she told you the truth
and you told her lies.

she told you i love you,
and so did you.

but she believed you,
because how could
someone make lies,
so beautiful?

What does that even mean?
***?
What is that?
If we’re both drunk does it count?
Because I am the definition
awkward.
So a drink in me might
do her a favor.
But just for the first time.
So I’m comfortable enough
to draw my line,
Or the line of hickeys
I left on your neck.
Consent.
Because you’re awkward, too.
A lovely Shade of shyness.
But all I could do was look you
in the eyes
and say you’re beautiful.
Then a tear streamed down your face.
And all that came out was
Are you sure this is okay?
Consent.
Because I’m not comfortable,
the way you’re comfortable.
The way taking off my shirt
feels like letting the sea inside me.
So I’ll keep my pants on,
until the lights are off.
And even then,
my scars are screaming.
It’s ringing in my ear,
my biggest fear.
When she stops and whispers,
Are you sure this is okay?
The first time I’ve ever heard
those words.
Was the first time I felt free.
For the first time,
I didn’t feel *****.
When you whisper in my ear.
I thought, Baby!
I love it when you talk
consent to me.

and everytime i come to you,
everytime i listen to your hurt or your joy,
to your brightest ideas or your worsts,
and everytime i let you bring me closer and make me small in your arms,
every single time,
it's because i chose
to keep on loving you.

It would be terrible if you found out
But I think you'd still talk to me after some time
You might already know
But the problem is you're too much of a gentlemen
To let me know that you know what I know about you
But they know
The people you know
And who's to stop their delicate pink folds of skin
Trap the sound vibrations inside their mouth
Before their warm breath fogs up the crisp air
The secret escaping

I'd be so easy for them to open wide
And let it out like a lightning strike
Shocking news of untold truth
It's okay
I'd understand
The temptation of gossip is hard to withstand

I could hardly keep it in myself
My blushes and laughs
Wanting to hang out at sunset
Like distant thunder claps getting closer and closer
Tempting the lightning to strike
Right here, the roof I am under

Meanwhile your eyes were on her
So how much of me you registered
I'm not so sure
But you're a kind gentleman
You'd never say
Instead, let it all fade away
With the breeze of a cool fall day

So, when we get coffee or lunch
Never dinner or brunch
I staple my mouth shut
Take no chances on weak lips
Leaking trembling heart vibrations
Someday, 8 years from now
Thunder will clap softly in the background
I'll let my lips speak freely
The truth crawling out
Covered by the dust of 10 years of memories
Thunder getting louder and louder now
"I was in love with you once, ..."
Lighting strikes
Burns this roof down
Deep breath, I pause
Let no more sound speak its cause
That's enough lightening for one day
Any more sound and the whole town will burn down
Once again I'll pull out my office supplies
That I once shoved in back corner of my mind
And staple my lips closed again
At least now he knows what I thought he knew
And what they knew
And what I knew since the day I saw you in the library room

Far off in a distance
Thunder claps again
Faint, but creeping ever closer
How soon will it be
Till lightning strikes another dismembered tree?

I hate myself for what I did to you.
I never wanted to leave.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you happy.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.
You brighten up the room more than a camera flash at the Cheesecake Factory.
You brighten up my soul more than that.
I question how I’ve made it this far without you by my side.
I was trying to change.
Nothing I say will fix anything.
I just hope you’re happy now.
I don’t think I’ll ever be.
I love you more than life itself,
And I’d give it up to relive the past.