Forgive the night
And it's scattered ashes
It's morbid children
Casting lots for the
Bruised garments of a
Reluctant martyr
Satyrs and shaman
Sages and madmen
Derelict casinos
And broken boulevards.

Forgive the night
Fearless and feral
The desolate moon betrothed
To truant stars
That forgot to shine
And unanswered prayers
That forgot to die
Brooding orchids nodding
Towards an unresponsive sky.

Forgive the night
It's tapestry of shadows
It's soliloquy of loss and longing
It's conspiracies of silence
It's unrelenting chaos

Forgive the night
It's gospels of oblivion
It's prose written in curdled moonlight.

Forgive the night
It's orphans of Cain
Wandering, forever wandering
In kingdoms of perpetual obscurity
Carrying their mark proudly
As a ruthless crown.

This is the way of things here.

My father speaks to me daily.
In my infancy as a dream my childhood a sigh my youth rustling leaf.
He walks a path unknown to me yet and still.
In my boyhood a whisper.

A grumbling prophet in my youth a subtle **** in my rutting time. A cautionary tale in my wanderings, my father.

My father took residence in my mirror in my wisdom took a stand in my slight declining. Took Pitty in my questing.

He stands at my back in chaos by my side in victory
By my manhood by my word.
He is
Here now and always.

When the waves have washed me here,
I'd be a fool to look another way,

sturdy sturdy , doesn't it feel strange.
They say it's chaos out here at the moment.

I've dug these roots and cultivated their tender tendrils.
this is my song
this is my voice
I know this now.

For the love of myself,
Is the focal point now,

spin - turn - it's not yet happened
confusion
confusion
states of misunderstanding
foraging in the silence for our understanding
for the decisions that would make things easier
but I'm turning over now
rolling with this wave
a fool I may be but an anchor I do have

and i've come to be -
sitting
serene meditational gaze
life is unraveling in the way life kows best-
my heart bumps
stumbling occasionally.

I’m losing my mind in this cold world,
for I lost all my blow in the snow,
so I went to Jupiter to meet with Jesus.
He told me I should go and find Zeus,
I told him that I already found him.
The look of befuddlement on his face
blended in with His beard.
I took a break to ring around the rosy,
half an hour later I had a **** nosebleed.

Everything out in space is chaotic
Where curiosity doesn’t constitute
craziness… Wait, does it?
I don’t know, my mind is racing against time.
Just as smoke dissipates out of fire,
You can’t put the pieces of Pandora’s
box back together.

Chaos and disorder came only after
the Big Bang.
But, what happens to all of us when
we stop expanding?
This everlasting expansion turns to a
controlled compression,
and we will no longer be in control
of ourselves.

We will no longer ponder the fate of
what is unknown,
but fear the fate of what we do know.
We will no longer seek to discover
what is hidden,
but settle with everything we do know
and become complacent.

While I do know I do not know
everything there is to know,
I will not float through space
without landing upon a star.

for thousands of [       ] Millennia;
since the first    clouds   parted - I
don't imagine  the idea of   [girls]
even existed     until       someone
thought it was  a good idea to lay
w/ them - firstly, it was dark
as starlight was the        only light
at night & the sheen off the
sweaty haunches         brought the
men & boys out of their     holes
attracted by the pungent   aroma
from the female holes &  bodies

A girl who was familiar with bruises,
shouting and harsh words no longer made her ears ring.
An elementary school girl who learned what it meant when her parents were too drowsy to speak,
borrowing money meant she’d never see it again.
A teenager who knew that her family would not change,
promises were never certain and lies would always be.
A young adult who now continued the abuse on herself,
pain was a constant and always self inflicted.
Can she be blamed for how she was taught to love?
Can you hold her accountable for the ways she learned to protect herself?

