One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a cat.

One Cuil: If you asked me for a cat and I gave you a rhino.

Two Cuil: If you asked me for a cat, but it turns out I don't really exist. In the place where you perceived me to be standing is a picture of a large cat. On it's collar are the words: "I am a large rhino."

Three Cuil: You are a cat. You begin to scream, only to realise that you are meowing. You scratch just under your ears and begin to purr.

Four Cuil: Why are we wearing dinosaur outfits? A light breezes rolls over our bodies but you only have one arm. Suddenly, the wind begins to howl and an alternative universe is created where we are dinosaurs wearing human outfits. I have cats for arms, and as you notice this you meow again.

Five Cuil: You ask for a cat; and I give you a cat. Your pull it to your chest and begin to pet it. Your nose begins to run and you wipe it on the cats tail. On the other side of the world a bank is robbed by a woman who has 7 sisters. In her wallet is a picture of you, in your human form. Your ears are pierced in this picture and they were in your human form as well, but something is different about them. The cat purrs and grabs a hold of your earring, ripping it from your ear. Milk drips out of you wound and the lady robbing the bank is arrested. Her oldest sister is climaxing while having *** with my brother. I give you a cat and it is poisonous. I am dead.

Six Cuil: You ask me for a cat. Mark Whalberg tells me he will not **** and he hands me a cat. The cat is smoking a cigarette, I develop liver cancer. I die. The wind blows on you again and the cat does not have a left rear leg. It puts its cigarette out on my eye. MGMT plays softly and you meow to the moon which is a pizza. The pizza has olives on it which displeases you. Your displeasure causes the woman to rob the bank so she can buy you Hawaiian pizza.  The gravitational pull of the olives causes a flood to reach your house. You cry and your tears become lakes. The Earth is flooded. Uranus ignites suddenly, engulfing Neptune in flames. A civilization of Nicolas Cage's living there are destroyed. Obi Wan says that there has been a disturbance in the force. A cat hands you me.

it all makes sense after a beer and a whiskey, honestly, as honest as is this statement, i'm only a misogynist with regards to white girls, who i find so, so adequate for feministic fickleness that they could never produce 1 billion blue indians or 1 billion chinese.

