You call me a Monster,
or Are you inflicting
your own thoughts?

feel the burning in your head
feel the burning in your lungs
feel the burning in the heart
and the hurt that makes you start

see the white on your arms
and the creases of your palms.

trace the lines of regret. the small sting of
control.
spite.

silent thunder.

everything is anger.
you are anger.
everything is fire.
but you are even worse. the silent dark.

feel the snake rise up in your stomach
to your chest. blood flows down
into the abyss, iron tang
and black shine.

it's always your fault, they say. the way you present,
the who that you embody,
the tone you project,
the everything.
the coarse words scraping around
in your lungs.
(they're actually screams.)

search for red, red but only
find black, black.

ink.

fade,

but not away.

Black roses grow
where you once stood in my heart.
Their thorns rip me apart,
cover me in dripping, glistening blood,
but they're
more beautiful than you.

They hurt me with full intention to,
not like your ignorance.
They may **** me
but I don't care.
You beat me down this far already,
and now I'm way past getting up,
so I'd like to die selfishly,
more beautiful than you.

Suffocate me with your eyes
Be the cause of my glorious demise
**** me softly, save your breath
There is nothing in you I regret

Sometimes I forget to breathe
Sometimes I cannot speak
I lose myself in you all at once
You make me lose my mind, I'm insane
How do you destroy me so beautifully?
Why do you break me?
What is it in each other that we find?
Why is it you find in me your delight?

Suffocate me with your eyes
Don't stop me, let me die
**** me softly, use that breath
There is nothing I don't regret.

You make me unable to breathe
With you around, I cannot speak
I lose myself along the way
You lead me along the path and before you know it, I'm gone
I'm insane
How do you destroy me in such a brilliant way?
Why do you break me to suit you?
What is it that, in me, you seem to like?
Why is it you delight in my pain?

Suffocate me with your eyes
Stop me in my tracks, let me cease
**** me softly with feather-light breath
Press those lips close to this skin
So that there will be nothing I will regret.

I'm unable to breathe
I cannot speak
You make me so unbearably weak
I've lost myself, and I've found you instead
Have I gone completely insane?
Maybe you can exist in my stead
I feel insane
Maybe you should just leave me to break
To exist in this gory glory
Stop this heart, halt these thoughts
Delight in my ache
Find joy in my spite
And, in the end,
Love me with all of your might.

I keep remembering that you have been the only one
That I could still daydream about being just a thought
In your otherwise always busy mind

I wonder if ever a tornado lands and you look for shelter
Only to remember that you once saw land upon the horizon
My own rusting tankard that looked like the shadow of oasis

I hope that you can remember what could have been on the shores of the Titanic
That all the years on the dry deck could have tasted less salty than the sea
And the exposure will feel so warm on your skin that it leaves burns

Better to have a stark reality than a fragmented facade. Rather you leave arms open than mouth closed. Say Gods name when you leave,  not refuge but defamation. Put your loyalty into your spite for me. At least you can stay consistent with it there.

Here’s to the girl who hates repetition.
Here’s to the eyes that always wander and
Here’s to the nights where she lived on a little longer.

Here’s to the skies that bloom with ambition
Here’s to the heart that races over the word no and
Here’s to the girl who never might know.

Here’s to the gun in her head, loaded with ammunition
Here’s trigger rusted with wear
Here’s to the heart strings yet to tear.

Here’s to the broken and shattered rendition,
From hells unbidden and noise unridden
Here’s to the girl who remains hidden

Here’s to the walls lit with a fiery ignition
Here’s to the times of late night fruition
Here’s to all that ****** repetition.

All these people try to keep me from happiness.
The do it to spite me never the less.
They take away all the ones I like or love.
People that I think are heaven sent from above.

They take away my talent when things are going good.
They even turn their back’s on me if you would.
Can someone tell me why this is?
When it comes to anything I am right there with.

I even go through unbearable pain from these people.
They threaten me all the time with unfair judgment that makes me feel weaker.
I am trying hard every day.
I can not even make ends meet so what can I say.

Some if not all have made me lose my ways to get paid.
They even ruin my chances of being laid.
I try to hold it together.
I always have to deal with danger just to watch a picture.

These people could care less who they step on.
They are people that are close to me and even ones where I want to just help to make myself move from.
I do not like these games that they are playing.
I do not even like what they are saying.

I can not take it anymore.
Everyone sees their side of the story just something that I can not ignore.
I need some help from someone please!
I am here saying help me please!

I sip coffee,
black, no sugar, no cream,
and hope so badly that you see me
with my arms stiff,
my eyes burning violet,
my throat humming,
buzzing like a swarm of wasps
clearing the area;

I despise coffee
but not as much as I despise
the shame you walk with
or the silent stares
angled in another direction.
Look at me
with coffee that hurts
and twists my stomach;
it exists much like you,
a crutch to feel alive
but it only causes nausea.