Fire and ice,
Heaven and Hell;
  Come save me from myself..
   After everything,
    Would you really let me fall?
Would you watch as my flesh burned
And as I became.. nothing?
A disturbing serenity.
Please, your radiating apathy
   Is bone chilling!
    Tell me, pastor,
     How can he be forgiven for this?
I swallowed my passion yet
It burns deep down.
  If I am indeed dead,
   Tell me my inspiration still lives.
     A promise, that, my soul is not at rest.

Hatred fills up my eyes with tears, only now did the world lift it's mask to show it's ugly face.
A time of joy and appraise ruined by the cruel and inhuman monsters that roam the ground.
A dawn of new day overtaken by darkness.
Since when did happiness only apply to one kind?
Tell me when did others lives come more involved than your own?
My chest sunken and head lowered for I am filled with shame for my religion.
When did The Judge become my fellow people?
This land is one of law and equal opportunity yet religious views are forced upon all.
When did the love of my people dissipate into this angry vial monster mobbing precious souls of their joy?
Tell me how one deserves to be loved more than anyone else.
Tell me how one love is the only kind of love.
Tell me how can one sit and speak Hell upon another because they chose happiness?
Is it jealously? Envy?
Tell me why

I'm not a "girlie girl" I do not like dirt and grass kicked in my face
I am not allergic to cologne but please do not wash it down my throat,
it's poison. Why must they scream in my ears? Honestly, it's abuse.
The doors, only one opens; therefore, it's chaotic. No one has the slightest
clue of what manners are. The ******* heat. It could give one a stroke, still I continue.
I can live with everyone making me feel as if I am not intelligent but
I refuse to live with you. I have decided to cut your presence out from my life, metaphorically for you don't seem to ever leave.
I just want to get away from you!! You are toxic to my system and
I want to be healthy. Oh! But I hate to loose you all the same!
Isn't this a mess? Devine chaos at it's finest. But yes, she makes me feel like **** for being human. My thoughts and feelings won't seem to go away! I don't know how to stop injecting the drug into my veins. Make it stop.. Make him stop.

You kissed me with your eyes open
because you said you could only believe
what could be seen.
I kissed you with my eyes closed
because I told you that sight does
not come from the eyes but with
knowledge from the heart.

As the wind blows against
the window and its clothing,
while today has began to  turn
into tomorrow, a drift the locks of
a feather spirals towards
the ever moving ground.
Troublesome hearts beat
spreading venom into every
possible vein. Arise is coldness,
bitter ends and misplaced love
fluttering throughout a thought
and twisting to and fro towards
its catastrophe.

I used to compare you
to the music that I couldn't
live without.
Your words, sweeter than
any melody, could save me.
I never gave any thought
of how I could adore
someone I barely knew
so much, nor did I care.
With the slightest touch
of my body, I was yours.
How I wish it wasn't so,
for you slipped away.
I can feel the ache of
my tattered heart as
it pounds in my ribcage
reminding me of the
ache that doesn't seem
to go away.
I sought to find a drug
to erase all evidence
of you, to relieve me
from this hell.
I prayed for it all
just to have been in my
head, my imagination
going out of control.
The tears that fight
to escape are the only
physical evidence
that prove that the
past year was indeed
real and was not
a product of my
vivid imagination.
I have been ******
to live without knowing
what could have been.
Maybe nothing would
be different at all and
you still wouldn't give
a **** about me.
I realize how great the
chance is of the same
outcome, yet I can't
help but to break
inside when I see
you happy and with
someone. So, *******.
You have so much
power over me and
you don't even have
the slightest clue.

Gazing upon his honey comb skin made my eyes glisten, yearning to discover the crevices in which peaked out from under his short sleeves. The bright and sunny days were the best. The weight of the world that seemed to weigh my shoulders down on any given day suddenly disappeared when the gleaming green eyed boy threw me a grin with his perfect milky teeth and peachy lips. Oh my...
When he pulled his full peachy lips apart to expose my favorite smile, my irritated bones started to know their purpose. They stood strong and gave me the support that I needed to be able to take in every detail of him so that my memories would ring clear and precise. The sky was bleak when my personal sunshine went away for the night taking its luminescent high with it leaving a piercing empty darkness in its stead.

