It wakes me in the morning
The song you dedicated
Now some would say this is obsession
But I beg to disagree
My mind knows well that you are his
But my heart keeps you near
And I'm sorry for the inconvinience
I swear I've tried to unlove you
And I've tried to ignore you and forget you
But my heart keeps on betting on you
We both know you'll never read
All the poems I lay here,
So grant me this reception
It's all I got from your deception.

It's been almost a week now, and yet you're still everywhere but where you should be.
How can you love someone and don't give a **** about them?
It's not the first time you leave, you've been gone longer, but there's a chance it may be the last one.
You said you loved me, missed me.
But here I am again, running in circles, all alone.
I can't keep doing the job for two, I can't keep doing the work for you.
I may not understand but at least I've tried.
You just left, oblivious if I cried.
You where right,you weren't playing with my feelings.
For to play with something requires affection to the toy.
Which you don't.
I'm not even that for you.

Why can't I lie?
And pretend I'm fine and I'm not hurt at all.
Why can't I lie?
And say I don't miss you anymore and I'm not lost.
Why can't I lie?
And act as if you were nothing and I'm alright.
Why can't I lie the way you do?
Maybe because you are not lying.

It's raining on my face
Humid roots
Growing through my cheekbones
Cyclones of joy and sorrow
Of desire and confusion
Streams of love
And puddles of defeat.

A tender clash
Reuninting sensations
That weren't supposed to meet
A crash for your decisions
And all my fears
But a strike like this
Has never feel better.

I swear my intention's not to deceive
Nor to turn your heart upside down.

A wreck of emotions
Surrounding me,
Surrounding us.

But your eyes are the sunshine
To this raging storm
That comes within me
And I can't help but strive
For the love I know gone
But hope for its return.

I've loved the wrong people
But I've loved them right
I've learned how to love
The people I shouldn't have
I've given up my heart
I've shown up my art
Expected what they couldn't give
But I've done it right
I've loved purely and bravely
But the direction was misguided
But I can't help to fanthom
That maybe one day
The right person will show
And I won't love him right.

For those fortunate hearts
Who ignore the feeling
And for those unfortunate ones
Who impose the feeling
You'll know.

It is like forgetting the lyrics
Of your favourite song.
It is like having a cough
That just won't give up.
It is like every punch in the face
You've ever had and will ever have.
It is like forgetting midsentence
The last line of your essence.
It is like not being able to draw
What seemed perfect in your mind.
It is like the feeling you get
When you are strucked by the wind.
It is like spilling something
In your favourite shirt.
It is like a deep ache
You can't locate.
It is like loosing the last piece
Of a 1000 pieces puzzle.
It feels like falling
Without an end nor beginning

If you love someone who won't love you back.
You'll know.
It feels like everything you can think of.
Except for being loved back.

As long as my heart beats.
Long after you leave.
Even now, as even then.
Just as now.
As time hadn't passed.
Never forget.
Don't loose faith.
Right now or in a million years.
Only my love for you.

Together we would stay.
Ended up apart.

Encircling our flaws.
(X) one by one.
Taunting fate.
Running away.
After all.
I beg.
One more time.

Give me a reason.
I will follow.
Embracing it.
More as time passes.
Reaching it.
Enlightening the way.

And if we part.
Unknowing our destiny.
Never forget .
The love I gave.

Even now.
As you leave
My heart beats
Only for you.

You were mine, once,
A long time ago,
So long your taste has left me,
But not long enough,
For my love to leave me.

You were mine, once,
You held me so tight,
That my broken heart mended,
But not tight enough,
For my heart to stop needing you.

You were mine, once,
I loved you so much,
That my soul felt at home with yours,
But not much enough,
For your soul to stay.

You were mine, once,
A long time ago,
When you held me so tight,
That I couldn't help to love you.

But now,
You are somebody else's.

When someone leaves your life
To go on with theirs
There's a lot
To be missed.
Not the miss that remembers
And makes you ponder for days
Not the miss that forgets
And tries to remember.
When someone leaves your life
The miss you will encounter
Will be the one that is not there
The one that happens
Without you noticing it
The one that keeps on going.
What you will miss most
Is all the things that you will *miss

I used to write what my soul poured,
Let the words set themselves,
Anguish and despair were all I wore,
A flame and a cig were my only friends;

It made me feel like Bukowski,
Drowned in words filled with sorrow,
With a broken heart because of him,
But now that it's all over;

I only write out of habit,
He took my poetry when he left
Like Alice through the hole of a rabbit,
And disappeared witht the perfect theft;

I'm trying to figure out
What to write about,
The new boy who hasn't come out?
Or the man who craves for my mouth?

But my poetry, my poems,
The only thing I was proud of,
Are the ones who suffer the most,
They're lacking the fuel that ignited them,
I let them all be about men,
And what was the cost?
I've obliterated them.

