Anger
At me
The world
Yourself
Is it fear
For those thoughts
Swirly mess
Hurting
Like bitter darkness
Uncomfortable
Take on more
What sadness
Pain
Of loneliness
Rejection
I know
Also understand
You
Need to be
Wanted
For who you really are

Parts of me that were released
I wish I could put back
They are vulnerable

raw
*****

A ****** mess of emotion
It hurts too much
I was fine before

surviving
existing

But this is Torture
I want off this ride
It only was a glimpse of the good

flashed
disappearing

Like a falling star across the sky
It lit up my eyes
For some precious moment

gone
again

I’m trying to shove the fragile back in
But it won’t fit
It grew to much being out

edges
frayed

I’m tired of healing
The scars itch and hurt
Just let me rest

I have a scream building inside
I want to release it
I am scared
I am anxious for the fallout

It’s waiting to come out
It’s tangible and deep
It rolls on the back of my throat
It’s ready for removal
It’s coupled with a sardonic laugh

It doesn’t have any parameters
It’s has no boundaries
It’s arrival will be sudden
It’s removal, a cacophony of noise
It’s a burden of pressure

I need it to escape
I have no outlet
I am frustration personified
I am a scream

When you already see
And know how it goes
**** a duck
And there she blows

Up and down
And all around
Look at them
Don’t make a sound

Another day
Same old ****
I shake my head
Again in the pit

Get the **** out
I say to myself
But I tripped inside
Go help yourself

*******
Is all I want to say
Here’s your two cents
And have a good day!

Oh! Sweet words
Entice me to come out
Sneak in my mind
Then start to Shout

was a little nudge
to welcome me back
thought I was Safe
from a whispered attack

And though it was felt
'Twas a Small time
Or just enough
For this one tiny rhyme

exploring without shame
giving to each other
judgement is gone
no apathetic stoicism
let’s see the beauty
in this sanctuary
here is my peace
the nag of You’re A Failure
it disappears
do you care about my soul
do you see
the sadness and strength
in my eyes
in me
do you want to know more
the Dark
the light
the SilLy
not afraid of your feelings
your passion
it seeps through your eyes
and I want to
Capture it
Hold it
Savor it
embrace the dichotomy
of passion and control
erupting with life
fulfilling
joyful life

I noticed
That you didn’t answer
Or when
You didn’t say goodbye
That last time
You texted first
The first time
You missed hello
I noticed

Patterns pleasers and pomp
Got my rockets in a romp
Going down the street
With beautiful feet
Never stopping for a comp

Givers grumblers and glib
Doing nothing for a fib
Trample down
A growing crown
Until faith becomes your bib

Tokens takers and taunts
Throwing insults for a jaunt
Always around
But not a sound
When the results return to daunt

Buyers builders and bums
Sometimes are best chums
Though when in doubt
They throw ‘em out
So all become too numb

Flexers fixers and friends
Give advice to make amends
But they can forget
And sometimes jet
Until the time of some pretends

To err
Or blunder
In ways
Of thunder

To *****
Or fake
It blows
The snake

So bogus
To bust
Or focus
In lust

Empty
It’s what I feel
Lonely and stolen
Like I don’t belong
Trampling over breaths
I started to exist
But it wrenched out
To another trail
Another road
And I tried
To hope
Again

I gave up tonight
But you didn’t know
I left the room
Yet I was still there
I said I was great
Though inside I was ‘fine’
I dreamt of a new day
As you droned with complaint
I thought of other places
When you sat next to me
I faked a smile
While I comforted you
I forced a hello
And wanted a goodbye

To be

Or feel

Wanted

To the point

Of desperation

To be craved

Or desired

Needed

Beyond the edge

Of oblivion

Into sweet dreams

Of darkness

Freedom

To be

I ...
Going from this haze
Not knowing who
I am
Racing myself into
Obvious mistakes
But I can’t
Move
Away

I waited for sign or signal
Telling me you noticed
Would it capture the attention
Of a sought out phantom

Was tormenting myself
With a patient attitude
I fought the stubborn meal
Finding dissatisfaction

I’m sure you turned around
As I saw those telling tracks
But you were as impatient as I
So we both missed the feast

Puff and bloom
Once more consume
Oh, it was fiction
In the display of dicktion
Up and down
But always a frown
Drips or flips
In a handy eclipse
Seeing inside
The way of the tide
Tired of tries
Was it just lies?