i tell you how it started, i was at university,
first year i met this french psychology exchange
student, she was older than me,
she got drunk at one party and crawled into my bed,
when i climbed and felt frisky,
she just told me to put a ****** on,
prior to she was stiff watching some cartoon
by studio ghibli, man i was young and frisky
about loose the white of virginity and enter
the blackness of personal psychologies
passing via the rainbow of the visible world,
it didn't work out with isabel, we climbed
arthur's seat and took a picture
while she scolded me for napoleon
and the duchy of warsaw as the re-emergence
of poland but missed marquis de sade's picture
hanging on the wall... who's sick then,
the one who pleases the many or the one who
displeases a few?
plato's picture also hanged on the wall...
she was oblivious to the fact that an 8 year old
child can be categorised as a native speaker,
because that's when i started my anglo oral examination
to speak it.
later i spotted her after my first session with a bottle
of whiskey in lycra, going to the initiation ceremony
for the lacrosse team... i never joined... i just puked
into a bucket.
you never realise that when people label themselves:
i'm an atheist... i'm a christian... i'm a muslim...
i'm agnostic... you see the labels... you see how
they rememeber of themselves in terms of nanometres?
they kept their memory very cancerous...
the proto-socratic maxim in modern times
stands as: remember yourself, knowing nothing
is worth the existence of an encyclopedia -
feel and make the facts absentee...
just remember yourself as some point in your life
to re- re- repeat yourself so i can known you
as i can know myself, just so we can interact
like in a school playground... if you don't...
forget it... stay with your ***** **** stiches of a partner
and tell me whether your children got an a at a-level.
so he told me about her eagerness for *** with
strangers... she was apparently abducted...
so he told me he ****** her... believing him...
not getting enough... i went to a brothel in my second year,
and i didn't really understand the emotions of
someone who's ~******* outside a brothel,
well she really did let that one rip among one of the
major proofs of solispsism: someone farted in a crowded
space and appreciated by himself alone,
all the perfume companies who even hired
the best chemists could produce the scent of solipsism,
therefore the proof of solipsism: we appreciate our own
but loath the ****-burp of others; hey, i just took
all the theories of existentialism into hades via ****.
but that's the thing - back when darwinism was
active, active enough to build pyramids, motto active:
strength multiplied by ****... back then...
chaos known as god entered and said this that
and the other... we can now say democracy is safe...
demo tapes everywhere, half complete scripts...
but the limit of democracy comes when
you start to disagree with yourself... that's the limit...
obviously a high proportion of people
succumbed to the democratic weakness
and started to disagree with themselves or
the ontological starting point and ventured into
ethical questions to give birth to conscience...
first year was magical, second year had a highlight
where me and this guy played golf on the street
with glasses, smashing them next to a graveyard...
about a dozen jewish couples got married
when we took over stomping the glass with golf sticks...
so it's like this, make memory as selective as nature is,
as bizarre as the colour of magpies and parrots...
plus... you wouldn't get existentialism
if you changed the cartesian expression that
thought precipitates into existence...
sarte's explanation that existence comes prior to essence
is true, he stresses the essence: i think,
but existence doesn't really precipitate into thought,
because then we're all analogue: god doesn't exist
because of such and such parasite...
this world is beautiful but harsh, but with harshness
comes adventure and with beauty laziness...
what's crucial is to curb the precipitation of thought
into existence... unless you innovate and materialise
a telescope or paracetamol... for the majority of us
the one thing guiding us is not res cogitans,
but res vanus... not the thinking thing, but the empty thing,
and the empty thing is primarily filled
with the first linear association, thought, and later
being - which is why most of us think about being millionaires
but never are... and therefore create the lottery,
then we put our thinking into to being millionaires
as a mere chance, luck... which is really emotionally debilitating.
i agree... an unjust world of freedom with a just god
who's whimsical existence has freedom like ours...
rather than a just world of slavery with an unjust
god who plays us like puppets;
go on, complain... but that's hardly a logic i wish i could
understand like 1 + 1.

For the woman who knows me more than anyone
The decoder of my unpredictable personality
The person who can give me my needs even before I ask
I never heard you tell me that you love me
But I'm sure that you do
It was obvious in the way you care for our family
We have been through a lot
And that really means a lot
Sorry if my way of loving you sometimes displeases you
In all my pursuits I made countless mistakes
You seem disappointed
The truth is you just want me to be somebody
Somebody that can get the best out of life
Don't worry Mommy loving you is
Experiencing the best this life can give
You are the channel of God's unconditional love
Yes you're not perfect so am I
But your motherly love is the one that connects us
Accepting your dear son not just a part but a whole
Not just the good but even the worst
Yes, I'm a Mama's Boy and so be it!

Brain Blow - Rant

nothing displeases silence as quickly as the noise
I know this sounds, literally crazy, as I try to regain poise
my mind was reduced to simple thoughts as I opened up from sleep
sometimes I know my brain just goes, with words that are too deep....!

Brian Hill - 2020 # 350

Rejection stings me like a bee, I'm frightened.
My heart has lost it's wings
condemned to return to its cave of shards.
My weapon has been buried in the leaves that you hid in the forest
And I'm struggling to find a color that matches my insight.
Or have I lost not only what is yours, but what is mine?

Reviving the self that is so desperate to hide
that it does nothing but hide in this pathways struggles.
I'm lost in your ruffles.

Friendship has bounds and the binds are what you're afraid to break.
I'm not alone
if this is a mistake.
All I want is to give in to what helps me create.
You call it lust while I experience it as fate.

I say I want someone to hold me
yet there's something underneath my wanting that you translate.
You show me the fear so clearly that even my communication dissipates.
I can't see what's ahead of me, simply what surrounds me,
and even though half of what I see displeases me, there's no way I can see it releasing me.

I must release myself from this madness, a yielding I'm timid to accept.

