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Nomkhumbulwa Aug 2018
He could have walked away,
For there were many a reason to do so;
But he never did;
He was there through the highs and lows.

I gave him many a reason
To walk away for good;
And yet he stayed beside me
While I was in his neighbourhood.

There were panic attacks, crying,
Semi madness, paranoia;
All the usual consequences of
Being assaulted a year earlier.

There were so many times
I expected him to be gone;
I warned him in fact that -
I’m not worthy – my people are gone!

There is no need to put up with me,
Its not good for your health;
I’m used to people disappearing,
I’ll deal with things myself.

For I am being punished,
It’s how its meant to be;
At least for those of us assaulted
....in the middle of the sea.

But of course he didnt understand,
He’s from a different culture;
He wasn’t afraid to hold my hand
And protect me from the torture.

He has probably never met anyone
As mad and unstable as me;
Coming to stay in Soweto
And feeling so totally free.

He saw my love of Soweto,
For the children, the people, and more;
He spent so much time exploring his home with me –
He’d learnt which combi to get door to door!

When I had to get to clinics,
Not just one, two, three, or four (!)
He spent two days right there with me
As we waited hours to reach the door.

He didnt have to do that,
He has work to do back home;
Yet even when I shouted at him –
He never left me alone.

Of course I apologised later,
Tried to help him understand;
That my brain does its own thing,
Yet he was still there to hold my hand.

He never once walked away,
And thats when it occurred to me;
What a complete cultural contrast
....to our “people of the sea”...

My “family” are now Sowetans,
Although i’ve known that for a while;
When the clinics registered me as an “African”
All I did was smile.

Of all the times I thought i’d given
A reason for him to abandon me,
There was one in particular –
Where he’d be fully justified to flee.

To protect yourself i’d understand,
You may need to walk away;
And yet he didnt – he put himself at risk
...to protect me, I have to say....

It’s not an easy place to live,
He could have walked away;
I’m forever grateful for his bravery
And that he didnt walk away.

For a place where for so long,
Segregation was the norm,
It has come such a very long way –
Since the day I was born.

My culture, mixed as it is
Has not suffered in this way;
Instead it shuns and alienates people
....if they “dont obey”....

Well done South Africa,
Though the problems you face are not gone;
You could teach a lot to “my people”..
..a culture that needs to be re- born.
Written on Mandela Day 2018; an account of the total contrast I found in a society so different to the one in which everyone I know...walked away.
Willow Aug 2018
How can you look into their innocent eyes and slaughter them.
Because every time I look into their eyes, I see their soul. I see the beauty in them. I see their kind hearts being broken and beat down. And you know what is even worse, after all of that, they would give a second chance because all they want is love. They weren't even supposed to be born, their mother was *****, then had to see their babies taken away. And from when they were born, all they saw and felt was pain. And you know what's even worse, after all of it, they would give a second chance because all they want is love. From when they are born, to when they are about to get slaughtered, all they want is love. You eat pain, suffering and torture, and if you see what happens to those innocent souls and still eat it, you are just as bad as the people who own the companies and slaughter them.
Brandi R Lowry Aug 2018
I rest in the belly of rage
Overwhelmed and a bit dismayed