It was the longest of days
It was the shortest...
Spring is blazing dull
A fire pit of icicles
Brutal suggestion in the day
Gentle persuasion under the moon
Crippling voices turn to static
As bodies melt in heat
As bodies melt in sleep
Spin the hands on the clock
Like you spin the bottle
Smash it on the floor
As you blow a kiss to Saturn
Avoiding your reflection as you
Walk upon the shards of daggers
Just like you ignored her mouth
While kissing her lips of poison
Never changing with the seasons
Just adapting to the temperature
Of a soul the color of chaos
Of a heart with no price tag but massive debt
Laying out bread crumbs
With words as your bait
Like a senile, crooked tree
Trying to divorce its fate

I woke up to the sound of nothing
The stillness I forgot amidst the chaos of work
I woke up wanting to do something
But all I could think of was work

What did I even do for fun?
A cup of tea? Smoke some ****?
Those were the wrong thoughts
That was all for stress relief

Now I'm squeezing stress from nothing
An empty room an empty phone
It was my day off
And I had nothing to do

Time was running out
And my day off became another off day.

Was upon the stages of manifestation
she said it by accident at least in her personality
cannot yet find methods of balancing chaos magic
a newbie had quick to birth
so felt the pains of a mother
incubation in the cellar confines
amongst the spider webs with fifth to seek higher parents
He looks like me
he speaks like me
he tried like me
in some ways hes beyond me

It's a bad habit I've picked up,
that when I start getting confused
about life I panic, want to run.
You see, it just seems infinitely
easier to leave it all behind,
let the chaos remain while I go
                                                              ­           somewhere
unknown and begin anew.
I've seen it time and again,
bore witness to the pattern
as my mom loaded us up and fled.
As a child I hated being forced
to pick up my entire life to go
                                                                ­            along
for a ride I never wanted.
As an adult though, I understand,
more completely than I would ever
have thought possible. And now
is one of those pivotal times
I'm stuck contemplating
                                                                ­           the way
out of the mess I've created.
I know the routine all too well:
sell all, keep only what fits
in the back of the car. All else
is extraneous, replaceable.
Drive without purpose until
                                                                ­           I've lost
all semblance of an endpoint.
Where I end up is where I go.
Some try to tell me that this
method of coping is unhealthy,
but how can I fight its allure?
When my mind becomes madness
and I can't figure my life out,
what's a better solution than
running, flight over fight,
no one to complicate things, only
                                                                ­            myself.

Time wasters
Talk circles around my rolling eyes,
Nothing escapes them
But the point
Which is now ground duller than their wit.
Once proud pinnacles of though
Cannot be distinguished from
Littered words crusading for air.
Sunken cities subsist on stale ideas
And move feebly into tomorrow
As they shake the claws of yesterday
Only to suffer today.

But new ideas breathe resurrection
As chaos polishes the rusted ring
And births a dancing star.

Raindrops falling to parched earth
Bringing now growth flowing forth
Jesters brightly dressed dance to the court
As waiting wine brings on the thought
Past echoes with there canyons wide
Divided thoughts they soon take side
As waiting in lifes open wings
The monkey waits and patiently he sings
Never realizing his time is now past
Never to again bring chaos to the pass
Addictions shadow lingers still
Choices now mine for good or ill
Chained and caged in times gone past
Forgotten memories of the kind that last
Fleeting freedoms visions of warm sunrise
Rebuilding worth from times gone by
Relapse options used too many times
Years stretching ahead to realize
Where we can be some years from now
If we but tap lifes higher power
All things now within our grasp
No longer slaves to our wasted past
Bringing only those good things
Forgiving all those broken dreams

(GE2014) (C) Reserved

You dip your toes into this glass still pond
so steadily, and yet I know your heart is racing.
I see the flicker of panic in your eyes, and the
tugging desire you have to jump in.
I see it there in the strain of your well formed muscles
and the quick rise and fall of your chest.
It's so quiet here, isn't it?
In this wet mirror where you see such a peaceful vision
of the way things are, and you don't want to
stir and ripple, to see what will be.
I know your kind, and I know the way you fear
and the way you consume.
You will eat up this stillness until chaos blooms
from these reeds and crickets and warm scents.
You want the summer I hold,
it lives in the way I kiss and hold and smile.
Come here and sit by me.
Hold my hand and listen to the sun sing on your skin
and feel the warm breezes on your face.
Everything will be alright.
Just stay.

