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11.0k · Jun 2017
When it thunders,
The sky crackles and I feel the most alone.

Just like that day in the woods.

My special place was off the trail, but he couldn't have known me,

I was so young and such an idiot,

Not everyone is genuine but I was so trusting,

I can still smell the sickening mixture of fresh-fallen rain,his sweat, the mud around the creek and salt from my tears.

With every atmospheric collision from the sky
my stomach churns tasting the blood in my mouth from his fist thundering against my tear stained cheeks.

When the wind blows  
I can still feel his callous hands bruising and exploring my unwilling body, and scraping against
the most intimate parts of me.

The lightning is when I remember the rock that found my desperate palms and crashing against his temple

The wind howls and the rain finally starts to fall then, near my belly button burns just like it did when the blade he swung wildly cut me before I could run and the water is my heartbeat pounding  in my ears,
but I can hear him behind me
The rush If my blood reminding me I’m still alive mind begging me to stay that way, his threats pushing me further

Head pounding ,body burning,
I burst through my front door

And then I start to cry
Rain storms are actually very hard for me to get through due to some other traumas but the storm that passed when I wrote this smelled like that day. Thunder really triggers me especially when I'm alone I used to cry in school when it thundered in the weeks after this incident but then I started to internalize it and I'd just be really quiet on those days. Trigger Warning, ****, molestation, violent attaked on a minor.
2.0k · Jul 2018
Ode to My Anthropologist
Thrown together by our meeting in spring,
    the season warmed the earth as I warmed myself to you.
My heart-
a glacier ,
  & the possibility of us trapped together inside.
But you: my anthropologist uncovered us, pulling me from a tundra of loneliness.
In your arms my ice melted, and the emotions I had long since buried,became yours to marvel
Edited by Samantha Neal
2.0k · Jun 2017
teleportation.
When I look into your eyes,
You stir in me daydreams
Pure and beautiful;
They bring me to tears.

You take my hand,and I’m moved
You bring me to a place
Comfortable and Warm;
I think I’m home
I think I really like him
Edited by Samantha Neal
1.2k · Dec 2016
asphyxiation.
I am choking, on the things left unsaid;
I am drowning, in their dread.

Smothered by the weight of my own tongue;
Coating my larynx, begging to be wrung.

My breath, stifled by unwritten letters draining into my esophagus;
Strangled words, using my body as their sarcophagus.

That one day, when I'm stronger, I'll find the courage to excavate.
Until then, I'll slowly ,**asphyxiate.
1.1k · Jul 2018
Sun God
Sun God shine on me;
Every hour I darken your alter,
with thoughts of loving you in my prayers.


Sun God shine on me;
You  bless me with your company,
And I bask in its radiance.


Sun God shine on me;
In your church,
I am the most loyal devotee.

Sun God shine on me;
For if you are the sun,
I am the moon dancing in the sky alongside you.

Sun God shine on me;
Because if you do,
Baby I will shine for you.
1.0k · May 2017
Porcelain
When I thought  I loved you
I was bare;
Showing you the battlefields left;
of wars fought on my skin.
I whispered the secret history that forged me in the stars.
A scared heavenly body;
riddled with sacrilege.
I revealed to you the scars both visible and invisible
And you mapped each of them with your fingertips.

When I knew I loved you
We were lying naked, talking,
and your eyes were locked with mine
Inside the beautiful windows to your mind,
I saw you,
churning
With curiosity;
With wonder;
And your gentle gaze held me steadily,
with the absence of lust.
And I knew I'd made the right choice.

When I told you I love you
You first told me.
And I, amazingly, trusted you.
From your tenderness I blossomed,
exposing the most sensitive parts of myself
A soul cut from down,
wrapped in parchment paper antiquated by the centuries;
And a battered heart,
made of porcelain,
held together with the need to love;
And missing,
  so,
    many,
       pieces,
It can't afford to be broken again.
923 · Mar 2017
relapse.
I try to be stronger now.
But I killed my strongest self, several attempts ago
I push it away,
but darkness always returns;
I am reverted to the worst version of myself.