I've heard of  having the pleasure
of finding your true love. They say
nothing else matters to you once your
eyes meet. The songs say that you
would do anything to have the presence
of your soul mate with you.
The movies show two halves becoming
a whole.
Reality isn't so poetic. The movies
and songs didn't inform me of the
negative sides of love.
They didn't tell me how bad it
would continuously hurt if you
lost the one you thought you loved.
My favorite quote doesn't
relate to how ****** I feel a night
when I know he is just fine.
Or maybe I'm too young to know of
love. Whatever it is, it hurts just
the same.

Imagine the day without a break,
every single mistake, forgiven and all but forgotten
all the good outshining the bad and the worthy
without the worthless. Never will the speechless be
crucified for the wordless. A penny be worth a penny
in a jar, but the dollar ruined in the washer with
only but tomorrow's sorrows. All the melodies
one could ever sing, and every "amen" the night
could never bring. Your hands could choose without
fear and the mind could forsake a being even if not near.
Let the addicts fulfill their need! Pour up their jugs with blood
and let the pigs roll over in mud, it's not the business but
theirs. Could the rivers flow up stream? And the Lord feel down? Oh, what a catastrophe.

Hey dude, you are so undesireable yet you sit here as to say, "Hey, I know you want to **** me, I would too!" But sweetie, we don't. We could not care any less.
Yes, I want you as much as a tuba likes a pp. And you are as useful to me as mezzo forte is to the color guard.
Take a breath, sweet thang, and swallow that love in your heart which happens to be only filled with you, yourself, and hey what do ya know, more YOU.

I don’t fancy going to sleep because I hate what I see when I close my eyes and I loathe staying up late because I am afraid of what my imagination can come up with.

Two birds flying in the sky,
fly, fly high.
To stars sparkling in the night,
sparkle, sparkle bright.
Two diamonds in the ground,
dazzle, dazzle for life.
Two colors, one red one blue,
show your pride!
All hail the mighty hue!
Two hearts, two beats, a different song.
Two minds, two  precious minds...
But just as the sun rises, it must set. Just as the day starts, it must have an end. Two young children, humble souls they were. A star in their mother's sky. Their memories will never leave us, and we shall never forget. Bud and Quan will never die.

Her little sleepy eyes drooped into their hallowed holes fighting the yawn her quivering lips began to make.

Her pale pink cheeks glowed in the lamp light on her mahogany desk, which she spent most of her time writing her life.

As she licked the taste of the last of her favorite ***** off her white lips, and glanced at the clock, her pen ceased their work and the end of a poems journey began.

My mind has never been a peaceful place,
oceans and birds scream to be let go, freed,
from my thoughts.
Tidal waves and earthquakes
Gluttony and lust
Cigarettes and matches,
that is all that's left.

It's nauseously living in a world full of nauseaous feelings while living is nauseating.

It's dying a thousand deaths while dying is a thing of terror, but dying being inevitable, while we wish we were dead.

It's a simple thing really, this thing called existing. Are we existing right now or are we yet to exist?

Humanity is tenasious. Yet, no one has any tenasion.

Aghaslty we sit, we stand, we walk, we dance, we lie. Aghastly, it's unimaginable, but we die.

I had to last a week with my personal satan.
Hell on earth, the only thing life was lacking
was the burning pit.

You killed me with your words, each one happened to shoot my spirits down.
Those "I love you's" bled out from line to line. What is pain? What is agony? Where are you to take those feelings away?
Black and blue lips spoke in harmony between us two. Bless it be the calling upon our wretched souls.
Don't speak, don't shoot- I surrender my love. Please take it away, lock it in a cage.
Tame this beast that we call love.