Insanity
Is how it shall be
Now that normality
Has departed,
Long gone
And uncharted

That line in the sand
It did expand
It swallowed whole
Every unstable soul
Every extremist
Every fanatical fantasist

Our morals drowning
In a sea of demons
An ocean of dystopian dreams,
Where we now lust and embrace
Such ludicrous extremes,
Vivid vivisections
Of intricate intersections

This alternative in place
Wears a mask on it's face
A disguise of lies
With a desire to despise
A parade of a pompous parody
To control through chaos
And manipulate humanity

Careful how you tread
And from whose hand you are fed
What you seek as innocence
Is ***** under the influence
Drugged and deranged
Compassion exchanged
On the stock market floated
And for all of this ,
This life of inadequacy
We stood in lines and voted

Sometimes I sit so blank as now,
Quietly--- no thoughts, no actions;
Devoid of pressure, of stress or tension.
I don’t know what can disturb this peace!


And sometimes, my mind is a battlefield;
I keep thinking and thinking—
Reflecting--- What’s right? What’s wrong?
And checking my actions, my behaviour –
What should I regret? What should I promise?
A quarrel with my beliefs, a war with all concepts.
Thoughts and emotions invade me like demons.
Each demon has a new story to tell.
They keep me working out, solving out
Everything that’s a part of this world.
They run wild, they toy with me.
Oh! I cant stop thinking!
Sometimes, they come united as an army;
They deprive me of sleep – my mind knows no calm rest.
I am thinking, I am thinking –
They force me to concentrate—Oh! I am tired.
There are solutions and there is me to derive it.
The sounding noise, the chaos, the confusion----
I don’t know what can give any peace!

A battle rages, and I am left defeated.
They strike on me wounds of experience, of knowledge.
They push me on, drag me on forcefully
Along the roads of learning, of growth.
They sharpen my mind, they force wisdom on me.
At the end of it all,
I am a hero—I have surpassed all tests.
I have travelled beyond boundaries, I have fought all limits.
I have known what war is—I have satisfied my demons!


The fight ensues----
Oh, I can’t stop thinking!
And sometimes like now,
There is that silence after the war—
The stains of battle remain;
But I have put down my sword--
The rest the hero deserves

Trouble can take a stable man,
And make him go quite mad.
Uncertain just why she visited,
Make him wish she never had.

But there is no stopping Trouble.
She waits around every bend.
But once you do get used to her,
You may just call her "friend."

And yes, she may bring chaos,
As Trouble's been known to do,
But there's no avoiding it once,
Trouble's taken a liking to you.

And there is no need to worry,
Please do not worry at all.
Trouble needs your number,
To make an international call.

Through sickness I live like this egg
-who must restructure himself  
           within a cracked shell
Both torn of safety and of innocence
And cresting through the flux of chaos
An amalgamation of both worlds  
           ever more foreign than last

My heart aches for you

My eyes cry for you

My senses long for you

I, feel numb without you

My smiles wither without you

My soul thirsts for you

My body shivers without you

Please, tell me what to do

I miss you

Your void in my life, ever since you left

Has caused an unstoppable emotional leakage

My heart and mind are never in-sync

And I am shivering as I write this message

My heart is crying because it is alone

It is weeping, without making a sound

My soul if burdened with sad emotions

Which feel heavier, than a thousand pounds

I miss you

All the pictures of you and me

Are a sweet reminder of the good times

It was when we could be together

Life, was like a sweet poetry in perfect rhyme

But now that you’ve gone away

Everything has been thrown askew

Plunged, in a painful sense of chaos

My life, can only be set straight by you

I miss you

Without you

Sweet tastes sour

And nothing in this world

Seems worthy enough to devour

Coffee and hot chocolate

Just doesn’t taste the same

Going out to have ice cream

Feels boring and pretty lame

Without your awesome hugs

Life has turned monochrome

I’m like a lost puppy

Desperately searching for a home

I miss you

When will it end, the sorrow, the pain?
What will we lose and what will we gain?
When the guns have no bullets and the missiles no fuel,
When the bodies start to mass and the blood starts to pool.

What will they create, but chaos and war?
How could we win and who sets the score?
When friends become enemies and we lose Wisdom’s sight,
When the battle is over and both sides lost the fight.

