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"crocheting" poems
Crafty, they say, He's getting crafty crafty with my lies and my made-up meals crafty with my sound-blocking tactics crafty with hiding the burning lines of white and red. Baking, they say, He's getting into baking baking my binges baking my restriction baking my omad baking my sad-looking low-cal low-fat low-sugar low-carb high-protein 'meal'. Crochet, they say, He's getting into crochet crocheting ankle warmers to make my legs look skinny half-finger gloves in an attempt to curb the permafrost that has begun to knit itself around my bones. Healthy, they say, He's getting healthy as i workout until i faint and do sit-ups until i have bruises on my spine. fruit and veg and vitamins take priority and suddenly i have taken an interest in running.
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Sep 18, 2022
Sep 18, 2022 at 12:40 PM UTC
DIY
Like an alien in a spotlight With her magnifying glasses on My mother as she worked, up all night Did invisible weaving till dawn I would watch her when I couldn’t sleep Honing in on that hole in the suit Intently, her concentration deep Weaving tiny threads enlarged like jute In other-worldly light she labored I was afraid she’d lose her eyesight Watching her focus never wavered Her face all aglow in the lamplight Invisible weaving, I inquired How tediously she plied her craft Worked for the money that she required Made the warp and weft of fabric last Reconstruction, undetectable No more burn, or tear, or fabric blight Weaving magic so incredible Its wound now perfect by morning’s light She taught me much that I’m still making From her life that now I’m grieving Sewing, crocheting and great baking But never invisible weaving The picture of her life that mattered I now see how she toiled so finely And that the wrinkles in the fabric Of my own life splayed out so blindly The vision of my eyes, bedazzled Incandescent, her face in the beam Unaware how her mind unraveled As Depression stole her ev’ry dream The threads of DNA defining Who I’ve become I’m now believing My mother’s hand in that designing Of my own Invisible Weaving* *In honor of my mother, Edla Sylvia Fitzpatrick, on this International Women's Day
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Mar 8, 2017
Mar 8, 2017 at 1:01 PM UTC
Invisible Weaving
I'm weaving with yarn crocheting stitches across my heart sewing up my wounds allowing release through art a slipknot here a whipstitch there I weave and weave as I crochet into repair the frayed edges of my soul
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Sep 14, 2011
Sep 14, 2011 at 8:16 PM UTC
Crochet
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is of the tabby kind, with tiger stripes and leopard spots. All day she sits upon the stair or on the steps or on the mat; She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. And when all the family’s in bed and asleep, She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep. She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice— Their behaviour’s not good and their manners not nice; So when she has got them lined up on the matting, She teachs them music, crocheting and tatting. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her equal would be hard to find, she likes the warm and sunny spots. All day she sits beside the hearth or on the bed or on my hat: She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. As she finds that the mice will not ever keep quiet, She is sure it is due to irregular diet; And believing that nothing is done without trying, She sets right to work with her baking and frying. She makes them a mouse—cake of bread and dried peas, And a beautiful fry of lean bacon and cheese. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots. She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that’s smooth and flat: She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment. So she’s formed, from that lot of disorderly louts, A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts, With a purpose in life and a good deed to do— And she’s even created a Beetles’ Tattoo. So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers— On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.
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4.2k
The Old Gumbie Cat
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is of the tabby kind, with tiger stripes and leopard spots. All day she sits upon the stair or on the steps or on the mat; She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. And when all the family’s in bed and asleep, She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep. She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice— Their behaviour’s not good and their manners not nice; So when she has got them lined up on the matting, She teachs them music, crocheting and tatting. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her equal would be hard to find, she likes the warm and sunny spots. All day she sits beside the hearth or on the bed or on my hat: She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. As she finds that the mice will not ever keep quiet, She is sure it is due to irregular diet; And believing that nothing is done without trying, She sets right to work with her baking and frying. She makes them a mouse—cake of bread and dried peas, And a beautiful fry of lean bacon and cheese. I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots. She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that’s smooth and flat: She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat! But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done, Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun. She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment. So she’s formed, from that lot of disorderly louts, A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts, With a purpose in life and a good deed to do— And she’s even created a Beetles’ Tattoo. So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers— On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.
