I swear, I wish I was rich.
I wouldn't waste the money on myself.
No.
I'd spend every ******* dime of that money on you.
Just to see you smile.
That smile kills.
You deserve everything good in the world
And I want to be able to shower you in gifts and blue soda.
Because god, who doesn't love those sugary drinks?

the sun shines, once the clouds move

the wind blows the leaves away

the grass grows once the rain falls

and i am in love with you

when everyone you trust isn't there
there's not much left to spare

Alone, Alone, Alone
It's all I've come to know.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
Even in a crowded room, it's all I feel.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
No matter how much you tell me I'm not, I still feel it.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
It's all I'll ever be.
Alone, Alone, Alone.
I'm gonna die *alone.

here i am

writing another poem about

such an immature event that took place today.

here i am

writing another poem about you

just because you took time out of your day

to sing to me about ****.

For a while, I was in the mind frame that the scariest thing that could've happened to me was dying.
But in actuality, the scariest thing anyone can ever do is live.
Because really, what's so scary about taking a lifelong nap and not failing at your dreams
or having your heart obliterated by the love of your life?
Or watching your loved ones slowly die
day by day, by day?

you're so beautiful,

but you're not meant for me.

look at me
I watch as you sit
by yourself
and strum on the bass
cracking a joke
making the whole class laugh

look at me
i watch as you sit alone on the bus
joking with the bus drivier
laughing as she rolls her eyes at you

look at me
i watch as you crack a joke in class
scooting your desk around
annoying the teacher as she teaches

look at me
i'm looking at you
helplessly thinking these lines
as you crack another joke
unaware and unaffected by these helpless emotions i possess

look at me
i lent you a pencil
you own something i once held
but you got numerous pencils that day
will you use mine?

look at me
you once picked up my pencil
my voice fluttered saying thanks
you didn't respond
did you notice i was blushing?

look at me
i'm helpless
another dumb crush
another dumb line uttering the same exact thing
'look at me'*
in my head.

Being in your arms for those ten seconds was the most wonderful feeling in the world

more beautiful than a spring flower blooming,

the sound of laughter in an elementary school yard,

and the smile on your face when you see me

i lost my touch, but that's okay

that just means, i'm not as sad

as i used to be

Less than two years ago, you were my best friend.
We would stay up every night and talk, creating fictional worlds were we lived our dreams.
Two antipathetic, pessimistic kids against the world.
Running on little sleep, we'd create this worlds until we ran out of ideas.
Then destroy them and start over.

A year ago, things changed.
Like all good ideas, you run low on them.
So we stopped creating and talked about us, our life, and how we'd end up.
Hours on end, we'd talk about how we had no future, no path, and how we'd create our own.
But then something else happened, you made new friends that year.
I already had new friends.
They're great friends, I never had friends like them.
I'd try to tell stories about them like you did with yours, but you'd give me a 'cool' answer.
So I shut up.
They too meant the same to me that you did.
After all, you're my best friend too.
But like best friends do, I never left you.
I never could.
You were my best friend.

Less than four months ago, it was my birthday.
Like all birthdays, that day wasn't special for me.
Birthdays never are special to me.
I apologized for not buying you a gift for your birthday earlier that year.
My dad had lost his job last year and I'm low on cash
Plus, I'm not doing too good mentally, and emotionally.
You said it's fine, and got me a gift anyway.
With that gift, you wrote a letter.
You're not good with words, but you were saying I saved your life and I'm your best friend.
None of your friends get you quite like I do.
I cried, because for the most part, it's the same for me.

Less than a month ago, you stopped talking to me.
Our conversations grew into petty arguments anyway.
You never did listen to me.
I should've known you never did care from the way you never listened to me.
You would talk about yourself, and not care about me
And if I did, the answers were so vague.
okay, cool
But I still ached to talk to you.
I'll never know why.
Another thing I'll never know is, if I truly was your friend
How would it be so easy to forget me?

i'd like to write a poem about how i feel
but that's been done a thousand times.

i'd like to write a poem about how a dumb boy makes me feel
but that's been done a thousand times.

i'd like to write a poem about how the sunshine makes me dread staying in all day long
but that's been down a thousand times.

i'd like to write about how much a person makes me hate myself
but that's been done a thousand times

i'd like to write a poem about how much i hate myself and feel emotionally dead
but that's been done a thousand times

i'd like to write a poem about how everything has been written about
how everything is overused and overrated
how life is just about repeating emotions and acting on impulse
which you regret later on
but of course
that's been done a thousand times

i love how you can make me feel high
like a child's balloon, which floated out of her hand
and into the air, soaring
                                            higher
             ­                                           
                                                          and higher

                                                         ­           and even higher

until it reaches a simple tree branch and

pop

and then the balloon begins to tumble down
onto a innocent driver who's on their way to work
who's windshield the now deflated balloon lands on
when they swerve to not crash into the ongoing traffic ahead of them
now that an object is blocking their view
and they drive straight into a tree,
and their head bangs off the the car's dashboard
since a worker who inspected the car's model
did not realize that the airbags did not deploy
and they are dead,
all because of a balloon
which a careless child let slip out of their hand.

What if

that tiny bug you just killed,

which in no way was harming you,

just wanted to make sure

you were okay?

every memory you left is in a box

with the lid glued on
to keep them trapped inside

a hole is waiting for the box
in the yard

and it's hungry for every single memory of you


are you ready to be buried?