"havnt" poems
iN & Out Of Rehab
iRelapse
Then Collapse
iNever
Commited To Sober Living So Why Are People Tripping?
Drug Programs
Are A Waste According To My Case.
im Never Going to Stop
unless i O.D And Drop
But Even iN Heaven Thats iF iRise.
With the Angel
imma Continue Tweaking Cause iM A ****** Tweaker
Or iN Hell With Fallen Angels.
It'll Be Better,
Since iSold My Soul To The Devil.
He Never Asked
iJust Gave iT Up.
iFell iN Love With A stimulant Drug made up Of Chemicals ****** Poison But idgaf il Keep Dosing.
Went From Snorting To Smoking
Methamphetamine
iLet iT Get The Best Of Me.
Part 2
Out & iN
2014 iTs Krazie
iM Back To This Dope ****
Its been Already 4 years and
Im still Addicted.
In & Out
Of Rehabs, Different Drug Programs and Sad That iStill
Havnt learned ****
Got Out November 19 2014 For The 3rd Time
And im Still Twisting, Getting Lit
Ilove Living Twisted
Im on a comedown
Im irrated right now wanting to take
Another hit.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC
I have a Job, delivering pizzas.
I've seen the good.
The bad.
The ugly.
The really ugly.
The strange.
The crazy.
The fat and lazy.
But one thing I havnt seen.
Is someone as judgmental as me.
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 8:42 PM UTC
I cant wait to speak to you now
To see your face
Your my home
Your what i know
And when i said i hated you
It wasnt true
But i do hate what youve done to me
I hate that i love you
A little bit
A lot
Now
Now when i feel crazy
And then actually
Then when i said i hated you, cos i was crazy, cos i love you, and thats what this love has done to me, made me crazy, an thats what i hate.
Oh and now
Because your away and i cant see you and feel you and make you laugh, i really want to make you laugh
And see your smile
And taste your lips
And make you ***
I fantasise daily
About how im gonna tie you up and make you *** the night you get back
In reality il probably be shy
But i have friends, i have hobbies, i have important **** to do for **** sake
But im sitting here, missing you
Writing this
Recording shows and films on the box for us to watch together when you get back
The notebook
We have to watch the notebook
And im fine
Dont get me wrong im fine, i get to sleep okay
And im chillin, seein people, might see matt this week, talking to didi an toe, seeing family
Im fine, please dont get a big ego
But im just not
Home
Im not tingly
Or excited
I cant explain it
I dont have you
I dont have you in my arms an sometimes that makes me sad
And then i start thinking about all the things that iv done wrong
And all these great things im gonna do when ur back
I am, im going to appreciate you more
And im going to play cool a bit more
Dont know how im gonna do both
But i am
Im gonna appreciate you because i want to,
Because i look back on this short time weve been together and so many things that you have done for me make me smile, make me so grateful and make me so happy. Like the cash machine one :) and staying at my house when i was at work, and being patient when i dont know what to wear(corfu and tims)
And all this makes me think, **** What have i ever done for this boy
He is amazing and he loves me, **** knows why but he does and its insane
Oh and then im gonna play it cool, thats right
Im gonna play it cool because i dont want to ruin it
I dont want to show too much
Of my feelings of absolute passionate never-before-felt-like-this love!
And i dont want those nice things you do to stop
I dont want you to stop trying
Because its boring
Because you know youve got me
Got me ignoring other guys texts
Got me thinking about no one else but you
Got me absorbed in you
Got me missing you like crazy, writing stupid love notes at midnight, drinking rose on my own, when i havnt seen you for a mere two weeks
That kindov got me
Thats what you cant know
So im gonna miss you
But then im gonna see you
Soon
Soon im gonna wrap my whole body around yours like a vice
I wanna jump on you, i wanna run an jump when i see you like we used to do in the corridor of galbraith
Even tho i know im so heavy
You dont act like i am
And i wanna bury my head deep in your neck and kiss it
And now i cant write anymore
Cos its too much
So il watch kardashians
Take my mind of you
Not long now and il be home
I mean, you'll be home.
Aug 6, 2013
Aug 6, 2013 at 8:49 PM UTC
Have you ever felt a flame?
Have you ever seen something hot enough to melt the bitter ice block you call your heart. It’s scalding.
Sensual ****** flames that kiss your lonely corners and make you wonder how the fire department isn’t on stand by. Have you ever felt desire burn so deep in your bones you taste magma and blood?
What does that yearning bring you?
Why havnt the got **** fire alarms gone off yet? Do you wish for release? Or do you beg the embers to dance a little longer on your skin.