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Like an alien in a spotlight With her magnifying glasses on My mother as she worked, up all night Did invisible weaving till dawn I would watch her when I couldn’t sleep Honing in on that hole in the suit Intently, her concentration deep Weaving tiny threads enlarged like jute In other-worldly light she labored I was afraid she’d lose her eyesight Watching her focus never wavered Her face all aglow in the lamplight Invisible weaving, I inquired How tediously she plied her craft Worked for the money that she required Made the warp and weft of fabric last Reconstruction, undetectable No more burn, or tear, or fabric blight Weaving magic so incredible Its wound now perfect by morning’s light She taught me much that I'm still making From her life that now I'm grieving Sewing, crocheting and great baking But never invisible weaving The picture of her life that mattered I now see how she toiled so finely And that the wrinkles in the fabric Of my own life splayed out so blindly The vision of my eyes bedazzled Incandescent, her face in the beam Unaware how her mind unraveled As depression stole her ev'ry dream The threads of DNA defining Who I’ve become I'm now believing My mother’s hand in that designing Of my own Invisible Weaving
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Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 12:24 PM UTC
Invisible Weaving
Fond woman, which wouldst have thy husband die, And yet complain’st of his great jealousy; If swol’n with poison, he lay in his last bed, His body with a sere-bark covered, Drawing his breath, as thick and short, as can The nimblest crocheting musician, Ready with loathsome vomiting to spew His soul out of one hell, into a new, Made deaf with his poor kindred’s howling cries, Begging with few feigned tears, great legacies, Thou wouldst not weep, but jolly and frolic be, As a slave, which tomorrow should be free; Yet weep’st thou, when thou seest him hungerly Swallow his own death, hearts-bane jealousy. O give him many thanks, he’s courteous, That in suspecting kindly warneth us Wee must not, as we used, flout openly, In scoffing riddles, his deformity; Nor at his board together being sat, With words, nor touch, scarce looks adulterate; Nor when he swol’n, and pampered with great fare Sits down, and snorts, caged in his basket chair, Must we usurp his own bed any more, Nor kiss and play in his house, as before. Now I see many dangers; for that is His realm, his castle, and his diocese. But if, as envious men, which would revile Their Prince, or coin his gold, themselves exile Into another country, and do it there, We play in another house, what should we fear? There we will scorn his houshold policies, His seely plots, and pensionary spies, As the inhabitants of Thames’ right side Do London’s Mayor; or Germans, the Pope’s pride.
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1.7k
Elegy I: Jealousy
Days turn pages Sinking in the night Abysmal aromas Wrinkling skin so light. Crocheting another blanket Whimsical notes astir Falling on the carpet Bits and pieces of her. A feudal interruption White noise begins to blur Reflections being casted A comforting allure. Sons decaying in the sky Poinsettias set on tomb Empty syringe on the grass Dead fetus in the womb.
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Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 1:59 AM UTC
A Mother's Naiveté
bye, bye, pie in the sky I made a dream I made you out of nowhere, Out of the mountain snow and out of the air. I was spinning your head On my spinning wheels Out of warm sunshine and out of cool moon beams. For months and months, I was spinning your head. I was weaving your hair Out of silky threads For weeks. Carefully pedaling my old fashioned, Singing Sewing machine, I spent nights Stitching adornments on your pockets, Embroidering your cuffs. Crochet crazy, I crocheted laces for your sheer enjoyment And for your windows, Hooked on the crocheting hooks Way up high. I knitted sweaters For your sacrificial lambs Of colourful wools. You are almost finished, My just a dream, just a dream, I'll let you go With the African hot wind. I am all done With you. Sorry, I couldn't hold on To my golden Knitting needles Any longer. (1-16-07)
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Oct 14, 2010
Oct 14, 2010 at 3:38 PM UTC
Hand-Made Crafts
I know how to party, On Friday nights, I have crocheting, you see, A stash of yarn, and coffee, I'd say that's quite a party, Hope all the crafters agree!
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Aug 14, 2021
Aug 14, 2021 at 5:59 PM UTC
QUITE A PARTY!
