retire too fast - which doesn't allow the proper growth to know patience.  Ascension is not always painless.  I once was a patient desperately waiting to be seen.  dabbling around chemistry with a head full of steam.  Then I let go and a black hole swallowed those walls whole, along with the notion that we had no control.  Now I row, straight into my dream with intention.  Hoping to see you there for some sort of healthy lesson.  Apologies to my surroundings for the jumbled mess of stresses.  Embracing it all and cutting away the self to delve with introspection.  Abundantly grateful to exist, and find solace in these confessions.

I love you, Happy birthday Dad, rest easy

The winter outside is cold,
But the pale skin pales in comparison to the ice in peoples' hearts.

We're deprived of organic necessities and forced into community peasantries,
That rely on the institutions as much as Wal-Marts.

Historical facts are often masked by watered-down history books.
What if I told you the facets of your life
Are managed by murderers and crooks,
That **** the livelihood on all who're deemed below?
They've all the world-wide power within their grasps,
Yet to none other than blood will they bestow.

The media's mediated control over our minds,
Refusing to let you grow and flourish.
Throwing pesticides on what you choose to chew,
Yet we tend to believe we're well-nourished?

The sky has been taken over, with contaminates and missiles.
Confined with egg shell on our feet,
Because we've chosen to blindly oblige government officials.

The relationship is similar to that of scientists and lab rats.
We put our best efforts in for a minuscule piece of cheese,
While they make money off of you while producing more as they please.

So maybe we wanna follow our dreams,
And earn degrees to ensure that* We really are Somebodies,
...Then fall into a dark debt hole for doing so,
Barely able to find jobs in the fields we gave our whole.

..Then we rush to the polls..

High on promises and a "better America",
Forever blinded by the Right and Left paradigm
That you don't realize those you've been arguing with are right there with ya!

This regime we're under, it's been said, follows a model of the Roman empire.
The Revolutionaries that exemplified love, justice, and courage,
Are being picked off to this day, and you still think I'm just here to conspire?
Well there's an opening now, I'm gonna take it
And spread truth against all those that forsake it until my body is to retire.
I may go down without a blaze of glory, but I won't be known as a liar.
If you don't take a stand with me, know that you too will fall prey.
Invest time into knowledge and self-awareness,
So that one day peace and honesty will find a home in the land of the brave.

This world's a brutal business, manipulative and cold.
But it can't compete with the heat emitting from my soul.

We are one, help each other thrive, all while having fun.
The conscious revolution will emerge, before our time here is done~

One love, that's all the ranting for today
I hope peace is with you, Namaste.

Poetry to me is both the tree and the seed.
Weight gets taken off my chest and helps me to breathe
Allowing unhealed wounds to get the stitches they need
In dark times the pen connects fueling the necessary release.
I get to write out the vision of my dreams
And speak my peace confidently,
Because poetry saved me

I've been able to address and let go of what pains me, thankfully.
These words strewn together form a much bigger painting. 
I know it reaches beyond me so potentially someone else could read and also find life worth saving.
Cyclically, once again we will all fall like a leaf from a tree.  
Ever-important, you are an integral part of life, a whisper in the wind floating on in the breeze.
Plant those seeds and Watch the growth of Being.
Remember You are profound, deep, and
beautiful - like poetry

Sometimes I wonder if we are really all listening
Or just too distracted with the African diamonds glistening
Sold to you by Zales, yet every kiss begins with Kay.  
Fat and lazy fast food crazy
Chasing highs blinded thinking they really have it their way