Months go by since I saw you last,
As the memories fade.
You gave me a kiss that I thought about for days, but now I no longer can see the image.
It's been months since you last made my heart race, gave me butterflies, or said something so sweet I questioned was it really you.
It's been months since I went to sleep with you on my mind, dreaming about every touch from you and every conversation.
It has been months, months without my love, my happiness, my world...
It was months ago when you left... yet it feels like it was just yesterday.

Can you tell me when?
                    What dear?
When will being yourself be easier that suicide? And don't
call me dear.
                   Well, let's not talk about that, sit and eat your breakfast.
If not now, then when??
                   Be still, girl, and when you finish, go comb your hair.
Would you rather I end my own life than to stop pretending to be something I am not?
                  You now that's not what I mean. And you aren't pretending, you are just being silly. I put some more lip gloss in your purse. The pastor called, he wants to read you some scripters later. And your dad is going to take you shopping for some girlier clothes, those are horrid. Have you seen that nice boy who lives across the street, you should try to get to know him. You two would make some pretty kids. And-

Can you all just.. stop. Maybe it will be clearer when I'm not here for you to accept who I am..
                Be quiet, young lady. Pass the butter.
But I am not a lady..
And at that she laughed and reached across my plate and got the butter. She had to spread it with a spoon because she thought all the knives were missing, but if she listened closely she could have heard the clinging noise they made under my bed.

Sitting in class with her is strange
it's odd,
it's different,
it's weird
it's difficult.
Tell me why, why am I disapointed when she's not there?
When she's gone, I miss her silky hair.
I have always liked her, yet this time it's different.
She has a personality you can not hate, yes, do not blame me.
Look at her!
******, pure ****** is she.
Golden by the sun
and as pure as a stream.
Surely she knows I am addicted.

Who is this girl wearing my clothes? Who was this girl lying in my bed just a second ago? Surely she isn't the same girl who enjoys sneaking out to study the stars on a warm summer night, so what was she doing here? Who is this girl, walking in my ratty Vans?
Her eyes drooped from late nights of over thinking, making her age about ten years.
Look at her, she stood as if her legs would give out at any moment.  
Our eyes met for a fraction of a second before she looked away from embarrassment. She shouldn't be embarrassed.. She just needed a good nights rest and a nice meal for sure..  As I reached out to touch the ghostly girl, to let her know that everything was okay, my hands slid down the slick, cold glass that made up my dresser's mirror.
A morning routine.

I am so happy. Don't you her me as I "laugh out loud?"
I have a headache from smiling all day.
I love people so much, look at them as they pick up and throw my things.
They are super adorable. I just adore you.
I am so happy.
I am.
I am so..
Happy.

The last time my eyes laid upon the greens and browns of the dinner table, my hands gripped your rough knuckles underneath the table's wood.
As you partook in the role of swallowing your mashed potatoes, my eyes lingered on your throat, catching the way the tiny hairs moved up and down at the grooves of your neck.
And In the same moment your free hand wiped your mouth, erasing any evidence ravishing spaghetti sauce, making every surface of those pink lips visible, the thought of them on mine cursed through my head. Yet now I know what I am thankful for this thanksgiving.
Only now did you look up to meet my gaze traveling your neck; however, your eyes read the same as mine, cultivating desire. Desire and want screamed from the blue of your eyes. Only now did the decision to have thanksgiving by ourselves make sense. Was it five seconds ago? Ten minutes? An hour since there was a full meal sitting on the table that now held our intertwined bodies.
Was it five seconds? Ten minutes? An hour since I wore a skinny black dress that was now in pieces on the floor.
Was it five seconds? Ten minutes? An hour since I appraised the tie you wore with your suit that was now torn into five parts by my impatient little hands.
It indeed had been to long since your body was one with my own, forgetting the beat of the world but with a rhythm of our own.

They say that family is always there for you
But is that so?
They say that blood is thicker than water
Is that even true?
All friendships have an end whether you know it or not
They say.
Family. The only thing you can count on...
I call *******.