I was doing a little jig down the sidewalk When all of a sudden This red, bulbous, obstruction pounced into my field of view I said, "Whoa, hotshot, cool down" He/she/it did not reply "I'm talking to you kiddo Can you please communicate with me?" It just sat there staring at me. Why? You see, hydrants can be little stinkers sometimes They'll talk your earlobe off one time Other times they act like a sack of taters They're just little drama queens "Meow meow" said the hydrant I take a look over yonder, than ask the **** target, "Are you talking to me sir?" "Meow," it said "I'm not sure I like your tone" "You must be some sort of mind type hacker dealio Cracking into my cerebellum, what are you doing in there? Seriously man! Come on! You must be going through emotional trauma. PTSD I don't know." "Calm down buco, let's talk about this Over a bucket of churned goat milk, I love that stuff. How's Shirley? I hear she took up crocheting I respect that" "Grr, graa, paa? Me oh my, this reminds me of pick up sticks all over again Hey look at this man, If you walk without rhythm, than you won't attract the worm."
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Nov 11, 2014
Nov 11, 2014 at 2:27 AM UTC
Run in with a Fire Hydrant
the process of crocheting an afghan is about just that the process you make an afghan looking forward to the nights you will curl up under it and relishing the way it fits over your legs when it's halfway finished or thinking and hoping how much someone you love will love and appreciate your gift of time and callouses weaving a container for whatever emotions you need contained i realized this that first winter deep in february when i began my long nights of scrap yarn desperately trying to piece something together out of the not knowing why i told myself that this was it the sum total of my works the item they would fold up and place on the table next to the jar of my ashes come september and it was done by march a slow and roundabout way of pushing myself through the suicidal smog smeared through my mind my friends had blankets wrapped around them that bright morning of the anniversary we all cried together my tears falling on my afghan i made them each an afghan plus a few more always pushing myself to look forward lost count of how much yarn i used how many stitches passed through my hands but by the time the next march came around i had made or charted out five more to fill the void clawing at my insides spent a year making myself another in tight ripples of time and television and now my fingers slow and stop seven afghans in two years is an accomplishment that might send the head of even the highest caliber of grandma spinning i have no more afghans left in me to make so instead i crawl down into bed two i made two from friends and one from my mother and lie head pounding eyes puffy void of energy in the space between my afghans
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Apr 20, 2018
Apr 20, 2018 at 10:07 AM UTC
between afghans
the process of crocheting an afghan is about just that the process you make an afghan looking forward to the nights you will curl up under it and relishing the way it fits over your legs when it's halfway finished or thinking and hoping how much someone you love will love and appreciate your gift of time and callouses weaving a container for whatever emotions you need contained i realized this that first winter deep in february when i began my long nights of scrap yarn desperately trying to piece something together out of the not knowing why i told myself that this was it the sum total of my works the item they would fold up and place on the table next to the jar of my ashes come september and it was done by march a slow and roundabout way of pushing myself through the suicidal smog smeared through my mind my friends had blankets wrapped around them that bright morning of the anniversary we all cried together my tears falling on my afghan i made them each an afghan plus a few more always pushing myself to look forward lost count of how much yarn i used how many stitches passed through my hands but by the time the next march came around i had made or charted out five more to fill the void clawing at my insides spent a year making myself another in tight ripples of time and television and now my fingers slow and stop seven afghans in two years is an accomplishment that might send the head of even the highest caliber of grandma spinning i have no more afghans left in me to make so instead i crawl down into bed two i made two from friends and one from my mother and lie head pounding eyes puffy void of energy in the space between my afghans
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(In English, we were supposed to write a poem based off of George Ella Lyon's poem "Where I'm From" and this is the one I wrote) I am from picture frames, from Dove and Suave. I am from the white house on the corner of the street (far enough from the train tracks, close enough to the park). I am from lilacs, from the rose bush on the side of the house, always humming with bees. I am from crocheting and complaining, from Edith, Rachael, and Susanne. I am from blind eyes with a blue glow, from "Speak up!" and "Sit up straight." I am from "Now I lay me down to sleep..." and old, golden cross necklaces. I am from Ohio, turkey, and sweet tea. From the night my grandparents ran away togethers, and the glass wedged into my father's finger, the day god lifted him from the driver's seat. I'm from the upstairs closet, sitting beside childhood memorabilia. Images of faces I never met, and those I'll never forget. Bags of animals, stuffed with imaginary souls, and boxes of books which tales will never grow old.