Is hot a temperature? Or does heat echo in your sweat and pores everytime you hear me? **** the ******* extinguisher. Set me ablaze! Light me up everytime you combust. I just want to feel fire.
Oct 9, 2019
Oct 9, 2019 at 1:30 AM UTC
"You need to get out of the house"
"Come over I miss you"
"Let's go do something"
"You stay inside all day. That's not healthy"
They have no idea what's happening to me
They don't know why I shut them out
The cuts on my legs remind me of prison bars
& make me think I'm a prisoner in my own mental state
"You'll come visit us at school right?"
"Don't forget about football games"
"Everyone will love to see you"
They have no idea that I can't come back
They don't know that I'm leaving soon
I havnt told a soul about the hospital visits
Or the thoughts in my head
"Let's go swimming"
"You're getting pale lets go tanning"
"This bikini would look so cute on you"
They have no idea why I can't wear bathing suits
They don't know why I can't go swimming
The marks on my skin would shock them
& I don't need a reminder of how crazy I am
They have no idea
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 7:32 PM UTC
I havnt seen you in years,
through the happiness and the tears,
I confer a dream,
it wasnt happy nor mean,
just me asking if you opened your present,
and you looked at me with eyes that made me feel like a wealthy peasant,
we were laying in a field,
you were my guard and I was your shield,
the world around us began to burn,
and I felt like there was something to learn,
so I asked if you had anything left to give,
your hand on my cheek,
you told me to just live,
the answer wasnt the reverse question that I seek,
I held you close and it felt so real,
even though we have always been too far from each other to feel,
you told me you had to go because friends dont do this,
but how could I turn down the loveliness,
I couldnt, and I begged her to stay,
she said this was just a dream and go I had her to let,
I woke up then drenched in sweat,
and my pillow shmooshed against my face,
closing my eyes tight I beg God to let me go back to that place,
to let me back in the field to hold her once more,
but after a while,
my eyes just began to feel sore.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 2:13 PM UTC
Oh! lustful pirate, I've watched you gaze over the sea,
Follow the horizon if you want to be with me.
Standing firm, looking glass to your face,
If you want my love youll have to pick up the pace.
You can bite, oh you can wrestle;
But youre just a boy riding along a cargo vessle.
Take a dive, and i'll make you a man,
I'll make it so you'll never step foot on land.
Jump in, dont be afraid,
What? havnt you ever gotten laid?.
Oh how exciting, its all happening so quick,
Now stop bobbing for air fool and let me bite off your ****
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 5:21 PM UTC
I saw her in an open field,
a stick sword I saw her wield,
screaming and waving the stick around,
but there was no sound,
just a rustling of leaves in the wind,
that's when her eyes shot like a pin,
at mine,
and she smiled so shyly, so fine,
I was awkward and fell when I started towards her,
the wind stopped and electricity started to stir,
I asked her if we could someday be in love in French,
she smiled shyly again and punched my arm,
and called me a maiden *****
I picked up a stick and told her to duel,
for the fire was getting fuel,
she threw down her stick,
and I went for a kiss but my nose she decided to lick,
staring with an awkward smile she pushed my cheeks,
and kissed me as I could feel my heart peaks,
awkward and my hand started to sweat,
I awoke with the feeling of winning a bet,
I will wait till tonight,
because you may not be real or in sight,
but that just means I havnt met you yet.
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 5:08 PM UTC
The devil is in the diner,
Asking if I want more coffee,
Telling me it's free,
I answer that I think I have had enough,
an angel sitting courtside says,
havnt we all?
the ball is gone and a car crash begins,
because in the end who really wins,
she pours me another,
and she hands me another beer,
what am I to make?
with an everyday that everything is at stake?
the music is playing on the jukebox,
the music is playing on the loudspeaker,
but the demon in the car,
and my Savior sitting close,
do I do what I purpose?
she smiles while I place down my tip,
and cheers when the team has won,
I guess in the end,
I can always take more.
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 8:14 PM UTC
Give me the answers! I need to SEE!
What it is you expect from me!
A world drenched in disgust!
Greed dishonesty and Lust!
People look to the sky and the ground!
Im looking for something i havnt found!
How do i give them the answer they seek!
It almost seems that my faith makes me weak!
You must know that prayer is not enough!
That Christ was not a diamond in the rough!
His hands were worked to the bone!
Look beyond whats written in stone!
Its no secret that i have my doubts!
My imperfections stand stout!
I am a liar, a thief and a murderer!
Slowly killing myself, i am a wanderer!
Give me the strength to put aside all the hatred!
To lead i need my apathy to be sated!
My mistake was thinking of a one way road!
The truth comes out of every lie that unfolds!