You've entered my insight and helped me to extend my mind.

this is fairly long and has ****** content*

I awaken in a dark room
Moving, I realize I am bound
WHAT THE ****!!!!! ( screams in my head)
I struggle, realizing freedom is not forthcoming

A gag soaked with saliva blocks the voice
what is going on
last memory is of friends at a fetish event
Thinking of everyone there trying to remember
Anyone that might have turned on the red signal

All were in masks
None seemed out of place
How did I wind up here
where the hell IS here?"
Wiggling fingers that send angry pin needles
Through the arms

Knowing it has been awhile since these bonds were done
People at the event were friends
Headaches like it had been drugged or hit
Thoughts run through my head, like buffalo on olden day prairies
What is going on?

Praying someone will miss me
Doubting that as I am known as the loner
Ice kitten  the name that described me best
Especially with interpersonal relationships
**** me who would do this?"

Deep cleansing breaths He used to say
Concentrating on One from the past to try and calm myself
Heartbeat pounding against the rough rope
Surrounding very ample ivory globes
Though by now the rose blushed tips upon white would be a cyanide blue

The door slams open hitting the wall
Cleansing breath almost chokes me
Deep baritone says I see you are awake ****
Mumbling loudly against the gag
Tingles roar throughout my body

Air whispers across me
Realizing that flesh is exposed to God only knew who
Further enraging the senses, I begin struggling anew
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Sound reaches my ears before.....
"OHH ******* hell" I scream out (although only I understood the words)
Fire slices across my ***
The wind kisses it as liquid trickles down the crack of the ivory half moons

Breathe girl Breathe
I keep that mantra going
Still trying to figure this out
Black lines streak my face
Lightning still touches my ***

Large fingers pinch the striped part of bleeding skin
Nose stopped up from crying as each breath is labored
Body squirms as the hand massages the heat
That baritone voice strikes a chord deep in my belly
His words are not heard at first which elicits a slap to the exposed thigh

******* in air causes a weird snapping sound
The hair on arms stands as he repeats the missed words
"Are you a good **** or a bad one?".
Go to hell is the first response that spits against the gag
Tsk tsk tsk he responds, the tone sending spirals of heat
radiating out from the belly

Something in His voice awakens the submissive fire that has lain dormant since the One left
That wretched gag is finally removed
Gulping in as much air as I can
Praying that cloth will stay free
Though the power of sight is still deprived

"Who are you?  What do you want with me?  How di
Large hand suddenly yanks hard upon long tresses of flame
Silencing my questions quickly
The voice that reverberates through the bound flesh states in a hushed tone
" If there is something I wish for you to know it will be so."
"If you understand nod your head"
Barely nodding as hair was still caught in a vise grip

Thoughts and feelings scream through my mind
Wanting out of here my mind screams as my body betrays the protest, the racing heart, panting breath, as well as the moisture building between swollen petals
What was I to do?  The more he spoke the wetter I became

Clanking sounds fill the air as the ropes are attached to a chain, I feel binds cinching tighter in places and loosening in others.  Fire roars throughout as blood surges and circulates
Moans escape chapped lips a new fear coursing within
Cringing as I await for the next reminder I have done something that displeases Him

The roughness of rope glides abrasively as more flesh is revealed.  Crying out as needles stab where blood returns
Teeth sink hard into plump lower lip biting back any noises
His hand touches my face gently
Jerking away reactively, regret releases a tear then another

The same gentle touch turns severe as something cold snaps down on the taut ******

Tasting blood as once again I try to block any noise from escaping my lips, again another snap comes down against
the other ******,
Back arches as sounds of pain escape
Every muscle draws tight waiting for his displeasure to be made clear

His voice coos a soft deep tone in the ear
Gasping as warmth spirals outward through my body
Arms pulled high above crimson curls
Secured as a squeak sounds as curves are stretched
First one foot then the other is separated and captured
The leather closes around each ankle

"I asked you earlier are you a good **** or bad?"
Mind reels as his voice sends waves of heat through me
Afraid to speak I wait, barely breathing
Sudden pressure then pain fills throbbing *******
Crying out "Good, I am good Sir!"
Something wet and cold surrounds both burning *******
The pressure releases