She is 16 and sobbing out her sorrows in her bathtub,
to her favorite razor and a bottle full of pills.
She is self-destructing but, she can't say why.
Someone else's words have cut out her tongue.
Her mouth bleeds out their words against her,
trying to save herself she locks her jaw into a smile, that lies to everyone around her that she's fine.
But, her body fills with their hatred and she learns to loathe herself
Slowly, her heart is smothered and her mind breaks.
She becomes so full that she burst at the wrist, just to get some relief.


I return to the present,
I've made a mistake.
I am too weak again to this world.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I watch the blood on the counter make small pools from my wrists.
And I give into it.
I will never fully be myself again.
I have killed myself too many times,
Sometimes I wish my body wasn't too stubborn to die.
TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION.
574 · Jul 2018
Autumn
To me, you are like the embodiment of summer trapped in autumn,
Your presence, the sun shining through my gray, and cloudy days.

The strands of your hair, red and gold,
Like leaves twirling in the wind leaving me to watch them dance.

Every brush of your lips against mine sends chills down my spine,
warming me from cold breezes blowing against my neck.

When you hold me in your arms,
I'm taken away from my autumn,
daily stressors and pressures disappear So I can bathe in the warm honey of your summer light.
Edited by Samantha Neal
465 · May 2017
My decay:a novel for you
I have written countless poems for you,
That your eyes will never reach.
I have novels of you,
Countless volumes of skin
I've ripped from my fragile bones,  
Pressed into millions  of pages With only your name covering them.
445 · Apr 2017
Cycle
Passionate Nights turn into naked mornings,
Naked mornings turn into lazy afternoons,
and Lazy afternoon to more passionate nights
and all these moments I want to spend in your arms.

I am cautiously entering a greedy danger zone filled with you,
I want the way you kiss my forehead softly, warmly, in the throws of passion,
I want your fingertips tracing the tattoo on the back of my neck and sliding down my spine while I rest my head on your chest,
I want regretfully leaving your house at 3 am because the time got away from us,
And I want the text at 3:46 asking if I got home okay because you worried.

I'm playing a dangerous game on a thin layer of ice,
and when the game is done I hope I haven't drowned in a cold lake self-made sorrow,  
I hope I am warmly in your arms.
408 · Dec 2016
weight.
The weight of you drags  me down.
I try to swim but you force me to drown.

You hold me under the surface of my depression by my throat.
Suffocating me by your once gentle hands I could fight you but I don't.

I let you chain me up and I let you drag me down.
Because even without the weight of you I would surely drown.
I sink into depression often but as you know misery loves company.
342 · Apr 2017
Okay.
Oh no, don't worry about it I'm fine.
i'm just Killing time and was wondering if you could talk. no, don't worry it was nothing.
i am completely Alright, i've just been having a rough time.
how have You been?

Of course i want you to ask again but I don't want to burden you.
i'll Keep it locked up deep inside, i'all be okay they have their own lives.
they are so far Away, i want to make plans with you but you're so busy now.
I am running out of Yellow paint, my only companion in the loneliness.

i have a feeling i'll be gone soon, but that's OKAY.
328 · Dec 2016
Found Things
You found me;
Whilst I was to finding myself;
I trusted you with all my pieces;
And you took them as a trophy,
A prize for when you broke me;
In their place;
I was left with your false I love you’s;
As scars on my desolate heart.
274 · May 2017
awake
If I  wake and we were all be a dream.
Would that ease my pain
or further, break my heart.
I have so much love in my heart for the people in my life, but it dances with my anxiety and sorrow. I wish could wake up, and not be such a melancholy soul. Although some of my greatest loves have made me this melancholy, if they were a dream, what would I be?

— The End —