The only person I thought
Would get it
The only person I thought
Would trust me
The only person I thought
Would believe me

My mother
The person I've grown up with
"What did you even do yesterday"
She says
"I had to handle some things"
"Yeah, like what?"
She says

Little does she know
I had lost a friendship yesterday
She tells her boyfriend what i said
In a sarcastic tone
When I start to yell
"I LOST A FRIENDSHIP YESTERDAY!"

Now she cares
Now she actually cares
I won't respond to her questions
Because she didn't
Believe me at first
Trust me
So, I can trust you.

I can feel my heart throbbing right now
It’s damaged, but none the less optimistic
But that’s the problem, my heart sees the best in everything and everyone
And in result, gets hurt
My heart is trying it’s best to piece itself back together and bandadge all its wounds
But this time it’s a little diffrent
This time it’s having trouble fitting every piece into the right spot
Like a puzzle piece where it does not belong
I can feel my heart throbbing right now
It is sitting in my rib cage in a state of blank confusion
“ Why can’t i fix myself this time ?”
“ Why does it hurt so bad?”
“ What do i do now ?”
My heart asked
They say there is no wound time cannot heal
That things can only go up from here now that i have hit rock bottom
But this time, my heart has no motivation left
It is tired of the same disappointing routine of building itself back up just to break again
So instead, my heart decided to put up walls
Walls that would guarantee no one could be let in
Because when you depend your happiness on someone else
They have complete control of your emotions
Do not give someone that kind of power like I did
I can feel my heart throbbing right now

What I don’t know, is how to unconditionally love,
For a fear that it will never be returned
What I don’t know, is how to really move on
When my heart has been broken again

I don’t know how to stay strong for someone,
When I can’t stay strong for me
I don’t know how to kiss and hug
Because I’ve never gotten the same thing

I don’t know how to love someone, because I still don’t love me
And I can’t always accept people’s flaws
Because I still don’t accept me

I can talk and I can write, but it can never be described
The feeling of love that is always left behind
I can crush, I can adore, but I can never repair
The hurt in my eyes after a broken stare

And the years go by, and my soul turns old
A true love story, is a story not being told
And I grow out of people, like I grow out of clothes
And I change the names of the ones I held close

Because, you see with me it’s like a game
And I can tell you a million stories of boys that left and came
There’s no one waiting for me, so at the end of the day
I pack up my broken pieces, and I make my separate way

these barriers offer isolation
these boundaries provide protection
these walls put everything in chain
because attachments often lead to pain

it's so hard for me
to open up,
but once i do,
i can't stop,
and people don't mind
stepping all over me,
so i build yet another wall
around me,
and opening up becomes
a mission not even Tom Cruise can make possible.

it really *****
that the ones i loved the most
have become the people i feel the worst around

i can't settle, so it's just stomach aches
and biting my tongue

i hope you notice the change

and i hope it burns you as much as it wounded me
​​​​​​​when you realise you lost the trust i put in you

I cut myself
So I can feel
I starve myself
So I can be pretty
I isolate myself
So no one will know
I destroy my body,
So I can prove I can do something.
I know no one will notice,
I know no one will care,
I know no one will help.
I do this for myself,
And myself only.
I do this so I can prove myself.
I know if I confide,
In anybody,
They would turn their back.
I know,
This world is a cruel place.
I know no one accept people like me
I know the world isn’t ready.
The world isn’t ready for me.