"Yes yes I know you are a good girl"
My lips form the words but my mind shuts down that action fast.  
"I bet you wonder why and how you came to be here?"
Nodding elicits a "good girl, I see you are learning quickly."
"This pleases me that you have not forgotten"

My mind searches the voice, the smell, and mannerisms
Something familiar but what
Hands suddenly seem to touch everywhere at once
Soft mews fill the air
His hands play my body like they belong
Fear gone chased by pain mixed with pleasure

Strips of leather kiss the arched back
Over and over, every millimeter of flesh is struck
Hands pull tight upon restraints
Air caresses moisture drenched thighs
Another implement of leather begins to alternate with the first

Pounding skin leaving behind red streaks of heat
Mind reeling at the intensity
Never having felt this before, or have I?
Tears soak flushed cheeks
The whistle of the flogger being flicked just before striking
Knees buckle throwing weight on shackled arms

No longer does the ability to reason exist
Only the moment
My body singing to the Flogger's tune
Most people would not understand this feeling
Driving upward from deep within
Each strike pushing higher

Perspiration covered hair stuck to my face and neck
Seems like this has gone on forever
Pressure building, body burning
Yearning for that pinnacle
Fear replaced by need
Thoughts replaced by desire

The tails touch grows harder, less rest between
Bursts of breath catch in my lungs
Suddenly all is still
Right at the edge of exploding
Nothing, except pounding in my head
Throbbing **** and electric fire all over

"You will *** for Me ****!"
His voice out of nowhere makes me jump
Resending exquisite pleasure mixed with something
hotter,
"Yye yes S ssSir" seems to trip from someone else's lips
One fluid motion so fast

Hands fall from above fiery curls
A firmness is pressed against my abdomen
Hair flows down as blood rushes into cheeks
No time to come down from the licking flames
His hand cups the curve of my ***
Jumping away from the hand seems like a sucker punch to my stomach

Smack! Smack! Smack!
Repeats over and over
Hips jump left then right, up then down
The heat roars through the half moons
His breathing is labored
Seeing the crimson color wash away Lilly white
Writhing beneath His hand

I hear screaming, pathetic cries
Release building as moisture becomes running wetness
Nothing coherent any longer
Just flames of heat and need
Fingers invade my soaked petals
Quickly gripping my swollen pearl
Squeezing and twisting as one word makes it through the chaos
"***!"

Reason be gone I did
Harder than ever in a very long time
Letting go of the frigidness
All the anger, tension, sadness
Spiraling out with that release
Bucking against His hand, the bench beneath me
Hoarse screams fill my ears
Still unable to figure whose

He squeezes and releases the pearl over and over
Each time striking my core
Body juices flow like water down my thighs
Tears follow down my cheeks as lips taste the salt
I feel His fingers release my ****
Gasping for air to fill my lung
Exhaling harshly as His jeans push against my raw ***

Muscles tremble as I realize it was my screams
My hoarse voice, blushing as the entire situation unfolds
Nothing left, emotions spent, strength sapped
His body pressing into mine as fingers pull the blindfold free
Unable to see Him still
He pulls my hair up and emerald greens catch a glimpse
"Oh my God!"  Trembles begin anew as flesh aches
"It can't be." I begin to struggle

Every move drags materials over raw skin
He waits for everything to catch up
Turning me over, bound hand press against His chest
Eyes still closed denying sight of what is truth
Arms of steel lift me up, flushed skin marries a cool sheet
That gentle touch returns to cup my face, thumb pushes away the tears

Opening my eyes, finally meeting His grey ones
A million questions bounce around my brain
Soothing voice says "in due time Mine in due time"
The One was back, why, how and all the other questions had to wait, for now He was back
Feeling the warmth of His fingers massaging lotion into my skin, each mark rubbed well

A loving kiss placed to my lips
My body covered in a cocoon of comfort
He was back
My world was right again
Eyes closed as I drift off to sleep
Last thoughts praying this was real and not a dream
An exquisite dream it would be but needing it to be real

Leaving you all to ponder if when I awaken
Is He with me?
Or
Did I dream a wicked night of delight?


