You speak to me
As a stranger now
Someone who you don’t know
A person you just met

And I see you differently
A foreign being
You ricochet off my circle
There is zero feeling
when I see your face
But your voice
It still makes me cringe
Hearing it puts me on alert

Recalling—
Condescension that you used
Words like blades in my back
Slicing into my soul

Remembering—
But your capacity to *******
is no longer there

Ironic laughter fills my mind
As I watch you drift by
Like another stranger
Wandering on the street

For faces and waists
Abs and butts
And whatever else you want
enhanced or cut

Skew it and filter it
and cook it for a while
Any way you want,
you will be in style!!

With a background or not
Bring on four more
Packed muscles for you
So you won’t be a bore?

It’s a new dawn
And even if it’s not,
You can make it so
With push of a dot.

Good luck to you all
For there are fish in the sea
Don’t know if they’re cats
But probably

Trickling echoes
Down that hallway of mine
Did you whisper my name?
Or was it goodbye?
I stood by your room
Beckoning you to come out
But you were distracted
By some kind of doubt
As I wrote out a note
And slipped it inside
I wonder, will you read
Or cast it aside
Then silence was my answer
For this I did find
Because you were afraid
Of your own little mind

I see too much
Tiny details into the fray
It frightens
Not me, but you
And what I view
Beyond your screen
Some hypnotic wall
Your foggy countenance
Deceives the herd
As they follow the piper
Though I lingered
On the periphery
Some visions were concealed
By your obscurity
Unveiling becomes obsession
Then I regret
For now
I see too much

As the evening ticks on
I sit and ponder
Inside my restless spirit
I witness the comings
And goings
Of all the people
Through the pixels of black
Scrolling or trolling
The ether holds such power
Yet it’s substance is weak
Usage of color inside words
A slip of the keys
Portrayal in portraits
In lives out of the hives
But what is the point
Engaging in this parade
Do you show off your mask
Create those tasks
So I wonder again
If I’m in the right place
Or did I just end up
In a new trap for me

I see patterns
Of people and things
Some draw me in
Others repel me

Then those patterns
That I can’t figure out
Eventually are revealed
Over time, even distance

Or there are patterns
In beginnings or starts
That were interesting
But really just a veneer

Then I saw a pattern or was it two
One was all these things, yet none
Another was cacophony of intrigue
And a piece of melodramatic nonsense

As the first was entwined
Inside a mysterious vibrato
The second wrapped words
In a seductive dance

Yet the shadows of each appealed
To remain as they could suffice
Choosing paths and trails reigned over me
Unraveling seemed imperative

And I still wanted to shudder
To revolt against the pull
I know my curiosities
This time will it finish me off?

the day was full
heat and tasks
yet my thoughts
remained on you
i burned and yearned
with fantasy in my mind
it twisted and turned
as you danced down my hall
intoxicated by your song
those words deep in my ears
i scratched inside
to see what remained
but I was saturated by you
as the day came
to a close

I read the in between
A font of your choosing
To scour and glean
What I might be losing

You shouted the meanings
In a few blasts
I wanted more teasing
Would you make it last?

You said I am greedy
But so are you
And we both are needy
For the ******* too

I am a stubborn *****
I am cold hearted
I am whatever you think

I am also tenacious
I am a survivor
I am adaptable

... Perspective

What is inside?
Something I do not know
Building in my veins
Will it help me grow?

I come across a wall
And moving to the side
I see another obstacle
That I can’t reveal or hide

I turn to my left,
Then right and around
I see my mirrored self
She doesn’t make a sound

Too long she’s been standing
Waiting to take control
And find that ***** girl
That some ******* stole

She is fierce and fantastic
Wanting to explore
Taking any sensation
To become a slutty *****

That ******* didn’t ****** you
I heard myself say
You’re a **** hungry woman
But are you ready to play?

I thought I was prepared
For ******* and the feast
Though I’m scared to show the world
The carefully hidden beast

Pressured stirring mounts
Like an ******* ***** fever
It is time for slutabration
And unhinge to receive her

I wasn’t even the same
Not in shape or size
I was different
In color and my thighs

I wasn’t similar to her
And definitely not them
I was an anomaly
A flawed and broken gem

I wasn’t that important
Or essential to the game
I was just the sidecar
So why treat me the same?

Last night I realized
The pages that we wrote
Weren’t the same
Mine had more words
With swirls in the margins
Yours had lines and dots with breaks
I looked closer
It wasn’t even the same book
Did we write in the same language?
I tried to read your paragraph
I stuttered through with tears
Then stopped abruptly
When I noticed
There were other books in the library

Suddenly
i feel small
Like The World Grew
i don’t know
The Difference
Between Right
                 and wrong
i only know acceptance
And Rejection
Scared of Emotion
wanting so much
Hearing
Not You
Not Yet
Not This
Not Now
                  NOT

I was waiting and watching
Spying on your mood
You wandered directionless
I saw your script as boring
Was it hope that kept you around
Or just a whim in the sheets
Perhaps a novelty of notion
That snuck upon the mind
Aimless shots were used
With pointless games to all
I knew about it sooner
Than the later was my mistake
I’m sure it’s why you scurried
To other shores or floors
I saw through your muck
And the bovine night soil
That you fed to the masses
For insecurity you hide
Or the adopted bravado
Are obvious deflections
For the damaged soul inside

I’ll take your gleanings
Anything that you show
Laughter is my medicine
So I’ll catch what you throw

I sought for understanding
In words that you spoke
There was usage in denial
And whimsy in your joke

I knock on your door
While standing by your side
Searching for answers
Within your moodish tide

When you reach out
I shift my perspective
Putting thoughts in the grave
To appear I’m receptive