Wasted time
And curfews
On the march
To see another
Horizon
Counting on
Starships or suns
Waiting to fall
Like a ticking
Explosion
And I know
The next day
Will bring
Silence

I came upon a crossroad
In the view of one year ago
That this life can be different
Something that had better flow

At the time I didn’t know
What the final change would bring
Only knew I needed some fragment
That would finally let me sing

Would you have
Those memories of me
In a decade or two
Remember my name
Last time I talked to you
Could you recall
Any details of me
Of how I write my words
Or like certain melodies
I wonder at any significance
I could possibly bring
When there are hundreds
In the courtyard
Ready for a fling

Yeah yeah I see it now
Your cold embrace
And sweat on the brow

Sure sure it might have been
The sleepless night
Full of wicked sin

Blah blah was your last line
Into a wasteland
And here’s my sign

You lit the match
Now you can’t Control the inferno
You have awoken the fire
Scaring away your dominance
Your now lack of control
You will never Have control until
You learn that chaos is in control
That the unexpected happens And
You will lose
Then you might gain a sliver of control
If it’s given
You might grasp control Over yourself
Your reactions
What will be Surprising for you to realize
It’s so easy to control you
A few words from me
Your ******* just left you
Bye bye control
I just strung you along this whole time
What you thought you knew
Was exactly how I wanted you to react
The design you wove gave me the ammunition
Before you said a word

Matter of
perspective
For me
It is
But maybe
For you
They are all
Just a blur
And I
am but
a speck

Was grabbing for you
Some kind of words
But just for me
Not those silly rhymes
Wanted the currents
Those harmonies
The in between
Of you and I
Electric flows
Like a volley of triumph
Won’t you give
Gift me a little
“something I don’t already know”

There are times when I read something, and the tears surface to my eyes.

Not because it’s sad.

They rise to meet the emotion that begins brewing.

I see the letters on the page or screen and can feel the person’s emotion.

It sparks my hunger.

The words stir a reaction that has been buried so deeply that I forgot it existed.

It’s shocking to my system.

To my mind and to my soul.

The words I read can be simple or complex.

The phrases that are strung together somehow reached into this blackened abyss in which I had hidden feelings.

It’s overwhelming and frightening.

It squeezes out a bleeding ache.

I’m left with such a yearning.

All from some simple words.

Sad today
For the might have beens
The what ifs
And almosts

I’m blue for you
For the hims and hers
The us and we
And what could be

Melancholy
For me and myself
The darks and lights
And the possible flight

But not depressed
For in all the mess
The hopes are near
And so skies are clear

Chasing games
Caught or Found
if nothing once
try twice again
begging
Whining
Crying or sighing
jumping hoops
another loop
around the block
Wait
hurry up
and Wait
For numbing Crumbs
satiated For seconds
ignoring For days
ticking Clock
time bomb
Worth it
or not
decisions
incisions
Cut losses
and out
assumptions made
have you paid
your lesson learned

I’m super lonely
For you
Why you?
I don’t know
I wish I wasn’t
The sense that it makes
Is none
It’s no sense
Or nonsense
But it’s there
I want some presence
From you
Hear your words
Connect to your mind
I could easily reach out
I do every time
But....
But couldn’t you
Show me
Just once
That you
Sought me out
Because you were lonely
For me

I dreamt of you again
It was an odd dream
You were far off
Yet right there
Waiting in a room
It kept changing locations

I was to paint this room
But since it kept moving
I couldn’t find the room to paint
And I could see you in this room
Waiting for me
Reading, watching, wondering

I tried other routes
To reach you
None worked
Yet you still waited

Maybe it’s time
You come out of the room
And find me
..... waiting

Why are you afraid?
And many things I would say
I don’t understand

My mind all day
Focused and clear
Then as I leave
I feel a slight jeer

It edges its way in
This splinter inside
Ruminating
It switches the tide

Then another thread adds
To the knotted mess
I am so very tired
And I feel I’m less