Written by Jennifer Humphrey. All rights reserved

I align myself with the notion I have it figured out .
But surreptitiously imagine traveling to the ends of the earth, until my mind is plastered with its beauty .

"But that's not a job " they say , "you can do that when you have money ."

It all comes down to the money , pieces of refined wood and words .
I have to get this morphised tree things to actually see those trees .
For how long ........

4 years

maybe 5 .........

15 ?

It displeases me, that maybe living through my worst fears could lead me to those trees .
Being confined into a little room and typing away on a ancient computer .
The smell of expired coffee and over polished leather shoes settling on my nose .  

"But what if I want to be creative then ?"

"Surely you can't mean being an artist " they scold

"No.....maybe architecture or graphics design ."

They nod , "yes those seem to get you the money then ."

But architecture means making buildings.
I can't , that would require me to reprogram my hand to stop the doodles of swirly lines and unfinished thoughts .
And to draw lines  of accurate straightness and concrete ideas .

Maybe I just don't want to grow up .
Yet I'm told I seem mature , held together .( the irony )
But that's because the system wants someone docile .
I just don't want to be observed,
so I squish myself into normal.  Just to be grey in the sea of discolored faces  .
I don't want to be picked out  and ridiculed for my indecisiveness .

But that will change when I have passed their tests . To move out of their schools .

Get the piercings I wanted and feel alive when I plunge into death contained situations

But I'm not sure though . I think about the future .

Repeating thoughts to people of what I want to do .
And each time I become less and less sure .

And more and more certain I will be made grayer , more uncertain . Then be the fraternal twin of black , white and have a bright light, coaxing me into the future .

A cruel injustice, a terrible tease!
Oh, how it annoys and displeases!
When I'm about to expel a feel-good sneeze--
but then the wretched sneeze ceases.

(A feeling of desperate unease
accompanies
an almost-sneeze.)

And now I feel like a *******,
Called you up because I thought we were friends,
And now it seems like your belittling will never end.
I don't know if that was your attention,
To berate me like you were my dad,
But now I'm the one who is sad,
Wondering what gave you the right to
Think you can ever give advice on life?
I can't stand people who think they know
It all, they know Jack **** about nothing,
Always getting involved with my life,
Thinking they can control every aspect
Of what I say and do. They would rather
Look into my heart instead of their own,
It displeases them when I am content, it
Makes them sick to think I'm getting along
Without them. So, what the hell is going on
Here, I can't swallow your truth, or what you
Believe is true. I have my own beliefs and it
Sure as **** doesn't involve you.

With a shadow creeping behind me, making every promise empty.
Intoxicating my nerves, I am being chased.
Stalking my forecast, I run at ten speed.
No stopping, I turn around to see a shadow so empty, its mere whispers have demolished into misty ash.
It haunts my every being and stalks my rotten prey.
It displeases my humanity and consumes my lost soul.
I run, run so fast, the lights hit bloom.
Scared, fearful of what it can do, I look down, I see the shadow
...
The shadow was you.

The ghost I'm trying to escape, just keeps coming back.
The feeling is poison, but beautiful at the same time.
The feeling is toxic, but fills my void of loss and emptiness.
You're a bad guy, playing with my emotions and unleashing my toxic tears.
Confusing my feelings and handling me like a puppet.
Why do I love you?
Since you're the master of puppets, you've dominated and learnt to control me.
Let me go.
Or I will turn around, and leave.
Leave you empty, till you lose control.