I keep some of me hidden
Because I’m frightened of you
You can render those gleanings
Then leave without a clue

Will you awaken me again
Or cast me to pasture
As you seek greener fields
For another to capture

But take your gleanings
Anything that you give
Put it in my heart
So that I might live

I’ve experienced the wetlands
and the desert today
Had that oasis
in the dry doldrums
I was a thirsty *****
then given your ladle to drink
Searched for the shade
in shallow sands
I found a harlot’s haven
amid those haughty hymns
It was a day of extremes
before I rested in a dream

The meaning of love
You never knew
The usage of love
Was like a shoe

You wore it
It served its purpose
You walked on
And gained purchase

It was a comfort
All worn in
It was a conflict
Bottom got thin

Never repairing
Just worn and shorn
And never resoling
What was completely torn

The giving of love
Is like a shoe
The giving of love
Covers, protects, and needs a renew

Enter in my hallway
Intention is your key
Show attention to your ward
Or they’ll turn and flee

Whisper to me **** words
And take me in your arms
Don’t care about the place
Woo me with some charms

Another day we’ll say hello
Tomorrow may be goodbye
But I’ll be at your behest
If only you would try

It ebbs and It flows
Like the desert wind
Into murky soup
across some unknown veil
A Frequency of Signs
And Co-Signs
It bombards and It leaves
abandoning like fallen trees
Trying to survive
Inside a wave of tides
Or a rip of monsoons
It was a nuisance
It was a heartache
leaving was survival
Time to put out/get out
Flip to the other side

My depths
To feel hurt
Raw and ****** up
Tasting dirt below
Realms of dust
Scratching to release
To get out of the pit
Stuck in filth
Immersed in rejection
Needing, wanting, hoping
Crying out
For...
I don’t know
When found
I will

My eyes are tired
Of seeing
what I don’t want to see

And these ears
Don’t want to hear
those same words of waver

It reaches my nose
That smell
of something not quite right

For my lips
Are dry
from never tasting nectar

But these hands
Stay warm
as the heart in which they belong

I feel it
Building again
That need
Or desire
To burn

Burn outside
And in
Without remorse
Or force
For you

Competing minds
For each
Wanting
That stronghold
Or sway

Who controls
Who begs
For more
The willing
Or reluctant

Stretch out
Reach in
Entice me
Show yourself
Become

Am I on repeat?
Offending the offenders?
Racing to wait
Or waiting to race?
Did I see another redo?
Perhaps a pitiful protest
Was it a cry for confidence?
Or a confident cry?

No help for the helpers
And dreams for dreaming
Hopeless haunting
Keep on screaming
Finding out nothing
You did not read
As you lay in bed
Of your own making

The muse came around
Tapping that shoulder again
Sparking the senses and mending the soul
Destroying thought and repairing the mind
Making life bearable again
Teasing the nose, begging to be remembered
The muse abuses
Giving frowns and sadness
My muse is deep like the ocean
It is stormy, yet calm
A contradiction of life
Old soul in a young mind
Fervent spirit in a tired love
My muse holds the eyes
Eyes of wisdom
    Eyes of love
    Eyes of passion, energy, and life.

stealing my Hope
smashing goodness
turning stomachs

I yearn for pleasure
Yet Only taste Bitterness
just that Sour aftertaste

there is a Funk
left to Spoil
and Rot

then my Fortress is drawn
around an aching Heart
with many walls

walls that turn
to Mazes, Cages and Safes
Storehouses of unwanted feelings

I am tormented
within my Fortress
it frightens me

will the walls be broken down?
they must
but...it won’t happen?

My Heart
is not hardened
because of these walls

it’s Only shattered
to where
there is no substance

My Spirit is depleted
and frustration is my quencher
Ha! What does it matter?

I remain
And I linger
And I still
Hope

I visited my hallway today
Anger was boiling inside
I slammed open the door
And yelled for all
“Get the **** out”
They scrambled left and right
Some disappeared
In the back
Misting away
One tried to beg
To stay inside
Another was cocky
Thought he would stay
But I screamed again
For all to leave
So I could finally have peace
From the yahoos
In my head

This pain
Is good
Helps you remember
That you are alive
Driving out the numb
Or those times
You feel you deserve
That pain
It is the only emotion
That is possible

In physicality
Simple sensation
Powerful
Make me feel
Overwhelm me
Until I am numb
Zoned into exhaustion
Turn off my mind
No complications
Unmake me
Whole again

I waited for you today
On a bench
Though far away

I thought of words exchanged
Yet none at all
We were estranged

I sang a song of hope
Forgot the words
To help me cope

I remembered a fragrant touch
Of how significant
And oh so much

I spoke alone outside
As I sat on that bench
Trying to hide

And she took his hand
on a rainy Sunday
Without goal or motivation
just bring shimmer to life

On a spring afternoon
she took his hand
In some comforting whim
during a stroll to be

That summer night
with thoughtless care
She took his hand
to satisfy her mind

It was the October winds
that brought them there
To a meeting of fates
so she took his hand

then he took her hand
On a fog Sunday morn
with desire that tried
To remember the night

and so on an April day
He took her hand
easing the tensions
Or completions to come

a summering heat
Of bodies caressing
in which he took her hand
With ecstasy in mind

more falling breezes
To exhaling dreams
and drifting into distances
When he took her hand

So they tried to join hands
To dispel the rains
With purpose and intent
Of abundant pleasure

Springing embraces
And the joining of hands
Of contentment converging
On a trailing journey

Scorching summer waves
The heat of their days
When they joined more than hands
Escalating their paths

Autumn brings true
The needs of these two
As searching for more
When they joined hands