When will it end, the anger, the hate?
When will we learn from our past mistakes?
Are we to be remembered as isolated and weak?
Cowering from the prejudiced differences we seek.

Where will they go, the forsaken and lost?
How will they live and what will it cost?
When the land becomes barren and all hope disappears,
When the love and ties of family are no longer revered.

When will it end, the sadness, the grief?
Who is the hero and who is the thief?
When they build a big wall and send more men to fight,
Taking more lives in the dead of the night.

Who will we blame when the tears come like rain?
Who will be responsible for humanity’s slain?
When the finger is pointed at leaders and their deeds,
Where justice has fallen to corruption and greed.

When will it end, the suffering, the hurt?
How many corpses shall we leave in the dirt?
When will we choose peace, when will we choose life?
Choose to shield each other from evil’s sharp knife.

Will it be worth it, the famine and death?
Will we know peace before our last breath?
When we cast out our brothers, both by arms and by blood,
Loyalty and honour, left in the mud.

If we end it with battle and fire and lead,
We’ll end it in disgrace, and we’ll end it dead.
If we end it with war and anguish and guns,
We’ll end it in terror for when judgement comes.

But.

If we end it with allies and fealty and trust,
We’ll end it with dignity and we’ll do what we must.
If we end it united, and make them understand,
Perhaps humanity’s salvation may yet be at hand.

Thoughts: they careen through my head like
cars in the midst of rush hour. I search for
one car in particular. My head is the foundation

of an unconstructed civilization, and I find myself
to be a tourist in the depths of my own mind. I
know all too well how easy it is for others to get lost

in the enigmatic chaos that is my head but I won’t
lose you. I am nothing, compared to the blinding lights
and insistent, blaring sounds, all warring for your attention.

I wander the streets with the sad, distant thought
that maybe I’ll glance up and find your headlights
slicing through the grey overcast. I’d even settle

for the looming red glow of your pretty, quiet
tail lights. But I know you’re long gone and your
lights are long out. The sad and beautiful part about

my mind is that I’m trapped here. And I believe I’d
still be searching for you, even if I didn’t want to. I’m
am a slave to my own thoughts, I am in love

with my mind’s creations. And while I’m well aware that
you are but a figment of my infinite imagination, I will do
everything I can to continue to believe in you.

I am merely a second of time, while you’re the hours
the days and the weeks; I am only for a moment and
you seem like an eternity. The people I pass on the street

know something I don’t - everyone seems to have
figured out how to live with their demons, while mine
like to play keep-away with my sanity. They look a lot like

you. Everytime you cross my mind it sounds a lot like
contorting metal and the shrieks of pedestrians. I suppose
we’ve got a lot in common with a car crash.

We died many times when we first met.
They’d say electric. You provided the shock.
I was in need of repairs,
a faulty motor with a clogged-up engine,
stumbling through life
like a Slinky
yawning its bones
down the stairs.

You played me well at first,
fingers on my body,
twiddled me back into tune.
We’d die again.
When we kissed
I tasted Malboro and Merlot.
I fell right into it,
you like a glossy new balloon,
a chaos of colour on my lips
left me spellbound.
We’d die again.
Then the moment would pop.
You’d be standing with a pin.

Met your parents.
They noddingly-approved between
gulps of Heineken,
but I knew we wouldn’t last.
It fell apart, of course.
Somebody ruined the jigsaw.
Started hurling snowballs
at each other, words like razors
shredding through the air.
We’d die again.

A slammed door, gone
to the corner-shop for milk
in a huff.
An eff-you blurting
out from the phone.
The shock had gone.
I think I’m dying again.

Aftermath!

Wind blew away.
Tumbled trees.
Across the road were slain.
Trees deceased.
One or few.
Caught by the branches.
Felled.
Chaos in diversion's drench.
Liken to flowers on tender stems.

Trains deceased for hour of rush.
As leaves and rainfall both did gush.
Muddles of puddles.
Leonine wind.
Did the holy roar.
Sent from heaven or forced from hell.

