Memory loss;
I know you're serious,
but every time you try to speak to me
I'm dropping words and sounds
like an imaginary hot potato,
thrown to me by a very rude child
who thinks making me lunge a thought
away from me counts as being safe.

I know you said something,
sounded like white noise,
sounded like the conversation
I think we're having right now,
I'm behind five sentences,
or maybe five minutes,
something there sounds about right.

Keep speaking, I can only hope to catch up,
this constant amnesia is aching
and my head is in a fog,
but I know you're serious
and you said something, something...
memory loss.

Lately
I've been detached
Anxious but so
Unaffected
By everything around

And strangely
I'm not emotional
Numb and sometimes
So content
Just drifting in the wind

So plainly
I'm not quite depressed
Just obsessed with
The apathy
That's draining me

Lately
I've been on my own
Ending up alone in
Cemeteries
Looking for my name

I'm asking u
for a favor
you and me
we gotta do something
its a ******
we need to ****
our love

These words that I combine
are always in a fuss
not always do they rhyme
but one of you is reading this
and I'm past the point
where
you could walk all over me.

the magnitude of that enormous church bell tower swinging forever
under feverish sunsets
the mass of an empty stadium with all the lights on flickering waiting for you to break in after midnight
listening to the deafening of crickets come to a sudden hush as you walk the grass with ***** shoes and grimy fingernails
walking to an empty parking lot with only a couple of stray cars and stray cats
like lonesome entities
stranded in the same desert of hot concrete like you
under the moon you can be anybody
feeling the blanketed weight of a starry night drunk off little bottles of alcohol
when you come to reasoning the logic of why you were in such places bewilders you

a case of addiction
a throw-away case
a waste of perfectly unusable space

a page of pulp fiction
a thrown away page
crumpled and tossed aside in a rage

a missed direction
a mystery chase
a tracing of a map misplaced

an act of misdirection
amiss and untraced
a misty night on a sunny day

a never ending cycle
a journey nowhere
a cycle with no journey
a re-closed cold case

don't get on my case
don't get in my way
I've already been in there for days

I've already seen the final page
I've already beat the denial stage
already been swept up in rage
I tried bargaining with the cage
better to accept it at this stage

I'll swallow up the burning coals
it's all I've ever really known
I don't have any decent goals
don't even have a go
but I sure put on a show
when all I have to show

are scars and blisters from my burnt out tongue
an itchy trigger finger without thumbs
regrets and defeat without wisdom
unsettling scenes obscene as *****
wet from the rain of fire from above
I'll settle on dealing by feeling numb

i deserve nothing
but i want something so bad

Somehow as I learned how to speak, I lost my voice.
Somehow as you taught me to love, I lost my heart.
Somehow as I stayed up for days, I was well rested.
Somehow as you held me in bed, I was so restless.

Somewhere is where I want to be, I was found
Somewhere is where you met me, I was lost.
Somewhere is where I cried, I was happy
Somewhere is where you found love, I was angry

Something is what I needed, I had everything.
Something is what you gave me, I had nothing.
Something is what I hated, I loved.
Something is what you are, I hated.

Someone is all I am, I know
Someone is what you want, I forgot.
Someone is what I need, I am not wanted
Someone is what you are, I want you.