Despite efforts to distract myself from missing you
My stubborn mind obviously has some other plan
Still catch my breath when I hear your name
Try to stop the love felt for you, don't think that I can.

When his eyes lit up
They glowed amber
Out shining the stars in the sky

When his lips laughed
They vocalized a melody
Harmonizing with the universe

When his smile beamed
It radiated happiness
Dazzling even the sun above

I should have noticed

When his eyes dimmed
They flickered chocolate
Barely a candle in the dark

When his lips quieted
They whispered noise
Barely murmurs in the silence

When his smile dulled
It reflected joy
Barley a stone among gems

I should have known
When his eyes went dark

I should have known
When his lips went silent

I should have known
When his smile went cold

I should have known

I should have known

I should have known...

With you,
I was often on the
Verge of tears.
Your thoughtless words,
Your stubbornness,
Your never ending rants.
With you,
I was often on the
Verge of anger.
My thoughtless words,
My stubbornness,
My never ending rants.
With you,
I was often on the
Verge of fear.
The fear of you leaving me,
The fear of you finding another,
The fear of you hurting me.
Yet through all the
Tears, and the
Anger, and the
Fears;
I was also on the verge of something else.
I was on the verge of happiness.

Why do I keep making the same mistakes
Over and over when I know it isn't right?
Will I ever learn how to fix my flaws
Or are we fated to forever fight?

How can you forgive me
When I have lied and broke your heart?
How much more of my ******* can you handle
Before you fully break apart?

Will you ever be able to trust me again
After I have given you no reason to?
Have I completely ruined what we had
Or is there still a chance for me and you?

Is there anything I could do or say
To show you how much you mean to me?
What do I have to do to prove to you
That with your help I can be who you need me to be?

How do I change my stubborn ways
When I have not a clue where to start?
Is it possible for me to make my wrongs right
And repair the wounds I created on your heart?

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines

I've never been very good at listening.
I imagine that I resonate with a piece of you that reminds me of the same piece of me.
When I come face to face with this piece.
I realize that not everything can be changed.
That's what makes it important.
Otherwise the urge to speak would never come.
Realizing this occurrence,
It becomes familar.
Not once does fear strike.
All in all there's no interruption.
The well being of ourselves.
The very things that no matter what, we tend to recognize.
No matter the grief.
And like that very thing I become a child.
Not realizing the meaning of being alive.
Within these moments I turn to you for guidance.
I look up and realize a stubbornness.

I admit.
I've never been good at listening.
Although I vocalize the feeling.
We go through extreme measures when the appearance isn't quite right.
In light of innocence I am struck time and time again.
The lashings of what I'll always believe.
It becomes excessive.
Coming into contact with this same piece of me that I have found in you.
That no matter the argument.
We understand that there is an accord that cannot be ignored.
We live in a state where this paradox becomes conscious.
Separating what is right, as well as wrong.
At times we may disagree, proving in these times that it takes growth to be heard.
And I have heard you this whole time.
This piece of me that has fallen in love with every piece of you.
Both stubborn and impatient

I'm tired
yet here I write
beneath the bright light of my room
too tired to move the trash off my bed
writing in hopes others will understand
will resonate with me
will be happy
for some reason, or another
I just want everyone to be happy
but I know it's not that easy
and I wish I knew that when I started out
because I wouldn't have painted myself in this corner
with no way out
now that my mind has had itself firmly planted
in that frame of thought...

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines