Did you really think
you could break me?
don't you know
the light I hold inside?
the more cracks
you make in me,
the more the light
shines through.
so keep on
throwing your pebbles and stones.
I needed a way
to let out my shine

I walked through the garden of  my soul
and noticed it’s weeds have outgrown
It’s flowers
the blossoms suffocated
Under the vines of foreign invaders
I could feel the shaking and screaming
My spirit crying to be released
One cut
One kiss with the shadow that shares my bed
One ***** of the finger on the spindle
One sigh
One light at the end of the tunnel

I thought I needed space
But now it seems I cannot
Seem to close the distance
Between us
Two galaxies are colliding
Somewhere in the universe
And I can’t tell
Where my skin ends
And yours begins

In between satin sheets
sitting around monopoly pieces
avocado toast
and drinking water from wine glasses
the sounds of my own laughter
will ring in my ears
for decades to come
this is the present
this is the place where memories
come to be born

I broke my lease
with the past
and moved into your heart
I hope you don't mind
if I stay here
for a little while

I never knew
that fire could drown me
until I found myself
in your arms

I dreamt last night
the world was on fire
and it all started
with the spark
between
me and you

I just wanted
To take a moment
To acknowledge
The structure that makes
Your soul what it is
It’s incredible
You have a heart
That is enveloped
In timeless poetry
A prose that
Could be studied for a thousand years
and something new
Could still be found
Hiding in it’s script

Laying next you  
Is like laying in a pile
Of autumn leaves
I know
I’m changing my colors
And you have made
all of the difference
In me

What do you do
When you are afraid
Of death
To the point
You’re no longer living
And afraid of life
To the point you’d rather die
Just sitting
On the edge of the world
Deciding whether to jump off
Or turn around and go play
before the sun goes down?

I think this
Is what death feels like
A never ending scream
filtered through a smile
No one can hear
Helpless
Hopeless
Silence
No one will ever know
What hides behind
These eyes

You have a heart
That is enveloped
In poetry
that can withstand the test of time
it could be studied for a thousand years
and something new
Could still be found
Hiding in its crypts

Falling in love with me
Is like making pancakes
For breakfast on a Sunday morning
It doesn’t have to be rushed
You can take the time to make me from scratch
and lick the batter off of your fingers
as you pour me into the pan
Use medium heat
Cause if you blacken my edges
I promise I won’t taste as sweet
and
If you see my anxiety
Bubbling at the surface
Allow me to turn over
I know it requires
a certain set of skills
to know if you are
letting me flip
at the right time
and you won't know until it's over
But I trust you
know what you're doing
I promise
I will stay soft
In the center
Just for you
Be patient with me
know how to work with me
And I promise
I will keep you full
All day long

You gave me your heart
As a gift
You wrapped it
with healing words
and pure intentions
And I couldn’t wait to unwrap it
You gave it to me
Without me ever having to tell you
What I needed
I’m starting to think you know
What I need
More than I do
What you never told me
Was just how precious
Your heart really is
You don’t give things away easily
You don’t give your time
To those that would waste it
You don’t give your energy
To those that don’t deserve it
You don’t give your undivided attention
To those that would rather serve as a distraction
Away from your path
You don’t give things away easily
But you gave me your heart
with out a second thought
and it has made all the difference
in me

Somedays I feel like I’m
Huddled in a corner
staring wide-eyed
At the world passing by
watching me through
Plexiglass walls
and spotlights blaring down
all hours of the day and night
all I have ever wanted was to be natural
An apostle of instinct
Fighting back using the laws
of claw, and gnashing fangs
But instead
I’m met with cattle prods, and steel chains
I’ve learned that the world just doesn’t play fair
I’ve learned that love and loss come with the same price tag
You lose parts of yourself either way
So many people want to take others
out of their habitat
And put them on display
I have spent far too many days
in other people’s possession
and now I am finally breaking free
I just need
Someone
That will hold me loosely
Someone
Who will let me live free
Someone
Who can love me
For being wild

You took a chance
saw my wilted petals,
the people passing by
hearing them say
I was too far gone
and watered me
with your words
you took the time
you trimmed the leaves
you turned the soil
you planted my roots deep
you shone your light
you brought me back to life

Maybe you’ve known me your whole life
Maybe I just met you last night
I just hope I’ll be all you’ll ever need
If I’ve already met you,
I pray that I notice you the moment
You notice me
If our paths have yet to cross
I pray I’m ready for you
And that you are open to all of my possibilities
My insides are full of infinite beginnings and endings
you get to decide how you choose our fate

I just pray that I am ready for surrender
Because
I have held up this sword and shield for so long
I don’t know
what I’m fighting against anymore
I’m afraid I’ve been fighting my demons for so long
That I don’t even remember how the war started
But I promise I’ll fight for you
I’m not sure if I want you to be a warrior
Or a lover
Can it be both?
Can the two swim together in balance,
Or do they battle to the death?
You can come and go as you please
Just promise you won’t do me like the rest