My poetry is dead.
Like my soul hopes to be.

You asked me to wait
So I did.

Small,
Cold
Was the table.

Big.
Crowded
Was the place.

Black.
Hot
Was your coffee

Steam floating from it
And just like fog
it dissappeared.

Black,
Cold
Was your coffee

Big,
Empty
Was the place

Long,
Sad
Was my waiting.

Let me give you some advice
for the next time you dare to say
'I love you'.

Don't flash it just because you are happy
or because you are just sad
or alone
next time you say those words
made sure you meant them.

If you are feeling the heat
between your thighs
say anything
but don't say it

The next time you say those words
I know you won't say them to me
that is a fact
but anyone could be me.

Next time I fall in love;

I'll be more cautious
And be less precocious
Won't keep my flaws in
Let my tears flow out
Add someone to my world
Instead of making them mine
Sing my lungs out
Won't shut my feelings

Nex time I fall in love;

It won't be with you.

I can still trace,
Where his hands were last night,
I can still picture,
His chest and how it felt,
I can still taste,
His *** growing in my mouth,
I can still feel,
His body perched up on me,
I can still recall,
His voice, grunting in pleasure.

But his face I can't remember,
Neither his name I could tell.

This is not a poem.
This are the words
I can't say,
This are the words
I'll never say.
The words
No one would hear, and
Perhaps no one
would read.
Pressing 'enter'
Now and then
I won't say
That I miss you
You won't hear that
Neither read it
I'm too proud
I'm too hurt
I'll say
This is  
Obnoxious
But I
Don't know really
What it means
I have just
An idea
Of the feeling
The words gives
Like your name
And perhaps
It will make
This
Seem like a poem
But it is not
Just some spaces
and words
But it is not
A poem
Some words in caps
other not so much
This is not a poem
I am not a writer
or a poet
I'm not even a lover
This is not a poem
And
I'm no longer a person.

Look at the clouds
Swimming in the deep blue
Of the sky
And I'm [not] thinking of you.

Hear the birds
Singing their lungs out
Preaching their love to the morning
And I'm [not] crying.

Feel the warm of the sun
How it ignites your skin
With the heat of the universe's stars
And I'm [not] ready to start.

Gaze over
To the boy sitting alone
Who is [not] in denial.

There I was, locked in a cage with a hungry lion.
Certain that it wouldn't harm me.
I was kind and loving with it.
The cage was everything but a cage for me.
But then the lion rejected me and finally attacked me.
Right before leaving the cage, I looked into its eyes and asked for a reason to stay.
I don't like the world outside the cage.

It wasn't part of my plans
To find love in such a strange land
Word by word
You caught my eye
And my sleepless nights
Were never lone again.

Old songs recovered its meaning
New ones gain a meaning, too.

The taste of colors became stronger
And day by day
My quirks became in super powers
And before I knew
We were already lovers.

I know
We may not last till October
Or perhaps
We'll last for forever
Honestly,
I root for the latter.

You ached me today
Like you haven't done before
It was a different aching
One that's almost unnoticed
The one that lingers in your mind
With all the things you want
And will never have.

A rare aching
Like a longing
For someone you miss

You ached me today
As if I needed what you always do
But haven't done in years
I missed your presence
Your voice.

Like you ache for something
That's back to your life
But not as you wanted.

I must say that it got me fooled
The road seemed straight
The scars had cooled
And the obstacles had strained

But the turn eventually came
And now I'm coming back
To the spinning hail
To my self attack

Further self,
I know you will get us there.

Former self,
Forgive me for getting us here.

I hate the way
You make me feel
And the strong effect
You still got on me.

How you turn my world
Upside down and up again

It leaves me dizzy
Hands shaking
Heart shattering

I can't belive
How much I hate
How much
I still love you.

How many times,
Has my heart been broken,
By your words and your promises,
So hollow,
They resemble to my heart.

It ain't hard to believe,
That you caught me again,
Fooled me once more,
Played your games,
And ended up loosing any way.

Come at me
And make me yours
Mend what you broke
Wipe my tears
And don't let me go.

Go on then
I'll forgive
If you don't forget

I'm willing to set myself on fire
Once again
With the rising heat of your skin

So come at me
And make me yours.

A heartbeat frettles under my skin,
upon my eyes, a darker tint,
this body, not more than a shell,
for all I know, I might be dead.

Along it came with my first breath,
this yearn, to paint the walls in crimson red
an everthought, my resting place,
for all I know, call me obsessed.

I loved you, when you weren't looking.
I loved you, when your laugh went higher.
I loved you, when you smiled without realizing.
I loved you, when the anger took over.
I loved you, when you walked away.
I loved you, when you pushed me away.
I love you, now.