The devices in our possession finally allow us to progress as one people.  We can connect with others oceans away and together rid the world of evil.  The destructive misuse of power is felt when we see the segregation.  Responsibility has been shed for more tax cuts, when some live unsure they will make it.  Fabricated stories facilitate war - on drugs, ideas, and our collective growth.  
So I must ask
When these tragedies happen, who actually benefits the most?  Making sure to add "terrorist acts" under a potential insurance claim just days before buildings imploded to dust rather than be eaten by flames, or severed with a plane.  The man who did this was named Larry Silverstein.  Interviews after he seemed cold, devoid of soul, and mean.  Arms dealers, oil companies, and bank executives, carry out these plots that are now repetitive.  Play with the heartstrings of one's own people, that think they can veil everything but I know we're not feeble, and in all these other places we're beginning to feel.
Cheney's Halliburton rebuilds nations after war decimates the ground.  Yes, let's let our pockets pay any amount, grind ourselves 45 hours a week so with our taxes they can play around.  Still staying stiff in the position promising your wishes will come true.  But again the scapegoat ***** your hope of political action bringing something new.  
While blowing ourselves away the frame becomes unglued.  This cancer is man made and he wants to redesign you. Analyzes with the force of a brute. Built tall walls with his flaws that only allows the seven deadly sins in.  Will he in his mind ever decide to see the sun again?  Can he really say that to himself he is a friend?  Meanwhile a governor of Flint, Michigan is okaying lead be let in to the water system, 9,000 now are poisoned.  We're talking families complete with children.  Speaking on topics like this, I do not have fun.  But the divine needs to shine wherever necessary.  If we don't speak now we could head into a reality that's only more scary.  No more families buried until they carry out their long lives.  I will honor Mother Nature and the life she provides.  As the Amazon depletes, the air needs more trees.  Less chemicals drifting into our systems as we eat and breathe.  Fearlessly pure we become free.  With eyes on the skies we leave our feet, articulated honest advancement.  Through conscious choice and proper management.  
No one owns you or where the lands currently sit, but you'll probably hear different from the government.  

We are all one, and life will go on.
Sun shines on our land every day at dawn
Balances created keep our hearts in motion
Close your eyes and see the focal point of your devotion.  Music gave me a way to see inside there lies the potion - to take my emotion and share the reflections to other oceans

I need to breathe the air of outdoor dreams where angels sing to me and I reciprocate the love in perfect pitches that transcend the glitches of the categories we've yet to break free from.  Add up the pixelated pieces to see this, the only sum.  Alone more often than ever before, and I embrace it, but inside the mind's of others I like to explore.  I have way too many words that go unheard for they're kept to me.  I know a soul or infinity x three that I would sell my thoughts to for free.  I've paid a vast amount of fees, literally and physically, but it's making me stronger.  I'll wear a smile to our reunion as the warmth between us extends our life spans even longer.  The bass hits and it gets intense as I hop the fence into your garden.  Pardon me if I seem so hardened, but beneath the exterior are energy waves deeper than lake superior.  I've never burned a bridge but there were many where I chose to stray.  Some bridges crumble on their own so it's sometimes more painful to stay.  If you have nowhere to go with your thoughts though, I'll listen to every word and perfect little fragment that you have to say.  Connected to everything, but sometimes everything seems so far apart.  I don't know how much time I have, but I will be long outlived by the pulse of my heart.  It may be time for a new start with all new faces, newfound vacations, with beautiful unseen places.  I'll leave a trail, pieces of me in case you ever wanna trace it.  Lace up the loose ends cuz you can count on this friend, with all of me to lend.  You know I won't pretend, because I've never been good at lying.  Defiance and reliance rest on opposite poles, but there's love within you enough to make yourself feel whole.   Taking control, going for a walk.  Give me a ring, if you ever wanna talk.  But I need to sing, and rewrite my life in chalk.  This is one of my everyday unwind times because I can't keep up with my rhymes.  I'm showing my spine, but still untouchable.  Things have been rocky, but still so wonderful.  Subtle growth, just like that of a tree.  For all eyes to see, this was a message for me

But Why, and whom does it affect?

Where is it, that the actions will reflect?

When will answers show themselves, when concludes the test?

"I've been wondering for too long!" I protest.



Will I reach, a desired level of clarity?

Will the feat, be much more than a dare to me?

...Curiously I spy forward...


My head's an over-animated scoreboard, emphasizing the score of the opponent


Yet.. Today is a new day.

If the chance is taken, isn't there a possibility that I too fall prey?

True, just like the cat that was killed, or so they say.

Maybe it was just a tale of a tail, given from those too scared to change direction.

Those who follow suit now live in a certain detention, without mention, or ever expanding into the next dimension.  

But what if they had taken the next step?

The conclusion of the saying was something I could not accept,

Now using the unknown as fuel, I leapt..

Not knowing if I could make it

My head was perplexed, riddled with anxiety, I didn't know if I could take it!


With a thump,

My eyes opened up,

Revealing a new reality.

