My hand wants to know
what I, what they
want, do, and to
understand what is happening

to my body, and what
it has to do with me

My soul also wants to
know in order to know
and to laugh about it
when I think I know something

Laugh relievingly
Think about why

others do what they do
and then, what hold
my hand has
to help

I think ahead
behind my clouds
the sun shines
the sun smiles

& the next time the wind blows that familiar scent,
Reminisce on the benevolence of what we once had,
The essence of what once was,
& the potential of what was left behind,
A time adrift.

Today, I'm going to give you a chance
I never gave myself.
A chance to understand that you don't have to compare yourself to anyone else.
A chance to understand that you are enough, you've done enough, and you will do enough
to make your life worth living.
You may not feel like you deserve this chance. But you need it.

I have decided that today,
I'm going to try.
I'm going to try to not be afraid
of what people say to me.
What they have to say about me.
My strategy is simple:
anticipate, accept, and understand.
If you anticipate someone will say something mean or disrespectful,
you can prepare yourself.
Then, if they do say something, you accept. Accept that's the way they feel about you. Finally, the most important part: understand. Understand that it is not your responsibility
to try to make them feel differently
or prove them wrong.
I did all this today hoping that tomorrow,        
you find the courage to try and do the same.

Trying to get my  .                                across

it's not about the pain.
it's not about the price.
it's about the sacrifice people are willing to accept
to get what they want. to get what they need.
understanding they're willing to do more than bleed.
because understanding is the first step to earning respect.
and a world with more respect
brings us one step closer to a world of acceptance.

"You don't understand"
"No, YOU don't understand!"
The truth is, none of us
can ever truly understand.
Because despite our need to be social,
to connect with each other,
our experiences, our feelings,
are ours alone. But that doesn't make connections we have with others any less meaningful. One more thing.
For what it's worth,
your feelings, your experiences, are valid.

I hate it every time the feelings find you
before your words
And then, after two years, one minute, five hours, or whenever they bother showing up,
it's like your heart and your stomach just sits there
saying "we told you so"
and you hate them for speaking so clearly
whilst you refused to

On a cigarette ****
that burned out
but forgot to smoke,
in a cup of coffee
whose dregs
are accidentally swallowed,
also a pile of novels
whose contents
are only romance,
I love you like a loss.
I once imagined
you were writings
that I needed to read many times
until I could understand
then I guessed
and ended up
still wrong.
Sometimes,
we are too confident
for things that are not
necessarily certain
then turned off
after reality hit it
repeatedly.

What I need you to understand is that my depression is not just a blanket of sadness laid on top of me.
It is a snowball effect of years worth of disappointments and self judgment .
Piling one traumatic event upon another.
Slowly immobilizing me and holding me captive inside my own mind.
Finding no light underneath the avalanche.
Understand that simple exercise and sun cannot fix this.
This is forever imprinted onto my mind.
Understand… please
for me…