Raindrops wail
And thunders shutter,
As my heart fears to fail
And my mouth begins to stutter.

Lightnings flash
And static grows,
As my feelings slowly crash
And deception comes.

There is a storm in my heart
A hurricane at my soul
And your name on my lips.

What are this tears
running down my face
doing?
Who let them escape?
Who let them exist?
What is their point?
Their salt only sours my soul
And their warm mocks,
To the cold of my heart.
Who said tears
could do you well?
What's the good
In feeling so small?
It feels like I'm melting
I'm so sick of it
Who would've thought
You would do me so wrong?

We'll smile for the camera
Smile for the picture,
Then why won't we smile
When we see our reflection?
We'll held our cups up
And scream 'cheers' together
But we are not cheering,
We are actually trying
To clear up our conscience.
We'll discuss about ***
Like we are the masters
But the truth is,
We are still not over
Our last ex.
We act so precocious
To start the next stage
But we are not conscious yet
To leave this stage.
We should stop expecting
To do what we see
We are still on time
To change
What others will see.

I'll keep writing you
although I know
you'll never see them
not even a word

The sad part is
I got so used of
being ignored
that now I don't care

Now we are nothing
we drifted
and you are not alone

But thinking of you
still aches
just as much
as listening your name
or remembering your voice
even the 'if's ache

How wouldn't they?
when you first came
flashing
'Hello'
but left
without a
'Goodbye'

Left me to figure it out
that your heart
was no more
mine
and mine
with all the ache
remained yours

If I had known it was the last time.
I would've kissed you less harder.
And more kinder.
I would've looked you in the eyes
And felt my melting ice.
I would've felt your skin.
And felt the lightning.
I would've told you
I loved you.
If I had known it was the last time.
It wouldn't had been the last time.

People say
That whenever you hear
Of someone's death
You will still hear
Another two,
For dead always comes
In three.

I wonder
It the same happens
About heartbreak
After all
It leaves you broken
And sometimes
You feel dead inside.

I've had my first
And it hurt like hell
Almost killed me.

Now
I've had my second
And it was
Like a puch in the face
Before you even wake up.

This time
I'm both scared
And excited
To know who will be
My third.

Today I missed you,
My mind wandered
And led me to memories,
Of you, of kisses
Of vows forgotten
And broken promises

I thought of your whereabouts,
If your heart is being taken care of
If your smile is still the brightest
I thought of your voice, echoing,
Through my veins and bones

Today I missed you,
I promise I won't call, neither text,
There is a reason you are now my ex,
A reason with a name and last name
Any other attempt, will keep me lame
So I'll just think,
And miss what you where

Oh dear mind of mine,
Are you really mine?
Are you really connected
To my bones?
Are you really a part of
Myself?
Can't you hear my heart?
Screaming his name,
Everytime you bring us
A picture of himself,
Didn't you get the memo?
Where we left very clear,
That it was for our safety,
To not overthink his face,
Leave his smell locked out,
But here you are,
What a traitor,
Our heart skipped a beat
And now can't stop crying
All because,
You are thinking on your own,
Oh dear mind of mine,
Just spare me one,
Let me live with no regret,
With no sorrow
And no heartache.

The truth is.
I'm not even sure
if I love you
or just long for you.

If what I'm feeling.
is called
love
or pain.

Honestly,
when I think of you
my stomach
doesn't feel
a thousand butterflies
but
a thousand knives
piercing
into my soul.

I'm not sure
if I'm afraid of letting you go
because I love you more than anything.
or just because I don't know how to live
with all this pain.

One will taste happiness,
Your lip's softness
And that final exhale
You give at the end
Of every kiss.

The other will taste sorrow,
Your silence's pain
And that final glance
You give
Right before you leave.

One will feel your skin,
The beating of your heart
And the smile
You make
Between kisses.

The other will feel pain,
Your absence
And the sound
Of your voice
Saying goodbye as you leave.

He will be blessed
I will be cursed
He will walk between clouds
I will walk among devils

He will be chosen
I won't be anything.

You came with your shiny armor.
Made of white teeth and bright eyes.
And from the highest tower.
I stumbled and fell into your arms.

It was your tender touch.
Your loving words.
And the truthful promises.
That made me yours.

And I thought.
That I finally could be happy.
But it was nothing but a simple grasp.
A flicker.

Now my hands are empty.
Missing yours.
My lips are lost.
Looking for yours.

My heart is now broken.
For the lack of you.
But maybe I should've listened.
When you said your pride was high.

Should've read between lines.

You found out.
That indeed, the tower surrounded me once.
But it was not protecting me.
It was protecting the exterior from me.

You were more pure.
Than a small child's laughter.
And all it took was one touch from me.
To leave you without a cure.

Now I'm alone.
And you realize, you've never needed me.
Go on with your life.
This was meant for me.