Lately our love has been too much to carry
I don’t know if my habits have
Caused our relationship to look
A little less flattering on me
Or if maybe I’ve just outgrown you
But I feel like we are ripping at the seams
Our talks used to fill me up
Like pockets filled with sweets
But now it feels like
those pockets are flipping inside out
Maybe it’s time to let this go
sew in new seams
And patch up what’s left
of each other
And cut the thread

I gather our memories and tie in it bundles
praying that the harvest
will last me through the winter
maybe this season
I won't be starved
of you

I just want you to know
That if someone asked if you were a good person
I would vouch for you
I’d even make out on the couch with you
Like in high school
And I know you’ll do stupid **** sometimes
But just promise you’ll be my fool

I’ve always been prepared
Trying to predict how things will go
What people say
Prepping for some unknown doomsday
I even knew why were going to fight just now
You see
I know how this goes

This is the part
Where you tell me you have no feeling
That somehow down the line
I’ve broken you
Tell me
If I have broken your heart
Then why are the tears streaming down my face?
You’re so quick to call me a murderer
That you don’t even notice
The blood dripping from your own hands
As you point the finger at me

The wounds I made on you
Start to heal
While the wounds you inflicted on me
fester
You’ve made me into who I am
This girl whose eyes well up
With apologies for things I’ve never done
The words dance down my cheeks

I don’t have to say it
It’s just like giving a condolence
Over the loss of a loved one
What’s the use of “I’m sorry”
If they’re already dead?

I’ve always been the morbid one
Out of the two of us
You used to laugh and tell me
I worry too much
Maybe I was always preparing myself
For the next catastrophe
But, the one doomsday I never prepped for
Was the day I lost myself

I had a nightmare
That I kept trying to call you
But you wouldn’t answer
The phone would ring and ring
Each dial tone blares through my speaker
Evolving into the sounds of war sirens
And tonight, I’ve lost this battle

Some nights you crawl into bed with me
We lay our heads on our pillows
Facing each other
Talking about our future
And you tell me how much you miss me
You look at me the same way you used to
You promise you’ll never leave
You promise to keep all your promises
But, we both know that you break promises
As often as children break their arms
Jumping off of swing sets

Other nights, you tell me that I am useless
A constant repetition of turned backs,
Slammed doors
And apathetic stares through car windows
You tell me I annoy you but you don’t want me to leave
You know, It took me a long time to learn
That “I don’t want you to go”
Doesn’t mean, “I want to stay with you forever”
Because, my hand on your cheek
wasn’t enough for you
When the upper-hand
was always more important

And the battle continues
The sirens ring on
The things I always wanted to say to you
Still never get said
Not even in my sleep

The dreams may change
But it always ends the same
You leave me
I wake up alone
You wake up in her arms.

I’ve been waiting on a miracle
Like the ones I’ve read in church
The ones where Jesus fed a crowd
On hardly anything
Or even for simpler needs:
a great man
A stable family
To reclaim the parts of me
That have been worn down over time
I used to be one of the undiscovered wonders
Of the world
But the sands of time
have withered me down
To brittle bones and cracked gemstones

I have to be honest
I don’t think there’s any magic left in me
And
Sometimes I think of
How beautiful it could be
To fill my bathtub
With unanswered texts
And memories that have convinced me
I’m not worthy
And
I might have just enough magic left
To have the last thing I ever see
be a miracle
Of turning water into wine
And Leave it all behind

We sat on four thrones
In corners of the world
to the North, East, South and West
Reigning over our own domains
We were stardust in the wind
Blowing across borders
Into unknown territories  
And crossing into new comfort zones
So close to all falling in love
But never willing to give up our crowns

In matters of
Being a knight in shining armor
What makes up Prince Charming?
Is it the gleam of his smile
Or the boom of his voice
Is it about his skills
With a bow and axe
Or does it rely more on his
Valiant heart
His code of honor
When I was a girl
I would always pretend
I was a princess locked away in a tower
If I’m being honest
Playing pretend was more like a projection
The creaking castle doors in my fantasies
didn’t look much different from the slammed ones at home
And the part they don’t tell you about growing up
Is that the roofs may change
But what’s underneath never really does
I was always looking for my Prince Charming
But lately,
I have realized that I am royalty
With out the slaying of dragons
And true love’s kiss
So the question that keeps coming back to me
I am really a rescue mission?
Or does the princess save herself in the happily ever after?