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Dec 9, 2013
Dec 9, 2013 at 12:30 AM UTC
Where I'm From
i will save time, littlest brother. i will wrap it up and put it into a box to mature, like a rare cheese only for you and me. on the day that you come to me and want to know what it was like before mom left because you won't remember, i will open our box and show you. first i will take out a lock of mom's blonde hair that used to fall down to her waist and i will tell you what it looked like in the sunshine while we made daisy chains. i will tell you how it turned brown later on and how mom let me sit on her bed and twist, twist, twist for hours, because i didn't know how to braid. and how me and Erika sat in front of the space heater and dried off after a bath mom crocheting on the bed, singing. then i will remove from our box a crisp, shriveled leaf from the Big Tree and i will let you smell it. i will say, this is what home smells like... never forget, littlest brother. i will sit you on my lap and paint you pictures with my fingers i will reveal to you little indian huts and smoky firepits and ***** chipped toes. lastly i will steal from time and will take from our box, what is rightfully ours and i will give you the last shred that i have saved for so long... just for you, littlest brother. i will give you mom and dad together. happy. i will give you mom and dad in their funky, attic-smelling bathing suits mom's tummy protruding with another older sister for you standing on the hot stones dad's big, funny glasses glinting in the sun, a sun that shown down on something whole something perfect. i will give you mom and dad snuggled under a blanket on the couch watching a movie together mom giving dad 'the look' as he chuckles... littlest brother, i will do all i can to create memories for you... because everyone deserves to remember something happy... littlest brother, i will steal from time all i can all for you... until time decides to take back what is rightfully his.
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Apr 3, 2013
Apr 3, 2013 at 8:57 PM UTC
a promise for the littlest brother.
i will save time, littlest brother. i will wrap it up and put it into a box to mature, like a rare cheese only for you and me. on the day that you come to me and want to know what it was like before mom left because you won't remember, i will open our box and show you. first i will take out a lock of mom's blonde hair that used to fall down to her waist and i will tell you what it looked like in the sunshine while we made daisy chains. i will tell you how it turned brown later on and how mom let me sit on her bed and twist, twist, twist for hours, because i didn't know how to braid. and how me and Erika sat in front of the space heater and dried off after a bath mom crocheting on the bed, singing. then i will remove from our box a crisp, shriveled leaf from the Big Tree and i will let you smell it. i will say, this is what home smells like... never forget, littlest brother. i will sit you on my lap and paint you pictures with my fingers i will reveal to you little indian huts and smoky firepits and ***** chipped toes. lastly i will steal from time and will take from our box, what is rightfully ours and i will give you the last shred that i have saved for so long... just for you, littlest brother. i will give you mom and dad together. happy. i will give you mom and dad in their funky, attic-smelling bathing suits mom's tummy protruding with another older sister for you standing on the hot stones dad's big, funny glasses glinting in the sun, a sun that shown down on something whole something perfect. i will give you mom and dad snuggled under a blanket on the couch watching a movie together mom giving dad 'the look' as he chuckles... littlest brother, i will do all i can to create memories for you... because everyone deserves to remember something happy... littlest brother, i will steal from time all i can all for you... until time decides to take back what is rightfully his.
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date a poet she’ll immortalise you with her words and she’ll see you at 3am in the last embers of a fire she’ll hear your name in a breeze she’ll feel you when the sun kisses her skin date a poet and feel yourself weakening upon the hand-scribbled notes carefully concealed between the pages of her favourite, dog-eared book and inimitable mix CDs oh, you’d never guess how long she spent composing them date a poet for no moment will be dull whether it’s crocheting or flower-arranging or archery, wind-surfing or belly-dancing there will always be a new skill for her to learn more cultures to unearth and be utterly captivated by and you will soon find yourself just as enraptured by her as she is by the world date a poet you won’t truly understand love until you’ve heard it personified as a wildfire, a loaded magnum and a silk noose date a poet because who doesn’t want to be a poem?