ENEMIES

Should I say I have enemies
but rather
that others single me out
as such?
I don’t even know them
how could I?
they never said to me:
‘   You are my enemy’

and why me?
I am of no significance
not in the market-place
not the cynosure of others’ eyes
so few people
know that I exist

do I have the time
or bother
someone has targeted me
as an enemy?
Doesn’t that person
have better things to do?

but I don’t choose
to be the enemy of anyone
I have enough problem
of my own

only one enemy
I dread
lest it destroys me
that someone
is with me
every moment
all the time
day and night
it won’t let go of me
it clings worse than a leech
to my skin
it exhorts
challenges
teases
displeases
chides
blames
even pontificates
wanting to over-power me
in everything I do
trying to undo
what I count
to be dear to my heart
even threatens me
in anger
indignity
without a single straw of mercy

even in my sleep
it doesn’t leave me
it wants to haunt me
so that I would know no rest

I turn the corner to look
at that creature
my worst enemy
oh no
it CAN'T be true
that monster
is none other than
myself!

vincit qui se vincit

a place once filled
with magical thrill
has torn and spilled
leaving only cold chill

a thing once warm
devoured by a merciless swarm
drenched in oblivion's storm
and accepted as the norm

what more is left to take ?

take take take
give give give
the pattern of things
in life to live
the way it should be
yet it never quite ceases
often time just displeases
a flirt with the world, teases

if one should ever feel
like they were lacking
i would advise them to perhaps
sleep on it for a lifetime
and maybe by the end
they would wake up and find
that everything they never wanted
was nothing they ever needed

My throat closes

Every single time

When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close

I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them

I find it is not my time to speak.

For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence

Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it

Meek and meager
Never there when you need her
Your silence is louder than a train wreck.

I looked into my shadow,
black with such ignorant purity,
yet with the good judgement
I am void of
to shout out
"Don't look at the mirror!
Don't you dare even glance!"
Why not? I'd ask,
foolishly looking into
the reflective glass,
eyeing the pink,
pudgy,
fat,
stupid,
repulsive
stain on society that is me.
Cringing at the image that displeases me so,
the image that has caused the scars on my wrists.
the image that haunts my days
and steals away my nights.

it hurts.

"Because the mirror is a liar"
My shadow replied.
"Because the mirror is a monster,
what you see there is not you,
what you see there is pain.
Look closer,
for that slight warp in the mirror
that gives you a slant to your mouth
is not a malfunction of manufacture-
but of the mind,
carefully crafted
and polished
by society
that you are not good enough,
that you are something you should be ashamed of
until you hand them those so easily torn papers
you've spent so long working for
so you can be chiseled down to nothing
and pumped with plastic
to satisfy a twisted need
for standardization.
That is why you don't look in that mirror.
Because you will not see yourself,
you will see a false projection
of everything you've been told
is not okay."


I tore my eyes away from the mirror-
And for a moment.
just for a moment.
I believed that I was pretty.

There is a wound that sits behind the eye
Triad tonality, a fearsome sigh
Plucks a ****** chord
Lyric’d by the word “why?”
Acid fingers grin in lust
Anticipating another ****** into the belly
Of time gone by
Hot skin taut and merely waiting
For suicides to release their hands
In the chain their concert makes
Eternities in some hellish waste lived in only seconds.
How strong the forces are!
So steep a severing blow!
Still fresh a carrion scar, festering miles still to go
To beset the pinkest eves
This blade of regret
Within a greater narrative,
Tiny little vignettes
Armed in fashion of drunken odes
Those promises sworn to keep
Accompanied by such pathos woes
Accoutered, finally, in weep.
Brandished when it’s not so fresh:
This minor paring of my flesh
Gleaming in the summer laughs
To caterwaul my gaff, or plural if you like
The humor undercuts enormity
Or screams on shafts in biting breezes
This lived-in clime
I, this prey, displeases.
Unsheathed, the memories, in jovial acts of war
Besiege, beleaguer, the since-immured
True blood and guts long-since obscured
By friendliness, camaraderie
Intentions jester-pure
Trick suppressing-shields raised, jaundiced wills will not deflect
No blade or arrow of regret.

