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bahulakaji Mar 2021
What does that even mean?
What is that?
If we’re both drunk does it count?
Because I am the definition
So a drink in me might
do her a favor.
But just for the first time.
So I’m comfortable enough
to draw my line,
Or the line of hickeys
I left on your neck.
Because you’re awkward, too.
A lovely Shade of shyness.
But all I could do was look you
in the eyes
and say you’re beautiful.
Then a tear streamed down your face.
And all that came out was
Are you sure this is okay?
Because I’m not comfortable,
the way you’re comfortable.
The way taking off my shirt
feels like letting the sea inside me.
So I’ll keep my pants on,
until the lights are off.
And even then,
my scars are screaming.
It’s ringing in my ear,
my biggest fear.
When she stops and whispers,
Are you sure this is okay?
The first time I’ve ever heard
those words.
Was the first time I felt free.
For the first time,
I didn’t feel *****.
When you whisper in my ear.
I thought, Baby!
I love it when you talk
consent to me.
bahulakaji Sep 2020
My eyes closed,
I say to myself
Someone must have placed a heavy metal object on the top of my stomach,
not knowing I'm a human who feels PAIN!
And that person in my mind keeps telling me
that he has kept it gently there.
I say, 'Hey! It's a metal object and it hurts anyway!'
Gathering up some energy,
I go to my table and sit in a chair
Skimming through the pages of my diary,
I try to write a poem,
when suddenly something kicks me from the inside,
keeps making me suffer until I stop.
No wonder I was trying to write about PERIOD CRAMPS!
There you go again!
These cramps are not just pain to my body
but some reminders that keep sneering at me saying,
"No, you can't do that!"
Believe me,
Sometimes they are worse than this society that reminds me of my boundaries.
Anyway, five days pass by
and then I say goodbye.
Seeing my grin,
It decides to remind me,
"My pal, don't you worry
Cause I will be back again."
bahulakaji Sep 2020
It’s not death I fear,
I would welcome it with an open arms,
Like an old friend I haven’t seen for forever,
Like you would welcome love.
What I am afraid is dying through suffocation
When you are in a room full of smoke,
And you realize that you only have these fumes
That burns your chest with every inhale, to breathe.
When you are choking on ether,
And you can’t really feel it because
There is nothing to choke on.
When you are in a close space
And the hot air you breathe out
is the air you need to breathe in.
When you are drowning in the sea
And you realize there is nothing you can do about it.
Since a couple of days I am trying to **** myself.
bahulakaji Sep 2020
It’s sad
when the butterfly is no longer there in your stomach
when heart stop beating loud, there’s no more thud.. thud
when you stop breathing hard
even when she looks at you.
It’s sad
as you feel calm and cold
instead of the usual anxiety
nervousness, out of breath,
no more fiddling with your shoes,
even when she speaks.

Her voice doesn’t melt you anymore,
her sight doesn’t excite you.
She no longer has that power over you,
no more weak knees,
and stuttering
no more going blank in the middle of sentence
no more absent-mindedness.
Your passion for her is fading
like an old painting
and an old memory.
Your feeling is disappearing
like lost souls in war
and is replaced by indifference.
Hope she doesn’t come back haunting
like an old dream.
bahulakaji Sep 2020
I am lost or my existence
Don't know.
I am talking to myself since a couple of time.
I am lost or my existence
Don't know.
But some thing is lost.
bahulakaji Sep 2020
I just have a wish in a wish…
A wish which never gets a finish…
All dedicated to me all given for a kind miss…
Just may be a tasty dish, sweet kiss or anything just which never ends as a wish…
May be ur arm or god’s embrace so warm…
May be anything just getting into me as a pure swarm…
Just leaving me in such a land never ending happiness and far from the world so selfish…
I just have a wish in a wish which never gets a finish…
bahulakaji Sep 2020
The world is a ****** up place
a place for the mindless
a place where a mouthful can be mindful
a place for you to be sad.

The world is a ****** up place.
and you will try to escape it,
but the rangers of the world are relentless
pity them, for they do not know that they range
pity them, for they do not recognize the darkness they carry on their backs
pity them, for they think their escalation is supreme
pity them, for they are ****** up too.
Pity them but do not join them,
this is for your own good-
the true good,
don’t you join the traders of the world
don’t you join the keeper of keys
don’t you join the giver of things
and don’t you join the maker of slaves
for this world is put in front of you as a test

A test!
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