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thomezzz Sep 2020
I’m sorry I lied about you...
that instead of being honest,
I hid behind grief and shame.
Truth is, I was so excited to meet you
but knew in the end I couldn’t keep you.

So instead, I waited with sterile wallpaper
and on me were cold hands of a stranger
and I said a brief farewell that wasn’t any less painful.

And afterwards, I could’ve sworn I was okay
but the thought of you, I couldn’t escape
and it started to feel like the biggest mistake.

I’m sorry I lied about you...
but I made the hardest decision
I have ever made that day.
The day I lied about my abortion
and claimed it was a miscarriage.
  Sep 2020 thomezzz
Autumn Noelle
Couldn't miss a rose I never had
Nostalgic for that island on my floor
The smallness that was only ever ours
You burning alive but that warmth was so tender
Tenderness you'll never know the depths of
Fiercely tender
I would devour my own soul to wake up in your arms each morning
But I wake up with the sun
Rushing to keep up with dreams
Sleep is for the sweet
  Sep 2020 thomezzz
Autumn Noelle
Allow me a second to collect my tears
Couldn't bear to waste a drop
They smell like memories, they smell like you
A room full of vials that I dare not open
Suffocated just by the thought
thomezzz Sep 2020
She tiptoed on ivory
and ebony piano keys
every Sunday as he sat in pews.
And sometimes, heavy-footed,
the sounds rang angry through the crowd
and the empty church halls
as she asked God,
“Why she wasn’t as
worthy as him?”
thomezzz Sep 2020
I lent a book to a boy:
who I had mistaken for a man,
who I let touch me with his hands,
who I had convinced that I cared.
But in the swiftest motion
was left in bed alone with a book
I never intended on seeing again.
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