A five by eight enclosure is too quiet and dainty, perfect for thinking. Awful just awful.

Fiberglass is too cold to be cozy and air doesn't circulate better when standing up.

White water doesn't have a grip when it falls at a rapid speed and the drops continue to fall a victim to gravity without regard.

Sitting there, skin to the cold cold bottom feels so lonely, sending emptiness back and forth and up only to send itself back down to it's home. It's honestly dreadful..

There's nothing to distract from the burning.. No white noise to quiet the mental rumblings..

Eyes closed, breath stalled, fingers trembling, chilling thoughts at bay, finally engulfed.

I took a bath today.

Hell is home as the year has gone by,
I repeat, hell is my home.
Black and gray
White and brown, my sadness has a mind
Of its own.
My skin, as dim as it is
Burns a memory in fire's eyes.
Strands of black hair dwindle
Down my face, catching in the
Frown that lays permanent on
My lips.
Dim, dim, dim
This light burns no more.
This light, it burns no more.

I've painted my nails black.
The color suits me well, I think It's my favorite.
It also happens to be very comforting..
I always thought I'd like him better if he wore
Black fingernail polish. Why didn't he?
The thought of that boy wearing black
Paint on his nails sends shivers down my spine.

We were young and reckless
You and I were never meant to make it this far..
I was always ****** to hell, but not you.
Honey, you were sweeter than any angel.
Hell bound are we both, strapped in for the ride.

The clock strikes eight o'clock and the realization sets in. The birds have stopped their singing, the sun has ceased it's shining, and the wind is not blowing.
There is nothing but my thoughts and I. The world is still, not a cloud in sight. I am a prisoner taken by night.
Succeeding in forcing my thoughts out of my mind in the day, they hit me like  a ton of bricks.
I am a prisoner.  They lock me in my room when all I want to do is sit and watch the stars. They force me to give into the shadows, to sit by myself and think.
I am not allowed to write, for my hands are tied behind my back and they have broken my pencils in to. Forever do I long to be freed, to be who I am, a free spirit. I do not wish to be captivated by normalcy any longer.
They feel it in their fingertips and in their toes.
I was meant for so much more.
My heart yearns to be free, to feel what it wants without critisim.
My thoughts ache to be written.

You used to be good,
yet now poison filled lies
escape from your tongue.
Their bitter edge has left open cuts and
scars imprinted on your lips.
Forever will you be immortalized
in the scratches gave to me upon my back and
the hell fire you breathed upon my
hair.
Isn't it a shame, dear, You let me
die in hell while I thought you
were my own personal heaven?

IT IS NOT OKAY TO MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BLONDE HAIR, GRAY EYES, AND FOREHEAD KISSES AND THEN NEVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN.

I'll be dancing in the street
with flowers in my hair and
without a care until the sun
stops shining and the earth
stops turning. I'll be writing
words forever until my hand
aches and my fingertips bleed
and I have nothing else to say.
I'll be sitting in my room
sipping tea while it's too hot,
with one ear bud in ignoring
the world for hours and hours
because I can, the world is
beautiful that way.
My scratches on paper with
my no. 2 pencil will continue
to mean nothing to society
and everything to me
furthermore but will never
disable me.
I'll be missing when they
look for me, fret none for
I get lost in words.

I am not a daisy yet your words cut me down.
Neither am I a rusty bucket, yet my eyes pour out.
My throat is pained with the words that refuse to come through, can't you see?
I am broken, and here I cry out in need of help.
Help me, I lied, I am not okay. I am not fine.
Life is a daily struggle, a horrible one of mine.
I need someone, it used to be you, don't you remember?
Now I have no one. No one indeed.
My hands have not ceased their shaking, my heart, quickly palpitating.
What is this called? This place I am alone in? Hell? Purgatory?
My soul is damaged, please leave me be.

