i never seem
to get enough
rest
these days
always waking
up
tired

to start coffee,
****,
fix my hair,
sit in bed drinking
the coffee
plumbing the depths
for
ways to get through
another day,
****,

try to remember ways
that worked
before

maybe a quote
or a character
a poem
a song
a memory
an illusion
could even be
another person

but time draws
ever nearer
ever closer
until
at last
that silent cheetah
is sprinting

before i know it
i'm sitting
in my car
turning the key
with whatever
semblance and steel
i finally gathered

-a real live
cubist representation
of my
self
driving to work
at 3:49 a.m.

passing  
three black cats
in
the street
that watch me
carefully,
the glowing night
white-hot
in their eyes


satellites of some
indifferent future

hidden with
the devils
on the horizon

I would like to recline, rest
these weary limbs of mine
- head down, feet up,
giant sigh -

Resting for a moment, really,  
I'm not going to sleep right
now...  I just need to rescue
these poor feet... only a
moment...

I’m not sinking deep into
the couch... one little show
and then off to bed I’ll go...

Yes, that last blink
lingered… and the next
more so - another sigh -
and I sink deeper…

One more blink… weighs
heavy on… dreaming
eyes… too late to fight…
good… night...

NCL 2019

Should have, would have, could have
I'm tired of being the only one trying
Can you for once put in some effort
I'm tired of being the only one giving love
Can you give some love too?
I'm tired of being the only one who cares
Can you care too?
You know... It take two people to have a relationship

Hundred people walked beside me
with different faces, different scents.
Every step is a manifestation
of dripping sweat from burnt calories!

Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Fala la la
Falala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I'm breathing in hell
Just make it through
This last week
It'll stop being bleak
Just.make.it.through.one.more.day

Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Falala la
Fallala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I can not tell
Where I am anymore
Everyday blends through the door
I'm afraid to open it
I'm too tired to explore it
Lay me to rest
I'm done with my best

Fa la la la la la
Fa la la
La
La
Fallalala
Fa la la ling
Fa
La
La
La
Li
N
G

    Help me
     I'm buried in someone's destiny
       Is it mine?
        I lost track of time
         Who am I?
        Why am I?
              Is this me?
            Or somebody playing hide and seek?


            I'm still falling
Not sure if by choice
      Or
by
some greater
force
    Tying me
down
  Until im nothing but a
mere
f
r
o
  w
    n

It hurts
And I'm tired
And messed up
But I still have hope

I am tired of
the constant cycle of
aching and faking,
hurting and feeling,
breaking and healing,
fixing and mending,
It's like a never ending cycle,
and I am just tired.

There comes a time at night
when I am too tired to pretend
to be what others want me to be
and can be only myself;
late night is a time
when it is easier to discover
who I am.