A big bad wolf chased me through the woods,
through the forest beyond my golden castle
I ran and ran and ran, he frightened me so
Now it's okay, cause I led him to my fairy friends

My fairy godmother says, "Don't fear princess,
For you darling, we shall fix him immediately
into a huge Toad eating a fly, a toad with big eyes
and never ever again will he chase you dear"

Now I wander off the cheerful little path
where the sweetest of  honeysuckles grow
and follow sunlight to a little stream
where a handsome prince awaits for me

i didn’t sleep last night
i don’t know why
feeling empty inside
but i don’t want to cry
i’m looking at the sky
at the starshine
in the morning, at the sunlight
but i don’t know why

screaming at the top of my lungs won’t help anymore
because i’m always going to return to a home
which waits for me in a spectrum of disappointments and crises.

what good is a blade to the arm going to do
when blood won’t erase the permanent scars that already exist
and my ears ring with screams of my abandoned past.

i believed i could indulge in trustfall
but that only made my trust fall
even further down the vortex
of mistake after mistake after mistake
am i incorrigible.

am i incorrigible i ask my reflection in the mirror
and the mirror breaks.
it crumbles, shatters and breaks
and tells me to go away.

another year of existence goes by
my existence that’s caught in a cobweb of broken promises
and hands that were let go of.
“happy birthday”
congratulations, you’ve lived to see another day.

you’ve lived to see another day but in what way
in what way will you move
in what way will you rescue yourself
from love across continents,
four thousand four hundred and eighty three miles away
how will you save yourself from drowning
in the width between your stretching fingers and the blade
how will you stop hurting yourself
by assuming responsibility and clinging on to false longevity.
you cross your own limits too ******* often
too ******* often to even notice that the line exists.

take a ******* break
you don’t need to keep polishing
your heart of gold
you don’t need to keep ripping
your sanity apart for a couple of approving nods
you don’t need to say yes to everything
you see because you need to be free,
you are not in a pod
and you are not a pea.

you’re hearing voices, noises
uncontrollable, you’re not okay
and that’s okay.
but how do i survive
when the one i love
can’t even look me in the eyes
and say it’ll be fine
how can i live in peace
when time moves so ******* slowly
and the me that loved the sunlight
is craving for long nights
that dim light in the corner
is the closest i'll ever get
to loving the sunrise.

Open the windows
and seeing the
Sunlight shine in
and hitting the floor
Sunlight
Sunlight
Open the windows
and seeing the
Sunlight shine in
and hitting the floor
is so calming seeing
the sunlight reflection
on the floor is so peaceful
I love seeing the sunlight
and my dog sunbathe
in the sunlight.
© Amanda Kay Hill
10/29/16