I played to the second
The beats as before
Why another time
My emotions are more

I sigh with desire
A night of soul rest
The words left me yearning
For some kind of best

understanding alludes Me
who Holds the moxie
or the pattern of Ardor
another unanswered puzzle
as you set aside vulnerability
you will Lead the trails of grandeur
Coaxing for more
yet there is Resistance
need is Encroaching
waiting to plunge

Judgement
Curiosity
Filling plans
Making demands
Trying for more
Trolling around
Open up
Vulnerable
Hoping
Is this dreaming
Moving on
Come around
Touching fire
Reaching desire
Words devastate
Investigate
Build up
Then ignore
Second chance
First impression
Mistaken love
Crushing connection
Which way to run
Today is done

Bumbling and fumbling
Under a different disguise
Little more grumbling
Lying about the tries
Similar to yesterday
Having said it all before
It is about the forte
That was actually a bore

Melted connection
Twisted into
Separate sensations
Given for you

Oh that link
Threads to the mind
Grazing my soul
To find its’ kind

Tethered to me
Right in my heart
Bring another cord
Lest we part

“Stupid *******”
my monologue goes
inside my head
thinking of woes

Don’t say a word!
try to remain
as solid as a tree stump
after it rains

.      Where did your comfort light?
       Within your grass? *******


This is what happens when you have a long drive and some good lines come into your head. Then you do that voice to text thing because, hey you are driving!

But **** that voice to text **** can’t hear your words correctly because.... loud car. Then you are taking a sip of your tea but it spills and you get some cussing.

I constantly tell it
I’m good and ok
Alright I say
Even when I’m not
Because
You can’t know either
How would it be
If you found out
That I’m really
Just a broken
Piece
Of
Nothing

Like the tide
flow and Cycle
full and Inviting
yet shrinking to Escape
Leaving the flotsam
wondering If ...
will It Entice?
beckon a traveler
to outstretch a Hand
Lingering trails
onto the sands
Hearing a Lullaby
In the smashing surf
It seeks Attention
through It’s Harmony
Asking for the tie
a thread of Conjoining
the tide to the moon
to the shore
and the Land
Returning
the Ebb and flow

I keep trying to give up
But there is this innate thing
Inside me
That is persistently
Persevering

Call it “the survivor”
She is annoying
Stubborn
Nags at me

Tells me to
see the hope
And
find the gem
Or
give the chance

Seems this should be
Good, Great, Grand

But what if

Am I clinging to
Threads
and
False Hope
or
Futility

Do I
Return to the purge
Or
Finally flush it down

time will tell
but she ...
HA!
is the other stubborn ***** in my life

Insecurity is covering me today
Vulnerable and lame
Hidden away for days of grandeur
Revealing words of failure
Taunting with moans left behind
Anxiety came as a unwanted guest
Pretending its residence
Taking pride in the destruction
Overriding it seems impossible
They show me all my desires
Laughable and unrealistic
Then it stokes the fire higher than before
Making me yearn exponentially
Grabbing for peace
Striving for acceptance
Yet thinking this ineptitude won’t end
Undeserving, unrequited, and unfulfilled
Elusive contentment has exhausted me
Weariness joins my covering
Maybe tomorrow I will rest

I have a switch inside
Flips so quick
I feel **** and sensual
Beautiful and free
Then slam reversal
The creeps barge in
I’m disgusting and gross
Smelly and fat
The words said are true
“Who would want you?”

So I engage myself
Some kind of battle
A rampage of sorts
Argumentative debates
Parts taking sides
Remembering all the hurts
The feels and thrills
This is all I deserve
Those words that might be true
“What part is really you?”

If they knew how truly sad I was

Would they still like me?

If they saw my darkness

Would they run away scared?

If they knew all my morbid thoughts

Would they think I’m crazy?

If they found out my twisted desires

Would they still want me?

If they saw my underbelly

Would they leave?

If they saw all my scars

Would they stay?

I tried
I tried with you
I was a mess but I tried
I gave you a piece of me and
I tried to give you more
I tried to make it work
I tried for you
I tried for us
I tried