I can't help it
I get confused
So confused I start believing everything is the enemy
I spring everything up for questioning
Lots of people say it's just in my head
But if it's just in my head
How can I be so sure that isn't in my head too?

(looking blanking into the reflection, lost in thought)
[in thoughts]
?-Why?

?-Why'd you do it?

Me-You made me, you drowned me, killed me.

Me-I don't even get to see myself until I look in the mirror from your eyes

?-You got weak, I helped you get stronger since you asked

Me-I didn't ask, you took over. You burned off my wings, desecrated my armor that I wore honorably.

?-Because you asked for my power, and now you will parish

Me-LIKE HELL I WILL


(looks into the mirror, and punishes it)

[Grabs a piece of glass and crushes it, grabs a bigger edge]

?-So you think you're stronger than me?

Me-If you are a part of me, then you will know that I will crush you

[Fights the temptation to cut myself]

Me- I will win, I have to. I need to tell her, not you.

?-how? HOW ARE YOU SO STRONG!?

Me-Because, she is a part of me. She has my other half, and I won't let you make me destroy myself anymore.

[crushes the edge with the other hand]

Casey... I will make this up... It is my duty to fix this...
I will make this right...
My nightmares are over, the orders are done.
I will not fail...

Athena would want me to get this right, everyone of my friends who I saw get buried would want me to.

I'm sorry...

A sudden remembering.
Flashbacks.
I was sick.
Tired.
It was raining.
I needed to rest
at least 15 minutes.
Sat at a table
in the food court.
Zoning out.
Then suddenly,
a memory...
of you sitting
in front of me
uninvited
unwanted.
Whispering words.
I remember the fear
and the annoyance
of feeling threatened
in a public place
without anyone
noticing.
It was always like this.
To the world you were
"Innocent"
Everything fine.
They knew you as jolly
Harmless
Fun.
They didn't hear
the malice,
they didn't taste
the venom
in all the words
you hissed
while smiling
at people
passing by
Pretending
everything's alright.
But it's not.
You were killing me
slowly
silently.
Harsh lashes
from your tongue,
vicious grips,
murmured threats.
They didn't see...
You were poisoning me.
Injecting fear,
Loneliness,
Rejection,
Insecurity
in my bloodstream.
Making me inhale
fumes of your
Judgment
and Hate.
Hiss...
like a snake.
You traitor!
You sneak!
They didn't hear.
They didn't see
what you did to me.
They couldn't
Wouldn't
ever
understand.
They didn't feel
your vice-like grips.
Didn't flinch
when you almost hit [me]
Didn't break
down
fall apart
when you called me
*****
*****
****.
Not good enough.

I TRUSTED YOU.
I trusted you
to love me.
You lied.
I died.

But watch me
Rise.

People will be there*







                                                                         *Then they're gone forever...

Sleep through the day
Wait through the dark
It's not what they say
It's what's in my heart

My body never sleeps, it just cries
Need another life before it's goodbye

Nobody knows
What really goes
Inside my mind
Should I be breathe or die?

Your brother in crime?
Nothing but lies
Turn your back?
Be stabbed with time
        

Im becoming unstable
From the deceit and fables
Should I trust them again?

**** it, im pulling the cable

You paint such a caring picture
I should have  known
You were a snake
Live, learn and  go on
to live a happy life
and wait to see karma in action.

inching pace
battered salmon temples
wrinkled

in slight touch
your white wet noise plagues the
hollow

domes of my
entrance to judgement and
gossip

to forget
and knowing and promise --
music,

it is not,
invented subtle expression
meant

not for black
flying creatures that ****
life

out of the
sound of quiet

You sit gathered in

Robes wielding knives

From your sleeves;

How determined are you?

Did you agree this death

Behind closed doors?

Assassins in closets,

Knives in their craws,

A ****** of crows pecking

A dying wolf's paws.

How calm you lie

While you hide the knife

You used to slay me;

How calm and sure.

Did you hesitate

To put me in the ground?

Was it hard to push it in

Without a sound?

I should have known better, I should have known more.
I should have listened to an old friend before.
He told me things I thought was lies.
Because of this I ended in demise.

I should have known better, I should have known more.
I should have noticed that you can’t look at me in the eye before.
I told my peers that you’re kind and benign.
Who knows that at this day you’ll draw the line.

But its fine, I’m not that disturb.
Of the crestfallen things that I’ve heard.
Still I’m fine, I’m just alright.
Doing things that I seem right.

I’m surprise about your vibrant sinister smiles,
Never thought that it’s just covered with cheap bright dyes.
The weightless words coming from your mouth was all lies.
I should have known better, I should have known more.
I should have never trusted you before.

Hi there, friend
This is my current guesstimate on your behaviour
You have probably forgotten me
and gone on a vacation with your reindeer.
No? That isn't the case?
Let's just say you follow the path of douchebagism.
While I laugh when you fail.

Such a wayward young man
claims to be Green Day's biggest fan.
Your ego needs to thaw
Idiot, I hope you know others too have flaws.
Remember none will have your back when you fall
Traitor.