The "Divine" cannot lead in clouded perfection!
My sins have lifted me to vindication!
How will Light ever hope to succeed!
To hope to heal you must first learn how to bleed!
Aug 24, 2012
Aug 24, 2012 at 1:27 AM UTC
I have to close this chapter in the book,
it doesnt matter how it will read or how it will look,
because even the worst memories get brighter,
as age gets dimmer like a dying lighter,
right meow it will be looked at as a year for hate,
a year to commiserate,
maybe a year to accept the growth in me,
or a time I was most free,
it was a year for love,
or maybe it was just all of the above,
but that's every year I suppose,
just like every poet rhymes,
and has pros,
every year makes me happy,
and every year makes me feel down in the dumps,
its a just a game,
"Of streaks and slumps"
so here's to the next year
of happiness and fear,
love and anger,
thrashing and quiet,
raises up glass to my friends I have and havnt met yet
Lets all make a bet,
to be have good days and bad,
so that next New Years,
there will be something to be a had
Dec 31, 2013
Dec 31, 2013 at 8:31 PM UTC
I feel like im wrestling with love.
Its choking me
Its punching my ribs
So many times
I have believed in love,
And each time
The haven i build only burns down
I am left with the smallest frown.
I fight for love,
But it dies anyways.
Numerous times i have gone up to bat
But my heart recieved its third strike
My heart has been shot
My heart has been strewn everywhere.
Little pieces reside in memories.
I have fallen so many times
Scraping my knees each time.
I get hurt too much,
But yet
I still believe.
I believe there is a girl
Who believes there is a boy
That will understand her.
That will understand me.
Even though i still havnt seen its full effect yet,
i am willing to die
for what could be
Aug 4, 2016
Aug 4, 2016 at 10:59 PM UTC
He says good morning and sits alone,
She sits surrounded by people but feels alone,
He checks his phone,
And smiles,
She is thinking aboot the miles,
But they forget,
He has nothing set,
She has everything but still feels upset,
And they havnt even met,
He has regrets he can't forget,
She takes a drag of a cigarette
Another day is passing,
He feels everything massing,
She feels done,
But looks at her kids to feel the sun,
He's going down a dead end street,
She is cleaning to a beat,
And they are both going a hundred miles,
To the end of meanwhiles,
That should be real,
He looks with lonesome eyes at every meal,
She's trying to remember what it means to feel,
They will not meet,
But still they smile all the same,
This show will end lame,
But it started with an alright scene
Jan 23, 2014
Jan 23, 2014 at 12:15 PM UTC
I got new friends
Who told them?
Go use him
He works hard for you ends, To meet,
his life ain't compleate
They think sellin dime bags
Beats your poundin feet, or ****** hands, or avoiding uncle sams deadly reach
Only my real friends can see, even though sometimes they can't be, and I can't be, like we used to be, family, I havnt seen them since I last cut my christmas tree, but sometimes they call and that's when I see new friends may act right
But real friends, They Will Be
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 4:26 PM UTC
Images of your face crowd my mind.
Beauty in all you are.
I found that picture from when we where kids.
Best friends then
Best friends now.
But there is something i havnt told you.
See i think i love you.
I find myself thinking about you more than a friend should.
I think about how much we've grown together.
I think about the times ive cried on you, and you on me.
All the times you have told me you might sorta like me.
I want to be more, best friend.
Usually lovers are best friends.
And i feel our connection goes beyond holding hands.
We should be cuddling in my old treehouse.
We should be us
Best friend,
be my girlfriend?
Aug 5, 2016
Aug 5, 2016 at 2:51 PM UTC
Console games and animated romantic flames
It seems like you've forgotten
My lights are out at night but yours still shines bright
It feels like you've forgotten
Blank daydream evenings while your getting the drinks in
It looks like you've forgotten
Thoughts of wonder fill me, seems I've become your perminant taxi
I know that you've forgotten
2am Chinese deliveries, that's the only thing I can do to please
You've definitely forgotten
Have you forgotten that I exist?
Are you bored or tired?
Do you think it's all worth the risk?
Is it time that I retired?
Because all I'm doing is sitting here, waiting for you
All I'm doing is lying here
Waiting for you
This paranoia I have found
Is nagging so loudly in my ear
How can I ignore it?
But I'll be the bigger man
And act like everything has gone to plan
Please don't go back to neverland
I prey you havnt forgotten
Me
Mar 24, 2016
Mar 24, 2016 at 4:27 AM UTC
Because your love makes me want to
Drown
I avoid all bodies of water
It hopes that I'll survive
But it's fruitless
Because I've havnt got the control any more
It's all in the currents
Feb 14, 2015
Feb 14, 2015 at 6:58 PM UTC
I'm not going to tell you I like you anymore & pour my feelings out to you
I'm not going to flirt with you and give you the satisfaction you want.