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Aug 9, 2015
Aug 9, 2015 at 9:16 PM UTC
date a poet
I think of you crocheting words, quietly, unobserved by your husband, watching TV, in **** gray socks.
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Jan 7, 2011
Jan 7, 2011 at 8:44 PM UTC
I think of you
It didn’t really happen. I was awkward, a sloppy crocheting of clumsy hands. I was scared of my body; or maybe, I was scared of her body. Foreign, but bright from the veil of curtains slighting a late spring light. I kissed like a maniac, but when it came down to the business of pleasure, I could not make a transaction. She later told me I could have gone on longer than my half-a-minute slow grind before I chickened out. Even now, after my fifth major relationship and plenty of romping and dancing atop mattresses mine and not mine, I feel my first **** is how I approach love. Tentative, too contemplative, and none-so-bold. Perhaps it is because I learned early, to hate myself, this body that is still so new to me: twenty-five years owned and I still don’t know how to love myself. I just hope that one day, I will be that light streaming into the room, touching everything around it, feeling with tender warmth the goodness of what soon hinders its path casting shadows behind what I come to kiss.
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Apr 28, 2016
Apr 28, 2016 at 9:08 AM UTC
First ****
My dog is eating me alive. I picked a mosquito bite. It bled, of course because I bite my nails. His tongue his scratchy and it feels like he is eating me alive. Like my dog is eating me alive. The clothes I wear are swallowing me whole. I'm suffocating in their woven hold. The craftsmanship is fine it's my body that's confined and I swear it feels like the clothes I wear are swallowing me whole. My hair is too unruly for my head. It takes up knotting when I am in bed. Crocheting, colliding, fitting you under me Finally in the morning I can see My hair is too unruly for my head. Life scares the hell out of me. Things like garbage, masks and poetry make me want to ***** my lunch or just smoke and dance because sometimes thinking kills you and that is why life scares the hell out of me.
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May 1, 2011
May 1, 2011 at 5:49 PM UTC
My dog is eating me alive
the theory is 'energy is not created or destroyed', but every time i look at you or every time you speak to me i swear that energy is created and i don't know what i was thinking, you cannot fall in love with someone who defies laws of science. but yes i sure think about you a lot i think a lot about how you are probably the type of girl who never quite wakes up until half way through the morning and you are probably not a coffee drinker because i know how much you like tea and i wonder if you think about how much i think about this right before you treat me like the mud you sloppily stomped on during your walk to school. i also wonder if you notice the small details. i do not think you do because to you i am a single tiny leaf on the biggest maple tree in your city and you can only see that tree as a tree, a whole, you do not see it for every leaf every inch of bark every tiny twig every single atom that makes it look like a tree and you do not think about the color spectrum and light reflecting colors and what light exactly reflected what to make that tree bark brown but slightly green with moss and do you even wonder if the moss or the tree or the table next to your bed that embraces your books and current crocheting project is even real at all? did you just imagine them there?
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Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 7:37 PM UTC
i am not a tree and you are not the ocean
i’m crocheting a little friend a stingray out of teal and white yarn i am spinning him he is tighly woven and thinly drawn and his eyes are stitched of black yarn woven into sloppy crosses i don’t know if i’ll keep my little friend once he is complete he is something that should be given away to someone who needs his soft company more than i i could make a thousand stingrays once i understand the pattern but in giving him away he would be someone’s only stingray and i think everyone should have a soft tightly wound sea creature at least once in their lives
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Jan 19, 2020
Jan 19, 2020 at 12:21 AM UTC
crocheted friend
how can they make such rigid stuff from soft wools, take the thing then harden it. they say it will last a lifetime, hold its own. tradition. looks as if it would hold the rain out, repell the scattered words of cold, and evil. a coat so heavy it dragged us down. there was crocheting yesterday, with blue and softer yarn, a small ply. a gentle thing, a memory. sbm.