Today the weather she presents no passion.
Slight chill in her heart.
Sun in her eye.
Storm forced out.
Fear did die.
Silent clouds drift through blue skies.
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

Down the hill
near the sea
Is a place
you'd have to see

Happiness
was ours each summer
me and my sister
and our sweet mother

The best times
were always there
but now memories are spoiled
it doesn't seem fair

When I close my eyes
I rewitness a terrible thing
it was a normal day
I was sitting on a swing

But then the war came
the bombings, destruction and defeat
There was so much chaos
I just remember dead bodies and heat

My sister was lying
to safe her own life
And then she had to leave me
become some soldiers wife

It was me left in rubble
Traumatised and lonely
Seen most terrible things
needed someone to hug me

And then a hand
suddenly grabbed mine
It was my dear mother
but she didn't look fine

A part of her skull
was blown away
She was dying in seconds
but had something to say

She was trying
but no words came to surface
She shed her last tear
we were both worthless

I was alone now
and didn't know what to do
no house and no mother
nothing to stick to

I left the little
house down the hill
And now thinking of my dreamhouse
makes me feel cold and ill

What is so wrong with what I've got?
Why do I so badly want to go running back?
So she is holding up her walls.
So she hasn't given it up yet.
Does that even matter?
One of the most awesome girls I have ever met.
Only problem happens to be is
She is fighting another of that elite crowd,
And by virtue of the fact I haven't known
Her as long nor as intimately,
She is losing the battle.
Her smell lingers in my nose.
Her taste hangs on my taste buds.
Her touch makes my shiver caress the air.
I love them both boldly as God loves his children,
And yet I can love neither for not being able to decide.
Where does this sudden weakness stem from?
How come my resolve on this path
Has suddenly dissolved beneath me?
My life had seemed ready to settle out
And ready to settle in.
Now I'm not sure where to begin
Trying to sort out the chaos
That has been born again in my head.
Life and Love turned upside down.
My brain has been spun around
And I can't pick myself off the ground.
I can't believe what I've just done,
but what's done is gone.
Now lets deal with the consequences
As a man, not a boy,
And hope that my heart in
The process does not get destroyed.
Babe, I don't know if you could see this coming.
Baby, I wish you didn't seem like you're waiting.
Babe, what to us is becoming?
Baby, will you take me back in the end?
Babe, let's make our time count for something.
Baby, when does our time get starting?
I love you both dearly for the world,
But in all honesty, I don't know which
Is for me.
I do not want to waylay either of your journies,
But that is all I seem to be doing.
Can nothing come of something?
I know nothing will come of something here.
I'll miss you dearly.
I miss you clearly.
I want you near me.
I love you always.
Believe me.

a shouldered burden
blue eyes and glimpsed grimace
like the clinking of a crystal sky
hard leather shoes gleaming like burnt plywood
echoing on the cool damp pavement
a path of lives crossing, intersecting
voices which whisper hitherto
for a moment of fresh mint breath
billions of lives shadowing a forecast
wrapped in chaos or bliss
emotions and thoughts distracting
from the stones clustered under a fairy tale
teetering on the brink of another spectacle
of that running parallel
slipping and laughing
silly and smiling madly
accentuated on the footnotes of a sanctuary
running in the same direction
parallel lines running across a page
anxiously waiting for words to decor
its bare, empty lines

In the land of hidden wonders
Lives a girl without a heart
Rapid thoughts stirring evil plots
Provoked by the curiosity of her sanity
Malicious feelings embrace her pain
Cunning vice her new name
Unwanted torment by the "SANE"
Painting a vivid portrait of chaos
Embedded in her mind
She knows no longer can she be kind
Who is to blame?
After all, everyone, was GAME!

Yesenia Acevedo

I'm a nothing, and you're a non,
so let's get together and be someone.
Ford the rivers without a gun,
so who's ascared of a hippopotamus?
Beneath four three-toed legs, I'll swim towards some goal.
Hard-pressed against the net of chaos.

Here's a thrashing;
here's a lashing;
here's a joke to keep them all laughing.

There's a leak to keep them from speaking.
There's a lapse to keep from collapsing.
Here's a perfect ship sinking in order to crash their modes of thinking.
I swear I've dreamed of enough escapes to keep myself from clapping.

Let me tell a story about how to be crazy.

