It's like a spineless monster
As it claws right up my throat
First it takes my voice away
And next I start to choke

It digs it's nails right into me
And grips me much too tight
Holding me in place
As I will myself to fight

It sits right on my chest
So I can't make a sound
And my hands start to sweat
As my heart begins to pound

It takes complete control of me
Never letting go
So If I were to need your help
It'd never let you know

A beautifully, intricate creation
Formed by a child's imagination
Capturing life through another's eyes
No room left for abnegation
The paintbrush bleeds as an artist cries
A clean canvas presents us with endless tries
Art is an unrestricted liberation
Accessible during both lows and highs
Acting as life's illustration
As our society's restriction dies

One second there
The next gone
One second grounded
The next floating freely
Reality and fantasy
Constantly switching
In and out
In and out

One again the world resets
The moon leaves, replaced with light
Taking with it yesterday's regrets
As the day seizes us with renewed might
Golden radiance shines through colorful leaves
While the smells of earth engulf me
My lungs are filled with morning's crisp breeze
As nature persists carelessly
Clouds dance across the midday sky
Countless shapes, colors, and size
Seamlessly the day moves by
And once more the moon will rise
As is the path that nature takes
And no matter what, the cycle never breaks

useful, used
taken from until empty
not really wanted
just needed temporarily
until useless once again

I’m scared that if I sleep too much
I won’t want to wake again.
Like my book will be finished
If for a second, I set down the pen

I’m tired, yet I don’t sleep
My eye lids like a weighted blanket
As I live life half awake
While dreaming of a casket

I’m scared of sleeping too much
Scared of losing time
Or of being awake for too long
And instead losing my mind

So, yes, I’m afraid of sleep
Of what affect it would make
Afraid I’ll lose the will to live
And lose my will to wake

But how do I differentiate  
Between too much and just enough
And how do I say I’m doing fine
Without ending in a bluff

I have so little fight left in me
And so, I’m terrified
That if I’m offered a safe place
I’ll never cease to hide

There's this certain feeling
That only some can give
Hurting instead of healing
Leaving you to question how you live

Why am I always out of place
Always wrong, no matter how hard I try
The shame bright on my face
As I choke down the need to cry

Every argument drains me
Leaving their smiles smug
How I wish they'd hear my plea
Instead of brushing my pain under the rug

Why can't the see this calm is fake
How each insult hurts more and more
Why can't the give instead of take
Isn't that what family's for?

I tear and rip at my lips, leaving them raw and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to kiss a pair of lips that look like mine
I yank and tug at my nails, leaving them short and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to hold a pair of hands that look like mine
I love and lose, a consistent cycle
My brains bounces back, my heart taking the fall, cracking a little more with each loss, leaving it broken and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to love a heart that looks like mine
I pull and pick at all the seams throughout my body
I unravel myself and sew it back together again
I break and fix, a consistent cycle
But I take the toll, displayed by the scares throughout my body, leaving me broken and bleeding
Looking bloodied and messy
No one wants to love a person who looks like me

I lie here, I listen
Watch as your tears fall
Your whispers and wails
Still, I hear them all
A piece of me yearns
To rise just once more
My hearts seared with burns
My body’s at war
‘Once more’, screams my heart
‘What for’, yells my brain
I can’t tell them apart
Don’t know how to explain
I’m dead now, I'm gone
Please let me move on

I’ve been dead only an hour
And yet my body feels so cold
My soul has left this world so sour
With no one’s hand for me to hold

I’ve been dead for just one day,
Yesterday my world fell flat.
Honestly, I died a year beforehand,
But now you’ll never know that.