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Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 1:32 AM UTC
soft wool
I stopped writing for a while before that I stopped drawing before that I stopped making videos before that I stopped crocheting before that I stopped reading before that I stopped something else I'm left to wonder if I keep stopping when will I run out of things to stop I stopped leaving my bed if I can help it and I stopped caring too much about it I stopped writing for a while but I'm trying to start again it's been a while since I've had a start maybe just starting is the hardest part
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Mar 2, 2016
Mar 2, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
anhedonia
Some people think it's easy. That if you just tell me to smile I will and that I will genuinely mean it, too. And I try to mean it- believe me, I try. I try to find a hint of happiness inside of me and force it out. I tried. I tried to do the things that normal and happy people do Because maybe if I tried I could convince myself that I, too, was a happy and normal person. So I tried. I took myself out to dinner. I tried yoga. I went to parties, and even though I can't dance, I danced anyways and made a beautiful fool of myself. I finally bought myself a lava lamp because I've always thought they were cool. I organized the clothes in my closet by color. I spent twenty minutes picking out the ripest tomatoes in the grocery store. I took up crocheting, I learned a little French, And I forgot all about this mess of a life I'm in by making a mess in my kitchen. I sang in the shower so loud and proud that I lost my voice. I went cheese tasting, And I drank A LOT of wine. I made faces at every person I drove by on the highway. I started going on walks. I started going on runs. I ran to the balcony And stepped on the ledge And threw my arms out beside me And screamed YES! I'm free! And I'm so happy about it! I'm happy. I promise you I'm happy. These tears, they are just because I'm so happy and my sadness is crying because it's gone. I'm not sad anymore. I'm normal. I'm happy. I'm just like everyone else when they go to art galleries. I'm actually looking at the art really hard and trying to find the meaning behind a red squiggle rather than just really trying to avoid people from seeing the pain. I'm actually just a normal person that's perfectly content when they go wash their hands instead of a person that dreads walking up to a faucet and catching a glimpse of their reflection. I'm actually a normal person that stepped onto a ledge to feel nothing but freedom rather than feeling a desire to take another step. I'm actually ok and I'm so happy. It's what I whispered to myself at night Because I thought that maybe if I told myself it enough times I would eventually wake up one morning and find it to be true. That I'm ok. I'm happy. That's what I want to convince you because maybe if you're convinced... I'll be convinced too.
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May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 10:35 AM UTC
This is Me Trying
Some people think it's easy. That if you just tell me to smile I will and that I will genuinely mean it, too. And I try to mean it- believe me, I try. I try to find a hint of happiness inside of me and force it out. I tried. I tried to do the things that normal and happy people do Because maybe if I tried I could convince myself that I, too, was a happy and normal person. So I tried. I took myself out to dinner. I tried yoga. I went to parties, and even though I can't dance, I danced anyways and made a beautiful fool of myself. I finally bought myself a lava lamp because I've always thought they were cool. I organized the clothes in my closet by color. I spent twenty minutes picking out the ripest tomatoes in the grocery store. I took up crocheting, I learned a little French, And I forgot all about this mess of a life I'm in by making a mess in my kitchen. I sang in the shower so loud and proud that I lost my voice. I went cheese tasting, And I drank A LOT of wine. I made faces at every person I drove by on the highway. I started going on walks. I started going on runs. I ran to the balcony And stepped on the ledge And threw my arms out beside me And screamed YES! I'm free! And I'm so happy about it! I'm happy. I promise you I'm happy. These tears, they are just because I'm so happy and my sadness is crying because it's gone. I'm not sad anymore. I'm normal. I'm happy. I'm just like everyone else when they go to art galleries. I'm actually looking at the art really hard and trying to find the meaning behind a red squiggle rather than just really trying to avoid people from seeing the pain. I'm actually just a normal person that's perfectly content when they go wash their hands instead of a person that dreads walking up to a faucet and catching a glimpse of their reflection. I'm actually a normal person that stepped onto a ledge to feel nothing but freedom rather than feeling a desire to take another step. I'm actually ok and I'm so happy. It's what I whispered to myself at night Because I thought that maybe if I told myself it enough times I would eventually wake up one morning and find it to be true. That I'm ok. I'm happy. That's what I want to convince you because maybe if you're convinced... I'll be convinced too.
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