I was guided by faith, and truly believe I've touched on a divine sense of spirituality.

I let go of the naysayers and everyone that had tried using hassling methodologies,

Because I took a necessary leap of faith, in order to better me.


If I failed, I would die trying,

but at least with false beliefs I would not be confined.

Before my eyes, a natural goldmine, beauty previously undiscovered.

I had trusted myself and have never felt so full of wealth, now standing in the land of the lovers.

Everything and everyone had a bright and shiny aura, radiating bliss.

Had I known such a place of magnificence exists,

I would've trusted my intuition more, rather than certain people, and came when we were kids!

Alas, in the midst of all this thinking, I don't even want to be blinking my lids,

Because I no longer want to miss any, of *this.

What matters is right here and right now,*

It's seems I've ascended, like I'm on a cloud..

No negativity here, I don't think that it is allowed!

Because this is a new land of possibility

I haven't even moved yet but I'm so glad I didn't retreat!

Then something tickled my legs, right by my feet, looked down and was surprised to see,

A short-haired cat, walking elegantly.  In disbelief I watched it so free, when it popped in my head,

"Are they still talking about me?"

.. Had this cat really just used telepathy??

I wondered if I had been living a dream, and then the cat turned back and winked at me..

Not gonna lie, I've been having a hard time.
Gonna be another night coping through life with a rhyme.
It's how I provide zest and flavor with a squeeze of lime.
About to be, twenty three, but still don't feel I've reached my prime.
The growing process never ends, always here to hear but it's always hard for me to find an ear that'll lend time when I'm not fine.
It just falls in line, with the proper arrangement of events.
Looking back I never wonder where the tick tocks went.
This is me, cuz I needed to release, like the cool air from a vent.
Reaching out to some seemed like ill moments spent.
Yet, the care was there, no denying or trying to prevent.
I love you all, but don't you see?
I'm just tired of all the superficiality.
We grow to infinity, we are souls of divinity,
Connectivity replenishes me, but these times
Make me realize it comes from more than just people.
The nature of everything gets me higher than those churches' steeples.
Aerial view, seeing perspectives askew.
My only problem is not knowing exactly what to do.
I have so much to prove, and I'm not one to lose
So many substances have been used, my body's abused.
But I am here alive, seeing the new,
and it was based on every choice I decided to choose.
So I'll draw sunshine, even when feeling blue.
In a bout with doubt, taking a higher route
True in that I'm here for you,
But I need a special kind of rain,
from a special wave's spout,
And proper sparks in my brain
That'll bring about life in this drought.

I've been coasting quietly with an eye on society.
One eye's looking out for the hazards tryna blind me.
While my third eye is looking in, using intuition to guide me.

Sympathetic responses in an exchange for a shot at your wonder bra
I try to veer my course away trying not to expose those manipulations I saw
In myself I invest as a capital and so I'm brushing all the ******* off.

Your 8th pair of shoes?  Yes, another great investment.
I can't help but be disgusted as I bring on feelings of resentment.
So I let go, I gain control, and set my gaze ablaze on another page to vent.

Everyone's in the know, but the quantity of info is so little.
I can't help but scoff as what's viewed as importance is really artificial.
Eye can rise above, but at the same time I'm still in the middle.

Disrespectful kids, with blind belligerent parents.
You want change?  Just look at how your time's spent.
Calmly, look into the past and focus on where the care went.

The assumed superiority is a widespread, and welcomed disease, I'm sick of it.
Most of the privileged majority are better than everyone else and I'm right in the thick of it.
I've gotta change my ways in this maze, now that I've realized how I was depicting it.

The attitudes on display to all,*
While you carry around your expensive worthless items at the mall.
Almost makes me wish your exterior reflected what's inside.
The sneers with pride show that to none you abide.
Sitting on your high-horse, yet ungrateful for the ride.

I'm repulsed by the ****-don't-stink mentality.
In a game of the minds I'd love for some to battle me.
Bring your inner ugly to light and not even find it challenging.
This has snowballed into one big calamity.

Which means it's time to step back and breathe.
If I let it best me then only anger breeds.
So now I close my eyes, and shut out any lies as my mind secedes.
Just work on yourself, Ryan, for only then can the collective truly succeed.