Unable to speak
Without spewing venom
I seek shelter
From my mental asylum

This torture is but my own
Come one
Come all
Then be gone

Let me rest
Until I return again

This beast is not my friend.
These are just a few of my emotions during ***... Sorry guys...needed to vent
Steph Wams Jul 2018
Let me sit in the shadow of despair,
if it means being with you.
Your cold eyes;
let them see my tears,
observe my scars and make more,
will you?
Take out all your emotions on me,
you don't have to suffer,
so give it to me!
Hit me until your hand print is clear.
Baby I love you,
so hit me with your warm belt.
Please...
D A W N Jul 2018
you pasted scars all over my back
And showered it with salt
"Did you shout?"
Darling, how I wish I could.
I struggled to make a sound.
Any sound.
A mere whimper is enough to suffice my ears,
Ears that have been worn out by the walls.
Screaming at them.
screaming at me.
only the sound of the whip slashing against my bare skin has been keeping me company.
Hell, it almost sounded like a song.
ever watched the count of monte cristo?
a M b 3 R Jul 2018
stop torturing him please
it hurts me to know that
he is suffering
the voices
in his head
please just quieten down
and never echo back again
just let him have his peace
and a normal life
stop making him feel that he is the worse
when he is not
he feels like a failure
when he is not
he is so much more
so stop telling him
that he is not
when are you ever going to stop hurting him
please hush
well i hope that he is alright (my friend). i really wish that the voices can go away. but it isnt that easy :/
Pyrrha Jul 2018
The one thing that I can never have
Is the only thing I seem to want
Never can I eradicate it from my mind
The thought that will punish me

Do I try too hard to make them smile?
Do I try too hard to seem like I belong?
Is that all there is,
Am I too far gone?

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be good enough
I can’t change the judgmental ways of the world

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be what you need
I can’t change all of the imperfections in my life

Despite everything I am the owner of my mind
I control these thoughts of mine
I have such power over myself

I let that power slip through my fingers
I let it become tainted
Consumed by my self loathing
My thoughts are furious and vast

Yet no matter what my desires may be they disobey
Tenebrous corners of which I cannot escape surround me
Suffocate me
As I am caged in the cursed darkness of my brain

I reach out as far as I can manage
I reach out knowing that no one will see me drowning here
In the ocean of my mind
No one will grab onto me and save me
From these thoughts of mine which punish me

Im spinning out of control
Twirling and leaping further and further away
From everything that seems to say
“Let me save you”

I run as far as I can whilst screaming
“Please someone save me”
But such a selfish thought will only lead me further astray
These are the thoughts that punish me

A feeling
A sinking feeling
Hits me out of nowhere
Its painful, I can’t deny
Why do my thoughts invade
Corner me in my own mind?

I can’t escape this pain
Where can I run when the perpetrator
Is my own conscience?
Where can I hide when i’m my own worst enemy?
How can I find a moment alone from my fear
When I am constantly there to remind myself
How terrified I am?

This fear is a prison in my mind
The insecurities toss me into a cell
They call it a moment of self doubt
A wave of depression
I am trapped here
They tell me that it’s my own fault
My own doing, a hazard to myself
I cry out over and over again
This is not me

Yet they don’t hear me from within
The confounds of my cell
Within the prison of my mind

Like sudden rainfall on a sunny day
The happiness fades away
Like water inside a drain

These thoughts are torture
These thoughts are pain
These thoughts punish me
Day after day
These thoughts destroy me
These thoughts control me
These are the thoughts that punish me
This is actually a combination of two poems I wrote earlier this year.
AstralPotato Jul 2018
Darkness filled with malice,
Malice of killing intent;
The courage to slaughter
From anger it starts to foster

Hatred, it cries for blood
Anguish, an abominable voice
The art of death, he pondered
Will be a lovely gift to gather

Slowly, my child, slowly
Take your time, take it easy
****** isn't something to rush
Or you'll take away its lush

[The pleasure of torture;
The art of death]
Made last summer... I was just so ****** back then..  guess it was too exaggerated lol
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
Fear: what keeps me up at night
Can't escape its dark hand
I wonder if I will ever be free
From torture I can barely stand
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
Your hands shake, we stand outside,
Cold fingers gently grazing my cheek,
It's cloudy, the wind rages around us,
Sky looks desolate and bleak.

When you strip me with your eyes I cry,
Scrubbing skin with my sleeve,
I hate for you to see me like this,
This ache I cannot relieve.

Withdraw from your cell, hold me,
Only you ease my pain,
Told me it would be okay,
Peace I cannot attain.

To experience this void is torture,
No happiness to be had,
Being apart from you so long,
Is slowly driving my heart mad.
Written 1-28-15 about my then-boyfriend the day he went to school for a year
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