Stop murmuring and complaining, because it displeases the Lord.  Let us all speak life, all in one accord.
God have made provision, for us to live a holy life.  He sent his only Son, to teach us how to live right.
Help us to speak positive words, to encourage those who are down.  Allow your light to shine in us, to cause people to come around.
Let us not heavenly Father, to ever get in your way.  This will come about, as we sacrifice and pray.
By, Author & Poet, Sandra Juanita Nailing

suddenness,

greatest flows of displeases
pleases the sides sights can never see
way out, wave the signs the tundras in nordic planes
blue catches purple but purple swallow blues
strumming all the life in powerless houses
on monthly rents and problems
we rebuild life with coffees and cigarettes
on dark rainy mornings
light on the ceiling
a cockroach a fly a moth a butterfly
creatures never to be seen out of the dark
the last yearnings
cold hands lay flat
soft lips lay still
kind intentions and premonitions blends,
in
suddenness

i am the only one

who longs for irretraceable yesterday

I don't have to play
the respect card

When the other option
is common regard

Loose lips do sink ships
and it  leaves the other side doing back flips

Lord Thunderin' Jesus
as we say here on the coast

And that's the coast with the most
strictly speakin' a toast to the east

What displeases me most is
a the general lack of civility

On this big ol' world
that they call the Earth

I say, he's got a tick one
and I do mean his head

Some of those ideas
that he did give birth

Some of them good
for what it's worth

Give us this day
our daily bread

Those sugar plum fairies
dancing around in his head

"Donald Duck", I've heard them joke
While his big old pipe dream goes up in smoke

I hold him in regard and that's for sure
I have no respect for someone that I just have to endure

In the end he'll be a part of history
While all our lives will remain a mystery

i know it by now -
but i have no one to tell it to

my soul is dense in emotions;
nothing displeases me more

but i don't try to escape
i'm surrendering to this quicksand
i don't want you to rescue me

but please help me save myself
at least before the dusk arrives
because sadness is just too easy-
too familiar for someone like me

I loved her
  she was the constant reminder of me
How she makes me happy
  she knew me
When I'm at my darkest she was there

But I'm afraid of her
  she's always there
I look at the mirror
  she'd hug me from behind
I tell her to leave me
  but she loves me enough for me to die
I tell her I love her
  displeases her taste
I knew I had to run away
  but she said this was my fate

in the end I couldn't escape
   Me and the darkness that was Her.

My cat’s become so critical
of the pieces that I write
he kneads to express his opinion
and he always thinks he’s right.

He twitches his ear-itation
if I don't write in Senryus.
If what I write displeases him
he’s under the bed for refuge.

He’s worse than many teachers -
his reviews are seldom neutered -
he pointedly wags that twitchy tail
or cat-calls disapproval.

He laid across my laptop
for half the afternoon
‘til I promised an ode to tuna
which earned purrs of hallelujah!

Echo, Wood nymph of folklore
Punished by Goddess Hera
Hated, there was no choice
Fated, deprived of her voice
Repeating words you hear
Punishment for a puppeteer
You fell in love
so you thought
With Narcissus
But he got caught
Looking at his own reflection
Turned him into a flower
Not his finest hour
Leaving Echo lonely and sad

For all the cads that
Never met a mirror they didn’t like
Who’s self-absorbed refection
Removes any trace of reflection
A thought can be misleading
Even if informed by a feeling
Don’t think
Because you think it it’s true
Consider others point of view
Don’t think because I disagree
There’s something wrong with me
Don’t always refer to you
Your grandiose style
Is just a grandiose denial
And while you deny that it’s true
Only an echo believes in you
Must I echo your words
How utterly absurd
This I can’t do
Even if it displeases you
Nothing moves you
Except for the powerless, you occasionally feel
Let’s you know you’re real
And yes
The rage is real
Hidden so well
That no one can tell
As you covertly hide from yourself
Your histrionics are first rate
Always out of date
A recording from the past
You’d think, you’d have worn out the grooves
Of the characters you cast

At last
There’s never an end
To the people I meet

All the friends you absorbed
Into the persona that’s you
Each has a name
But there nameless to you
I say
I know where you got that from
You say
There’s nothing new under the sun
I say
What about originality
You say
Plausible deniability
I say
I really, really need to get away
I say
Then, why do you stay?

I’m in search of my voice
I left it behind
In another time
I need it
Have you seen it
It could be
Anywhere
Under the couch
In the closet
Under the bed

You’re looking in the wrong places
The world’s a reflection
Of the spaces
Between the thoughts
Of your stasis.