I'm not going to look into those amazing eyes & melt .
I'm not going to talk to you because if I do ill get closer to falling harder
I'm not going to pay attention to your existence
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not
But eventually I will do the complete opposite
Because these feelings havnt gone away
They've been knocking me down
I say I'm done . But I keep finding myself trying again.
But one day I'll know when to give up.
Because if i was worth your time I will be relevant to your life and have a place .
But i dont.
And I'm not going to .
So its time to walk away . I've finally given up on you.
Aug 10, 2013
Aug 10, 2013 at 12:37 AM UTC
I used to listen to adele
When my heart was breaking
Now I wish I hadn't
Because everytime I listen to her
I remember it all
I used to text you everyday
When my heart was breaking
You said we were still friends
I didn't feel this friends thing
When I knew you chose her
Not me
I sorted out my head
Your working nights tonight
Why do you still think of me
When the moon is full and shining
I havnt texted you for weeks
Why are you texting me
When your heart belongs to her
It makes me feel like listening to adele
But I don't want to go there right now
I don't even feel like texting you back
I guess ill turn up the volumne on poets of the fall
They always bring me back to myself
When the heartache
Threatens
To take over
May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 4:21 PM UTC
my mind is a chaotic maze
guarded by confusion.
Lost in the labyrinth.
it’s too dark
i can’t see.
i’m trapped in this sick
sick place.
Sanity is slipping.
Thoughts that haunt me slide
into my unconscious mind.
i havnt slept in days
Please
someone, anyone
pull me from the edge.
i stare into the abyss
ready to jump.
i’m being chased
by the demons in
my mind.
They torture, torment
and tease by dangling my sanity
by a Thin
Thin thread.
my mind is
recklessly running ‘round rampant.
and swiftly shifting sideways
then twisting, turning and tilting
like a convulsing snake
The voices in my head scream
So loud
They block my calls for help.
Will i ever escape?
i’m so lost
no one is looking
because
i’m right in front of you
but
I
am still Lost
-m.o.i
Mar 16, 2018
Mar 16, 2018 at 8:59 AM UTC
Like a bad *** general reciting deaths
Strewn bodies like dead roses
Along the shore while the waves engulfs them
You glare at me like the enemy i have slained
But havnt conquered, my love
I read your book but failed to read between the lines
Of what makes you holy, or mine
Jul 8, 2015
Jul 8, 2015 at 3:57 AM UTC
Dear the girl over there,
I dont mean to stare,
its hard not to,
I know I really dont know you,
and you havnt made the move,
but you havnt stopped smiling either,
maybe together we can make new believers,
to love in a place that seems to being loosing a lot,
So lets grab hands and go to a spot,
where we can sing loudly and whisper things no one cares aboot,
I'll get my suit,
you get your dress,
and we will destroy the all you can eat buffet and laugh at our mess,
So take my hand and we will go to the moon,
and make the lovers that swoon,
all jealous that we dont try so hard,
so consider me a tuneless bard,
with bad rhymes,
and fly by the seat of your pants
and take a chance,
it will be fun,
I promise.
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 8:11 AM UTC
A day of silence
It is suppose to be
But today is loud
Oh what irony
People scream
In protest of us
Our silence is broken
So is our trust
I do not speak
On this day
In hopes that our future
Will be okay
That the torturing
Teasing
The hurtful words
Will stop
I pray
I cry
I shout
Protest my silence
***** fat,
Gay, les
****** dyslexic
****** deaf
But the word
The one sentece
I havnt hear today
Was I am sorry
And things will soon be okay
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 3:25 PM UTC
Nine years ago tomorrow, a child came into my life.
for nine years, I have watched him grow, cry, laugh, learn.
I was the first one he walked to, the last one he hugged
goodnight so he could get tickled one last time.
All the worries of my life seem to disappear
when I look into those blue curious eyes.
So I wish I could be with you, tomorrow
will be the first time I havnt been the one
to wake you up and wish you a happy birthday.
But know, I am there with you in my heart of hearts.
I love you Justen C. March.
Feb 15, 2011
Feb 15, 2011 at 4:55 PM UTC
I wonder if you know what im feeling inside...
Is it ok to fall, I really cant decide...
You could be the one, you could be it...
I havnt a clue what I have done yet!
Did I go to fast?
From fears of experiences in my past?
What I can tell you is its in Gods hands...
Just where our relationship lands!
Nov 25, 2011
Nov 25, 2011 at 11:01 PM UTC