I think sometimes my nose is pulled so high into the air that I am a skyscraper
that my ears hear only Birds
that my skin feels only wind
but my ears
that is not what they hear

they hear
“hey baby”
“****... girl...”
“What u doin all alone”

my skin-
feels their hands
feels their selfish - dominance
their greed, for my, body

so my nose, goes higher up.
while my heart, sinks further down
I cannot ignore their words,
or rather, I should not ignore their words for my own protection
because that makes me feisty
makes me unattractive
makes me stingy
to withhold myself from their, greedy, hands
so I must respond
or at least acknowledge
be confident
be ignorant
pretend you didn't know it was anything more than a compliment
flash them a smile
continue walking

and Oh...
don't forget to say
thank you.

she is beautiful
because
she is
funny,
intelligent,
strange,
and
she's helping me out of a dark pool
and
she may be mine.

i don't know
if i want her like that,
or just as friends.
either way would be nice.

i love her so much,
but i don't know
which way.
there are so many lanes to take,
but i am one car,
and one car only.

all i need to know,
is that i love her.
and she's my best friend,
or something.
and
i think
that's that.

My Best Friend:

Ya know,

You’re my best friend

And I love you

Not in a romantic way.

You make me smile a bit more

You make me laugh when I need it

You’re family is mine.

You help me when I’m down

Even if you don’t know

You never fail to make me smile,

For that

I’m eternally grateful.

From when try to show off

To when you drag me around to “play”

Or when we “fight”

To when we run around like idiots.

You never fail to help me.

From the first “I hate you”

To the last “you’re my best friend”

You have always been there for me.

Thank you

Look into my eyes Lord
Look deep into my soul.
See the work your hands have made
I see the cost that love has paid.
I gaze longingly into your eyes
And as you look right back at me
I am pierced as if by the nails.
As you hang ****** and broken,
In total surrender, you took the all;
You gave up everything so I could have it all.
Into your presence I come,
In this moment I will stay.
Let your fire fall like rain;
Hear me when I pray.
I turn back to you like the prodigal son
I ask for forgiveness, but it's already done.
I am wrapped in your cloak of grace
My soul is lifted on a cloud of praise.
In the rivers of your blood
Comes the waters of love:
Washing the earth and healing
A broken world, in need of feeling
Your peace and love and passion
And being good is back in fashion.
You satisfy the hungry heart
My soul longs for you and pains.
Like a man in the desert longs for rains
You are living water Lord; source of life and peace.
Help me surrender so that you may increase.
I come to do your will and I'm grateful for the gift
To be with you and seek the truth and then, in word, to lift
Your holy name to share the love I've found.
Take my feet and place them on solid, sacred ground
Walk with me as I try to walk this road
Help me bear, with patience, my load.
When I lose sight of the perspective,
Remind me gently the suffering you once bore.
Each day Lord, help me want you more.
I was lost and wandering, and you sought me out
I trust you Lord from within and from without.
You keep your promises, your covenant;
Help me fulfill my end of the deal.
I don't know what all you have in mind
But I am certain of one thing: it will be divine!

I liked you
I thought you liked me too
                 I liked you
I didn't need wine to pull through

I liked you
But I was a fool
                 I liked you
I just couldn't play it cool

I liked you
And it was easy, you see
                 I liked you
You said it yourself, you were another version of me

I liked you
Now all that has changed
                 I liked you
I'll date dudes and won't care about their names

I liked you
You were so complimentary
                 I liked you
Until you let me fall empty

I liked you
As Icarus for you were the sun
                 I liked you
You taught me to burn them and run

I liked you
It's clear now to see
                 I liked you
I'll destroy them all before they destroy me

Dear, You


You helped me see that life has beauty
Because that beauty is you

As well as the good things about me
I can barely accept are true

You undid the knots
That clung me to the past like glue

And you’ve calmed my thoughts
By being in them too


I'd never really known
what it was like to be alone
Until I knew
How hard it is to be apart from you

Itchy scritchy
Creepy crawly
Something in my skin.
I pick and scratch to free
Fictitious bugs that squirm within.

Whump-a thump-a
Thudd, thudd
Pounding in my ears,
Punctuating every sound
with thrums like stabbing spears.

Wiggle wobble
Swoopy swirly
Motion fills my eyes.
Saturated, inundated,
Stillness its disguise.

Shaky shaky
Twitch-a-twitchy
Static in my limbs,
***** them tight together
Til the chaos finally dims.

In the quiet, darkest, smallest space
I sit and reminisce
Of back when just existing
didn't make me feel like this.

When I was younger,
I used to make fun of the people in the Depression commercials.
I thought, "Oh, just cheer up!'
I thought the people in those commercials were always so pathetic.
I never thought that as an adult,
I would be faced with the same  issues.
I never thought I would reach a day in my life,
where all I ever want to do is sleep.
I never thought that I would struggle to do small tasks.
I never imagined that I would have such a hard time leaving my bed every morning.
I never imagined that this ache in my chest would come back every time it snowed.
I used to love the snow,
but ever since my junior year of high school,
I reach this stage of nostalgia when the frost bites.
I literally have no idea how to help myself.
I feel so incredibly isolated.
Perhaps, it is the darkness that makes me so tired.
I want nothing more than to cuddle up in my comforter.
I want nothing more than evenings spent binge watching episode after episode.
Maybe it's the weather,
Or maybe it is me.
Maybe it is the situation that I am constantly finding myself in.
I feel like I can never please anyone.
I feel like I lose all sense of motivation.
I do not understand.
This time, it is different.
For I do not want to take my own life this season,
but I do not want to do anything with it.
I am drowning in homework.
I am drowning in confusion and doubt.
I don't even want to tell Henry what I am dealing with right now,
because he doesn't deserve it.
He doesn't deserve my constant complaints.
I just feel so empty inside.
How do I deal with this?
This ache comes back season, after winter season.
I cannot wrap my mind around it.
Why does this happen to me?
I am unsure of who I am supposed to turn to in these nights of need.
I feel as if I am lacking something,
or perhaps my brain lacks something during these cold months.
Perhaps it is my heart.