It’s true
I’m never alone when I’m with you
Like living in a zoo
Forgive my sarcasm
Lack of enthusiasm
That’s what it feels like
Being with you.
First, you’re uncle Fester
Then you’re Grandma Ester
Who are you really
You don’t know
Do You

You never looked that far
Skin deep
Go that deep
Take a look
What do you see
It isn’t me

I’m not the object of your hatred
I’m not your scapegoat
Forgive the diatribe
For I am a scribe
Looking for her voice.
I am Echo no more

The way that you look at me is the stuff what most I miss
And the way that you look is what most I wonder
Your scent is pleasant which **** me
How you used to jump to greet me as if you were playing airplane and you had already come to the end
How you look at the floor when something displeases you
I miss how you hugged me for anything
And how you hurt me
That you were madure and intelligent
And you also did pouts because I ****** you off
When you sighed before saying a dramatic phrase
When you were my secret
When you smiled to me
And you were to me

I have a darkness,
A quiet stealthy darkness,
That resides in the cracks of my soul.
Effortlessly it laces my dreams with its twisted whispers,
It takes sustenance from my values and sharpens it’s teeth on my faith.
Little by little I tempt it out when the world displeases me,
Almost threatening to unleash it as my righteous damnation,
But to free my darkness would be to lose myself,
And I’m not sure I would ever comeback.
So we dance this sickly jig in the shadows of my mind.
Toying with the temptation of power,
Often you can hear me mutter to myself,
Mumbling in a trance,
Reliving what’s happened only this time letting my darkness form the reply,
If you listen closely you will hear the hatred dripping from my lips with every word,
The blackness burning behind my eyes,
Seeing the wrong in everything around me,
My mind fills with grotesque manifestations of torture and demise,
Blood dripping from my gnarled fingers,
The very earth beneath my feet scorched in disgust.
This is when my darkness finds its place,
Comes alive,
Makes me feel more than I’ve ever felt,
Makes me yearn for death and destruction,
It’s intoxicating,
I want to let it course through my veins and consume me,
The temptation becomes almost unbearable,
Until something jerks me back to reality,
A question,
A voice .....
Are you okay, you were mumbling ?

Am I ok ......
I don’t know,
Am I,
The darkness retracts,
Replaced by an emptiness.
Feelings instead of the fight,
And I’m always left with the same thought,
Am I really holding in the darkness,
Or is it the darkness that’s holding in me ?

I may have never been the light of your life but you were mine. Recently when people voice the word ‘therapy’, it elicits in me a feral sort of anger. It's a routine: rage, panic, and exhaustion.

My mother’s quaint china dishes have found a steady home on my sienna wooden floors. Please understand why I taste acid and rancid flesh when I think of your hazel eyes and strong arms. My Tracy Chapman record echoes monotonously out to me, but the blood simmering in the grooves of my brain fills my ears with a sound that displeases my auditory senses. It sounds like static from a broken radio. The wind howls through the cracks of my windows and sometimes it cajoles the door open. Somehow, my penchant for you never fails to disappoint me as my eyes flit up for the briefest second to see if you've arrived. I use my teacups as wine flutes and my heart as a pincushion, but maybe your broad shoulders and firm chest could shelter me from myself. My desk stands proudly in the corner of the room. Enrobed in dust and half-eaten pizza slices, it stands proof of what you've done to me. Mr. Teddy is taking a nap. His cottony, soft, white insides poke out in tufts from under the patchwork.
Another one bites the dust.

The poison seeps through the gaps in between my teeth and panic swallows me like an ocean. If you want, I would clad your feet in my shoes but I have never been one to chase after something so I cannot fathom how to explain to you why they have holes on their soles, much like my soul. The towel pools at my feet as I feel the heat behind my eyelids start to cool. Exhaustion sweeps over me like a summer breeze. I can hear fast cars as the put me to sleep.
It smells like petrichor; wet earth after the storm.

.



A petticoat Government

of candyfloss pirates

waxing exultant

and careless in diction

with heavy brogue accent

its speaking displeases

assaulting the ear.