Intensity
A single word, all that comes to mind
Propensity
For thought, or setting things aside

All the glowing neon signs
And everything that I try so desperately to convey
I just can't find the right words

It's got to have rain
No doubt
And light as well, so long as it's gray
Or neon red, with hues of blue
As long as its night
Or something tangible in white
Something representing past days

Ages ago, but familiar feeling as well
Ages, only years maybe
As long as its different

Some otherwise abandoned alleyway
Shipping bay turned rave
Abandoned shopping malls
Frozen over lakes

Minimalist design
Clean, and insulated against
Nature

The heart of the woodlands
Something like a cabin where
The lines between the outside and
Not are too disjointed to
Make a distinction

Maybe half the magic comes from
The inability to capture outside of
The occasional photograph that strikes
up some match
A spark or something
I don't know for sure
But if I capture it maybe
I don't have to feel it any more
I'm not sure if I'd be any
Happier
Or just worse off.

It's still not ok
But then again, when has it ever been

Keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Take back your words, but you'll never take back enough
I've got a feeling over time
You'll stumble over what you didn't want to find

Keep throwing bricks against the stone
Chipping away, until you wear it down to bone
And you've broken everything away
I'm leaving you to rubble, burying your turn of phrase

And keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Save the world, but It will never be safe enough
And all your pity is in vein
Tripping over syllables, you never planned to say

It's not ok
But when has it ever been

It's still not ok
But I'm guessing that's the way it will stay

So keep on pouring out your guts
Slick as the ropes that I never thought I'd cut
And break yourself against the stone
Amid the bricks, you'll quickly find yourself alone

Not sure what to say
Not looking so happy now
Never a bad day
Still not ok
It's still not ok

Another sunbeam, lost along the way
Remembering, long gone summer days
When the world was calmer
Everything sounded clear
But now your words keep falling
Ever further from my ears

Another sunbeam, lost along the way
lost to the elements, that pull like tidal waves
eroding further
Now the chaos reigns
Lost amid its shadow
Til its slowly pulled away

Do you think you'll look back at this moment in the same way
Since its not so disimilar
Since it sparked that particular memory

No

One:
My eventide, prime of life held dear
Perfect token, held in such high regard by myself
Human nature, aligned itself
Beside myself, looking through the lenses of my own craftsmanship
So perfect, so perfectly aligned

Two:
Spider web cracks, for half a moment held in their complete pattern
So entirely unique
And then the next
I snapped
Earth, brazen in its physicality, held in the cracks between concrete
Shards, broken to bits below my hammering
Raking claws of bone, stronger than iron
Muscles tensing so, constricted as I still felt the earth break
My chest equally constricted, feeling the pressure of
A new form, taking root
Crawling through, my true self waxing

Three:

And my blackened wings burned in the naked sun

Standing on feet unfamiliar, but mine in their entirety
Clawed
Burning bone, and the steam rising from my corpse
As I clawed
Rising to reveal
My wingspan, bone, brittle
Decorated with the ash

Tipping point reached, one final breath
Let the waves of inertia crash, contaminate

....

Alone in complexity, machinery, and everything
Perfectly formed human being
Slowly turning sour by the minute

Stale air, only growing in its bitter taste as
Seconds that feel like hours, add to feel like years
All the plans i made
All the plans i planned to make
Gone, but not forgotten

But then they were gone
Truer statement never read then
What i read on the back of the final bit found
Within my reach
Filtered through a layer of sediment
settled over my vision
Sanitized as life had been

But my shelter having been breached
To seep much longer...

Too accustomed, but it doesn't help

Found lacking in the company I had hoped to keep

A poor atonement, sinking further

Or, it kept rising

I was nearly covered.

.....

They stepped a little closer
And left appalled by what they found
Rotting in the dark, silently

Defensive at the outset, shaking at the sound
Sounding incomplete

Face down this
Eventual ending
For me

Casualty: my interest fading
Once waxing moon now seen waning
And I did concede your irksome warning
And watched as the rest played out

So let bygones be gone, fallen out by the side
Of this road, worn down, still restless, keeping straight
Eyes glinting off token little bits of hospitality
Mother nature being so inclined at times

The stress so unnerving, I hardly doubt it
But tension is eased once it comes to acceptance
And I accept in full, finding time to unwind
Winding stretch of lonely road, dotted here and there by
An occasional landmark
Or a lonely tractor pulling behind it
Iron bars, old and rusted
Found in their hold
Bales of hay or
A small little pond
With a bench beside it
Holding initials carved against the grain

With a heart surrounding

As mine beats slower

At last, the sun begins going down

And the moon grows brighter
Even in its state
And my feet move faster
Though my body is withering
I feel this separation growing
As my mind takes flight and leaves me

Behind, in the twisting twilight
And alone, I walk along

Monsoon morning glow, glinting off another dying ditch
Littering, barely twitching instrument of compact destruction.

Noticeably different, near juxtaposed against the back light.
Noticeably strained, a coming age relegated to natural composition

It's hard to hold, memory, fragile fleeting
Slipped from its hold so easily, another piece shattering as it falls.

Repetition breeding more empathy than I can continually malign.
Forceful premonitions, until the choice to deny is taken from me.
All my thoughts, premeditated, actions, all deliberate
The illusion of choice shattered before me, as I take up my ill gotten arms.

Bolster myself with courage I no longer deserve.

And I get scared about just having to wake up sometimes.