So its 3 AM.
You're dreaming in the past, but wide awake. Stomach unsettled, tears rolling down face. Its been forever. Months. Coming on a year. Maybe more. You've been here before. All alone. Various locations and times in your life, but all the same result. You cared about someone more than you thought you could care for anything, and they deserted you, turned their back on you, or decided to hate you. Parents, brother, sister, maybe best friends, or this time the love of your life. That person you found yourself infinitely happy with, who you never thought would leave your side. You question now for the ten thousandth time, why? All over again, the flashbacks cycle through your head. Good memories, bad ones. Ranging from wonderful euphoria to feelings after grave mistakes. A mental rollercoaster ride you strapped yourself into for no reason at all. Things they said, things you said. You find that your head is a broken record which never falters in recollection or account. All these memories, a timeless and photographic archive kept for no other reason than to torment you for the rest of your life. You relive a once familiar face spewing terrible factoid after factoid after factoid, which depending on perspective, or if you must be God or not, are either completely baseless opinions, or maybe totally true. You hear that loved one's voice talk terribly about you again, that same one who once whispered in your ear with such a tenderness of care and love. You go ahead and remind yourself that they now almost act like they never loved you or as if they were only the victim of your completely heinous crimes. As if it were ever news to you. You remember that just before that time, you'd already confessed before the conviction. They wouldn't let you take the blame at the time, but then threw you completely under the bus as if you all of the sudden, needed to be punished for being so absolutely terrible. You had already suffered enough. You were going nuts, you put yourself through so much pain and got so low over things barely of your doing because you wanted things to be alright. You remember confessing to them, owning up to every mistake you could think of, and even things you couldn't control...apologizing for things people said you did, but didn't even do. Promising and pleading to make things right. Promising yourself to never leave their side. That you'd always have their back. But now, you go back to remember that the things you promised were seen as nothing. If they meant something to that person once, they mean nothing now. You remember how their parents talked to you like you were worse than trash, forced a breakup. When you had only tried to piece it all together and came back to your love, they were tired of your "excuses". They even wound up thanking their parents for driving you to the edge of suicide and left you to die when they were the only thing you had left. Did I mention that only weeks after telling you they'd wait for you, after their parents forcefully broke you up, would always think the world of you, would always love you, and always want you, they decided they don't even like your gender? Now, time goes by. Those things are gone. You recreate them in your head over and over because they never did turn out alright. You try to find out what you could have done to change the result. You never got your closure and you became nothing but bad memories and the topic of gossip. The last time you tried to talk to the person about it, they told you they were tired of having to explain themselves to you, but they didnt explain anything at all except reminding you that you treated them like ****, that they're never coming back, and that they're gloriously happy with someone else. They are tired of you shifting blame on them, and telling them they almost killed you with the things the way they dumped you. After all, you almost committed suicide a dozen times. They reiterate to you for good measure, that they don't like your gender. It makes you feel disturbed as you flashback to things you did alone together. You question what was real. They tell you they could never have had *** with you, and act like it is a big deal to you. No matter what you say you can't get them to budge. Its odd to you because you already had a form of *** with them - multiple times, and they appeared to like it. Going down on her was a bit of a one way deal, but what made you happy was being able to pleasure her, and you were satisfied with that. There was never any real craving for more. Besides...you loved them, not their ****** anatomy. You thought it was mutual. You thought you were clear. You thought they were honest. Somehow now though, in their mind, they finally stomped you down. As if you were some terribly controlling brainwashing freak... they finally got away from your control and were proud to do so. The control they and their family and friends all made up for you in their heads. Just like how their mother told you that "you never did anything except **** with her head". You know you genuinely loved that girl. You know your promises were real when everyone told her you were full of ****. You remember in the last of the better days, pleading for that person to just be honest and be themselves amid so much ******* and chaos. Meanwhile people including the love of your life are completely moving on because they couldn't care less than to stop for your ****. Your life is whizzing by you. That person that hurt you, or lets say, you hurt, may never speak a word to you again, yet you continue to dwell on things you couldn't change. There are millions of fish in the sea, and you're determined to starve yourself dead before you let that one get away. Little do you know it was caught by someone else months ago and you'll never get it back. You'll just keep trying until you die because then you can pretend it isn't suicide.