Absent arburn air
Baffled beautiful boughs
Causing chaotic conflicts
During dead days
Even erethreal energy
Forged forgetful fiends
Greatful greactious gains
Handed handwritten hearts
Instead intricate idiocy
Joined jumping jesters
Keeping kites killed
Leaving lonely listeners
Mourning more music
Nourishing nothing new
Overtime opening options
Presented painfully personal
Questioning quaint qualities
Returning resourcefully righteous
Simply slauted seriously
Tempting tireless tapestry
Usually using updateable
Volumptuos ****** value
With wanted water
Xaern xany xenatious
Yearns yearlong yet
Zappy zazzy zanyism

I hate not being able to order things
I hate freaking out over small decisions
Catastrophising
I hate it
But more importantly I hate the way you tell me that it’s nothing.

I feel like a blank canvas
And everytime I think of something to paint
I second guess it
Till I no longer like it
I feel empty
But everything that could make me feel whole
I shut out
I feel broken
But I can’t fix it
So I’ll just stare into the darkness
Hands over my mouth
Because no one is allowed to hear me cry

Brittle and meaningless
Thrown in a pile
Left in a corner
It’ll stay there a while
Till someone needs help
And then it’ll flourish
Beating and red
To give you the courage
To tell broken people how to heal
Even though you haven’t

I’m jealous of the way they have your attention
I’m jealous of the way they smile with you
I’m jealous of the way they laugh
I’m jealous of the happiness you give them
I’m jealous of they way people make you a person
I’m not jealous of someone
I’m jealous of something
Something they have
Happiness

Some say this is the worst kind of pain
The pain you don’t let anyone see
The little locked box
That lives in your memories

I don’t know what to call it
But it’s twisted and raw
Painfully not physical
An emotional lure

It’s heavy in your stomach
And you never know when it comes
You’re just reminded
Of the things that were done

And it tears at your heart
When you try to be strong
And somehow it’s working
But for how long?

the pain travels through your chest
When only tears fall
But the hardest part
Is to try to stay standing tall

Some say this is the worst kind of pain
The pain you don’t let anyone see
The little locked box
That lives in your memories

Do you love me?
The hand print on my arm say you do
Do you love me?
The bruises on my body say you do
Do you love me?
The loss of air as you squeeze my throat means that you truely love me, right?
The black eyes means you love me
The death threats do as well
The namecalling and insulting means you love me, right?

Which means you love her too
So when you touched her,
I didn’t move
As you hit her
I didn’t flinch
As she bled
I didn’t falter
As she choked through breaths
I stood still, stayed silent
And as the life from her eyes left
I walked away.

Because that’s just what love is...
right?

You said that it never happened
And the way it made me feel was a lie
You said I was fake
That I didn’t deserve to smile
And honestly I believed you
I truely did
But everything you said
You were the opposite
You told me you were kind
And that your love never wavered
Did you keep that in mind
When you signed the papers
I thought that I was problem
For so many years
I thought I’d done wrong
By letting them hear
The past can’t keep a hold anymore
But you still can
The things that were done still haunt me
But I guess, like you said
it never happened
The way I feel is a lie
I am fake
Now I guess I’ll never smile

I know that this won’t reach you. I know that you’ll never read the way I feel and never listen. But I’m gonna write it anyway. I’m not stupid, I’m not crazy, I’m not mental. My lack of ability to deal with **** is not all my fault. I love you mum, I love you dad, but being a pawn is that sick and twisted relationship that you keep “for me” isn’t healthy. **** it. I always thought that I was selfish. Then I stepped back and looked at the world. I always thought that my life was normal. Some of the **** I went through haunts me and you’ll never get that. I was a little girl and now I don’t know what I am. You made me lose myself because I was too busy trying to find you. I think the hardest thing is that I still try for you. When it dosent mean anything when my words are just  wasted air to you.

They follow you, you know that right?
Your nightmares and your past
They follow you, every night
You’ll never out run them, no matter how fast
Because you are the reason they follow
You leave them chained to you, shackled
And if you don’t release them they’ll haunt you
For whoever needs to hear it
Find the key, the good times that you’ve had.
Find the key, the dreams you want to reach
Find the key
And finally let it go

Dark curly hair, swirling brown eyes, flawless face, perfect features.
It was beautiful.
But like all beautiful creatures it was caged and tormented.
Tested and abused.
Till finally it was internally broken and scared.
Now it’s considered normal.

The candle was lit
The shadows contorting
Conveying a message
Seemingly important

The patterns all etched
Into the silk of darkness
Watching and waiting
The shadows were heartless

They tore up everything
Hopes and dreams
They ruined me
Or so it seemed

But shadows only play
When there’s light
So it’s easier to stay in the darkness

Step 1-wake up
Step 2-get up
Step 3-show up
Step 4- think about how no one will give a **** if you complete step 2 and 3 while struggling to accomplish step 1.
Depression

Why do I feel the need to write
When I have no ideas
No inspiration
No thoughts

Have you ever felt the lump
The one in the back of your throat
Choking back tears
Have you ever felt the drop
The one in your stomach
Conjuring all your fears
Have you ever felt the sting
The one causing your eyes to overflow
Messing with your head
Have you ever thought
That you aren’t good enough
Have you ever broken down
For absolutely no reason?

“You want the truth” it spat at her.
“The truth is that you aren’t alone, you are just blind. The truth is that you blamed yourself for everything, yet you never changed. The truth, my dear, is that it’s now over”
She blinked back her tears and stood up straighter.
“If im not alone, why do I feel like I am. And it’s not over yet” She spoke softly to no one but herself.
“Oh but it is, you know it is”
Her breathing quickened and her mind went fuzzy.
“It’s not over!” She screamed and wrapped her head in her hands.
“You know who I am, you know I’d never lie”
He chuckled and sank to the shadows.
“I don’t know who you are” she said confused.
“Oh but you do dear girl. I am you, her, him, them, I am everything and I am nothing, but most importantly I am what is known as death”
“But I’m not ready to die”
“My dear child, you already have”

I don’t want to be dead
But dieing
would be less painful then existing
That’s what you don’t get.
I don’t want your attention
With all my scars
They are there because
I got to a point where
It was so painful
That it didn’t hurt
And life was just a mess of words
And you were not even a thought
Because I was empty
And those scars
They fill with red
To bring me back
I do no do this for you
I do not do this for attention
I do this because in the moment
I would rather be dead
And Every time I fall into this moment
They get deeper
And I fear that next time
I may not wake up

You aren’t lost,
If you never knew where you were going.

You never truely understand how much it means till you no longer have it

Thy wind doth cause chaos
Thy brain doth cause it too
Thy sky dost do many things
Thy mind dost think them too

The trickling waterfall gliding down you face
Nothing triggered it
But still it comes
The sadness hits you so hard
That breathing becomes difficult
Someone asks what’s wrong
And it makes it worse
Because to be honest
You have no idea why you are like this