You left the cap of your toothpaste
on the right hand side of my sink
The first thing belonging to you
that made itself at home in my bathroom
eventually
The shelves were filled
With a collection
Of yours and mine
You nested into my spirit
And nestled into my life
You became the space in every crack
The shadow in every corner
The ray of light through every window
The creak in every floor board
Until you decided that
It was time to move on
to better, open floor plans
and vaulted ceilings
you took everything with you
When you moved out
Now all that’s left
Is the cap of your toothpaste
On the right hand side of my sink

I feel the change
You’ve formed in me
you assembled
What was left of me from the crusades
Of other men coming to conquer
a girl they had stampeded and blown to pieces
and effortlessly clicked me together
In seamless parttern
Like the final pieces of a jigsaw puzzle,
a project that others would find tedious
You find it relaxing
you choose to lay me out
across your dining room table
As a way to set the sun
And night after night
And put together each shard
Of my heart
And baptise it in moonlight
Until you see every line and curve
Formed into vast landscapes
And intricate patterns
You smoothed my edges
you bended the curves
you dulled the blade
You put the pin back in the grenade
You melted the frost
Your love has shaped me
The last piece
Is in place
and my portrait is finished
I just hope you like what you see.

We sit across the room from each other
I catch your sideways glances
Like butterflies floating in and out
amongst rose bushes
Just a flutter in my line of sight
That you believe goes unnoticed

You tell me that you have someone else
That we can’t be doing this
But no is something
I’m used to jumping over
Because if I’m being honest,
Her castle walls around your heart
Feel more like picket fences

I’m not saying that this could be love
I’m just thinking that the curve of your shoulder must taste like black licorice
You might not be the water I need
But you are the hot cup of coffee
that I drink to give me a little extra energy
You can keep telling me no
All the way into my black satin sheets
but you won’t win this battle
Because I know that you know
That no isn’t in my vocabulary

You can say and do
Whatever you think
Would make you feel better
About your self and your circumstances
But you will not stop my light from shining

I am a star
That shines bright on many horizons
Across the universe
Bringing light and life
to the depths of oceans
And climbing to the tops of mountains

This body cannot contain
The expanse of my radiance
I can glow warm
with the orange flames of
A hundred candlelabras
I can kiss the darkness
Of the night sky
and shimmer into worlds that go unseen
With out my touch

I am an angel of light created
In the image of the One of Universal Light
The daughter of a king
Healer of shadows
So forgive me
For not playing frivolous games
with you
When I have
A whole world
That needs the light
inside of me
That you try so hard to dim

I wish you would just meet me in the middle
I wish there was a world that existed
Where lines were never crossed
and there was no border patrol
Around the things we really want to say
I’m tired of going to war with you
I just want to find a home
In this no man’s land
And that “compromise”
Was a word that could flow easily
Off of our tongues
I know you miss me
You know that I miss you
But somehow our messages
Have been lost in transmission
I live in clouds
Floating in freeform shapes into different worlds
While you plant roots deep
In the soil
Of who you think you’ll always be
But I’ve never heard of clouds
Moving forests
Or
Trees that can kiss the sky
So how can we find a middle ground
When there is so much space between us

I think you enjoyed the show
The tears rolling down my face
Came through to you in high definition
Did the sound of my voice over sullen music
Make you feel inspired?
Or did you change the channel on me?
Did you put me on mute in the middle of my monologue?
Or did you hang on every word?
I don’t think you realize that
The events you think are televised
Aren’t paid actors
There is no encore
No Hollywood dreams come true
After this story is told
And you put on quite a show yourself
Making me believe
You really loved me
You may think that this is an Oscar winning performance
But all this was
Was just another reality show

You are the shadow
that follows me where ever I go
You are the cuffs
That criss cross my wrists
To bedposts
In Egyptian cotton sheets
With a blindfold covering my eyes
I’ll never know whether
Your breath on my neck
Will follow with a kiss
Or with hands clenched
Around my throat
I know I’ll never be able to touch you
But you still manage to get me
Back into this bed
I don’t know why you want me
As much as you do
I don’t know why I can’t see my life
With out you in it
Some days you feel like
A crazy roommate
That I don’t want to live with anymore
But don’t have the money
To break the lease
I remember the first day we met
You smiled at me
And told me your name was fear
I had never heard a name like yours before
Maybe that’s why you consume my mind
I wish I had the strength to tell you no
Your seduction is my sickness
And I just can’t seem to let you go

I don’t think you realize
How beautiful
You really are
You just don’t see yourself
from the inside out
The way that I do
you don’t know
That you glide through life
Like a school of marlins
safely from a rocky shores at sunset
That when happiness
You feel like sips of lemonade on a park bench with blue jays chirping from the branches above us
You are so comfortable in where you are
At all times
like cool denim jeans and hands held with sticky fingers from left over cotton candy
on a fall festival Ferris wheel
That when your heart is broken
the turquoise waves of your tears
Flood the hearts of many
Devastating all that
Stand just a little too close to the the force
of your tides
Don’t forget these days
Young one
You know that days like these are few and far between
So look in the mirror
And start seeing you
In all your glory
And maybe
Bit by bit
and day by day
You can start to see what I see