This is it..
No more gasping for air no more reaching out the water.
No more.
I am alone.
All of my stars that dazzled for me night and day have dimmed and disappeared.
But I don't have any more hope.
All of your gazes terrify me
All of your comments are horrid.
And here, I stand frozen in place
Dripping in self apathy because
I am useless. So,
This is it.
No more gasping for air
No more reaching out the water
No more.. I am alone.
Anger swells up in my hands
It tingles on the tips of my fingers
And sends vibrations up my arm.
It's last destination... My heart.
My cold, black heart.
Not black from lack of caring.
No, I cared far too much
And you all didn't care for me enough.
Maybe that's how I ended up here.
So this is it.
No more gasping for air.
No more reaching out the water.
No more.
I am alone.

I don't love you anymore.
There, I've said it aloud.
I understand babe, you love her
and I am truly happy, truly I am happy.
Listen, I do not love you anymore.

Life has came by and swept my
bones back in place, my skeleton
complete without a heart.
It lays o'er there in a cage, ready
to be given to someone else.
I don't love you anymore.

I laugh because not a drop
of guilt forsakes me.
It is you! You should feel guilty!
No, not guilty, but honored
For I have written countless
poems describing us.
Yes, us.

But I do not ******* love you any longer.

Clocks are nothing but ticks and tocks strutting through the day
As with the birds fluttering to and fro.
Sunsets, ah such a beautiful thing to witness. A
Rainbow running across the Earth never ending,
Or the colors thrown off the rain after a rain shower.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee in the coffee shop,
Perspiration trickling down your neck as the attractive man
Pours you a cup.
Children are golden, but never will it last. Therefore, never
Forget that pretty little boy who picked you a flower from the
Playground; one day in the fast approaching future he will not
Remember your appreciative smile. This planet, it moves around
And around and the sun, it goes down and down and it goes down..
Tomorrow is today and yesterday never happened.

Hey, old flame! There you burn once again,
Some wood in my fireplace and a cigar lit, burning red and sparking orange.
My blood runs with new excitement for maybe now there stands a chance.

The doctors checked my smile that rumbled with contentment for the months passed, joy didn't last, and my hands shook so bad, a pen couldn't be held.

You and I, wood and gold, sent shivers through my mind, a reoccurring fantasy I never dreamed to forget. You were always mine from the beginning, baby, your fire just had to be lit.

Being dead doesn't seem so bad..
Silence.
Numbness.
Struggling to live a satisfying life; now that is what cuts me into a thousand little pieces.

The ghost that I used to
call my friends ran from
their home in my closet
only to tear me apart with
their truth,
my life is a disaster,
an earthquake waiting to
happen.
His smile built me up like
the Eifel Tower and his
words slashed my face
with a knife,
tell me why I gave satan
another chance?
My life is spiraling out
of control, and
there is not enough
beauty to prostrate.

How did I give you all this power over me?
Clearly I did not mean to.
I am not my own person anymore, who am I?
My life slipped through my slender fingers, my only hope was for you to catch me.
I was let down not once but several times, your “power" twisting my bitter soul.
What must I do for you to see?
I picked up your habits, your drugs are killing me inside and out.
I never enjoyed the lighting of cancerous cigarettes until one hang from your mouth.
I lack power, the only quality you seem never to loose.
Maybe I am just weak
A weak, dying speckle of dust from your shoes, but drink me up and spit me out, only will I crawl back to you.
May I blame it on power?

My apartment no longer holds the same meaning in my young heart as it once did.
I can no longer find peace in this foreign place, for an intruder has well, intruded.
My things are no longer mine they are ours as I now hate to put it.
I no longer feel safe! I stay awake at night praying to dear God, keep all evil away from me!!
Destroy these thoughts of ****** and suicide that have now taken over my mind!
He could force his self onto me just because he wants to!!
I am only a young adult, my life has not yet began.
He has a dagger, hands itching to slit my throat!
Please, I have much more words that yearn to be written, and if it just so happens that I can officially be deemed as a poet, well I must live to see that.