What is inside?
Something I do not know
Building in my veins
Will it help me grow?

I come across a wall
And moving to the side
I see another obstacle
That I can’t reveal or hide

I turn to my left,
Then right and around
I see my mirrored self
She doesn’t make a sound

Too long she’s been standing
Waiting to take control
And find that ***** girl
That some ******* stole

She is fierce and fantastic
Wanting to explore
Taking any sensation
To become a slutty *****

That ******* didn’t ****** you
I heard myself say
You’re a **** hungry woman
But are you ready to play?

I thought I was prepared
For ******* and the feast
Though I’m scared to show the world
The carefully hidden beast

Pressured stirring mounts
Like an ******* ***** fever
It is time for slutabration
And unhinge to receive her

I read the in between
A font of your choosing
To scour and glean
What I might be losing

You shouted the meanings
In a few blasts
I wanted more teasing
Would you make it last?

You said I am greedy
But so are you
And we both are needy
For the ******* too

You lit the match
Now you can’t Control the inferno
You have awoken the fire
Scaring away your dominance
Your now lack of control
You will never Have control until
You learn that chaos is in control
That the unexpected happens And
You will lose
Then you might gain a sliver of control
If it’s given
You might grasp control Over yourself
Your reactions
What will be Surprising for you to realize
It’s so easy to control you
A few words from me
Your ******* just left you
Bye bye control
I just strung you along this whole time
What you thought you knew
Was exactly how I wanted you to react
The design you wove gave me the ammunition
Before you said a word

As the evening ticks on
I sit and ponder
Inside my restless spirit
I witness the comings
And goings
Of all the people
Through the pixels of black
Scrolling or trolling
The ether holds such power
Yet it’s substance is weak
Usage of color inside words
A slip of the keys
Portrayal in portraits
In lives out of the hives
But what is the point
Engaging in this parade
Do you show off your mask
Create those tasks
So I wonder again
If I’m in the right place
Or did I just end up
In a new trap for me

I see too much
Tiny details into the fray
It frightens
Not me, but you
And what I view
Beyond your screen
Some hypnotic wall
Your foggy countenance
Deceives the herd
As they follow the piper
Though I lingered
On the periphery
Some visions were concealed
By your obscurity
Unveiling becomes obsession
Then I regret
For now
I see too much

Matter of
perspective
For me
It is
But maybe
For you
They are all
Just a blur
And I
am but
a speck

I feel like I have a thousand words to say and no one to say them to

It’s why I sometimes post them out here on the ether

Maybe someone will want to hear them

What did you lose?
Your mind
Your heart
Your soul
Perhaps the pride
Ready for a fall?
It’s a trip
Into the maze
Finding oneself
Were you mistaken?
For a maiden
Or a fool
Then the king
Did you find it?
The missing
The pieces
The peace

wish I could share

with one or two

but that won’t do

would take a miracle

to explain
understand
and refrain

From just letting it all break free

getting the block

Would you please?

Yeah yeah I see it now
Your cold embrace
And sweat on the brow

Sure sure it might have been
The sleepless night
Full of wicked sin

Blah blah was your last line
Into a wasteland
And here’s my sign

Why are you afraid?
And many things I would say
I don’t understand

am I dumb?

because I over do it
analyze and overthink
why can’t I ride the wave
emotion overwhelms me
get scared
self sabotage
as I think

THIS

can’t be real
don’t deserve it

AND   he

ruined you
made you think you were
disgusting
and trash
and ugly
and terribly dark

Not a Dark Dream

but a cowish nightmare

I have a scream building inside
I want to release it
I am scared
I am anxious for the fallout

It’s waiting to come out
It’s tangible and deep
It rolls on the back of my throat
It’s ready for removal
It’s coupled with a sardonic laugh

It doesn’t have any parameters
It’s has no boundaries
It’s arrival will be sudden
It’s removal, a cacophony of noise
It’s a burden of pressure

I need it to escape
I have no outlet
I am frustration personified
I am a scream

was that a boy
running down the lane
in that awkward skedaddle
ah! but no
he comes closer
growing sure of step
increased gait
and exposing his personage
the masculinity
now dripping
of confidence
a trail of heat
down into bliss
and alas,
turning into fires
between my cheeks

I’m frozen
With words at my feet
And a crushed heart

I’m still
With your nightly goodbyes
And good morning hellos

I’m waiting
With impatient dreams
And a racing mind

I’m ready
With a willing spirit
And a conquering soul

Sad today
For the might have beens
The what ifs
And almosts

I’m blue for you
For the hims and hers
The us and we
And what could be

Melancholy
For me and myself
The darks and lights
And the possible flight

But not depressed
For in all the mess
The hopes are near
And so skies are clear

Trickling echoes
Down that hallway of mine
Did you whisper my name?
Or was it goodbye?
I stood by your room
Beckoning you to come out
But you were distracted
By some kind of doubt
As I wrote out a note
And slipped it inside
I wonder, will you read
Or cast it aside
Then silence was my answer
For this I did find
Because you were afraid
Of your own little mind

And she took his hand
on a rainy Sunday
Without goal or motivation
just bring shimmer to life

