a walk alone, a day that won’t find me;
people so far way, a life that depletes,
i’m losing everything so slowly.
i’m finding this path so steep, just want to sleep
but there’s no bed for me.
i hear that voice again, begging,
sobbing at the world i chose to see;
choking at my apathy, looking at me, pleading
but all i see are the things that won’t be.
together, we’ll go silent,
for all eternity.
I suppose I should write something. It is scary. That is my younger self speaking.
one last door that will let me in,
one more place but still, i’m uncertain -
that room, it looks so stifling.
i just looked in, but no one could see me anyway.
one last dream that i’ll watch begin,
one more dream beyond my comprehension
so it ends, but i never saw the ending.
so i just look again, but no one could look at me.
there are some things that are entirely immutable, unfortunately. nearly all of these things are each faults of my person.
tremors so troubling,
once more, and debilitating
with a promise that stays.
cold thoughts shadowing my day,
an obsession with such urgency
and a voice too tired to remain.
perhaps my dreams never came.
I haven't washed in two months(?). Pitiful, isn't it? Anyway, I hope this is sufficient.
and so they saw him that day, his body
floating downstream, to where sodden memories lay;
as the currents carried him, years fell like leaves away,
and so they saw him that day, smiling softly.
find me a future in nothing -
i can’t see a thing.
find me something -
it’s such a cold feeling.
please, i feel it coming.
are the clouds really flying somewhere,
was the birdsong never really there?
i could be the only one who hears
in a place of noise, a place where words disappear.
i could be the only one who thinks, who doesn’t surrender;
the only one to see that something isn’t quite right,
that surely i don’t exist here.
If I asked if any of you existed, you would give the predicted response. How is that the case?