I think I died the day you left
And in the time that followed so
Back in March, the month of luck
I think I died a year ago

And here I stay, resting at last
Finally, I’m free to roam
My heart is stone, my eyes are glass
Truly now just skin and bone

I don't think I realized at first
That this would be it
The last time that you and I
Would see each other, eye to eye

And maybe I'm wrong
And someday we'll be face to face
But it won't be the same
As it was that day

And I don't think I understood
That the last time we'd meet
We'll have walked past each other
Without even a greet

We were strangers again
I was air and you were glass
Like we knew that we were here
But we couldn't see past

This invisible wall
That was made from our pain
Which will never fall
And will always remain

So I'll forever remember
The blank look in your eyes
And your face and you walk
Like it didn't bug you, that we didn't talk

Two souls once connected
Now so very far
As we walked past each other
Like the strangers we are

Some say stars are ***** of rock
Specks of dust with lack of lore
Or holes, where light peeks in from heaven
But to me they are so much more

See, when I look up at the sky
I see each little burning ember
And late at night when I’m so alone
Their silent guidance gives me a home

Little rocks, so far away
Blocked by suffocating ceilings and walls
Disappearing with the horrors of day
Please say you’ll return when night next falls

You are my friends, you are my light
I look up to you in silence
I don’t shield my eyes, no matter how bright
For you are my everything

I speak and you listen
I yell and I shout
You stay here, never tiring
With you, I’m no cast out

So thank you, my friends
For hearing my cries
For being here each night
I love you guys.

I see that you’re struggling inside
That you’ve been swept under the tide
But don’t you dare look down
Or you might just drown
Knowing you never tried

How is it fair?
                     Every time I see you, you look exactly the same
            Same long hair, curly and brown
   Same eyes as before, so bright and blue

   And I wonder to myself
            Do you recognize me, as I do you?
                     As we pass in the hall
                                Does your breath catch, or you heart stall

                        Because unlike you, I’ve changed
                            I cut my hair, and dyed it red
                                   Changed my clothes
                                    My eyes now dead.

Well hello
It’s nice to meet
Yes, you right there
Please take a seat

Now, I’ve heard things
And I don’t like what I hear
We have a few things to go over
So let me make myself clear

I know it’s hard
Believe me, I do
But I need you to listen
To just hear me through

So why don’t we start
With the scariest part
Because I hear those questions
That lie deep in your heart

Word is you’re done
That you’re letting go
You think no one loves you
It’s not true though

You are needed and loved
More than you can see
More than you’ll ever know
Even if you don’t agree

I see that you question
How much you are worth
But I need you to know
You’re more precious than Earth

Alright dear
Let’s skip the chit-chat
You do have a future
And I need you to know that

Be kind to yourself
Be your own lover
Live life to the fullest
There’s so much left to discover

Now I know that you’re trying
And that your fears are so loud
So, if no one’s told you today
Please know that I’m proud

I understand that you feel
Like you aren’t enough
But believe me you are
Hey, don’t you huff

Wait, don’t leave
We’re almost done
But listen close
This is an important one

I’ve seen what you think
And I know what you say
But there will be someone
Who loves you till the end of days

Now keep your head up
I’m cheering you on
And go live life for you
Go be that black swan

Know I’ll always be here
If you need a friend
But darling I’ll pray
We never have to speak again

To sleep is to relax
To let your body stop
To sleep is to leave yourself unprotected
And let your walls all drop

To sleep is to accept the end of today
And allow it to be morning
To sleep is to stop the day
Then wake without a warning

To sleep is to let time pass by
Without any hope of keeping track
To sleep is to give up control
An ability in which I lack

Sometimes I forget myself,
My face, my eyes, my nose.
I forget that I have a body,
Hidden beneath my baggy clothes.
I exist so peacefully,
When I don’t think about myself.
So I shun my own reflection,
And hang it high up on my shelf.

Don’t you tell me that I’m pretty.
Don’t look me in the eyes.
Nor glance at me too closely,
Or you’ll see past my disguise.
I’d exist ever so peacefully,
If I didn’t have a face.
If I could have my mind without this body,
It’s a massive waste of space.

Solitude is where she lived.
Privacy is where she hid.
She always thought she was alone,
But was never truly on her own.
You see, it lived right by her side,
Promised to be there until she died.
She was lost, within her head.
Although so close, she wasn’t dead.
She thought she only needed love,
Or help from someone way above.
But what she required was herself,
And to work solely on her health.
To find her, and do it first.
With no one there to tell her that,
It screamed to her, and doused her thirst.
It took the stand, brought her home
It cried her name, it called her bluff
Saw her pain, declared enough
Knew her heart, and how she’d lack
The silence woke her, it brought her back