On a spring afternoon
she took his hand
In some comforting whim
during a stroll to be

That summer night
with thoughtless care
She took his hand
to satisfy her mind

It was the October winds
that brought them there
To a meeting of fates
so she took his hand

then he took her hand
On a fog Sunday morn
with desire that tried
To remember the night

and so on an April day
He took her hand
easing the tensions
Or completions to come

a summering heat
Of bodies caressing
in which he took her hand
With ecstasy in mind

more falling breezes
To exhaling dreams
and drifting into distances
When he took her hand

So they tried to join hands
To dispel the rains
With purpose and intent
Of abundant pleasure

Springing embraces
And the joining of hands
Of contentment converging
On a trailing journey

Scorching summer waves
The heat of their days
When they joined more than hands
Escalating their paths

Autumn brings true
The needs of these two
As searching for more
When they joined hands

the day was full
heat and tasks
yet my thoughts
remained on you
i burned and yearned
with fantasy in my mind
it twisted and turned
as you danced down my hall
intoxicated by your song
those words deep in my ears
i scratched inside
to see what remained
but I was saturated by you
as the day came
to a close

When it happens
I’ll be waiting
For that glint
At the Start line

I waited for you today
On a bench
Though far away

I thought of words exchanged
Yet none at all
We were estranged

I sang a song of hope
Forgot the words
To help me cope

I remembered a fragrant touch
Of how significant
And oh so much

I spoke alone outside
As I sat on that bench
Trying to hide

I noticed
That you didn’t answer
Or when
You didn’t say goodbye
That last time
You texted first
The first time
You missed hello
I noticed

Last night I realized
The pages that we wrote
Weren’t the same
Mine had more words
With swirls in the margins
Yours had lines and dots with breaks
I looked closer
It wasn’t even the same book
Did we write in the same language?
I tried to read your paragraph
I stuttered through with tears
Then stopped abruptly
When I noticed
There were other books in the library

Am I on repeat?
Offending the offenders?
Racing to wait
Or waiting to race?
Did I see another redo?
Perhaps a pitiful protest
Was it a cry for confidence?
Or a confident cry?

No help for the helpers
And dreams for dreaming
Hopeless haunting
Keep on screaming
Finding out nothing
You did not read
As you lay in bed
Of your own making

The muse came around
Tapping that shoulder again
Sparking the senses and mending the soul
Destroying thought and repairing the mind
Making life bearable again
Teasing the nose, begging to be remembered
The muse abuses
Giving frowns and sadness
My muse is deep like the ocean
It is stormy, yet calm
A contradiction of life
Old soul in a young mind
Fervent spirit in a tired love
My muse holds the eyes
Eyes of wisdom
    Eyes of love
    Eyes of passion, energy, and life.

I constantly tell it
I’m good and ok
Alright I say
Even when I’m not
Because
You can’t know either
How would it be
If you found out
That I’m really
Just a broken
Piece
Of
Nothing

Puff and bloom
Once more consume
Oh, it was fiction
In the display of dicktion
Up and down
But always a frown
Drips or flips
In a handy eclipse
Seeing inside
The way of the tide
Tired of tries
Was it just lies?

Accepting fate
Fall into place
Ten day race

Another juncture
When it punctures
And you rupture

This parallel joining
Somewhat adoring
Or call of mourning

Going to drown
Being a clown
Now I found

A new beginning
It’s your trimming
I am Winning

Am I reminding you that I exist?
Why do I take on that task?
I should be embedded
In your brain
In your veins
Like you are in mine

Wasted time
And curfews
On the march
To see another
Horizon
Counting on
Starships or suns
Waiting to fall
Like a ticking
Explosion
And I know
The next day
Will bring
Silence

I continue on
Through the mire of life
Wading thru expectations
Having given up strife

Purposely composing
Fundamentals of words
No other distance
When facing the herds

I continue on
With your verse on my tongue
Waiting for stimulations
In a song that’s unsung

I have a switch inside
Flips so quick
I feel **** and sensual
Beautiful and free
Then slam reversal
The creeps barge in
I’m disgusting and gross
Smelly and fat
The words said are true
“Who would want you?”

So I engage myself
Some kind of battle
A rampage of sorts
Argumentative debates
Parts taking sides
Remembering all the hurts
The feels and thrills
This is all I deserve
Those words that might be true
“What part is really you?”

and suddenly
i can breathe again
tasked and *******
restricted in time
but you
eased that ache
one i didn’t know
was there

My depths
To feel hurt
Raw and ****** up
Tasting dirt below
Realms of dust
Scratching to release
To get out of the pit
Stuck in filth
Immersed in rejection
Needing, wanting, hoping
Crying out
For...
I don’t know
When found
I will

Flashes
Scrolling through the mind feed
One, two, three…Ten
But that face
Settled into the halls
Took a stroll
Right down my lane
Time for another
Purge

I am a stubborn *****
I am cold hearted
I am whatever you think

I am also tenacious
I am a survivor
I am adaptable

... Perspective

To be

Or feel

Wanted

To the point

Of desperation

To be craved

Or desired

Needed

Beyond the edge

Of oblivion

Into sweet dreams

Of darkness

Freedom

To be